The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Mouse you are brilliant. You keep us together, appreciate all our efforts even when we're in the sidecar, you devote care to us all.

I appreciate your efforts for virtual strangers :)

I totally second Hopefully's words Mouse - you are so full of love and care for others; it's very humbling.

Ah dear friend Mia you know me better than I know myself. Yes, I suppose I'm cramming it all in before I take the antabuse. If they deny me that drug, I don't know what I'll do.

I wish I had something to say about why you want to drink, what help am I? You have so much, beautiful DD, kind and gorgeous DP, a love of all that's around you - maybe we're just wired that way? That makes it all sound so helpless, as if there's nothing we can do to stop, but we know something is amiss or we wouldn't be here. I think we just have to re-learn how to live, how to embrace life without our brains being chemically altered.

We've acknowledged we're different, in some way set apart from other people, and let's turn that around to our advantage. I think in a way drinkers feel things so much more and alcohol makes us feel more comfortable with the strength of our emotions. Obviously I might well be talking a load of old bollocks but deep deep down, I like me, with all my flaws and I have a real feeling that I'm a nice person and that the self-loathing I so often feel just has to be told to fuck the fuck off!

DD always senses when I'm drinking, even when I hide it. It makes her so sad,it has to stop. It will. Have a peaceful night my friends xx

Good evening Babes (its is me, horribletruth) I decided to nc because I don't feel horrible anymore, I feel the most honest I have ever been.
I have just got back from a meal out, I had orange juice Feel like it was my first test in a social situation and I managed it!
Ma That is fab news re your DD, you must be so proud.
Soma I don't have any advice, I don't know how I am managing to abstain at the moment so am the last person to offer advice to others. I wish I could tell you how to stop. Will you chase the Drs tomorrow re the Antabuse?

Got to go and put the DC to bed. Back later

xx

Yay Honest! Good on ya. X

oh mouse what a lovely description of DDs voice! I wish you could hear her now, her voice has matured so much from the tracks you have heard. I know I am biased but her voice has such a lovely tone. Some of the other auditionees (?) have full-on blast voices all the way through, but she can do soft and gentle as well as letting rip. Your description is spot on. I am so proud of her, she is so grounded and down to earth about it too.
I will try and get a recording of her somehow so you can hear how she has come on.

Hey Truth love the new name!

Well done to Ma's DD, that's fantastic news.

Am off to watch telly with DP. Take care all xxx

Hello all, just checking in!

Not much of worth to ad - it's taken me most of the day to catch up with you all. A relatively good weekend here, only one bottle of wine consummed in the house and another couple of glasses at a friends. So not bad. I know I can do this sort of weekend though as I have my dcs with me. It's next weekend I need to get sorted - I'm working all week and then the dcs are away all weekend.

I shan't worry about it now though. One day and the here and now and all that.

Sorry not to engage much individually. I'm dog tired and off to bed. Hope you all have a peaceful night.

I've been trying to catch up for 2 days, but every time I look there's another 20 posts, so what are the biggest thing I need to say...?

mouse I WILL get back to you x

soma don't despair, the help you need will arrive eventually. I too am sad that you are drinking more again, but many of us understand because we have been there before (more than once) - maybe not with antabuse, but certainly with the bargaining, and the planning and the overdrinking before a period of abstainence. Please keep going back to your GP / addictions team, tell them that you need treatment now. And in the meantime, stay with us, stay with yourself.

saf come back, come back, don't let go. You've been on fire these last few weeks, maybe that's why so many new people have dared to post for the first time.

thurso - always in my thoughts xx

Honesttruth great name change

ma, isindie, jesus, msgee just letting you know that I think of you often. I'm having a difficult time - wonderfully busy at work, but struggling to balance that with responsibilities for aged parents, and also dd who is having a sad and difficult time. I'm not feeling especcially tempted to drink, but iun sad and stressful times I'm not sure where to turn, so I'm a bit bewildered.

So glad you don't fell horrible anymore Truth honest it is from now on then:)

Venusthank you so much for understanding where I'm coming from, my time really is up, everyone knows I'm an alkie, DD the most, and I can't wait to take a pill everyone morning so I CAN'T DRINK.

