No make up no bragging, no kissing, no shagging, no tumbling hair, be a maiden fair. And you definitely won't see him for dust! Dating thread 14

[ChaoticismyLife]

Chastity belts at the ready...

Extra strong padlocks required...

Sponge there's no need to feel like an idiot, you have done nothing wrong. If he doesn't reply, then he is the ignorant idiot.

louder just tell him that you are surprised at how different he looks in his recent photo's and say something along the lines of 'I do have to admit that I am not as attracted to the recent photo as I am your profile pic'. That should lead to him asking if you still want to meet him, and you can politely say no. I don't think you need to let him down gently, he has misrepresented himself and so deserves all he gets!

And some of us are over 40!!

I am 21 23 almost 24 but don't tell

I hate when people lie or put mis leading pics up. Mine were done January and one since of me in a dress and I have lost some weight but still look pretty much the same (my nails looked better til I started biting them yesterday)

And we are all 21 forever on here!! (mentally anyways, although I probably got stuck at 16!)

Time - The only site I was actively on (and we are a while ago - the story in the thread I wrote was quite old!) was e-harmony. It was/is complete bobbins in my opinion. 90% of the matches I got were from abroad, and there was about 10 in total in the 3 or 4 months I was on it who were from anywhere remotely close (I'm talking with a couple of hours away).

As for offering me tailored matches, well as a programmer of sorts myself, I can say that their algorithms could do with a tad of tweakage.

I've since browsed POF and match, but haven't been tempted to sign up.

One question - and it's an ethical one. Have any of you ever browsed the profiles of other women (seeking men) ? I had a thought today that it might be interesting to see how other blokes portray themselves....but I'm dubious as to whether it's a poor show to do so! It kinda feels like cheating and so I'd rather not!

Sod it, one more question. I've noticed that a lot of women seemingly have quite specific requirements about height/ethnicity etc, which is fair play (each to their own), but also kind of limiting. Both those rule me out of vast swathes of potential matches - which is sad really - but if I was to ever go back to it, would it put you all off if someone who blatantly didn't match either of those contacted you?

Thanks, I think I'll go with your suggestion Time. I feel horrible, but I had a feeling that there must be something wrong. He has misrepresented himself and I'm really annoyed by it!

Well he replied that he was ok, and how was I.

I replied.

Nothing.

So I've now said does he still want to see me tomorrow, if something's come up or he just doesn't find me in any way attractive that's fine but could he let me know...

Maybe he is nervous......

George That's the whole point of Internet Dating, being able to specify exactly what you want, cut straight to the chase. I want someone who is taller than me so I specify height, so if someone shorter than me or a lot shorter than the specified height contacted me, I wouldn't be interested. Dating sites are the equivalent to the Argos catalogue. If you are looking for a toaster you wouldn't order a kettle. I don't see it as being limiting, it just narrows it down to those who fit my requirements.

And yes, I've browsed the competition profiles of women. No harm in it, it's not cheating or breaking any rules. You need to let yourself go a little bit George. Get signed up to POF, then you will really have been initiated

Go for it louder and don't feel horrible. You have done nothing wrong. Plus, it's too early in the proceedings for guilt, you haven't met him yet, you don't owe him anything and there is no emotional involvement. Free yourself of all bad feelings

SpongeIt's good that he's replied

This is doing my head in.

So he replies and says he has to go and see his solicitor re his DD tomorrow (I know this is true, hes mentioned it before), he'll let me know after that...which seems a bit odd.

So in my reply I said well ok, but if you've changed yr mind or whatever and don't want to see me again, just say so.

That was 25 mins ago, and he's not replied. Which is probably the answer.

It took him a while to reply before though didn't it sponge

Sponge I don't think it's odd that he will let you know after he has seen his solicitor. He may be worried about it, he might not be sure how he will feel after it, that may be all he can think about at the moment. He is replying to your texts, he is in contact, be pleased

And stop timing him! You are in danger of coming across as needy. It's too soon to be needy

sponge - frankly, it's best not to send something like that. Blokes will always choose avoidance rather than confrontation.

time - blunt and to the point - i like you! Honestly though, that in itself rules me out of so many of the women on these sites. It's soul destroying to look through profiles, think - yeah, she sounds great and then see looking for 'White/Caucasian' or '6ft 7+' at the end of it - especially when I have no particular requirements myself other than someone entertaining!

