Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

Oh thank God!! I've been thinking about you. & hoping you'd come to this conclusion!

And breath out. Thank the Lord.

Be prepared for the next round of nastiness and solicitors threats though when you tell him. He's so predictable.

Oh and ensure you bolt the door as you know he's prone to a gate climb...

Phew

Thank you Girls, you are all so kind.... it finally has sunk into my thick head that he is a lying cheating user- it has taken me so long to see it... im sure when i look back on this in a few years time ill wonder how i could have been so blind- but unfortunately my heart has been ruling my head! xxx

Hey we've all been there!

De-lurking to say Go Starting!

Thank goodness for that!!

Go Starting xxx

Oh thank goodness for that Starting! You had me really worrying for you today. Obviously, the decision must always be your own, but taking him back just wouldn't have been right IMO.

How would he fit into your NEW LIFE for a start? He doesn't socialise, engage and interact with new people the way that you do.

Would he make you stop going sailing with your new friends? Indeed, would he try to cut you off from your new friends? I think he would.

Would he want you to give up your new job, like he made you give up your last job?

He would probably be jealous of the closeness that you have developed with your DB - the person who picked up the pieces when STBX walked out. II can't imagine STBXP and DB in the same room together - so you would have had to split your life into a game of two halves).

Oh well done Starting!

Decision made....... get on with this lovely new life you have.

Give a huge tail swish to Bully from my Border Collie who is also my most faithful companion.

phew!

Gosh Starting you had us all worried there!

I sometimes read threads on here of the "leave the bastard" type and I often think "thats a bit harsh, he doesn't sound too bad"
However the behaviour of your XDP is, in my opinion, beyond the pale.
I think both you and the OW should be thanking your lucky stars that he showed his true colours.
You can't love him, he was prepared to marry someone else at the drop of a hat. You had good times together in the past so just remember them with fondness but remember they are the past, and embrace your exciting future.

Be prepared tho for him to start accusing you of 'throwing it all away' and blaming you for 'splitting you up', cos you won't take him back!

It's not going to be his fault, oh no. It'll give him something else to throw at you, to shout at you about.

Stand your ground. you've done nothing wrong.

Yes agreed Captainmummy after my STBXH followed the script to the letter and (almost bang on the 6 months)begged me to take him back he was sobbing in front of DD7. When she asked what was wrong he told her 'Mummy doesn't love me anymore'

Three cheers for Starting and her new exciting twat-free life! :o

Thank all of you wonderful ladies for your love and support- the sisterhood has really pulled me through this crap!!

This morning i was in bed, in that wonderful time when you are half sleep and awake........for some reason i seem to do a lot of my thinking then!

I did a lot of thinking yesterday about what has happened, about what he did before and after he left... and this morning i really felt like i had a realisation, a light bulb moment.

I'm finally starting to see this as an opportunity, an chance for me to flourish, to be independent and selfish (only thinking about my needs and not his), to be able to save my hard earned money and spend it on what I want, to be able to party, to travel, experience new things and make wonderful new friends, all things i probably wouldn't have done if he was still in my life.

Its exciting, I'm the captain of my ship now and its up to me to make my life what i want it to be, its also a little scary but i want to embrace that too!

I cant quite remember the exact words, but its like that bit in Thelma and Louise where Thelma says that she couldn't go back to her old life, that something has crossed over in her and she couldn't live, that's is exactly how i feel how could i go back now? and why would i want to?

Thank you so very much

Starting l am so please to read your post. You sound so strong and positive. You have a wonderful future ahead.

However be aware ex is probably going to go balistic when he realises that you have moved on and wont consider a relationship with him.

Chin up and ignore his rantings. You CAN do this, the world is your oyster ( and l am a tad jealous)

You rock girl

Thank you Doha!!

I know what his reaction is going to be- but lets be honest im used to all his crap, its getting old now!

I havent said anything to him yet and im not really in a rush to- let me suffer a bit longer!

Let HIM- not me :)

I would just not bother contacting him at all & ignore all his texts/calls/visits. No need to explain yourself to him!!!!

Midwife sounds like a good idea :)

I have lurked on your threads for a while and am so impressed with what you have achieved. Don't go backwards -onwards and upwards only now. You have the rest of your life ahead of you - enjoy!

Mostly lurker too but as desperatelygettingthere said "backwards is never the way forwards!". I have read every single one of your posts from the beginning and if you could only see how much you've grown and what a strong special woman you are. You have a wonderful life ahead of you and it won't include him!! x

Sounds like you have finally 'let him go'! Realised that you don't actually want, need or love him, any more.

You really do have everything most people want - job, house, financial security, wherewithal to travel and to damn well please yourself!

Am more than slightly envious myself!

Morning All,

What a weekend!

Firstly have day off work today went sailing yesterday and had a wonderful time, got up early this morning lovely sunshine! threw myself into housework, started in the garden and then moved on to cleaning windows - big mistake!!

Hit my head on a open window, blood everywhere.... i started to panic as i am the house alone... called NHS direct who thought it was serious enough to call a paramedic, nine stitches in my head! NINE ( I'm a wuss i know:) ) all done at my kitchen table- a weird morning!

Anyhoo...Need some advice re Arsewipe!- as you guys know, there is a redirect on his business email to my email account ( we set this up so he wouldn't miss any emails)- one pops up on Thursday night- its a flight booking to Dublin the OW's home town!!

So Friday he texts - still wants to get back together loves me etc...so i respond 'Are you definitely finished with OW? he says yes, hates her hasnt seen her in a month so i say what are you doing this weekend want to meet for lunch?, he repiles that he cant because he is going to France for the weekend to relax as he has been so stressed lately- while i know he is going to Dublin!! I know i probably shouldnt have texted back but i just wanted to see what he would say!!

So he has called this morning- saying he still wants to get back with me blah blah, i ask him how his weekend in France was he says lovely he had lots of rest (lots of time in bed morelike!!) I asked again so you and OW are definetly over?he says yes, havent seen her for a month etc etc.... Lying comes so naturally to him now- it just rolls of the tongue!

So what should i do now :) ??.....have a little more fun and let him dig himself deeper and deeper :) or spill the beans on what i know and say 'fuck off!! :)-I feel like its my turn to have a little texty fun with the OW, perhaps i could let her see some of the lovey dovey messages he has sent me over the last few weeks begging me to take him back! :) I dont want to get involved in their drama and during this whole mess i have never done anything like this- but it is SOOOOOOOOOOOO tempting especially after the really nasty texts she has sent me!!

Vent over- You couldnt make it up could you?

Oh, please don't go there...

Why are you still receiving his redirected emails. You need to cancel those ASAP. Even if you need to tell him to get him to cancel the redirect!

I know it's tempting but please don't start playing games with him. You're better than that!

Tell him straight it's over and leave it at that.

It doesn't matter what he's up to with OW.

NOT YOUR PROBLEM!

Not so skint then anymore if he can bugger off to France/Dublin! Tell him to fuck off and never darken your door again. Hope your headache isn't too bad.