Will be on the phone tomorrow begging GP for antabuse - wish I was as strong as you other lovely babes who don't need it but I reckon it's my best chance.Somewhat wasted tonight, best part of a bottle of gin, and would carry on all night if I had company. And it's not jut booze, the thought of a line of coke or a couple of pills..... madness. I keep saying to myself SOBRIETY. It sounds nice, I want it. I want to live my life without feeling I need to be off my head to cope with it, to enjoy it with my head clear.

Sorry babes, rambling and self-absorbed. So happy for you all who feel in control. Nite nite xx

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Morning

Honest, great name change. You are an inspiration! How you've managed to change your life in such a short space of time is just incredible. I hope you're feeling really good. You must tell us how you are getting on

Oh Soma.... I hope the GP expedites your referral. I agree that maybe you are bingeing before the Antabuse. Just don't give up. Hopefully you are only days away from stopping drinking. And it seems to be working really well for Hopefully so there is an end in sight. So terribly sad about Eddie . Although maybe it's one of those 'facts' that's been embellished/distorted throughout the years? May be wishful thinking but it's so hard to think that those around him would show so little compassion. But then times have changed so much. Good luck chasing the referral. Do keep us posted x

Venus, good to hear from you. I have been wondering where you were and hoping that you were just busy. It sounds like you are going through a very demanding time. I know just what you mean about feeling lost and not knowing where to turn once you've discounted drinking as the destructive option that it is. We are all here though. It does help to talk . To just vent, to let your emotions out somewhere you are cared for and safe. You have offered so much (understatement) support and advice to everyone else. Maybe we can offer a little in return? Take care of yourself x

Hope everyone slept well. I now need to decorate a batch of fairy cakes before breakfast...can you imagine the hungover me doing that? Or doing a good job of it anyway! Need more caffeine first...

How did you get on with the laptop Saf? And do come back and tell us all about your trip. I hope it's nice to be back home (even though i think you had a great time away) x

Morning Babes

SSSM I am feeling quite good but thought I would being feeling even better with more boing. Hopefully that will come. Mmm fairy cakes (and I love you a little for not calling them cupcakes as is the current trend) Hope you have a good day

I get what *SaF is saying. I know I am an alkie, I know I have lied and lied and lied some more I know I have spent money I shouldn't on buying wine and now I have to find a way of sorting that, but sorting it out sober.

Soma I really hope you have some success with the Doctors. This can't continue can it? xxx

I best get on, get the DC ready for school run, it is grey and miserable outside, ho hum.

Today I will not be drinking, it is exactly 2 weeks (even down to the time ) since I last had a drink.

Morning to all the other Babes. Back later

xx

I've only been away 2 days, and there are five pages to catch up on! I wasn't anywhere special but can't access the internet at home at the moment

To those who asked about poetry, try an anthology like 'Best Loved Poems' and then you can see if you get on with particular writers. I don't really 'get' poetry, but discovered a couple of poets like John Masefield that I understood.

SSSM hope your fairy cakes look lovely! Re: my uncle Eddie, yes times were different then, I don't think his family were bad people, they just saw things differently.

Truth you're an inspiration and sound so much happier. From the amount you drank to nothing, well done. I hope I can be like you! Just phoned the GP and said I was desperate for the referral so hope to hear back today. When I looked at the almost empty gin bottle this morning I was so ashamed :(

At work now with loads to do and feeling crap. But would far rather be here than moping. Love to you all, until later xx

So I've had an interesting weekend...

Drank 500ml wine Saturday night, and same again Sunday. That's it for the week, so I guess I am well under the units limit.

I can do controlled drinking. (just don't have any extra in the house!) But I don't enjoy it. I spent the whole time worrying that there was only 1 glass left, or whatever. I always want more

But last week when I wasn't drinking I felt so much more relaxed. Friday night I couldn't even be bothered to go and buy any wine!

What I'm working up to is... wondering if I should abstain altogether. The idea makes me feel a bit panicky. This is a big decision for so early on a Monday morning.

If anyone is still reading, thanks

joey

venus hugs to you my friend. Are we due a meet-up at OP?

Hi everyone

This is my first post here, I've been building up to it all weekend. I have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink every day but when I do I can't stop and a bottle of wine has gone. I sleep horribly and feel like shit the next day. I try not to drink Mon-Thurs but sometimes don't manage it - I find myself thinking about alcohol more than I would like. The weekends are when I binge. And I've been starting earlier and earlier...

