Startingagain trying to move forward, without nightmare EXP

[startingagain88]

New thread for my ongoing journey of trying to detached from my nightmare, exp while trying to hold on to my sanity :(

Old thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1437647-Starting-Again-Moving-Forward-Onwards-and-Upwards

I still have this niggling feeling that they may have married either in your local registry office or in Dublin. I know I'm not the only to have expressed this view - someone else up thread was of the same mind but I can't recall their name.

When I have time I'll check marriage banns requirements in Eire. They could have married locally by special licence.

May I suggest a counter-claim against him for all the rent he didn't pay/bills he didn't contribute to over the years? Then when he comes back whining about the DIY he made a lousy job of, you can either say ok then, I'll knock it off the rent you should have been paying, that still leaves you owing about x years' worth; or if you're in a really bad mood, say you'll charge him for the cost of getting professionals in to correct the rubbish job he's done so far and finish it off properly. Don't forget to charge him for the van and other business start-up costs; can't believe you haven't actually done that yet. If you have any bills to show, so much the better. (Photocopies only of course.) If that doesn't make him back off quietly, nothing will! Then you show what a lovely person you are by not pursuing him for the excess, including any legal costs of fighting his half-assed claim.

The bonus is that his solicitor and the classy GF will get a peek at the other side of the argument, not that it really matters what they believe.

You did take photos of the 'work' he'd undertaken before you got some remedial repairs carried out recently?

Izzy, yes i have photos of the state he has left the house in! I also thought they may have got married while in Dublin, i did ask him, but he said they hadnt, would that make a difference to his case?

A couple of thoughts:

1/ How would he finance the renovations to your house?

2/ Why would you need to move out? (so he could move in)

Just for a laugh, why don't you ask for a copy of his credit card statement so you can appertain any expenditure you may be responsible for. Reading it should be very interesting? Yes,I would definitely ask for a copy just to fuck him about. It could reveal a lot to you and his solicitor when you dispute your liability.

i did ask him, but he said they hadnt, How many times has he lied to you over the last few months starting? You don't believe that do you?

I actually think you sound good and strong. I know this is scary, nasty and hurts but a few weeks ago it would have floored you and you wouldn't have known where to start. You actually sound like you have a grip right now.

He hasn't got a chance in hell and with the expert help you have from here I think you know it

Mogyz,

1)By claiming half of my savings as part of the'deal'
2)I think he would want to move in (cheek!)

Xales, how could i find out ?- i could visit my local registry office but in Ireland im not so sure?

I wondered whether or not they had got married, i mean why otherwise would you have a tatoo done on your ring finger.

Cheeky fucker!

Your solicitor sounds like he has his head screwed on.

Can you counter claim for the van, car and business? His tools? Ha ha ha [evil laugh]

Izzy great idea - I'd certainly be there to scream abuse at er throw rotten fruit at check out Starting's NightmareExP.

Bastard.

If you get a copy of the credit card statement which he trying to make you pay, then if you have little or no liability, it will illustrate to anybody/judge/ solicitors,what a money grabbing self serving scheming twat this arsehole is.

Some character reference !!!!!!!

I have no idea. I am sure someone will know here though

It is just, this man has sent a letter wanting you to move out of your own house you have paid for so he can move in. Why would you believe that he hadn't got married?

What other reason would there be for the tattoo?

Marriage and divorce certificates are public documents.

In this country you can apply via the govt website www.direct.gov.uk but you have to pay and you need some basic details and a rough idea of dates.
Or go direct to local register office.
(I once did this to find out if someone was actually divorced

There is an Irish equivalent www.groireland.ie

Or you can use commercial search agencies which charge a lot more but do it for you.

Still speechless!!

Midwife, I know, i cant believe his cheek either !

And that's not like me!! Reminds me of the time ex told his solicitor he had "provided all the clothes for our baby since she was born" = one bag of too small second hand clothes his boss gave him!

Just caught up and Im gobsmacked, but not totally surprised really!

I can't wait to see what the idiot comes up with next, what a guy eh!

I agree with the others though starting, I dont think he has a legal leg to stand on here, Id just sit back and watch him dig himself deeper into the hole he is making for himself now.

...and Please book me a seat on the charabanc too!

Love and hugs to you starting, you are doing really well in spite of this set back, I know its a sad time for you but I love reading your updates admire you so much X

If its any reassurance my brother lived with his ex for 13 years. House & mortgage in her name but he gave her money every month by standing order for his share of the bills & did all the DIY. When they split HE GOT NOTHING despite his efforts via a solicitor. They weren't married, bills etc in her name. He was merely classed as paying rent like a lodger. Try not to worry.

I've been following your story from the start, startingagain and it's great that you're so angry and over him now. Just stay angry while you fend off his moneygrabbing, then let it go and get on with your life.

Anyway, what difference would it make if he has got married? I don't think starting should care, or bother to find out.

@crabby..it might make a difference to his claims in court.

A decent solicitor will ask him, well Mr Dickwad Starting, if your application is based on a "common intention" then why is it you left Starting and got married to Ms slutbitchfromhell X without first securing your "assets" from relationship first?

Its a simple question that will have a judge raising his eyebrows and seeing the case for what it is.

I bet he is kicking himself that he left now starting, if he had stayed and got legal advice before moving out then he may have had a stronger case

phew, it's good to know your solicitor is on top of it.

it think BILs ex only paid him to get rid of him. as it was considered work on their home he couldn't claim.... i dunno, it was complicated and i was only hearing ILs side of things & as bil is an arse to women i couldn't care less if he didn't get any money from her.

don't cave like she did just to get rid of him.

OMFG! starting how low is this excuse for a man?

1 - You have evidence that he cocklodged didnt pay his way.
2 - You paid for his work van and a MErc for him to swam around in.
3 - You have pictures of the dodgy DIY Ex did and presumably bills from pink OH for the repair work he did to correct the dodgy bits.
4 - Why the feck would someone get a tattoo on their ring finger of OW name if they had no intention of marrying/staying with them?
5 - What kind of tattoo artist works on pissed people? (Sure there is a law regarding that)
6 - He is trying hard to scare you into giving him money. DONT. You are not liable for anything and can prove beyond doubt that he sponged off you for years and years, while you were vulnerable and continued to do so until he left you for another woman!

He is an absolute bastard and under no circumstances are you liable for anything to do with him. If anything you have a claim on the Merc and his work van if you paid the loan/payments.

I shall also be there bearing witness chucking rotten fruit at him in court, should it come to that!

Group MN Trip to Whitstable Magistrates Court if necessary!!!