A preying woman or I am being paranoid.

[lolaflores]

Have met this person through DD at school. Chatty what have you, but not going to make it into my top 10 favs ever. However of late, my DH has been full of talk about her. "suchabody said this, said that ,did this, did that". Yesterday was the last straw, we all went to a party and they spent the majority of time with each other to the point that i actually stood between them.
She has previously said to me that she is a man;s kinda woman and that all women are bitches! She has also remarked in front of me and my DH that if she divorced her DH, my DH would be her choice of partner.
AM I MENTAL.
He is either oblivious to my reaction, oblivious to her lurking but at the same time enjoying the attention or some other aspect of this I can';t work out. If I challenge him, I know he will say I am paranoid and I don't want this to have the oxygen of publlicity because it will then turn into nasty rumour and gossip, despite if its true or not.

And because I didn't keep schtumm about his disgusting behaviour, I am controlling, jealous and bullying. And will get dumped.

Nice work SGB, did you even read what I had written before your rant?

Because his shitty, lecherous, disrespectful, hideously embarrassing behaviour was obviously excuseable . Yet I often see you post about not tolerating said behaviours.

Answers please at www.confusedasfuckwiththesisterhoodofmumsnet.com

I was referring to SGB's posts, yes.

My original post on this thread sums up my position - the person whose behaviour is most threatening in this scenario is Lola's partner. But I don't blame any woman for being furious with a partner who flirts openly with other women and who makes it very clear that the behaviour is unacceptable. That's not bullying - that's a woman who knows her own worth and expects to be treated with respect by others.

oh good, that's what I thought, charbon

You got me AF. He has a big streak of arsehole in him that I am coming to the conclusion he is unlikely to sort out. I know where that leaves me but just so disappointed really. I want it all to be ok.

AF will you marry me?

Perhaps I am coming late to this, but I don't actually see any really bad or disrespectful behaviour on the part of the husband, he rather enthusiastically talked with a lady who always makes a beeline for him at a party. I'm pretty sure when I go out, I often talk for a while with male friends or other people's husbands and my husband has been known to bore talk with females for significant periods of time at parties too, I don't go out to stand next to my husband all night, I can do that at home.

What gave it the 'bad vibe' was the prior knowledge about the husband's moaning he's not happy and the OP's insecurity/worries he's got a wandering eye. Coupled with the lovely lady's rather predatory remarks, but she may do that with everyone. Some people have 'flirt' as their way of behaving, it's only if your husband is vulnerable that it's an issue.

But, all of that is hidden emotional stuff, surely there's not really anything wrong with your husband animatedly talking with a lady at a party, I wouldn't count that as disrespectful per se.

Well, mine had his head in her cleavage, whispering sweet nothings to the simpering twat on his knee who had just told him "how much of her ideal man" he was and how she "wishes she had met him before me."

Did he excuse himself from the situation. Did he fuck. He sat there and thoroughly enjoyed himself. Twas not unlike a lapdance, in fact. Till I took my PG belly and left, that is.

sorry, lola, I am a raging monogamist and so are you

twatty partners with wandering hands, make note of that ^^ statement, it would serve you well if your head wasn't so far up your arse and your ego wasn't the size of Greater Manchester

KS,solidbrass has issues of her own.solidbrass for instance, doesnt agree with marriage full stop.Everybodys marriage.
And KS, you handled your situation with your DH brilliantly.And if you have kids,that must have been good for them.
solidbrass, you seem more upset than usual.Do you want to talk, perhaps on a new thread?perhaps people can help you?

I enjoy alot of SGBs posts, but not this one. People dont 'deserve to be dumped' if they tell their partner what they are willing to accept. I didnt get the impression the poster actually sent her in laws round; she just quite rightly failed to prevent him from suffering the consequences of his actions. He shouldnt have agreed monogamy if he didnt want to.

Monogamny or otherwise is fine- each to their own. It is also true that alot of problems do stem from the kinds of relationship contracts, assumed and unassumed, which we fix up for ourselves in society. However, as I have said before, non - monogamy is as difficult for most of in the West as true socialism is difficult for one country within a world economy.

Agree with Charbon and AF, too. I do think that infidelity and general selfishness etc are linked (as sometimes is feelings of work related stress, in my view).

They sent themselves fiveinthree

My MIL is like Thatcher, hehehe

Mumsyblouse fuck off back into never never land theres a love.

I think that was uncalled for

!!!

SGB should move to spain All the husbands go to the brothels whilst the woman prepare the first communion wear etc.

Hey Lola, hope you are ok. I really think you should talk to him about it? Were some of your friends at the party, could you ask them what they think? I do feel for you. Maybe he won't say you're paranoid if you express it in terms of your feelings

OP FWIW I would be pissed off because I do believe that your dh would not be so charmed if this women wasn't so predatory.

I would NEVER dream of flirting with a married man in such a blatant manner in front of their dp. i do flirt with married men a bit but I have no intention of taking it any further as I respect their wives. There is a world of difference between a bit of light flirting and predatory behaviour.

Just out of interest toptramp, why do you flirt with married men?

Not necessarily intended as a criticism, just curious since you've admitted to doing it.

i haven't read every post but this happened to me. There was this woman who constantly put her arm round my husband in the pub and flirted with him. He enjoyed the attention and flirted back. I told him how uncomfortable this was making me and asked him to tell her to back off a bit. He refused saying she's only being friendly. I FELT BETRAYED. Our marriage did not survive. He was not having an affair he was flirting and undermining me in public but that was enough to show he had no respect for me or our marriage.

msrantsalot that is awful for you.
In the mean time here in Casa Lola, we have spoken about his apparent unhappiness. He claims he is not. So then we had a chat about why he moans and whinges about everything and have concluded he is neurotic about things, but to stop doing my head in about every single bloody thing or trying to find someone to blame for things or feeling that he is being got at. atmosphere much improved

Result lola !

You sound happier today, I'm glad.

Glad about that lola.
Sometimes I write down important conversations with DH, like this one, to remind myself of what both of us said.Then if similar happens again, you can remind yourself of eg what he said about being neurotic sometimes.