Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

Hi starting.

Another one here saying not to forward his post to him.

I would steam it open and check the fucker hasn't used your address to get a loan (I am of the view that if it comes to my house and isn't for my neighbours and just stuck wrongly through my door, then I open it, on the grounds that it's my business if some fucker is using my address to obtain credit) - then I would contact Tesco loans and say ever so sweetly 'I opened this by mistake, as it came to my house, but shit bag ex no longer lives here and I fear he is fraudulently trying to obtain credit, using my address.'

If he can't get a loan, he will have nothing to pay the solicitor with.

Time to play dirty, Starting. He hasn't worried about screwing you over, so you need to pull out all the stops to make it harder for him.

karma can you not get arrested for opening someone else's mail??

Mwahahahaha don't ever screw with only4 hahagaha :)

You could open it in error, not noticing the name on the envelop and assuming that it must be for you if it dropped through your letter box. (I've genuinely done that a few times so its not unlikely that it can happen.)

Once when i did it, i found that someone had been applying for a loan at my address and that the loan company was threatening the baliffs. Idiotically, I looked up his name on the internet and found someone who lived in my street with that name except he lived at xx and i lived a 1xx. So I went round after work to deliver the letter and apologise for having opened it. i thought they would be grateful!
However, it quickly became apparent that it really was fraud - his father answered the door and though I was a baliff as I was wearing a suit. So i went home and called the number on the letter and explained all. They did not think it was at all weird that i had opened the letter delivered to my address in error and then was horrified to find my address was being fraudently used. I heard no more about it after that.

If he is claiming that he lives at your address today, then it is fraud.

Whatever you do though, don't pass the letter onto him as it it will only help him complete the fraud (and eventually the baliffs will knock at your door to collect the money, which is hassle you do not want).

As an aside, how thick can he be?

How did he think he was going to get hold of the loan-related correspondence? Did he think you were just going to let him come round and pick it up?

He's got some neck.

How think can he be?

Thick enough not to spend a very small amount of money getting his mail re-directed when he is applying for a loan using bogus data.
Thick enough to hire a lawyer when he has no money and no case.
Thick enough to turn up looking greasy and with a tattoo on show when trying to woo back his ex.

You are well rid, starting!

Could you contact experian here to check what is on it just incase he put something at your address.

I'm sure there is a way of making sure yours and his name are no longer linked in anyway.

Definitely make it clear to the creditors and Tesco that he does not live there and give them the right address. Spell it out so there's no doubt- it is not his house and he is not living there and never will again.

As others have said, I would return the letter to TESCO loans, and write on envelope the date he moved out, no forwarding address supplied, and the contact details of his solicitors.

For the telephone calls from creditors, have an answerphone message saying he moved out on ...and the telephone number of his solicitors for contact.

I personally had a heap of hassle years ago when someone (I didn't know) was fraudulently using my address for benefits, car licensing and mobile phone billing. At first I left it, thinking it was not my problem, but then I had to deal with bailiffs and the police turning up at odd hours. Now I would nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

I would do everything I could so that he was no longer linked financially to your address, and make sure if is off the electoral register for your address as well. Also his handyman company, have you taken your name off that and told HMRC or whoever etc.

If you think you will still keep getting loads of post for arse-wipe, print out some labels with "return to sender" and the solicitor's details, to make your life easier.

I know it seems like a lot of work, but will make things easier for you in the long-run!! If it also means its not so easy for him to get credit, or run up his legal bill...well tough cheese!

I wouldn't give his solicitor's details, or any forwarding address. The idea here is to scupper him from getting a loan, as well as completely separate him from your address.

If you send post to his solicitor, he will get it. He might then make a loan application from OW's house. If he's waiting on a reply from this loan application (not knowing that you've contacted Tesco and told them he is using your address fraudulently), it might delay his getting access to money.

No money = no cash to pay solicitor.

You need to be doing whatever you can to make life hard and awkward for him - not being the nice considerate ex, who doesn't want to be spiteful. He has been incredibly spiteful to you and if the boot was on the other foot, he and OW would not be thoughtfully forwarding your post, they'd be doing all within their power to stop you getting the money.

You really do have to stop being so nice.

We will have to agree to disagree here karma. I think giving out the solicitors address is more helpful as the loan companies may think starting is acting fraudulently to escape repayment without it. If he wants to get himself in debt that's his lookout.

I also don't think it's a good idea to be purposefully nasty (if that's what you are suggesting karma? re You need to be doing whatever you can to make life hard and awkward for him )

imo his life is going to get increasingly 'hard and awkward' without Starting's active input. imo it's not good to get into being nasty, not good for the soul LOL (plus, imo, he can very probably be far more nasty and obstructive that she ever could, so best not to up the nasty ante..). Though I get your point that OP could do with being a bit more hardnosed about things. I think she's seriously getting there (fasttrack!) by the 'arsewipe' comments etc though. I can certainly see the glint of metal in Starting's eye...

Still astonished that this guy doesn't even have the nous to cover his tracks. re the envelope arriving at your address, Starting, with TESCO LOANS emblazoned on it. You gotta laff!! All the better for you though eh - at least you know what's going on, no sneaky surprises at the done and dusted stage. He'd be the type to commit a burglary in the snow, leaving footprints to where the stash is kept, a gift to PC Plod.

If you put the solicitors address on the label, then the post office will not return to sender, they will send the post there. Then he will get the forms (which were sent to your address as a way of checking that he really lived there), he will sign them and fraudulently obtain a loan which he can then use to pay a solicitor to make your life miserable.

Its not about being nasty, its about protecting yourself from someone who is being nasty. So, I agree with Karma.

I would be ringing up any company that was obviously a loan company and making sure that they knew that he didn't live in the house. Hopefully this might even get something flagged up on his file that would prevent him successfully trying for loans from any other loan company at that address.

Unless Starting's name is on the loan application, then the loan company will not be thinking that she is trying to avoid repayment - she has no loan with them, therefore nothing to avoid.

Springy, I take your point about getting nasty, not being good for the soul, but I think at this point Starting has to act to protect her money first. her soul will be a lot happier once she has seen off this threat from her ex. It's not about being nasty just for the sake of it - it's about taking whatever steps are necessary to stop him getting access to the funds he needs in order to pay his solicitor. It's self preservation.

yes I completely agree with that karma. re she has to be hardnosed - and it's good to be reminded when you're in total shock that the person you loved and thought you knew is being seriously nasty and trying to rip you off

Personally I'd open it. If its a circular, then bin it. If its a loan application - you need to know that he's still using your address.
But also, I'm just really nosey :)

Returning mail to sender for someone who moved out weeks ago, has not officially left a forwarding addressed and is either too thick or too lazy to get their own mail redirected is not being nasty it is doing the correct thing.

Advising people who are owed money by someone who has moved and not officially left a forwarding address also is not nasty. It is being helpful and informative to the person/agency owed the money plus protecting the resident of the address if things go tits up.

Phoning the credit card company because you know his details and advising the cards have been lost so had better be cancelled and then returning to sender the new cards.... now that would be nasty

Xales you just made me do an evil cackle :)

Me too!

What a fantastic but evil cunning plan Xales :)

Love it!

you just reminded me of the Enormous Crocodile book "Cunning plans and Evil tricks"

Xales that is very true

Hiya Starting - hope everything's going okay?

Maybe its a little early to say this but I have a feeling that you are almost over the breakup now, Starting and you wonćt be needing us any more.