The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

chasing why, why, why? When you feel as though a weight has been lifted off your shoulders - why do you want to go and pick it up and put it back on again. And in particular, why spoil your holiday to do it?

Well of course I can understand your thinking, but when you look at the bald facts it's nonsensical . Tbh I used to find that on holiday I often drank less than usual - no opportunities to sneak a few quiet drinks, not enough time on my own to buy my secret stash, nowhere to hide it, and all those 'lightweight' drinkers coming over all woozy because they'd had a glass or 2 of wine with lunch. I found that I'd drink the same as everyone else, then at the end of the week they were all talking about how they'd overdone it, while I was thinking that I'd been taking it easy

Joey if you don't enjoy controlled drinking and are always wanting another one, then it sounds to me as if you can't do controlled drinking! Sorry if that sounds harsh. I know I can't do it, I'll be able to have a couple one day and think I can but then it's back to a bingeathon.

Hoping welcome. My pattern is (was) very much like yours, not every day but when I started, a bottle and more would disappear in a flash. It's got much worse recently though so am hoping to abstain completely.

Hopefully that's great news about the antabuse. Am a bit cross with my GP today as she said she wouldn't prescribe it so referred me to the D&A team who could. I hadn't heard back for nearly two weeks so called GP who told me to call D&A and find out what was going on. They've told me they can't prescribe antabuse, only the GP can so I've got to go back to her! Just goes to show how little GPs know about treatment for addiction...

Venus I have been like that on my holidays. Drinking less than normal because I had no where to hide it.

Chasing I think you have done brilliantly to abstain for 6 weeks. I know with AI holidays the desire to drink a lot is partly because it is "free". But it isn't is it? Think about what it will really cost you, not in pounds but in how you will feel about yourself and what you are doito your health. Is it really worth it?

alias Maybe the time has come for you to give up completely? A glass of wine (or whatever your tipple is) should be about enjoying that glass, not panicky about whether you will have another one, or will get out of control. I might be projecting here because whilst I would love to sit and just enjoy the taste of 1 glass I know that it isn't possible for me.

Soma Have you called the GP back to tell them what D&A said about only GPs can prescribe Antabuse? Is it possible to see a Doctor?

Hoping Welcome to the Bus.

My GP wouldn't prescribe it for me either. He was too busy falling off his chair laughing at me for having an alcohol problem. "You are the last person in the world I would have imagined could have an alcohol problem" Direct quote. Really great. Followed up with "You just need will-power"

If I'd been quicker off the mark, I'd have replied that I can resist everything but temptation :) Seriously though, just relying on will-power had got me into a worse and worse position, to the point where I had to acknowledge failure.

The addiction unit people will be helpful to you. I thought you were on the stuff that got you over withdrawal symptoms? Will that be any use to you if you've had a few drinks now? You need to have 48 hours clear of alcohol before you can start Antabuse.

I am seriously thinking about giving up. I can't just think "I won't drink today" because that would do my head in, not knowing about tomorrow or the day after. I'm a worrier, and like to have everything planned.

So I think it would be all or nothing. This is really starting to make me panic. I feel very anxious. I don't drink a lot, but it still feels like its controlling me.

And my internet is down at home, so I can't go on in the evenings to hear the wise words of the Night Bus.

I just got myself so worked and anxious I felt sick! I was half-way to having a panic attack!!

Honestly, this is ridiculous. Getting so stressed over a glass of wine. I need to just kick the habit.

Okay, I'm not going to drink anything till at least Friday. Thats as much as I can promise. I can't commit to forever it just freaks me out.

Afternoon, tis me Mouse

Such a productive morning! Glorious sunshine and a real spring in my hobble

We watched Insidious last night, the first time in ages that we have some time together of an evening, and we chose that. Don't bother if you were thinking of watching it. Very predictable. Oh well, still nice to just be with DH

Nemo's cough is much better (thank you dry weather) and he slept so much better last night.

Mia - After 40 minutes on the phone this morning to British Gas, it is sorted. I've paid off both accounts (gas and elec) so that they are both at zero debit, and we can start again.

I have asked to be put on a 'pay and you use' type of account, which they have now done. We will get a quarterly bill, of course it'll change throughout the year but I'm cool with that.

