No make up no bragging, no kissing, no shagging, no tumbling hair, be a maiden fair. And you definitely won't see him for dust! Dating thread 14

[ChaoticismyLife]

Chastity belts at the ready...

Extra strong padlocks required...

If that's what you've experienced/think chaotic, fair enough.

My experience is that my parents background hasn't had an iota of impact on my life. I was born in England in a very English town and grew up with friends other from anywhere other than here.

Subsequently I may well have broadened my horizon's somewhat culturally, but only in directions of interest to me (learning all sorts of languages etc, exploring the world). The problem is for someone with my parentage, half the flipping population of the entire world makes these bloody stupid assumptions that one day I'm suddenly going to turn into something that I have no affinity with whatsoever.

It is infuriating - sorry if that comes across as a rant, but it is.

I would like to add that I am tolerant of other people's cultures/beliefs so long as they don't try to impose them on me.

I've seen a few threads on mn where the poster who complains about something, in one case it was the mil coming to live with them for three months, is basically told that she shouldn't have married a man from a different culture if she wasn't prepared to put up with their traditions. I know that there are certain things I couldn't tolerate so I avoid. I know it doesn't apply to all but, short of compiling a checklist/questionaire which would scare anyone off , I won't know which ones and I can't be bothered with the hassle of finding out. I just find it easier to stick to certain criteria, OD is an hassle, at times, as it is without making it more complicated.

Wrt to what watch said earlier about not seriously dating the buddhist because they were too different, that applies to this too and quite frankly I don't have the money to waste on dates that aren't going to go anywhere.

ive been reading your posts but i think is time for me to join you.Well joined pof a few weeks ago,had a few interest so was just chating for a while.One of them seems more interested even though my picture was not there he kept chatting and he sounded caring and a gentleman,wasnt putting pressure on me etc.I finally showed him my pic and said he liked me so we had a first date which was brief and quick due to a phone call from nursery to pick ds up(had a high temperature).He was understanding,the chating became so intensed that i couldnt wait to see him again.on second date we had a wonderfull sex,(i know it was a mistake but just couldnt resist)he went down on me which made me feel so special.Third date was great but he started talking abt moving house(landlord want to sell house),how he wants a baby girl,etc which i didnt comment on.He promised to see me this monday but never turned up and didnt contact.Sent him a text no reply(confused).Why cant he just tell me if hes no longer interested or do you think he was just after a shag?

I'm sorry George but although that may apply to you it won't apply to everyone and the problem is that I don't have either the time or money to find out who falls into which category.

chaotic - i understand completly. I also wont date anyone thats too different in the way of drinking habbits, or any kind of habits. There isnt just me to think of, i also have to think of my child and the way i want her brought up and the influences i want on her and how she sees the world.
So dating somone who was out drinking several times a week wouldnt fit right with that either.

Its not about being close minded, its just about working out what i do and dont want.
I dont have the spare time, nor money to waste on dates that i know from the off arent going to go anywhere. I have done the ' see what happens, date all different kinds of people, as shown by my 25 or so dates last year. it was not a good tactic, it was not sucessful and i was just skinter and wasted too many hours drinking coffee with the wrong people.

I'd totally agree with that Chaotic - you should definitely go into a long term relationship with your eyes fully open and be prepared for what might happen.

What remains sad is that we still live in a world where lots of people aren't prepared to get to know what the person actually believes, but just assume it's whatever their preconceived ideas think it might be.

Very possibly feelinglonely. You may never know for sure. Onwards, onwards .....

Sorry - I'm probably getting myself worked up over nothing as usual. I agree - it's an expensive business and it's probably a hell of a lot easier to apply blanket filter over things.

Sucks to be me!

agree with chaotic

i did like him and this will teach me a lesson to becareful next time.onwards, onwards

George, internet dating does not lend itself to getting to know what the person actually believes! More often than not you make a decision to pursue an introduction to someone on the basis of a nickname and some photos no bigger than a playing card!!!!!

Another bloody good point postbellum!

fl I've read your post and tried to type a few replies but none sound right so I'm just going to say it.

