Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

Xales All I can say is thank god this idiot cannot hold it together long enough for you to fall for it! - yes Thank god! A few nights of wooing like that and Starting might have come to believe his lies. Luckily he chose getting angry and demanding instead of the soft touch!

To add, I'm glad you've got closure, but are you hopeful that he's finally, finally finally got the message?

I doubt he has - but Starting has.

Oh Starting, I won't flame you. We are all human and no matter how he has treated you, you were together a long time and those feelings don't disappear overnight.
I don't blame you for giving in to his persistence and emotional blackmail.

I did the same with my ex and fell for the Puss in Boots eyes, suicide threats, breakdown, remorse etc and took him back. Within a year of deteriorating behaviour towards me I had discovered a different OW. (Wish I had discovered MN before then!)

So try to consider it a 'lucky escape' that he was unable to hide his true feelings for longer and you can really move on with your life now.

It will still hurt tremendously to have all that thrown at you and realise the extent of his deceit.

Your life is moving onwards and upwards now while his will sink lower and lower.
Get planning that holiday in Australia -- it will be here in a flash!
Take care. x

You don't need flaming. As you achieved what you needed to see and hear for you to move on.

As Thermal said get planning your trip.

she was mad, a drinker

Im guessing he's told her similar about you.

Im really relieved you've blocked him. It was just giving him the opportunity to try to persuade you, bullshit you and mess with your feelings. It must have been very confusing to have him contacting you as and when he wanted and playing with your emotions. Its good that you've taken control.

Its quite disturbing how he thinks he can tell you he wants you back in one breath, let it slip he's just after your money in the next and then threaten to take you for everything you've got in the third!

He has no integrity as well as no brains.

The cheeky fucker.

Hope you are ok this morning, sweetheart.

Perhaps you managed to get out last night to have a few drinks and put it out of your mind.

That was some hurtful stuff you had to hear - I wouldn't have liked it one bit. You're a brave girl.

Well, it's all his loss. It shines out from your posts that you're a lovely person, whilst he's - well, he's not, let's leave it at that.

It's extraordinary how deluded people can be about what they are entitled to - his delusions encouraged by his fellow ne'er-do-wells, no doubt.

I wonder why he thinks he can get legal aid? I thought one of the things it depended on was whether the case was 'winnable', and his is built on very shaky ground. If he does get legal aid I shall be furious. In fact I shall write to my MP! I don't want any part, however miniscule, of my taxes going towards him trying to screw you.

Anyway, you might have been on a rollercoaster, but he is now on a slippery slope - hope he enjoys the ride before he lands in the shit that awaits him at the bottom.

xx

In a way, he's handed every stage to you on a plate. You are not the only one to go back and forth - most do (I did). He is too thick/addicted to hide what he's doing, so what's happened to you is almost textbook ie textbook stages -

re he did the pleading and begging and sorrying and I love youing.. but then at the very moment it didn't work, he switched to his real motive. I'm sorry it's painful but tbh you couldn't have had each stage more clearly laid out (though sorry to be clinical about it!).

as for her being a drinker - my guess is that they're both addicts of some kind, which is why the vibe between them is/was so strong.

Well done for not falling for the crap Starting ..

Christmas in OZ sounds fab :)

xxx

Hope this week been better then last week.

And ex has crawled back under his rock.

This is getting so old its not fucking real....... getting my life back together, working, getting out and about etc...... then i dip again....

My uncle in Ireland died last week (i haven't seen him for a few years) so my brother and i went to the funeral, it brought up a lot of sad memories for me of my mum etc visiting her home town old family home etc, it really was quite exhausting emotionally. Got home at the weekend, and who do i run into in a local shop but my ex, im a bit down and as he knew my uncle i told him he had a died etc, he was very understanding and asked me for a coffee.........MISTAKE.

After we talked about my uncle and mum and how i felt ...........he said that he had really thought about what he had done to me and he had made a terrible mistake, i was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he wanted me back, he wanted to come home and for us to try again, he misses me so much ,he is willing to try counselling, sign a document saying he has no rights to my assets- we just date etc anything to make me happy, he was crying and very upset - now i know this is probably all bullshit but i am taken in, in my vulnerable state.

I say to him that i need to think about what he is saying and that it would take a lot of work on his part for me to even consider it, he is ok with this and says he will wait. The sad thing is that even after how far i have come since he left nearly five months ago- i do still miss him.

I am a idiot, why do i let myself get dragged in again??

