sex while asleep

[silver999]

my partner woke me up by having sex with me, I was really shocked at what was happening and not sure what to do or think about what has happened.
I told my friend but she just laughed about it, any advice? thanks.

wow...perplexed by the response to this. If I was in bed with a man I'd assumed I wanted to be there in the first place. Rape? Good god...the man was probably half asleep...I don't see the big deal. Do you have to sign a form every time you want sex with someone? If you said bugger off I'm tired and he carried on, that's different, but ....ah guess I'm just more easy-going. Stunned by this thread tho...

Because clearly making sure you're both up for it is exactly like stopping to fill out a consent form. Because climbing into bed with someone means giving them total access to your bits while you sleep. I'm stunned by this thread too, for the opposite reasons! I have had sexual contact that I didn't want or invite, it was very unpleasant and it still fucks me up today. The idea that I should put up with stuff like that just because I'm under the same duvet as someone else gives me the shivers. And not even get the chance to stop them before they're having unprotected sex with me, because hey, I like them so obviously they get the green light to penetrate me while I'm not even conscious!

Just waiting for someone to come in now and go IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD.

This has happened to me once, with a previous DP. We were in a relationship where we got along really well as people, but weren't really sexually compatible (which is what split us up in the end) so sex was a rare occurence. We were away from home, had had a few drinks and I woke up to find that he was already PIV. If I remember correctly I said something along the lines of 'We may as well carry on!' - so I did give consent - but penetration had already happened while I was asleep.

BUT the big difference here is that when we talked about it the next morning, he was mortified and said himself that if he had been in bed with a new partner it could be taken as rape. I think that is the major difference with my experience. I do think PIV can happen in a half asleep / drunk state, but it's the reaction of the people concerned afterwards that determine whether it is actually intentional rape or not (in my opinion).

Tea, because it doesn't actually matter if the op is married/living with partner/not living with partner. What happened was rape. Because rape = sex without consent

There was no relationship, no bond between the two, and the footballer had no indication that this girl might be consenting

Well there was NO indication of the OP consenting either, so actually not that different.

Again there you go...it is different because the OP & the partner were in a relationship, they had a bond. I have been married to my dh for 18yrs, we have a healthy sex life. If he had sex with me against my wishes, he would have raped me. End of. Doesn't matter that I have had sex with him hundreds of times, or that we live together, ot have kids together.

The LAW defines rape as sex - consent = rape. There is no grey area. There are no allowances for relationship/marital status. What people allow in their homes is up to them, and as long as all adults agree to what they want/don't want & those wishes respected...fine. In this case, the op didn't want sex. His partner did it. Without contraception. HUGE violation.

If I was in bed with a man I'd assumed I wanted to be there in the first place

So now being in bed is consent to sex?

I climb into my bed every night, because I want to be there, I also want to be snuggling next to my dh, perhaps a hand on his waist, or leg as we fall asleep.

My being in my bed DOES NOT MEAN I WANT HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH ME ANY TIME HE FEELS LIKE IT & WITHOUT MAKING SURE HE HAS MY EXPRESSED INTEREST!!!!!

Anyone that thinks that being in a relationship with someone means full-time consent to be used in whatever way the other partner fancies whether they're incapacitated or not needs their head examined.

Did anyone notice that OP is a MAN? Not that it changes the discussion any....

Fucking hell, silver talk about drip-feeding!

Assuming you're genuine, this only changes things on a small legal technicality - it's sexual assault, not rape, but it's still just as serious.

Some people on this thread could do with looking at the MN 'we believe you' Rape Myth Busting page, particularly this:

MYTH: Rape can't take place in an ongoing relationship
Previous consent to sex does not imply ongoing consent, and sex without consent is rape.

REALITY: Previous consent to sex does not imply ongoing consent, and sex without consent is rape. It makes no difference whether the aggressor is a woman's husband or partner, or a complete stranger - 22% of rapes are committed by partners or ex-partners.

It's irrelevant whether or not a person is in a relationship with someone or has had sex with them previously. Lord Judge, Lord Chief Justice of England and Wales, told a court to approach rape within a relationship, including marriage, as "no less serious than rape by a stranger".

Consent must be given every time two people engage in sexual contact. Sex without consent is rape.

BUSTED! By Mumsnetter Mme Lindor

portofino why on earth does it matter if op is male or female? Is rape different if it happens to a man?
Threads like these always turn into a ridiculous argument about what constitutes rape.
Maybe we could try not having pathetic digs at each other and attempt to advise op best we can. If not, i suggest you hide this thread.

The problem this kind of thread poses is that there are, in most people's minds "degrees of rape". Were that not the case, the advice to all these threads would be to go to the police and report it and leave immediately. But, lots of people insist that this scenario is rape yet the the "raped person" should talk to their partner. There is no way that, in most rape scenarios, the advice would be to talk to the rapist. I think that no one should ever be forced to have sex, period and it is, legally, rape. However, the level of harm is obviously different, and so should the punishment be.

I will be flamed for the above observation yet, for most posters above, they have implied exactly what I have said in their responses to the OP. As to what the OP should do, it depends how he feels now. He can always walk away from the relationship, he can have a strong discussion with his partner and he could (theoretically) go to the police. Given his partner's behaviour, I think he should just walk away and hope that she is not pregnant.

the level of harm is obviously different

I dunno about that, larry, I'm one of the legions of women with permanent injuries from marital rape.

This thread has reminded me that I once climbed on top of H, thinking I was doing him a favour, only to be greeted with "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??!" I was, indeed, mortified and realised I'd been taking rather too much for granted.

'Assuming you're genuine, this only changes things on a small legal technicality - it's sexual assault, not rape, but it's still just as serious.'

I don't understand why rape only applies to men in this country, whereas it applies to men and women in other western countries. Seems very backwards to me, and unfair.

In the eyes of society, rightly or wrongly, rape is considered a worse crime than sexual assault.

OP.

I believe you. ( and can understand why you didn't post your gender initially )

The same thing happened to a friend of mine. His partner stimulated him whilst he was sleeping and then climbed on top so he woke up having sex with her.

She then told him she was ( falsely ) pregnant which scared the crap out of him as she was a very abusive individual, to herself and those around her.

Stop sleeping with her, and if you had your concerns about the relationship before, I hope they're clarified now. Does she display any other abusive behaviour ?

It doesn't matter if he is a man or not - I said in my post that it doesn't affect the discussion any.

Why did you feel the nedd to point it out then?

*need

IIRC, The most serious sexual assaults carry the same penalties as rape. Some countries, Canada for example, have done away with the word rape and call it all sexual assault.

I think calling it all sexual assault would be the way forward.

OP, what she did was wrong. How she has acted afterwards is wrong. It was sexual assault.

I hope you can find some real life support and hopefully someone will post some information that will help you access that.

If I woke DH up like that I believe he'd think all his Christmasses had come at once
If he didn't, he would tell me to stop or could easily push me off and I would know not to do it again - and be mortified

OP didn't stop her and if he is now worried she might be pregnant he must have climaxed

I understand that you can be frozen in a situation and so it continues to happen because you find you can't react but to not say anything and let it carry on until you climax?

Support for men who have been sexually abused....

www.mankindcounselling.org.uk/

Larry, the sentencing guidelines provide for variations depending on aggravating/mitigating factors.

CaipirinhasAllRound are you suggesting that 'he loved it really' because that's how it comes across.

In my friends situation he climaxed whilst saying 'no' and 'get off' as he came to from his groggy half awake state.

No, just adding my thoughts