If we've used it, of course we'll pay for it.

Welcome Hoping

Great NC Honest

Ma - I'd LOVE to hear DD's voice again, I bet it's even more amazing than before. I really hope that she get's a break with it and soon! She's a really talented singer, I should know, I've seen enough X Factor and BGT to last me a lifetime!

Soma - it's awful that you are having to go from pillar to post just to get help. You've asked for help and now you're having to wait to see if you can get hold of a drug you are hoping will help you to stop drinking. I have to say that your posts seem to read as if you are pinning all your hopes on the Antabuse..........

Can I ask what you'll do if you can't get it today? Is there anywhere/one else you can see for advice/support? The best part of a bottle of gin is enough to make anyone feel like DFDV (Deep Fried Dog Vomit) but what if you can't get hold of the Antabuse? What is your back-up plan? Are you going to carry on drinking until you can get some?

There seems to be 'something' that I can't put my finger on........

I can almost feel the fear in your posts from yesterday. Are you scared that if you don't get hold of any, you'll drink? Do you think that if you don't get it, you could come on here and just talk about how you are feeling, and NOT pick up?

I'm not trying to rattle your cage or upset you, but I think you need to think about it not happening today and what that will mean later on. It's as if you are hoping that as soon as you start to take it, you'll not want to drink ever again, or at least for today, but if that's not the case, what else can you or will you do?

Can you get back to the GP as an emergency?

Mouse is right, as ever. I did what you are doing now, Soma pinning all my hopes on the Antabuse and the whole detox process being overseen by others. My drinking was being taken out of my hands.

Which is true, because anyone who drinks on Antabuse WILL end up in A&E. and probably give themselves a heart attack in the process. But it is only true temporarily.

In the longer term it is also false. It's healthier and better to think of the Antabuse as an AID to sobriety - an enforced break to help you to develop a passion for raspberry soda or ginger beer - something that means you can't slip into the sidecar for a quickie.

So the ever-wise Mouse has a point. Is there anyway you can not drink today? How about one of those innocent green smoothies (the vomit-green coloured ones are my favourites) to get 2 of your 5 a day down. Swallow a multi-vitamin too. And don't drink tonight. Just tonight.

I can't just think "I won't drink today" because that would do my head in, not knowing about tomorrow or the day after. I'm a worrier, and like to have everything planned

I can't commit to forever it just freaks me out

Joey you can't have it both ways, either you commit to forever or you are stuck making that decision, day in day out, for the rest of your life. You sound very confused at the moment about what you want and it's stressing you out!

If you think you want to stop drinking, the idea is that you just stop one day at a time. You don't have to think of it as 'forever', you just think of it as 'not now'. Do you think you would benefit from gong to AA because they will be able to explain this to you much better than I can.

Chasing the best thing you can do about your holiday is plan, plan plan. Don't leave it to chance or you will most probably drink and much more than you really want to.

If you decide to not drink, renew that decision each day, just like you do at home and use all your strategies to avoid picking up. Instead you can enjoy lots of tropical fruit juices, etc and have a happy, healthy holiday.

If you want to drink, plan strategies to cope with that too. For example, if you have one or two at lunch maybe go for a siesta, then get up, have a shower and be ready for the evening, rather than drinking all day.

There are lots of choices you could make, you are the only one who can really decide that but whatever you choose, plan it carefully, just like you do every day at home.

And if it all goes wrong and you do drink one day that does not mean you have to carry on. You can stop any time and go back to soft drinks. We will all be there with you in spirit, have a fab time x

Hi Babes. I love the namechange Truth.

Excellent news Mouse - glad you got it sorted.

Soma is there any way you can see a different GP if this one is being awkward? I know that you're pinning all your hopes on the antabuse and I'm concerned that you're on a bit of a downward slide at the moment with the increase in your drinking. Can you put the brakes on today for DD's sake?

Venus sorry to hear things are stressful at the moment. What's the problem with your DD?

Joey don't think about forever just each day!

Just popping in to say hello. I am consistently failing to abstain at the moment so not posting much. I think I just don't want to stop enough and not sure how to move on. Feel stuck. Well done to all those doing better than me. Still lurking slightly obsessively and hoping a lightbulb will go on at some point.

