sex while asleep

[silver999]

my partner woke me up by having sex with me, I was really shocked at what was happening and not sure what to do or think about what has happened.
I told my friend but she just laughed about it, any advice? thanks.

Mrgin. That's awful (what happened to your friend). Poor guy!

Seems some people dont believe a man can be raped.

You know that a woman being raped can still get wet? even orgasm, does that mean she wasnt raped?

What a load of hypocrisy.

Also in the OP he said about his friend laughing when he told her, that pretty much sums up a lot of peoples attitudes, that its funny because surely all men are always up for it? all men would be grateful for any shag they can get?

What a load of shit.

"I don't understand the mentality of hopping into bed with someone yet screaming rape if they try something you don't like. "

The OP is not complaining of 'something' he didn't like though. He was being assaulted by his partner because he didn't like it and had not consented to it.

I have no idea if the OP is genuine or not, but it raises a genuine issue, and one which it seems that many people here have a problem with.

If you have not consented to it then it is sexual assault/rape

Yes, Tea, you and your partner evidently enjoy each other and this kind of sex - but that actually doesn't make any difference. If either of you starts sex with each other when the other is asleep you are assuming consent - you haven't actually obtained consent. However, no doubt if you told your partner to stop or he told you to stop, then you would. In the OP's case, this didn't happen.

"I don't understand the mentality of hopping into bed with someone yet screaming rape if they try something you don't like.
I don't actually understand the mentality of being there with someone who you're not sexually compatible with, don't trust with your life, and don't fancy the pants off/love dearly".

I don't see how difficult it is to grasp that you can be asleep in bed next to someone you love, and not want to have sex with them during every specific second of that time.

It is perfectly acceptable to be in bed with the love of your life, for you not to want to engage in sexual activity with them, and to expect them to desist from expecting sex if you are not currently feeling like it.

I don't understand the mentality of using the phrase, "screaming rape", incidentally, as if to verbalise your unhappiness with non-consensual sex is somehow hysterical or over-reacting.

I live with and sleep next to the love of my life. If he initiated sex but I was unwilling/not keen/too knackered/gave any sign that I didn't want to engage etc,etc,etc,etc,etc,etc then he would stop.

Because he doesn't want to have sex with someone who is unwilling, unconscious ..... or simply not up for it.

I wonder why the OP didn't reveal himself to be a man?

However, just in case this was some sort of 'test' of MNetters, or some kind of exercise to whip a particular kind of response, it makes no difference to the issue.

I'm actually really very shocked that so many women on this site seem not to understand what construes 'rape' or 'sexual assault', especially given the Mumsnet campaign.

TeaJunky thats a brilliant post - I sometimes wake my DP up with a BJ, i can tell you he certainly doesn't complain. The only problme i have with what you describe is morning breath!

TeaJunky, I dont understand.... and the other i dont understand...., even when people have been in a relationship a long time,things can go wrong, people change behaviour etc, you can end up in the ops situation.
Are you able to understand that?

Mrgin. That's awful (what happened to your friend).

Well, he, as I suspect the OP will do, didn't do anything over that event. Or in fact any of the things that went on. The authorities are even less likely to take a man seriously in that situation than a women I think.

She once punched him in his sleep, called the police to say he'd hit her and as there wasn't a female attending officer they hauled him down to the cells for the night.

In my friends case I helped him see how abusive the relationship was ( i mean he knew it but has just become accustomed to it, feared he'd loose his dd ) . Although he changed the locks eventually, he did continue to support her to find another home / see the kids etc.

( sorry, thread drift )

She eventually drank herself to death. Literally.

But what would you do if he did complain?

You would stop, I assume? And you would be happy to stop I assume?

Lovely.

But in this instance, the OP wasn't happy. And his partner didn't stop. (And worse, laughed about it later).

Why is that so difficult for you to grasp?

hang on a minute? The OP is a man???? WTAF? Have i fallen into some sort of parallel universe?

Mrgin. Blimey!

"However, no doubt if you told your partner to stop or he told you to stop, then you would. In the OP's case, this didn't happen."

I thought the OP said

"I feel sad that I didn't stop it"

which I took to mean he didn't give any indication that he wasn't consenting.

I think what the poster says when it is technically not rape but sexual assualt is that legally, a woman can not rape a man - I think this is still legally the case. Of course the reality is different, but as the famous saying goes, "the law is an ass". And of course sexual activity without consent is rape/sexual assault. And the assumption men can't be raped or sexually assaulted by women comes from the idea that men are "always up for sex" and so always want sex at any time.

OP - I honestly think if you had posted as a man at the beginning you would have had a sympathetic response.

'The OP is not complaining of 'something' he didn't like though. He was being assaulted by his partner because he didn't like it and had not consented to it.'

His overriding concern appeared to be the possibility of his partner becoming pregnant. Unsurprising when he didn't want a pregnancy to occur. If she had/has become pregnant he is facing a lifetime commitment he didn't want and has no right of redress. This is a serious concern.

I honestly don't see what difference it makes if the op is a man. As a man he has just the same amount of rights to decide what happens to his body as a woman does. It doesn't change a thing.

As for it suddenly now not being rape that is surely bullshit. The double standards make me want to be sick! The way it was instantly down graded to sexual assault as soon as he said he was a man is disgraceful!

"I feel sad that I didn't stop it"

which I took to mean he didn't give any indication that he wasn't consenting.

Ive read the same sort of thing on here regarding a man doing this to a female partner though, not making attempts to stop it doesnt negate the fact that it was without consent

That's because of the legal definition, PooPoo.

I love my DP, we've been together 13 years and known each other for 27 years. I trust him with my life and fancy the pants off him. That doesn't mean I'm up for it every night! If he went ahead regardless, whether I was awake or asleep, even once, that would be rape. Sex without consent is rape (or serious sexual assault if the roles were reversed). What's so hard to understand about that?

But Poopoo it doesn't change the OP at all, he is entitled to a view etc, same rights, absolutely. But it totally changes the thread, seeing as everyone assumed the OP to be female. It would raise soem very salient points if it wasn't such a farce. The Thread not the OP

SigmundFraude

That was my friends great fear at the time, and he felt ( especially after what she said ) that her motivation was to get pregnant.

He wasn't having sex with her at that time for this reason.

Yes, as far as I'm aware, serious sexual assault carries the same penalties as rape. It's not a downgrading.

Sounds like there are some myths that need busting about male rape/sexual assault as well.

Of course rape without consent is still rape whether it is a man or woman being raped. But legally that is not the case. Legally a woman can not rape a man.