The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

mouse thinking of you and your family today. I hope that all goes beautifully, and that nemo enjoys the whole event. I also hope that you can relax and enjoy and appreciate your day, and that you are all touched by the wonder of what you are doing xxx

Hello Brave Babes!

It's been a manic week here. I have been filling up my time with children and work and chores and various forms of displacement activity, but fortunately NO BOOZE.

Mouse I hope today goes well. Love to Nemo on his special day

Venus Thank you for your insights, I love the idea of being tiddly after a small glass of sherry too, but ain't never going to happen :( Such a seductive image.

Alias Come on gal, you know this perpetual argument in your head is bad for you

SAF Pottering is good though!

Ma I am going to humiliate myself, but utterly humiliate myself in this race for life. I was a red-faced, coughing spluttering wreck after doing 1k. How did you do 5k? Just how?

Soba Lovely to hear about you and your DD :)

Welcome to the new Babes. I'd like to say a big thank you to the Babes, for all the experiences shared. Thank you also for the support in keeping me going with the Antabuse. I was thinking of trying to re-establish control without chemical assistance but on reflection there was also a sneaky and beguiling underthought that maybe, just maybe I could have the odd glass of wine. But that is just a wish. I know that I can't just stop at one or even two. I know that I am repulsive when drunk - horrible to others and to myself too. Completely irresponsible of me.

I am trying to re-establish myself properly at work, where I have let the reins drop after the past year or more. Working late and soberly and diligently. I think I need to make up a lot of lost ground. I hope it works :)

Meanwhile I have a delightful new purple mac, which has put me in mind of this:

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Dear Mouse

Sending you and your family love and best wishes for a wonderful, joyous and uplifting day.

With much love
T xxxx

Just popping in to say hello. Busy busy busy as ever. Lovely to read how well some of you are doing, and great to see support for those of us who are struggling. And Mia I love your waffle

Good luck for today, Mouse. I hope the day goes smoothly but you know what these things are like... Try and ignore any 'issues' and focus on the wonderful Nemo and how special he is. I'm getting all dewy-eyed here and I've never even met him! I hope you feel better soon and that you all have a lovely, happy, family day. I know you will. Lots of love x

Have good days everyone.

Thank you Silly and Joey I was just feeling about my epic posts!

Lovely lovely Mouse, I hope that today is absolutely perfect (but as Silly said, ignore any family provocation!) and a wondereful occasion that will give you memories to treasure forever. Xx

I'm off to collect my girl in a bit.

Mouse I hope you have truly wonderful day, the sun is shining (sort of) where we are, so I hope it is where you are too.

Joey you do mean 250ml and not 25ml don't you? A bottle is 750ml. Or maybe you buy bottles that are meant for mice :) I love that poem Hopefully but we must of course ignore the bit about buying brandy. I'm glad you've decided to stick with the antabuse; I just had a terrible dream where I decided I was going to try controlled drinking and had just thrown away the new bottle my GP had just prescribed. Nightmare!

Have a lovely day all, am off to choose some new glasses because apparently my eyesight has improved a bit - very strange. Will need DD's expert opinion of course but she's still fast asleep having purchased an eye mask because the light always wakes her up. Back to school tomorrow though. I still feel a bit guilty on Sunday mornings because I don't go to church anymore (brought up in a stiflingly devout Catholic household) but it's lovely not to have to get up early!

mouse have a wonderful day and send nemo a big kiss form his Auntie Demented
hopefully there is no humiliation in giving it a go. it took me from February until the race in may to get up to 5K and bear in mind that when i say I "ran" it, a lot of walkers finished ahead of me. Once the race was done i stupidly stopped training and haven't been out for two weeks or more. I have another R4L 5K on June 24th and really do think I will be walking some of it. It doesn't take much to undo all the good work and I doubt i could manage 10 minutes at the moment. Keep at it. 1K is bloody good, I couldn't do that to start with.
Keep trying to add just that extra 30 seconds or 1 minute, and remember to rest in between and walk when you are exhausted. Where is your Race?

BOING!

Morning all

Am back from my holidays, had a fab time and a good rest (gained a few pounds though I reckon). Not had time to catch up so hope you are all ok.

Well, all of dh's family are 'normal' drinkers so it was interesting to spend a whole week in their company. We all drank most days but it was just one glass with dinner and possibly a whisky for FIL before bed. All very moderate.

Hose and I had a couple of extra drinks at lunch about twice during the week when we ate at the pub. I was fine, didn't want any more than I had. So all in all it went well drinking wise but I did have more than I would have if I were at home.

Up to my ears in washing now, where's the sun when you need it, eh?