Hello FFS you might not need a lightbulb. You might not be drinking enough for it to be a worry :)

Joey Forever is an awfully long time. Just until Friday sounds much more manageable.

ferfux I've lost the will to abstain at the moment too, a bit.

I'm not drinking today though, or tomorrow.

Thank you for such a lovely warm welcome. I've been reading back a bit and you Babes are amazing - I feel lucky to have found other people going through the same emotions as me.

I have struggled so far today - Day Three. Which is weird because I wouldn't usually drink on a Monday anyway, but I've been preoccupied thinking about it all day. I've been really thirsty and drinking loads of water, though that's definitely not what the devil on my shoulder was hoping I would drink!

I know I'm going to make it today though - cup of tea and early night and before I know it I will have made it to day 4 when I have decided to keep myself MUCH busier than I was today! (Who spends an hour long dog walk across beautiful fields dreaming of red wine???)

Soma I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I hope you get the Antabuse even though I don't know what it is - will google!

PS jesuswhatnext your lovely comment about being "some kind of god" after 2 days has stayed with me all day - thank you, that really has given me strength today :)

Hello Hoping and all the other Babes.

I'm off to the doc tomorrow - a side effect of my new ads is that I'm practically deaf in one ear, which is bum.

Hello brave Babes!

I hav'nt had chance to catch up with the last 6 pages yet but I hope You are all Well!

I had a great weekend at the caravan almost alcohol free, I had nothing friday, half a glass of wine saturday and a glass sunday lunch. I shall not be drinking tonight. I have been sat for the last 3 nights with people around me drinking and I feel so proud of myself for sticking to my guns and not caving in. I am starting to notice a difference in myself, My appearance especially, My skin looks a lot better, my eyes look brighter and I have a lot more energy. I'm sorry I dont want to come on here and come accoss as being smug (if that is the right word) I have found all of you Babes amazing and You have all helped me so much. I have stopped saying I wont drink tomorrow like someone said (while we were on our way to amarillo ) I am now just thinking 'Im not drinking now' and it is working for me.

And breathe......

I wont bore you with the details of my weekend but I have a short version which goes like this:
Hair pulling car journey there (2 hyper teenage boys)
Sleep
Wasp sting!
Sand castles, starfish, crabs and shells (4,6 & 10yr old)
Sun Burn!
Sleep
Breakfast with Rory the Tiger
Facepaint & Hair braids
Arcades & Park
Seal Sanctuary (with lots of ahhhs,arrrs and ooohs)
Split head (4 yo thinking he was spider man)
Very Quiet Car Journey Home!

I shall try and get through reading what I have missed tonight/tomorrow morning :)

Angel I love your account of your weekend, you must be exhausted

Well done for not drinking, life can be just as much fun can't it.

Hoping you're doing great. Stick with it, those feelings will pass. In fact, in my experience, they pass quicker when they realise that you mean business and are not going to cave in. A bit like a whining child, the craving admits defeat and goes off in a sulk for a bit

Apologies for all my navel-gazing at the moment but your replies really help! Mouse so pleased Nemo is feeling better and thanks as ever for your insight. I appreciate I'm pinning my hopes on the antabuse (Hoping it's a drug that makes you feel shite and worse if you drink on it and is supposed to act as a deterrent, but only if you comply and take it every day. Most envious of your dog walks, what breed is yours?). There is something I can't quite put my finger on Mouse - maybe deep deep down I don't want to give up? But I do know for a fact that if I take antabuse properly I won't drink and hopefully it'll give me some breathing space to find other ways to cope without alcohol. My life is most certainly spiralling out of control right now and can't go on the way it is.

Hopefully you made me laugh out load at the thought of your GP falling off his chair when you asked for antabuse - what an ARSE! What are you doing whilst you're on it (sorry you've probably told us - AA or other groups?) You are a beacon of hope to me.

Mia and Ferfux if you don't want to abstain and are reasonably in control, is that OK with you for the time-being? How are the tadpoles, damsel flies and other various wondrous critters in your pond doing Mia?

