No make up no bragging, no kissing, no shagging, no tumbling hair, be a maiden fair. And you definitely won't see him for dust! Dating thread 14

[ChaoticismyLife]

Chastity belts at the ready...

Extra strong padlocks required...

Morning everyone. My dd's dad is in Pof, which I already knew and didn't care about! He messaged me last night saying LMAO and I have just realised he has added me to his favourites!

What happens if you add someone to favourites? Can you keep viewing their profile without them knowing or something? I think I will just have to block him! He hasn't seen my dd for 5months so why the hell bother me on Pof!

Notsure, it just means he doesn't have to search for you every time, you are in his favourites so he has easy access. You can remove yourself from his favourites. I would block him.

George, let me give you an idea of the stats of this. Ive had 9 first dates this year. Ive fancied two. The buddist I fancied, had a great date, he contacted me the same night to say he had fun and we should do it again. Bar a couple of messages on pof i didn't hear from him again. I couldn't have dated him seriously anyway as we were too different. I faniced another, had a second date, wouldn't have seen him again as i didn't even like him by the middle of the second date. This was Maybe 3 weeks ago and he has vanished from the dating site. He claimed I was his first internet date.

I had something like 23-25 first dates last year. I fancied 3. The first i liked we had a second date at the cinema, where he spent the whole night feeling up my leg. We walked arm in arm to the pub afterwards ( he grabbed my arm.he made all the moves) we kissed as I was about to leave and he dumped me there and then. 30 seconds post kiss. He is on every dating site going a year and a half on... The second and third ones I really fancied but wouldn't have dated. One had just moved back home. Worked in topshop and spent his time at the skatepark. He was 32. I was a rebound date as he had split up with a long term gf two weeks previously. He told me this. His facebook confirmed it. The third, mr epic, sink breaking sex, I was drooling at frankly. He was an 18 year old in a 32 year olds body and told me post shag he was only out for casual sex as he was hung up on his ex wife.

The others ive dated I just wasn't interested in at all. Out of those maybe 3 have asked for a second date, which ive turned down.

This, as Poppa accuses, does not make me crap. It just is What it Is.

You also have to remember people.have different agendas. And arent always honest in a Profile.
Some people will just want sex. Some will just want to go on dates, and they dont much care who with. And some might want a relationship.

Like my two last year, one just wanted a date with anyone to make himself feel better. The other just wanted sex. Both their profiles said they were looking for a relationship. Had they of been honest I wouldnt have dated them.

Again, it doesn't make ME crap for not knowing other peoples agendas.

It's just how it is with dating. Online or otherwise.

Exactly what Watch says.

Remember the hot sweet one watch, that sat on your sofa, a mile away from you, looking at and talking about your chestage but not making a move?

SP regards of the scars I wouldn't worry. I have a scar on my leg on my inner thigh from where my delightful ex stabbed me. It didn't put just friends off or anyone else. I have one under my eye too but its only visible when I am ill or run down and even then can be covered with concealer.

I have been offered 2nd dates but they just weren't really for me. So I don't see them again. It's not that there is anything
Wrong with them or me, it just means they aren't right for me.

To be honest I think I get hung up on my scar, but that's another thing about "just friends" he doesn't tiptoe around it, its there, that happened but its past.

Superb advice from one and all - thanks!

Resilience is definitely necessary, as is finding what works. My profile actually attracted a lot of attention, so I was doing something right. Probably the main thing was I was always completely honest, even if some of the stuff I put down wasn't probably the typical bullshit, but simply completely ridiculous. And I was the same as everyone else really - if they contacted me and their photos weren't brill, regardless of how wonderful they sounded, I'd make my excuses and wish them luck. Shallow, shallow bastard. The issues are totally in my head!

I'll give it another go - what's to lose? Reckon it's worth going out and doing more stuff too - again, whatever works for you. For me it's not pubs and clubs, but volunteering, going places etc. Just got to get into that holiday mindset where I'm able to score instant dates seemingly at will and without even trying.

Thanks again!

Confidence too George, don't be afraid of talking to women, if there is eye contact and you get a smile, then talk! And rejecting someone you aren't attracted to is not shallow, you just have standards. There's no point in wasting time messaging someone you know you wouldn't want to date. That's the whole point of Internet Sites, you only go after what you really, really want.

It is about confidence. I get looks now where I never did before, cos I exude confidence and sometimes that's just a front so I look confident but my stomach does flips. Like with just friends, he wasn't expecting it cos I seemed so calm and collected on the outside, no show of emotions (cos that gets me hurt) deep down I am fragile and easily hurt but on the surface I appear strong. I would never admit to anyone in RL that getting those messages via a friend from the ex turned me into a mess.

I've been talking to my BF about what happened. She assures me I look exactly like my photos in the flesh (if not better) and that it must in some way be his issue. As she put it, most men of his age shag anything that moves. For him to come to my house and not even attempt to make a move on me the only reasons would be either if he wanted something more than a one off (which it is now clear he doesnt) or that there is something else behind it.

