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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

782 replies

startingagain88 · 15/05/2012 14:46

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

OP posts:
Xales · 03/07/2012 18:24

Please have his number blocked from your phones Sad

izzyizin · 03/07/2012 18:43

These guys are unbelieveable.

So why are you giving him headspace, let alone believing that letting him get his feet under your table again would be in your best interests?

FGS, woman! Have you no self-respect? The thought of that finger with her name tattooed on it should be more than enough to remind you what an utter cunt he is, let alone any of the other lowdown stunts he's pulled on you.

If you don't stop engaging with him it's obvious where this'll go and you'll be seeing that finger day and night until he's bled you dry and moves back in with the ow.

And don't fool yourself into thinking that his relationship with her is over. As soon as he's got a wedge in his wallet they'll be shagging on her white carpets again.

startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 18:49

Izzy absolutely- every word you say is true, i'm back on form...

You guys have picked up from the floor again.....and his final words on the phone regarding me not listening and only having £4 in the bank have brought me back to reality......... :)

I just can believe the audacity of these guys, nothing is ever their fault it is? Everything he seems to say is lies....!!

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 03/07/2012 18:50

'look ive got ring round and get a loan-ive got £4 in my bank, do you want to meet or not?'

What the actual fuck does he mean by this? Surely he can't be that thick to tell you that he wants to meet you because he has no money left??!!

Please hang up next time he calls you - this is harassment and you should be reporting this to the police.

startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 18:52

Thank you all for the major kick up the arse- i needed it...... the rollercoaster had taken a downward turn...... :(

We all know where he can stick his tattoed finger dont we?? :)

xxxxxx

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 03/07/2012 18:53

glad you can remember what he is really like (from your last post). I have read your threads and agree with all above posts.

I would probably wobble if my STBXH turned up in floods of tears begging forgiveness, as its still early days since he left at Easter, but I KNOW, I really DO KNOW that it would not be right and NEVER will be again.

You are only human, you are compassionate and it tugs at your heart strings. Dont let him, remember all the nasty things he has done and how far you have come and dont let him put you back down again.

izzyizin · 03/07/2012 18:55

I'm back on form... That's my girl! Now stay there!!!

And stop engaging with him... that way he'll bankrupt you madness lies.

startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 18:57

Mad, i think what he is trying to say is ' Poor me, my life is shit now without you in it, i cant cope, i need you, i love you' when the reality is ' i left you to shag the OW, thought i was loved up, its all gone wrong, she slung me out, i spent all my money on drink and showing the OW a good time, Ive got no home or money, im in the shit, muggings starting will bale me out like she always did' ...

Errr No f**k off ! :)

OP posts:
sugarice · 03/07/2012 18:58

Delete him from your phone and screen land line calls. Think of him as a piece of shit that your dog wouldn't even sniff. Wink

southlundon · 03/07/2012 19:05

Was there ever any doubt that he'd show his true colours again? The man is a desperate dick. He's a golddigger, he sponged off you for years and probably only stayed until he thought he'd found something better. I hate the C word but that really is what he is.

startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 19:11

Skye, its been nearly four months since he left...but what a four months it has been!!, The emotional ups and downs have been exhausting....but things are levelling off and things are definitely looking up for me....while things are looking pretty crap for him!!

You ladies told me this would happen........and it has!!-he is not even eating a pot noodle in his crummy flat....he is eating pot noodle (probably drinking a stella too), in a pisshead mates shitty one bed rented flat, sleeping on the sofa, with a pile of debts (which he has run up since he left), no money, no home and no woman.... what a fall from grace and in under four months that must be a record surely???

God am i being a revengeful cow here:)

OP posts:
izzyizin · 03/07/2012 19:14

Btw, on the issue of whether he may have married the ow before whisking her off on a 5* holiday, given the long notice period required before a wedding ceremony can take place in Eire, I suspect that any possible nuptials would have been conducted at your local Registry Office.

There is something about him having her name tattooed on that particular finger which still niggles. As it'll be a couple of years before the 2012 birth/marriage/death registers are available for public view or online search, you'll need to pop into the RO to ask whether the marriage of Mr Utter Cunt (his name) and Ms Mercenary Cow(unknown) took place within a period of, say, 2 weeks prior to their faux or real honeymoon.

skyebluesapphire · 03/07/2012 19:15

My STBXH is lodging with his best mate and his wife (OW)...... at some point he will end up in a crummy bedsit eating a pot noodle.... hopefully when his best mate realises that they crossed the line from friends to EA...

Cant wait Grin

izzyizin · 03/07/2012 19:17

He thought he was Icarus and he got burned Grin

FFS stop engaging with him before you get burned again too.

startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 19:22

Izzy, i know what you mean that was the first thing i asked him when i saw the tattoo, he says they are not married but let face it i cant believe a word that comes from his mouth!!

Could i just walk in and ask that??- If so Ill do it tommorrow- Im wfh!!- Would that effect hiscase re the house if he wanted to start that up again??

