The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Which is FANTASTIC!

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, I'm Mouse and I'm addicted to cheese, but have a pretty nasty relationship with alcohol too, mainly vodka.

This Bus is for anyone and everyone. Drinking or sober, or somewhere in between or just not sure if you're drinking too much........... this is the place to ask and maybe have a chat too.

No pressure, no judging, no cliquey savoury flans (although I'm rather partial to a cheese slice ), we're all on The Bus for the same reason; alcohol.

Even if it's not you, and you'd like to talk about someone you know, come and say hi. We won't bite, well, not unless you ask very nicely!

And, if you'd like to see our journey so far, follow THIS LINK and read back through the previous links there.

See you soon xx

Sounds great ma :)

SSSM Cobra do fantastic non-alcoholic beer if that's your thing? Otherwise, you know you don't need a beer to appreciate the sunshine.

Crikey think we definitely need an extension Mouse, but after your horrors with refurbs recently think the thought of that might make you shudder.

Hello Gruffy and Chopin. You used a good Yorkshire word in your post Chopin, Mither, don't hear that outside of God's own County! Think Isinde mentioned the Dales, they are just beautiful today.

Ma the mention of a loch is just so romantic to me, special reasons for that.

Mia and Soma, fantastic, real life support is so good, really brought a big

Even after such a long time of being sober, I still miss having a glass of wine or a 100 on evenings like this. In the early days I could never have imagined never drinking again, but now I am just sentimental about it, and know full well it's not an option if I want to stay well and non toxic to everyone around me. It's really quite empowering really. Drinking is really only worthwhile when it's fun isn't it?

Spurred on by knickergate, I went for some new tracklements today, after my breast surgery hadn't really bothered to even try too much with the top deck, but a lovely lady in a posh shop in town has somehow given me a cleavage with a special bra built for the job, so I feel rather re launched! So thank you babes for making me think about me for a bit today. xx

To all babes have a safe weekend. xx

Thanks Sunny, non-alcoholic Cobra is gorgeous isn't it? Shame there is only San Miguel in my fridge... Cant deprive DH of the odd beer. He really can just have one every now and again.,,. The craving's passed though. Had about ten pints of water, then tea (as in my dinner to all you posh southerners) and that's knocked the thirst on the head. Phew.

Ma - running by a loch, how wonderful! And the cake and loaf sound gorgeous. Mmm, cake...

Sarah, it sounds like you had a good day too. It's about time you did think about yourself for a while .

Hope everyone's doing OK. If anyone's tempted, just think about how much better you'll feel tomorrow if you don't drink. You don't want to be stuck in bed with a hangover in this fab weather! And yes I am talking to myself here too...

Hurrah for your re-launching Sarah!!

Thank you for the lovely comments about the pictures, I'm all and now. I know a tiny bit about a wide variety of stuff Silly, but not very much about anything. Jack of all trades master of none, I think the phrase is.

Ma bloody hell - 45 minute run and two cakes; for such a productive afternoon I reckon you deserve to eat the cakes all to yourself.

Mouse that's a bugger about the electricity. Do check with them the terms of a prepayment meter though; I know it used to be the case that you pay more per unit of energy if you have a meter (because shafting the people who can least afford it is such an ethical thing to do...not ). If that's still the case, it would be worth looking at another way of dealing with this - borrowing the money to pay the bill in full or something like that. Are you familiar with this site? Martin Lewis is one of my heros!
www.moneysavingexpert.com/
There'll be loads of advice on there.

Truth I hope your arms are newly edging toned and not desiring to lift glasses to lips.

Hi Gruffy welcome to the bus (I still feel too much of newbie to say that, but what the hell).

That should be heroes, not heros... Heros sounds like he could be a god though, doesn't it - Heros The Moneysaving God.

Was it something I said?

I am very lucky to have such lovely countryside to run/walk in. i would like to go "up the woods" as they say here but am nervous about running on my own on the rather deserted tracks up there. So I go to our local RSPB reserve at Loch Leven and plod along the heritage trail which runs around the loch and the little man-made river cut which has all sorts of wildlife. I happen to absolutely love heron - I love their fierceness and silence and solitude - and today, each time i felt like stopping running and giving up, a heron either rose up around me or flew over or I spotted on on the bank. I felt is was a sign.
I think I did about 3 miles, which is a lot for me.I also swallowed a lot of wee balck flying beasties which is what I get for running with my mouth open.
"then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
among the river-sallows borne aloft
or sinking as the light wind lives or dies..."

Ooh that's right gorgeous that is Ma! I'm a bit of a philistine for poetry but that's really beautiful.