I'd like to know what, but I'm not sure I will find out.

I do still feel like shit though, however much I tell myself there is nothing I could have done differently. Second date seems as far away as ever...

Morning All! Love the twists & turns on this thread.

I love naughty, adventurous sex but I definitely wouldn't be talking about it for openers on a dating website - unless I was looking for a sexual encounter only. I think it is a very clear indicator of what a person is looking for, if they starting talking about sex very early on. Absolutely nothing wrong with that either - but it is noteworthy, if you are looking for something more than that!

I have defnitely checked out the "competition" on dating websites. No harm in getting some pointers from other good profiles - some people are very good at self-advertising - so it is worth learning from them IMO!

Sponge, don't forget you said this guy's life was a car crash - do you really want to him to pursue you?

Agreed, rejecting someone you are not attracted to isnt shallow, how can it be. without being attracted to someone, what would be the point of being with them?? there would be none, dating is about attraction, mind, looks and personality.
Then you have to find those matches and find someone who wants the same as you at the same time as you.
Its that that makes it so difficult.

It is very easy to take rejections personally, we all do at somepoints, but it isnt anyones fault ( sponge it isnt you, poppa - noone is crap!!)

time - i think hot but dim would cover that. Again, looks wise, very attractive. But no way would i date him, hes 33, lives at home and has no social skills at all.

Post thats true. His life is a bit of a disaster. I thought I could help - his mum died when he was 21 (as did mine) and he has clearly really struggled since, I felt like I understood him cos I'd felt that pain too. I clearly didnt :( The whole thing has left me feeling worse than the disaster with the Scotsman.

Am going to delete myself off POF tonight, I have no more luck with men I meet in RL but I just can't deal with it any more.

we need a dating survivors/grudgingly happy singles thread for those not actively dating. :)

sponge, you probably did understand him & it is very likely that you could have helped him too - but I'm not sure that would have been very good for you! You're a single working mum, you don't need to be fixing other people - that sounds like another exhausting drain on your precious time.

Taking a break from the bonkers demi-monde of internet dating sounds like a good idea to me.

sponge :( But as you say, its really not you. There will be some reason, and no, you wont get to find out ( which is a fucker as really it would help a great deal to know why)
Of course it could have been he wanted something long term, or just has other things or wants other things? who knows, but you have to stop thinkiing its you. its not.
Possibly the fact you were talking to him before xmas and he vanished then picked up again, then wanted to meet you, but couldnt until 11:30pm after a text argument and mis understanding, says that maybe hes not someone whos totally in control nor datable, would you actually want to date him?

I think ,and dont take this the wrong way, but that you just want a second date and you are more upset about the lack thereof, than about him per say.

But if you feel you want a break from it all, have a break :) it is meant to be fun, afterall.

I have rejected a few. I always make it clear I am not up for just sex. And that I don't sleep around. I don't either. Yet they still try it on. Yep still disgraceful I know. Have to confess it has boosted my confidence after being told for god knows how long that I was ugly and no one would want me. Men do want me (even if only for sex) and just friends likes me for me whether that be as friends or sexual. I am not ugly, and I walk tall now.

Loving the single life but in a heart beat I would give it up for the right one.

and post - i agree. i cancelled last weekends date because after he had asked me out, all he did was talk about sex, and ask me questions about sex and it was obvious thats all he was in it for. As im now in the frame of mind that i would quite like a relationship ( i know, shocking!!) thats not working for me, so i dumped him before we even met :)

snape - nooooooooo we all need to stay on here, we have good conversation, we can be the anti dating daters ;)

Yes please stay, you give good advice!! Might need it Saturday and support not to text.

:) I just think us cynical sorts will bring down all the wide-eyed expectants!

I am actually upset about him, not just the lack of a second date though that is a factor too. It's not like I had masses invested in it because of the timescale but the stuff about his mum really drew me to him. It's 18 years since my mum died but I still miss her every day, I know how hard it is, and things he said about how he felt totally struck a chord with me. And he reminded me a lot of a guy I used to know who was a very good friend (but also had lots of issues).

I do have a problem with wanting to help people with their problems. I have done this with most of my Exs one way or another. I'm not sure it's a good thing.

You aren't cynical snape you are realistic. Love is no walk in the park and finding it is a roller coaster and I don't like heights, it usually ends up in me falling very hard on my arse.

oh bollocks. just seen a lovely man on the times website. bollocks, bollocks, bollocks.

sigh need to make a profile from scratch.

bollocks

sponge - bear with me here.

I'm a very together, functional sort of person. When ex-H had an affair & then left me with a toddler & a baby, I held it together & kept on functioning. However, underneath I was not good at all.

Initially I took ADs & then when I was brave enough, I had counselling. It was ghastly but very, very useful. My childhood was not good & the counselling helped me to see how I was repeating relationship patterns. Forever seeking out dysfunctional people to mirror my emotional experience growing up.

I tell you all of that, because you sound like a tough, strong person who is living a very well functioning life with a good job & care of your DCs - but it may be worth investing some time in counselling. Just a thought.