OP posts:
RoxyRobin · 03/07/2012 19:24

What I can never get over is how terminally dim he is.

Any love-rat worth even a tiny pinch of salt would realise he had to play things very carefully indeed. There's no point wasting your time on weeping, wailing and self-castigation, or begging your victim's forgiveness, if you throw a tantrum when she doesn't immediately throw her arms round you - thereby reminding her of one of the reasons she doesn't want you any more.

The most gormless boyfriends I've had knew that a bit more persistence was called for in a situation where they had everything to gain by getting it right.

However, it's fortunate for you that he is cerebrally challenged - he's be a more dangerous operator if he weren't such an idiot.

startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 19:25

Skye, Izzy Grin xxx

OP posts:
startingagain88 · 03/07/2012 19:33

Roxy, yes is thick Grin x

OP posts:
captainmummy · 03/07/2012 19:46

Mad, i think what he is trying to say is ' Poor me, my life is shit now without you in it, i cant cope, i need you, i love you' when the reality is ' i left you to shag the OW, thought i was loved up, its all gone wrong, she slung me out, i spent all my money on drink and showing the OW a good time, Ive got no home or money, im in the shit, muggings starting will bale me out like she always did' ...

  • starting, he wants money! SHE wants money. That's all. As soon as he's back in with you, he will fleece you like before, only worse. Then he and OW will be back together, only surruptitiously.

Best of all worlds for him! and probably the worst of all for you. He has no love for you. You feel you love him - the 'him' from before he left (but don;t forget that he was cheating on you then too, you just didn;t know it. ) Still love him?

Xales · 03/07/2012 19:50

mmm even if she has slung him out - he wanted her. He only wants your nice comfy house and money you now she is not such a sweet peach but a rotten wrinkly one.

He is probably texting/calling between the pair of you maybe even sending the same texts hoping that one of you will fall for it.

izzyizin · 03/07/2012 20:10

What we've got here is a cunt man whose ego become pumped up like a hot air balloon during the years that starting worshipped at his clay feet funded his ventures, Roxy.

He believed his own hype and, in the guise of a Merc driving businessman, was able to impress the ow to the extent that she eagerly jumped into his lap basket.

Leaving starting standing (I enjoyed writing that!), off they soared only to crash a couple of months later when the money gas ran out.

Starting's sterling efforts over the years to make a silk purse out of his pig's ear served to convince him that she was his slave; born to do his bidding and cater to her master's every need.

As he became accustomed to snapping his fingers and having starting manifest his desires in an instant, he sees no reason to expect anything less from her. Hence he's failed to accord her the insiduous assiduous wooing that won him the booby prize ow.

When he cut the guy ropes ties that bound him to starting, he never suspected she'd be capable of doing anything other than keep a welcome mat in her doorway and the home fires burning for him for the rest of her days.

The penny hasn't quite dropped in his slot yet but it will when starting stops engaging with him makes it clear that he is non-persona grata in her life.

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 03/07/2012 20:47

It's worth remembering that the last time you rejected his phone advances he turned up on your doorstep. Don't overly worry, but be prepared for a visit.

izzyizin · 03/07/2012 21:06

Good point Catkins. He won't give up easily and it's only to be expected that his increasing desperation will cause him to redouble his efforts.

You owe it to yourself and to your army of mumsnet supporters to pour burning oil over repel the boarder if he attempts to storm your castle again, starting.

If he comes to your door, do not open it and call the police if he doesn't respond to you telling him to fuck off to the far side fuck etc.

With regard to the RO, I suggest that you pop in next time you're passing and ask if they can tell you whether a marriage has taken place for Mr his name or ask to see the bans (the notices that are required by law to be displayed outside the RO) for the relevant period.

In the unlikely event that you're asked why you want to know, I suggest you concoct some tale of being courted by the cunt him and a friend having told you that he has recently married, or words to that effect.

If he has married it may not have any material bearing on any claim he may re-attempt to institigate against you, but it will go the character of the Plaintiff should need arise.

Midwife99 · 03/07/2012 21:13

I'm reckoning the twuntish cunt will soon be sobbing on your doorstep which will very quickly become threatening & abusive when you tell him to sling his hook. As soon as you see the stupid fucker scaling the fence (or was it a gate?) set the rozzers on him! Trespass & harassment charges to add to the list of his woes!

only4tonight · 03/07/2012 22:26

I think the hardest realisation is that nothing is as you thought it was.

I thought I knew x. He was a lovely bloke and when he was an arse, that wasn't really 'him' there was always an excuse and some way to write it off.

Then with a lot of perspective I realised actually he was a cunt (i hate that word but he deserves it) and the nice bits were the bits that weren't 'him'

God it makes you question your sanity, judgement, EVERYTHING.

You have to see his true colours now. You were good enough for him to carry on the act of the nice bits for so long but truth is he could never sustain that as the real him is a total cunt. (again a term well deserved)