Love to all, speak later x

welcome home faire - the sun is shining here - maybe it's on it's way to you?

just back from football practice. i took the dog and walked through to the next set of fields and sat and did my meditation in the open air with the birds singing whilst the dog ran round the fields exploring. as i walked back to the football field i realised how high and light i felt and compared it to drinking. i know everyone says comfortably numb and other descriptions but for me alcohol was heavy. that light highness that i had walking outside after meditating could never be achieved by alcohol which was more like being weighed down slightly - maybe that felt comfortable to me like a thick blanket does but i definitely prefer to feel high and light than weighted down and heavy. i don't honestly think alcohol felt nice it just felt 'different' and different was what i tended to be after. but i know now that it wasn't a good different actually for me.

bit of a waffle there sorry.

hope everyone has a lovely weekend. ds is playing out and i'm having a quick coffee and computer time then i'm going to mow the front lawn. haven't got the energy for the back garden (mammoth task) but the front is doable. so nice to have the sun shining again

Thank you so much for the kind welcome everybody.

I hope no-one has been greatly offended by the inclusion of drugs in the discussion as I think it ws me that brought it up. It would be hard not to though as it is just part of the same thing for me- self-medication, as another poster said. My cocaine habit was short-lived, because I couldn't afford it for long, luckily.

I can really identify with what some of you have said about wanting to be comfortably numb- that gentle buzzing euphoria. This has usually been the purpose of my drug/alcohol use but, as others have said, it has always proved so very difficult to stop at that feeling. In trying to sustain that feeling, I have carried on with more of the substance until obliteration. And then there have been times when obliteration itself is the goal from the off.

It's been really interesting to read of so many similarities between myself and some of you. sarah- I have starved myself too- my relationship with food is part of the obsessive continuum for me. I binge and then I restrict. I have an unhealthy and overly critical body image.

I have identified two past episodes which I want /need to explore in counselling as I believe they have had an impact on shaping my beliefs about myself. However, I know this won't be a magic cure and that, at some point, I will have to ljust leave things in the past and take responsibility for my recovery.

I am not abstinent just yet. I had two pints yesterday - one at lunchtime and one late afternoon. I feel ambivalent about that. It's not abstinence, certainly, but it's not binge drinking either so I'm not beating myself up about it. My plan now is not to drink for two weeks and I'll review it then and see how I'm feeling.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I've missed what it is that mouse is doing today but I hope she is having a nice time.

Hi there, I'm more a lurker than a poster but I have followed that thread since Jesus started and it gave me a huge help when I needed it. I can relate to all of you regarding my relationship with alcohol. I used to drink 2 bottles of white wine a day. I was a drunk, a terrible mother, a terrible wife (borderline violent)..I was holding my job but it was really hard to cope with everyday hangovers...I was in utter despair...I think I have started drinking heavily (in 2007) when I went back to a job I detested but I didn't have the choice, I had to carry on.. So my drinking escalated..at week end, I could start as early as 9 o'clock in the morning, drinking my wine in mug in order to fool my husband...I was arguing with him all the time, sometimes on the verge on being violent, I was screaming, crying, pulling my hair, knocking my head against the wall..

It had to stop and it stopped, 8 months ago. Now this is how I have helped myself, I can't say it is for everybody but it definitely helped me.

I have stopped thanks the Allan Carr method..I had stopped smoking thanks to that method so I have decided to try it with the alcohol and it worked.

I have been tee-total for 8 months now and my life is so much better. I'm in therapy which helps me a lot. I took on running and overall I feel so much better ! I'm still a work in progress but I know I'll get there.

I just wanted to share my experience, just to give another perspective.

hi waterlego
mouse is having her beautiful sonnemo christened today. he has SN and is something of a talisman for all of us on the bus. We are his aunties .
Both mouse and nemo are inspirational.

Thank you for sharing your stories water and shaky I've heard lots of people recommend the Allan Carr method too.

I feel quite depressed today, what a fall from grace & just when I was doing so well. Only 3 glasses of wine but I am so tired - probably lack of sleep. I seem to remember this is how I used to feel most of the time

I do feel cross that I can't even tolerate a small amount, and jealous of other people who can manage to.

I forgot to say, hope mouse and nemo have had a great day & everything has gone well

joey why be envious? You've found our that for you, it's not really all that great - even 3 glasses - I'd say THAT is something to be envious of. There are hundred / thousands / millions of people who go on and on and on through years of their life never reaching that kind of clarity. Woo hoo for you

My dd is at a rock festival and someone there has just died as a result of drugs (2 others in hospital). It seems so pointless, yet I know that I also spent years chasing a high following a similarly pointless drug - only difference is that mine came in measured units. I still ran such risks of killing myself though - either quickly (car crash / choke on vomit) or slowly (alcohol induced disease). Why is the intelligent human brain so stupid? (finger clearly pointing at me, not at anyone else).

ds is in the bath - i'm sat in the hall don't worry - and that's it, holiday over. milk and cheese, bit of procrastination then into bed for a bit more faraway tree and that's it. back to school tomorrow.

can honestly say this is the easiest most pleasurable school holiday i've had and the first one where i didn't drink. the last one (easter) was horrendous thanks to the drinking as i was finding everything irritable and hard work and grr because all i really wanted was to be left in peace to drink

for me everything is so much easier not drinking. i cut my antidepressants down about 6 or 7 weeks ago and it's been fine. may take them down a little further. mental health wise i've been so much better. all i need to do now is try and curb the eating and get back into my skinny jeans i've been sporting the bohemian earth mother look with lots of long floating skirts and pretty headscarves of late to get round the chub i've gained

feeling really positive about the future and like we're going to be ok actually. no reason why things shouldn't be grand.