Oh no - NO NO NO NO!! Please don't get sucked in. Please remember all the hateful horrible things he did & said to you. He may sign away a right to TAKE a share of your assets but that wouldn't stop him sponging off you as a cocklodger for ever more! You WILL meet a more equal partner who won't have affairs, won't sponge off you, won't abuse you & will contribute equality to your future. PLEASE REMEMBER WHAT HE DID!!

Hey Starting - I am really sorry to hear about your uncle

Please have a read back at your threads and see the times he has spoken to you like this before and then turned on you again when he doesn't get his own way.. and see how miserable he has made you and how scared and threatened..

Do you REALLY want him back?? xx

I know that considering getting back with him would be allowing myself to be hurt again, opening a wound that is only just starting to heal. But he puts such a good case .... he acts as though he is genuinely sorry and we were happy for many years, many marriages don't last as long as our relationship -15 years. It seems so sad to throw all of that love and history away.... we do get on really well and the chemistry is still there , but he hurt me so much i don't think it can ever be repaired. In many ways it is easier to walk away......

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! please please please don't. Re-read all of the pages that have been written here. You're grieving and he has sensed your sadness and is playing on it.

I always check for your updates and you were sounding chirpier what with your invite to Oz. Stay strong and resist, he's thinking of himself not you.

Lol -Kirsty and Midwife.... my voices of reason xxxxxxxxx

I so wish i could get control of my emotions, but im in a bit of a dip at the moment, even though i wasnt particularly close to my uncle it is another loss in my life and that has left me vulnerable....the timing for him couldn't be any better.

At the moment i feel i want to cling to him, but i am resisting that urge!! Just needed some backup from the girls on MN!! :) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thank you Sugar, I know you are right XXXXXXXXXX

/spanks

This man does not see you. Everytime you meet or speak to this man all he is seeing is £ £ in his eyes.

That is what he is crying for.

As soon as you say no every time he turns vile and threatening.

Get something drawn up from your solicitor and get him to sign it without agreeing to date him or start again. I bet you he will not sign it.

Stop sitting down with him and having coffee. Who paid considering he only had £4 in his bank last time you spoke.

Starting you have been doing so well .. but your uncle's death has brought back all the pain of your mum's death so it's no wonder you are feeling so low ... your Ex is taking advantage of that to try and weasel back in

My STBX sat and cried and begged for an hour ... what would you say to me if I considered taking him back? Give yourself the same advice pet

xxx

starting, I haven't posted here before, but please stay away from this man. He is not a good person, he is messing with your head.

Look here: we can see from the outside. We are not emotionally involved in this. And yet not ONE person is saying "well, maybe give him another chance". EVERYONE agrees that you need to get away from him.

Please listen.

Sorry about your uncle.

Xales, God how can he be so cold and calculating?

He paid his Mum lent him some money!

Kirsty, I know, but he knows all the strings to pull to get a reaction.....xxx

Yellow- thank you so much for your support, youre right everyone is saying stay away but there is one small faint voice in my head which is saying 'but you still love him' :(

Well at the end of that sentence of "but I still love him " start adding " and I know he will hurt me again".

He went and sat with a solicitor and told them that he was entitled to a share of your house and that you should move out and live anywhere else (he didn't care where) while he sits warm and happy in your house. Your house that you paid everything towards that he had done a shitty job of fixing.

He told you that your bills were your problem even though he had lived there and helped run them up after you lent him money to pay his bills.

A few short weeks ago he was planning on marrying OW!

Hang on a second let me repeat that one

A few short weeks ago he was planning on marrying OW!

The woman he cheated on you with and dumped your arse because you were not good enough for him any more. You know now being unemployed and reliant on him for the first time ever while he brought his money in.

If they hadn't argued they would be married. If she wanted him back he would be back in a shot, tail thumping happily on her white carpets.

He comes across as cold because he doesn't give a shit about you any more apart from what you can do for him. This being give him money and a roof over his head while allowing him to screw anyone he wants and give you nothing in return.

Not love
Not respect
Not caring
Not companionship
NOTHING

OP, ok, say you do still love him. Love is a difficult thing because it clouds your judgement so much.

At the end of the day, does it matter if you love him? He is treating you like shit, he is using your love against you. How could you ever form any kind of relationship again after how badly and disrespectfully he has treated you?

At some point, you're going to need to say ok, enough is enough and stop his silly game-playing, love or no love.

When someone is out of your life, your love and attachment to them fades. The longer you keep in touch with him, the more the attachment to him is something tangible and real. Nip the whole thing in the bud and day by day, the feelings you have for him WILL fade.

I once thought I'd never love anyone but my ex. It only took 6 months to get over him and he wasn't even any form of bastard.

You can do this, OP.