I love herons too. When DD was really little I lived near a botanical gardens (Kew) and used to go there every day for a walk. to stop me going completely off my head There was a heron there, whom I christened Monty for some random reason, and I used to feed him. My local Sainsburys fishmonger would give me fish to give him, and god I loved that bird. He really reminded me of a snake - the way he would stalk close to get the fish and then pause... head tilted, beady eye focused, then just stab with that scary fuck-off beak. I could have fed him by hand but having looked at his beak I preferred to chuck it down right in front of him. I had this deluded fond idea that I was his only person, but then when he vanished and I started asking around I discovered that loads of people had been feeding him. They'd been feeding him cheese, crisps, bread, etc. etc. So he'd died. I still feel sad when I hear the name Monty or see a heron at close range.

Sorry wasn't intending to post, just sticking my head in the door. I'm off to make crepes now.

Just quickly popping in to say goodnight Babes.

I'm knackered! But it is a good, sober knackered from gardening most of the afternoon.

Hope everyone had a good day, and if not, I hope tomorrow is a better one.

xx

Ma Very jealous of your running, that is one of my aims, to be able to run 3 miles. One day...

Nite
xx

Hello lovelies

Am knackered after sorting out my back bedroom aka the office. I think I'll be off to bed soon, feeling much better than last night.

SSSM we used to call it tea too, despite being in Sussex. :)

mia it's from keats' "ode to autumn".
It's a little excerpt that I really like. i came over quite poetic when i saw the beasties rising and falling in a wailful choir, but less so as they flew into my eyes and hair and mouth and i was running along, coughing like a lum and hawking up bugs!
Add that visual to the sweaty red face, swinging gut and jiggly norks and you can see why I prefer to run alone
indie you are doing well dear thing. You must be fitted for decent underwear for your big day - go to "norks are us" for some underpinnings!

Welcome Gruffy

The herons sound lovely, ma. I was thinking about Keats the other day in connection with drinking. It's the attraction of oblivion, isn't it?

O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been
Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth,
Tasting of Flora and the country green,
Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth!
O for a beaker full of the warm South,
Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,
With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,
And purple-stained mouth;
That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,
And with thee fade away into the forest dim:

ah hopefully that is another of my favourite bits "that I might drink and leave the world unseen, and with thee fade away into the forest dim"

I love to read but I've never really 'got' poetry or indeed any of the classics. Could some of you point me in the right direction, do you think?

See that's what I bloody love about this thread; we're all here through a shared problematic attitude to alcohol, but what a vast and varied lot of wisdom, stuff learned the hard way, and wealth of experience everyone brings to it.

I absolutely love
"With beaded bubbles winking at the brim"...
Just gorgeous.

I totally understand the attraction of oblivion, too.

Night Babes, I hope it's been a good one for you all. xx

Mmmm...poetry, never really got it myself either. How about some E E Cummings, he's quite accessible. Thanks for today Mia, you're even realer and lovelier than I knew you'd be. As for your madhouse, who'd have thought I'd look into the eyes of a snake and fall in love? Did you share some wine with DP, who is absolutely lovely by the way :)

Went OK with my parents, I talked a great deal to my dad about his childhood and discovered he had an aunt who died at the age of 9 from diphtheria. He didn't even know her name, seems she was simply erased from history. Her poor mother also lost a son to alcoholism at the age of 32 and went mad with grief. She was put away in a nuthouse and her other son (my grandfather) wasn't even told where she was buried. In those days they believed any sort of mental illness was a mark of the devil and it was all swept under the carpet. Very sad. Anyway, I was able to open my heart a little bit to my dad and it made me realise that underneath the grumpy selfish old man exterior was really a sweet scared little boy who right now doesn't know where to turn.

Welcome Gruffy, will there be a stinking hangover tomorrow? Don't worry too much if there is, just be sure to come here and tell us about it!

Well done on another sober day Truth and goodnight to all the rest of the lovely babes. xx

By the way Mia I always imagined the bus was a her not a him!

Hello there (anyone?)

I've been off the bus a bit, bless you Mouse,

Things for me, seem a bit busy and mundane at the moment so that I haven't felt that there is anything for me to say.

I have had a fairly horrid week, work and study is just so b**dy difficult.
DC1 and DC2 are both on the other side of the world for the whole of the summer, and then DC1 is going to move in with Gf, but, is having big problems with his housemate about it, hence 5 phone calls a day. I do think that I am so lucky that he talks to me, but, it would be nice if DH talked once in a while!!

I am sorry that this is such a late post, but Dh has gone to bed and I don't know when I will be able to write again.

I am finding it really hard not to drink myself to distracton, but am holding firmly on to my ticket, and have drunk so much tea in the last few days that I'm turning orange!!

Tonight we have been to the theatre, a very thought provoking play, which is never good for me . Hence me being up at a stupid hour!!

