I kissed DF's DH and my DH saw this. Is there any way forward?

[ShamefulNameChanger]

6 weeks ago DH, DC and I were round at my close friend's house. DH left with kids, and I stayed on with DF for a few more drinks. Her DH walked me home. I can't remember anything about the walk home at all. My DH was in bed when I got back, and came downstairs and found me snogging DF's DH at the back door.

I don't have any excuse for this at all. I don't know what happened as I was a drunken idiot. All I can tell you is I have been with DH for 12 years and have never done anything like this before.

I love DH dearly who has behaved with great dignity considering the circumstances. We are going to counselling and want to work through this and I pray that over time he will believe that I do love him through my actions.

DF's DH told her what happened. She is very angry and won't speak to me. I don't blame her. She has told the other Mums at school and I am being shunned. It is difficult as my DS is close friends with her DS but they don't see each other anymore.

I don't expect any sympathy for what I have done. I know I am in this for the long haul and things are not going to get easier anytime soon. I wanted to ask if anyone has been through a similar experience and managed to co exist with a friend who you have hurt deeply in a small village. I am worried that we will have to move and that will really hurt my DH as he loves our house and where we live.

Any advice would be gratefully received as I haven't told anyone about this. Thanks for reading.

How do you know you've never done anything like this before if you can't remember anything?

Your friend's dh told her what happened?

Oh God, what a horrid situation.

Do you dare to go round (obviously when her DH isn't there?) if you were truly close friends then there is a chance of her forgiving you because she may miss you as a friend. However that also means that her sense of betrayal by you is going to be huge.

Of course people are going to gossip about you whilst it's still fresh...but imagine that it was someone you knew. If they were genuinely sorry for what they had done and tried to make amends would you really keep on ignoring them? Your friend may not want to speak to you again, but as for other people, they will move on when the next mildly scandalous piece of goss emerges.

Give it time and be prepared to eat lots of humble pie and things will be OK. (BTW I hope her DH is getting an equally rough ride?)

To my knowledge I have never done this before. I very rarely get so drunk that I can't remember what has happened.

I think what she is doing is a bit spiteful and childish actually - without confronting you and spreading it all around to your friends whilst her DH has got off scott free I imagine...

You say you haven't told anyone in RL, but that the whole "playground" is gossiping and you are being shunned ?

so lots of people know, which means you could actually talk about this, couldn't you ?

have you no friends that are even remotely sympathetic ?

MizK - I have emailed my friend twice and texted her. She has asked me not to approach her again. I don't know what is happening with her and her DH. Thanks for your response.

Sugar- I get on well with her DH but am not attracted to him. I am surprised with my choice. Things ok with DH, bit hum drum, and he works away a lot but on the whole we get on well and always have done.

AnyF - I have told my brother and a friend who lives elsewhere. I don't want to talk about to anyone else as I haven't spoken with DF about it.

OP, what exactly do you remember?

Do you remember seeing your husband's face as he saw you kissing the other guy?

What did the other guy say to your husband, or did he just scarper?

You say you don't remember the walk home. Do you remember going to bed?

Has the other guy told his wife that you kissed him first?

I feel sorry for you, that's shit :( I definitely believe you didn't have a clue what you were doing cos who would do that on their own doorstep...

Do you think the other guy engineered the situation of walking you home etc? Do you think anything was slipped into your drink? What were you drinking?
Do you think it was more him that made the kiss happen?

Don't forget he's at fault too. Just hold your head up and if nobody's talking to you, don't make efforts to talk to them. Concentrate on squaring things away with your own DH.

What EXACTLY do you remember op? This sounds really off to me. Hope you are ok.

How long have you known this friend and her H? Something that is worth considering is not so much the fact that you have never done anything like this before: has he? Is it possible he could make a habit of pouring extra drinks into women and then snogging them when they are plastered enough to be a bit uninhibited?

Also, bear in mind that while you might have kissed someone, you haven't killed anyone or set out to cause anyone pain or distress. You weren't acting out of malice. It really isn't that big a deal in the long run. There will be plenty of people in your small village who have done far nastier things than made a drunken mistake so don't allow them to make you feel like the worst person in the world when you're not.

Pm'ing you op x

ah I can't :(

Imp- I don't remember walk home. My memory comes back about an hour or so after it happened when I was begging DH to forgive me. I didn't see DH seeing us, I was in the porch and he was at the back door. DH told me he told him to leave and pushed him out.

why can't you, tk ?

Do you think he had sex with you op? Such a memory blank is just, well. I think he engineered it :(

Hell- the thing is I don't know what happened. I do suspect he made the move and in retrospect I think he might have liked me that way. He phoned me five times after. I have told DH. When he phoned I told him each time that I didn't want to speak to him and hung up. I think he wanted to know if DH was going to tell his wife what had happened. He wasn't going to.

So why did he tell his wife then? To get his story in first? Did he think something else might come out if you got your memory back?

When I click on Op's name it doesn't bring anything up x

SGB- thanks. Have known them for three years. Don't know any definite about her DH's habits, I usually see her with the kids, or all together.

I am such a div :) sussed it now so will pm you OP x

tk, I am having no problem with it

ah, cross post