I am being needy aren't I? This is his fault though, he was being all needy before we met, and now it's somehow transferred onto me! I hate being needy and whiny, I end up annoying myself!

I know he is a bit worried about his appt with good reason. He was saying last night though how he won't ever stop trying to see his DD as much as he can, however long it takes, going through court etc. Which I thought was sweet. He is lovely :)

I will leave it at that then and see what tomorrow brings. And the soldier is now texting me about his tattoos which is a welcome distraction .

George it's dating, that is all. Not having a woman to date should not be soul destroying I definitely think you should sign up with a site like POF. There is such a diversity of people on there, you might find exactly what you are looking for. If you have only tried Eharmony you are a novice, you need to get stuck in! What you describe happens to us all, but you don't let it put you off, you just move on to the next.

Yes Sponge you are being a bit needy. The trouble is, once you have been let down, the next person pays the price for it. You are so used to being let down that you aren't giving the new one the benefit of the doubt, just automatically assuming the worse. Chill sponge focus on the tatts

He will no doubt be offering to text me photos soon. He does entertain me, though probably not in the way he imagines...

Am going to cool my boots re (need to think of a name) 'him'. If I don't hear might text him casually late afternoon to ask how he got on. Tempting though it is to text now and apologise for being whiny I suspect that will just make me seem like a madwoman or even more of one than I already seem

Entertain yourself with the soldier and leave the young one be for tonight. Don't apologise, he might not think you are being whiny but if you apologise for it he will! And he may use it against you at a later date!

Yes am not going to mention it, especially on the basis we had 'words' yesterday basically over nothing, we do seem to manage to misunderstand each other by text, so it's probably best I say nothing!

The soldier is keeping me amused. He is very gorgeous. Just a shame he is also very likely not single...

The curse of the first date strikes again :(

Won't be seeing him tomorrow, or at all.

This would be funny if it wasn't so fucking sad. What the hell do I do wrong? Do I look so unlike my pictures men are repelled? Do I just have a shit personality? Seriously no-one is this unlucky :(

Just catching up, sponge has he got back to you then? What did he say?

I really doubt it is you, you look great, you come across on here as fiesty, funny and independant. Some men are just arseholes. People are that unlucky - look at this thread, hardly any of us get second dates or even first dates. It's the perils of dating and not just internet dating.

George not everyone are mega specific. My dates this year have been 35yo blonde/blue eyed 5'10, 27yo dark jewish man 5'7, 41yo brunette 6'3, 37yo blonde 6' and tonights one is 31yo siscilian/indian 5'7 - a right mixed bunch

Update on tonights date - this has got to be one of the oddest

We met near his gym for a coffee where he had been playing tennis, really really handsome man. He said he only lives round the corner and as he was running late to meet me, he hadn't showered. How would I feel if we popped to his so he could get showered. So we went. He made me a coffee, put tv on and disappeared. Returned 10 mins later in a towel - OMG body dreams are made of!!! Sat and watched tv and chatting for 2 hours with him in the towel looking gorgeous every muscle defined

Started to make my goodbyes as it was getting late and had a snog at the door and the towel fell off hour later I left

Very yum, I'm not that bothered if he doesn't ring but so physically beautiful... I will be answering if he does

George - We guys think the women are holding all the cards, but from these threads I've learned that women think we guys hold all the cards. You can try short introductory messages, you can try long ones. You can have a brief profile or you can have a longer one. You can have photos showing you doing stuff to show your interests and that you have a life and then you'll read that women don't want to see pics of guys holding a fish or guitar or leaning against their car or standing by a landmark. Creating a profile that attracts interest is about as easy and effective as nailing jelly to a tree. I've been chewed out before on here for saying this (maybe not in as many words) but if we're crap then we're crap. The profile pic is the key to it, and if it's not accurate and up to date then you'll fail at the first meet. Assuming you do get a date then your performance (and you can take that any way you like) had better be perfect and tick every box or you'll become a discard.