I'm drinking tonight, DD is with her dad and to be honest, I don't really know who I am anymore... I want a dog, that's for sure. A nice lady from a greyhound rescue called earlier and we chatted for ages. Her last question to me was "where would the dog sleep?" I thought it was a trick question but replied truthfully by saying *on my bed of course". She was utterly delighted, so maybe I'm in with a chance, the beautiful dogs that come to them are all from the dog pound and have but 7 days to live if no-one comes to save them... Am in side-car but feeling safe because there are lots of you on the bus xx

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Angel - I LOVE your post. So positive! It sounds as though you took control of the 'club house' situation which you were worrying about last week. It's sounds as though you swapped alcohol for adrenaline which would be my preference too.

Sorry to hear about the split head for young Spiderman.

Sunny - that's an odd one, can I ask which ADs you are on? I've just (successfully) come off Citalopram.

Hoping - I found day three the hardest too. I think your LV (little voice) seems to be that bit louder by day three. You've become 'aware' of the first few triggers, End Of The Day = drink. Good Day = drink. Bad Day = drink..... and on it goes.

I really hope you stay off the booze today. As you said, it's Monday and you don't normally drink so no need to todat xx

I think I need to eat, my tummy sound like The Gruffalo! 1 and a half stone gone. Half a stone to go .

Soma - yes, there is something isn't there. Are you a happy drunk IYSWIM? Or do you get all maudlin? You said you don't really know who you are anymore, how so? In what way? What's hurting you? 'Something' is. You seem to be a bit self destruct at the minute.......

Did you manage to get to the GP? Or talk to anyone else about getting the Antabuse? I don't know how it works, because I was on something similar (green and cream capsules) 10 years ago and didn't drink, but if you drink, what will happen? I mean do you know that you CAN NOT and WILL NOT drink when you get it?

I'm not trying to have a go, I know I keep posting to you but it's because I hope that you can beat this. You sound really fragile right now. I just think that mentally, you need to be ready, as well as physically.

Keep trying Soma xx

If you drink while taking antabuse, you can experience these symptoms:

Flushing
Nausea
Copious Vomiting
Sweating
Thirst
Throbbing in the Head and Neck
Throbbing Headache
Respiratory Difficulty
Chest Pain
Palpitations
Dyspnea
Hyperventilation
Tachycardia
Hypotension
Syncope
Marked Uneasiness
Weakness
Vertigo
Blurred Vision
Confusion
Those are the "mild" symptoms. Severe reactions can include respiratory depression, cardiovascular collapse, myocardial infarction, acute congestive heart failure, unconsciousness, arrhythmias, convulsions, and death.

Thanks for the list Hopefully - if I take that little pill and run the risk of any of those effects, I KNOW I WILL NOT DRINK.

Mouse I'm a happy euphoric drunk and that's what makes it so hard to give up. I have to focus on the health issues, how much it upsets DD, how it makes me feel as if the only way I can be truly happy is to be drunk. I know some people lived their lives that way - Jeffrey Barnard, Lady Caroline Blackwood, but they died before their time and no doubt upset a lot of people. I don't want to be like them, I want sanity and an ability to enjoy life as it is. I don't want people to wonder why I'm on such a high and then the next day I don't want to engage with anyone.

What I do know however, is that once I pick up a drink I won't stop until I've had enough to still whatever it is my head that makes me feel anxious/bored/lonely blah bloody blah. And I hate feeling as if I'm taking more than giving to the brave babes at the moment, I just hope that someone lurking may identify with me and know that not all is lost xx

Sorry, I do keep banging on about Antabuse, don't I? I'm sorry to do so.

You really can't drink on the stuff. If you have one drink, you will vomit about as much as if you had food poisoning. And the good thing about it is that you can't just knock off the tablets and drink the next day. It stays in your system for 7-10 days after your last dose. Which gives you plenty of time to get over a craving moment :)

Soma you asked what else I was doing apart from this chemical stuff. The addiction centre have been brilliant actually. They provide abstinence orientation, regular appointments, supportive counselling, etc. And you Babes have been completely brilliant as well.

I've been reading about the optimum length of time for taking the medication. Abstinence rates are much MUCH better in patients who stay on alcohol deterrents for more than 20 months or more, so that's what I'm going to ask for. Chronic alcoholism (and I was close to that) is a relapsing disease. Only long-term treatment will help with long-term recovery.