Talk more tomorrow, especially about Keats (Bl**dy bane of my life in the sixth form|!!)

Much love
T xxxx

Hi. I'm home safe but suffering with the trauma of a non working laptop so on phone. It's like it can't fully boot up because it can't stay 'on'. It is on but screen goes black, it can only stay awake a sec then goes to sleep. The desktop is there but i can't get at it! Grr any ideas?

Quickly wanted to say well done HT! I think u asked could u one day drink normally. Now obviously only you can really decide anything but imo, and i suspect you know this too, no you can't.

It's lovely that everyone here supports each other and tells each other not to worry about fuck ups etc but if you really want to beat this it's vital to be really honest with yourself including facing how bad things are/were/could easily be again. Alkies are liars, they lie to others and they lie to themselves, we wriggle and worm and twist realty with justifications and the like to avoid facing the truth that yes our drinking is a problem and yes it is effecting us and the people we supposedly love but are putting getting ours ahead of.

Honesty is the key. And actually a bit of shame can do us good and steel our will to change. Of course we aim to come to forgive ourselves but realistically facing things, being sorry and changing comes before forgiveness.

So i'd def urge everyone to be honest with themselves and to think twice before jumping in to instinctively stroke and say oh that's fine don't worry. Some things aren't fine and merit some action inducing worry. It's lovely to make friends but drinking buddies who'll prop up our illusions and make us feel normal can be found propping up a bar. we're here to try and help each other face and deal with our real problems with alcohol.

Hello Thurso I think our paths crossed before, but only briefly. You sound as though you've got a lot on, and it's brilliant to hear that you're holding on to your ticket despite everything.

That's a wise post SAF. You seem to know all about the bargaining position, and how our own negotiation points get further and further adrift from our starting positions. So we start the bargaining with ourselves on the basis that we will have a drink tonight but we will only start at 6pm and we'll only have one glass. Further on into the addiction, we start at 5pm and we'll only have one bottle. I went further than that to the point that I was drinking well over two bottles a night and more at weekends. At that stage controlled drinking became impossible for me.

I also agree with you about avoiding the 'there there' reaction on this bus - whereby we instinctively respond with comfort and reassurance. Honesty is key.

Today I am going to do a barbecue for lunch for us and other family members. A lunchtime barbecue would traditionally be a trigger for me to start drinking at lunchtime. I've stocked up on the ginger beer though.

Have a good day on the bus, Braves!

Welcome back Saf! Just a quickie. Does the fan stay on after the screen goes blank? Can you hook the laptop up to an external monitor to see whether it's the monitor part of your laptop that's the problem or maybe it's the graphics card?

Back later!

Mia your website is fantastic! Wonderful photographs and you are soooo pretty :)

Morning!

Hello again Thurso

Saf, glad you had a good time away. You must tell us more!

Soma, I think yesterday could be a really important day for you. Again, a lot of what you have said has struck a chord with me. My parents also suffered terrible tragedies and trauma in their childhoods. Understanding how incredibly scarring that must have been has given me the explanation of why they behaved as they did. I wasn't just an unloveable child. This explanation has proved life-changing to me actually. It is hard to explain the weight that has been lifted. It has been almost a year (I think?) since I joined this bus. With the support and compassion and advice form people on this bus, I am on my way to gaining a peace of mind and self-acceptance that I had never thought I would have. As a self-confessed overly sensitive type I would not still be here without everyone's kindness and encouragement that tomorrow could be different. I have gone from drinking over a bottle every day to going weeks at a time without having any. I am feeling quite emotional today as it is DD's birthday and I am just so grateful to be fully present and enjoying her special day with her, and not just in the background nursing a hangover . So thank you all x

Good morning lovely Babes!

Greyhound Thank you that's so kind. It's a veeeery flattering photo.

I agree with Isinde - I'm an accomplished expert at self-loathing and beating myself up, and being told I've failed only compounds those feelings.

saf it couldn't be something as simple as the laptop not charging, could it? Mine will do that if it's out of power - turn on but instantly shut down again. Could the power cable not be working?

Soma it was really lovely to meet you and we all hope you'll visit us again! I'm so glad you had that conversation with your dad. I think it gives us a lot of insight into someone to think of their formative years and what experiences made them the adult they've become, iyswim. We were all vulnerable children once. I figured that the bus is a he because he's Gerald, btw, but yes vehicles, boats etc are usually she, aren't they!

"SSSM we used to call it tea too, despite being in Sussex."
If you're properly posh you call it supper, I think; it's only dinner if you're dining out! We always said dinner in my family though.

thurso!!! good to see you again. Both DS away for the summer - just you and DH? ummmm. wow!
hope it goes ok - double lock the chastity belt

Off to darkest Glasgow today to take DD2 for an audition. Please send good singing vibes...