It sounds to me like he was testing the waters on the third date by mentioning those things and when you didn't comment on them he's decided you don't want them and has decided to not bother anymore. I'm not for one minute suggesting you did anything wrong, you didn't, I wouldn't have made any comment on them either, third dates are still when you're checking each other out and getting to know one another. It's as if he went into overdrive and has tried to condense several months into a few dates. Of course I could be completely wrong and reading something that isn't there, it's just weird to bring that stuff up, especially the baby (why a girl?) so early.

Of course he could just have been after sex, I do have a very vivid imagination Someone else will probably come up with a plausible theory.

I haven't filtered too much, just mustn't be married, but seperated is fine, and mustn't be looking for sex, so most can message me.

Hi Watch... I was addressing my comment to George as a bloke. I'm not saying anyone else on here is crap!

And I haven't read the next three pages yet so if I've offended anyone else I apologise yet again and repeat I was speaking only for myself!

I filter massively. Maybe I'm missing out - but what I don't see I don't care about.

I'm not short of approaches, most of whom I don't even open because their nickname is off-putting or because they look like a spud.

Internet dating is brutal and not for the faint-hearted. It is also not worth taking personally either. I don't know the person who approached me - so I am not rejecting them. I'm rejecting what I think they will be like based on my 42 years of life experience.

I expect I do miss out on occasions - but not often enough that it bothers me.

chaotic,i wasnt expecting something like that since we dont really know each other much and also didnt know what to say.a girl bcos hes got two boys(grin).

I dont know that internet dating in terms of filtering is any worse than the sort of natural selection that goes on bars and clubs, or whereever most nights of the week.

Back in the day, when I was a young thing in my 20s, I used to go out every Saturday night, I'd get chatted up all the time but would disregard men due to looks, appearance, dress sense, the way they spoke, mannerisms etc etc - sometimes I'd just see a guy approach and think 'absolutely not' and just start a conversation with whoever happened to be next to me. We select and filter naturally, whether on line or not. Or at least I do.

I'm off work tomorrow, will be shopping in the morning (my mum would have approved!) and then I have to go to a course at the Tower of London in the afternoon. And off Friday and Monday too, with of course the potential disaster that is my party in amongst all that...

feelingloney - tbh id run a mile if someone was saying those things to me after 3 dates....

george - internet dating is all about first impressions. People make them based on a picture most of the time. same as if you met someone in a pub or in the street.. If they are interested in the picture, they might read the profile. they might message without reading the profile... they might read the profile and not like whats written and not message. They might like the pic, the profile and then when they get chatting they dont get on, OR any thing can happen. Its nothing to take personally, because they dont KNOW you. and everything about just talking to people seeing whats about and hopefully stumbling across someone decent.

I havent filtered much at all, that hasnt worked out well :) ( and time and snape can vouch for the god awful men i was prepared to meet for a coffee because they seemed ok) im now trying to apply filters and seeing if that is a better way of dealing with it and more sucessful because i fancy them before we even meet and because there is little point wasting time with something thats not going to even get off the starting block, ie - the buddist.

sorry poppa - i took that the wrong way. You have in the past declared us all crap at dating because we are so many threads in and all single..... so i took it that you meant that. again.

Me and just friends have talked about kids. I know I don't want anymore and have been open about it neither does he. He knows the reasons for it too. Yes I would have loved to have a son and daughter, but that dream won't happen.

I am always open that I have a son, but that I wouldn't want any more.

sponge - im glad you have a few days off :) and will be spending them doing fab things :)

And whatever happens, im sure the party will go ok.

george - is this maybe why you were refered to relate? because you seem to see it that everyone is aganist you and you are on a road to knowhere because of it. you also seem a little bit angry about it.

People make judgements all of the time.( you did in a pm to me about engineers) You can either chose to make them an issue and carry them around with you and let them consume you. or not.

sponge - glad you have a good day organised - even the Tower of London course!

I had counselling while in refuge, it was great, it changed everything.

(((hug))) Sponge, whether you like it or not.

(((hug))) watch, whether you like it or not.

You are both great ladies, any man will be lucky to have you, and some great man is missing out right now!

Chaotic great posts.

Post Great posts.

ROLLS EYES AT fickle Snape

Am I alone in the deleted profile ranks now then?

Hi to everyone else

bloody arse someone I added as a favourite on the sodding paid times site has added me as a favourite back. He has Johnny depp hair.

is it worth £32 for a month of a few carefully crafted emails, an excrutiating coffee date and then no second-date?

pfffft.

he has nice photos though