sorry for the me, me, me and sorry if it seems smug or something but this is really working for me and i wish i'd done it years ago.

oh I'm so glad for you saf ! It's lovely to hear a positive story And I adore The Faraway Tree and Moonface and the poptarts (woudn't that be a good name for a girl band?) and Mrs Washalot...

venus I don't know why I'm envious, it just seems like alcohol is seen as the easy way to relax and have a good time; I am the last person to be taken in by advertising, but I admit all those adverts where having a cocktail is shown as being sophisticated or adventurous... I have taken 2 steps forward and 1 back now. Start again tomorrow, at least now I know it can be done.

Good to hear so many sounding really positive :)

joey sorry to hear you're disappointed with yourself but as you say, you know it can be done. Lapses and relapses are all part of the journey, aren't they? I find it hard not to get very disappointed with myself in all of this, I am a perfectionist and want to get it right first time but I am learning, time and again, that that isn't the way it works, at least not for me. I am learning too that getting cross with myself doesn't help at all. I've decided it's ok to feel impatient with myself but not to get cross :)

I can identify with the jealous feelings too. At my brother's wedding a couple of weeks ago, I made a choice not to partake in rounds of shot drinking between my husband, brother, SIL and other friends. I felt quite furious momentarily when they were all gathered around the bar with all that camaraderie going on but I reminded myself that I didn't want the hangover and that I could still be included as a part of that group without joining in with the shots. It was really hard but I was glad afterwards. Having said that, there have been countless other times when I've wanted to make those kinds of conscious choices but not managed to. Swings and roundabouts!

Lovely to hear about mouse - sounds like nemo is very treasured here. Hope they've all had a lovely day.

Saf I can 'hear' the difference in you these days, you sound so happy and upbeat. And really, nothing has actually changed for you except the drinking. It's all about how you feel about yourself, you are calm, in control and content. Can't ask for more than that

Joey I know you haven't really decided yet what exactly it is that you want to achieve by drinking/not drinking but one thing that stands out to me is that you are not happy drinking and you are not happy not drinking? The worst of both worlds.

If you know where a drink will lead you, you have a choice whether or not you want to go there. Sophisticated cocktails? Where would that evening end for you. There is no need to envy anyone else because you can have the life you want. If you want to drink, then go ahead, drink. And have all the shit that comes with it.

If you want to stop then do it, one day at a time, using all the strategies you have learned and all the support you can get from family, friends, health professionals and groups like us here on the bus x

shake well done, you are an inspiration x

Morning.

Hope you had a lovely day yesterday mouse

Please may I creep back in. I am tired, shaky, in pain and even feeling a little nauseous. The codiene has not helped this morning.

Have to face work having not got through my interview the other week. Husband and I both making threats/ giving ultimatums. So tired if everything.

A very boozy week; some social some downright antisocial. I have still not managed a day without a bottle (or two). I would really like to find out what my life is like sober but am terrified of going to bed and not sleeping. That in its own right sends me to the fridge but the comfortable numbness is a pull. I can be there by eight and keep topped up until 12, two bottles is crippling my finances (and health).

today So sorry to hear things are so rough at the moment. I wish I had some words of advice but not in a position to give out advice at present. What/where is the pain?

I agree with Faire, you sound so positive and upbeat Saf, compared to not that long ago. And it's all down to not drinking. I'm changing slowly too, so much more full of energy, engaging with people, and also having the courage to move on from friendships that aren't fulfilling anymore (that's a hard one). I feel I have my GP supporting me through this and that she knows what she's doing prescribing me diazepam. I've cut back quite a bit on it already and when I see her on the 20th we'll make a plan for stopping it completely. I'm full of life, sleeping well and I've lost quite a bit of weight and feel attractive for the first time in ages. I've even started wondering what it would be like to have sex again (it's been a year). I'm laughing with DD and when she tells me every night she loves me loads, it's all worth it. She even crept into bed with me last night (she's 12) because she didn't want to sleep on her own.

Today welcome back, come and take shelter. Please don't take this the wrong way but thank you for reminding me of the horrors of drinking. You say you're terrified of not sleeping without booze but boozy sleep isn't proper sleep (but I'm sure you know that). Have you been to your GP yet? Is it something you'd consider? Antabuse isn't for everyone but it's turned my world around. It's removed all the internal conversations about whether or not to drink and I've had to face life without drink. It only works if you keep taking it and of course you have to put things in place whilst you're on it to keep you sober when you come off. But for me, it's broken the habit of drinking and so far I don't miss my wine. In fact the thought of drinking horrifies me. I was on a daily habit too and I love the thought that I'm saving money - but I'm sure you've done the maths! Do you think you're physically dependent or just psychologically?

Albert is finally coming to visit us tomorrow so we'll finally know if he can come and live with us. Very excited, please keep fingers crossed for us. Have a great day babes xx