Time - I think you're right. We carry forward the negatives and they almost become expectations. Last month's date didn't even give enough of a crap to get back to me and has disappeared from the face of the earth so why should next month's be any different? That can lead to a "Fuck 'em - why bother" attitude.

Re the coming in the mouth while they're on all fours... as watch has said, if you're doing the wild thing with someone and that comes up as an option I suppose it could be fun, as could many things, but to make it a requirement is a bit OTT. If a woman were to say to a guy that her expectation was for him to take her clubbing for the night, then take her home and go down on her for an hour and then stay rock hard while his dick pounds away like a sewing machine needle for another half hour he'd see her as being somewhat demanding and lacking in spontaneity and imagination. I'm as big a fan of porn as the next person but surely we're all old and wise enough to realise that porn is a fanciful depiction of sexual possibilities, not a documentary?

Story but another question!

Would someone having scars put you off?

I ask because I have 8 scares on my calf from where I was run over and had to have pins in. I had a bad reaction to it before and worried bout it freaking this man out too. Its 10 year to the date I was run over on Thursday too so that doesn't help

8 scars*

Sp, you are worrying too much. Why on earth would someone be put off by that. And if you are wearing jeans they won't.even see! Theres no need to mention it even. I have 4 scars on my stomach. One from a c section, 3 from keyhole surgery. Even if I've had sex noone has said anything. Dont worry.

Sponge :( did he not reply.and you are assuming, or did he say? I don't think you were being needy really..especially not.so if there was a lot of contact prior to Mondays date and then it just Stopped. Makes you know that somethihg was wrong, which there clearly was... And then you just want to.know where you stand. Esp so as the date was meant to be today and you have.to let babysitters know etc...I've often wondered if I look worse than.they think I'm.going to, Because thats all I can think it could be..... But I dont think.it is, I.just think so many are out for sex, rather than dating ( proved by the ie experiment) if they get sex you dont see them again. And if they don't get sex then they move onto someone they think.they can get it from..

Mrsc..was that real life, or was it porn??? :)
Sounds fun!

George, some people are specific. But you fancy what.you fancy. People can't help what they like. I like tall, dark haired scruffy men, with stubble. I.don't only date men like that and have dated.blonde and even ginger men. I recently went on a date with a buddist..Im athiest. My date this weekend is 5'6 but ive enjoyed chatting to him and from his pics he looks nice, and fits with the dark scruffy hair and stubble. I won't know if I fancy him until we meet. And unfortunaty you can't make yourself fancy someone. There is either a spark or there isn't and its not anyone's fault.
I've had a lot of dates, lots. And can count on one hand how many Times ive actually fancied someone..so I'm now only meeting up with men I think there is a strong chance I'll like. Does this make me a bad person? Hell no. It just makes me a person who is short on Time and not wishing to spend money on.dates I know won't go anywhere.

Poppa, while I do agree with some of what you say about the Profile and it all being about the pics. For the last Time, we are not crap.and I don't know what basis you have decided we are but you need to stop saying it, It's incredibly rude and offensive.

MrsC I would have died!. I went all funny reading your post! I need to get a life!

Poppa "Creating a profile that attracts interest is about as easy and effective as nailing jelly to a tree." Wrong. All profiles attract interest, as we have proved on here, but the person reading has to be interested in the person behind the profile. It takes just one person to think 'ooh, he seems nice' and you've cracked it. Just because the majority don't find anything in your profile doesn't mean it's crap, it means there in nothing in it that meets the requirements. I wouldn't sit in a café and expect every man in there to fancy me, so why should an internet site be any different. Just because it's offered on screen doesn't mean it's has to be taken. As we have said before, Internet Dating cuts to the chase, a person can pick and choose, if they want a serious relationship and have a 'type' then they will date only their 'type'. If a person is dating because they enjoy dating, then they will date anyone who interests them.

George what you said last night about reading a profile, thinking it's great then seeing they are looking for...whatever. If you like them you could send a message saying something along the lines of "just to say you have a stunning profile. Good luck in your search". That is an introduction to the person, who will then read your profile and maybe even get back to you. It's quite possible that their requirements aren't set in stone so you might be in with a chance. Worth a try anyway, worst that can happen is they don't reply.

Sponge what happened? Keep smiling that beautiful smile, you will get there