I've had a health scare recently which turned out to be minor but made me really conscious of my drinking, so on Friday after a glass of wine with lunch (which I'd said I wouldn't have...but then everyone else did...) I decided to stop. I made it through the weekend and feel huge relief today - Mondays are a non-drinking day so I feel "safe" today.

My biggest problem is that I feel really ashamed. I told my lovely DH that it's because the alcohol is blowing my diet so I'm going to try abstaining for a month while I hit the diet hard. Somehow that sounds better than admitting I have a problem with controlling myself... He said I had been jittery and distracted all weekend and he couldn't work out why - it's because I was trying hard not to "give in" (and I succeeded :) ).

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello :)

Alias, I hear you!

Have been dry for 6 weeks and am no longer wrestling with the usual torment of "when can I get kids in bed / do I have enough wine in the house" malarkey.

Rather, I have made peace with abstaining completely and felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. What was it someone said - instead of getting into the boxing ring every time, just hang up your gloves and Walk away". So true

Welllllll, we are due to fly out to sunnier climes soon and here I am back in the clutches of wondering if I can attempt controlled drinking. Who goes on holiday and not drink FFS ???? Have already wasted hours of mental energy fretting over it & seems such a destructive waste of time.

Well done to you tho for doing so well

Welcome Hoping

BOING!!!

morning super babes!

hoping - when i first posted (nearly two years ago!) a wonderful bloke called MIFLAW (where is the darling man?) came and told me that there were people in this world who could only dream of being sober for 2 days and that i was some kind of god to them - at the time i thought he was a bit daft however, i now understand what he meant, 2 days can feel like a lifetime, it can take all your strength, it can make your brain hurt and your heart ache but YOU did it, you can do 3 days now and 4 days and so on and so on - what you have to do now is look at yourself and perhaps for the first time in a long time be brutally honest with yourself - it sounds to me like you are frightened of what drink is doing to you and ashamed to admit you have a problem (so far so normal! ) fwiw, i think if we dont eventually stand up and face it, shame will kill us, its the shame of not admiting a problem, its the shame that keeps us drinking and the shame that we dont face up to it and say 'enough'!!

i think you can do it, i think anyone can do it, but i do think a great deal of honesty is required, along with a huge desire to want to change life for the better!

having read safs post, i think i kind of understand what she means, sometimes i could scream at the posts i see saying 'dont worry, dont beat yourself up', i realise my frustration is down to the fact that i want everyone to have what i have and i want to shout 'just dont pick the bloody drink up', oh if only it were that easy! my better side says, i think the support here is fantastic, i think its right to say 'dont worry, dont beat yourself up' i also think its right to say it how you see it, we all respond differently and sometimes we just need to shrug and think, 'well, its not my way, but hey, it works for her'! i think we are here to pick up a 'fallen babe' and reassure that tomorrow can be better, that we understand that she feels like shit, phyisically and mentally, that we understand that she feels like shit because she has let herself down again, often those words dont need to be spoken, we all know those feelings, thats why we are here!

btw, i have had 3 sober holidays (one AI) and several long weekend city breaks - i decided that the only way i could do it was to change my attitude to holidays, they always used to be a massive excuse for a huge piss up, i would usually come home looking pretty frightful, puffy boozy face, aching kidneys and dog tired through lack of sleep, and then go back to work!!! like i had a rest!

now, i treat holidays as a time to rest, read, recuperate, lift my mind from work and the mundane, and generally just treat myself with care, honestly, i come home looking fab, slimmer, tanned, rested, more interested in the world, the difference is huge and i feel so much better for it!

Hello all and welcome Hoping

I just wanted to let you all know that the phenomenal tiredness I was telling you about on Antabuse (or lack of alcohol or possibly the effects of both taken together) has gone away, as the medics said it would. I'm more or less back to normal.

Which is good, no? I am going to bed earlier and getting up later. A little bit of a boing has returned.

Also (and apologies if this is TMI) the permanent alcohol-induced diarrhea has gone!

Afternoon, finally caught up with all the posts, just checking in under my old name