sex while asleep

[silver999]

my partner woke me up by having sex with me, I was really shocked at what was happening and not sure what to do or think about what has happened.
I told my friend but she just laughed about it, any advice? thanks.

a sleeping person can't consent to sex

penetrating or sexually touching a sleeping person is a dangerous thing to do. if the sleeping person wakes up and recoils in horror, or freezes in terror, you can't blame the for that... you took a risk in getting sexual while they were unconscious, and now you'll pay for it.

men who do this are taking a gamble. and they deserve no defending or protection from women for taking that gamble. it's on their shoulders and they're responsible for the emotional and legal aftermath

OP your partner took advantage and you are well within your rights to enact consequences on them for that.

legally, what he did was rape
morally, what he did was rape
all the arguing on this thread has to do with other posters jumping in with their own relationship experiences and their own ideas about how consent is obtained.

if you've made an arrangement with your partner in the past that this is OK (i.e. you've given consent in advance) that is a different story. then consent is present. that is different. that is not what happened here. she would have said so if it had.

op was being sexed up while sleeping. without her partner even using contraception! imagine that happening to you!

and now there are people here arguing that the "rape brigade" is "swooping" in to cry victim & perpetrator? seriously?

have some decency ffs

OP seems to have disappeared - interesting! I posted at 1.34 on 06/05 about my P having sex with me while he was clearly in a very deep sleep! I could not wake him up, despite all my best efforts, so let him just get on with it! He was furious when I told him about it the next day! He had mistaken me (in his subconscious) for his bit on the side!

Thanks for the replies and advice. Didn't make it clear in my posts that it was my girlfriend that started sex when I was asleep. I've tried to talk to her about what happened but she just laughs it off. She wouldn't get the morning after pill, so i'm worried about that as I don't want anymore children.
Thinking about breaking up with her.

OP is a man

Sex without consent + not using contraception, yes I'd feel used and worried OP. Do you have children with her already?

Gawd, that alters the tone of this very long discussion!

But not enough to nullify the principle. She used you; she risked pregnancy against your express wishes; she dismisses your feelings.

Yes, it may be time to break up with her. From this incident, she seems to see you as a convenient body rather than the person you are - which is exactly the same as a man who sleep-rapes a woman. Your feelings matter - you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration.

"I've tried to talk to her about what happened but she just laughs it off."

She sounds lovely :(

Am going back to the beginning of this thread to re-read! Still suffering from the humiliation and degradation of my beloved partner fucking me in his sleep because he thought that I was someone else!

OP In our wonderful, balmy years of love, my partner always reacted to me when I went to bed (he had weird working hours) and I would give almost anything to have back those days!

We were not ttc, sounds as though your p is!

TheSecondComing- Don't quite understand your comment

sooo sorry about your experience sau and that I missed your post earlier.

do you know what you are going to do about it ? I hope you have some support in RL .... virtual hug if you want it.

If the partner is laughing at OP that answers my questions to an extent in demonstrating awareness of the activity and a disregard for OP . Sleep disorder therefore not applicable ! Sorry you have been treated this way silver

Sadly many men that are victims of abuse by females do not report it because they are even more scared than women that not only will they not be believed they will be laughed at by other men

good night and I hope everyone has a restful sleep.

TeaJunky

Unconsensual sex = rape.

Why can't you see it as rape? It is because they are married?

I just don't understand how if it was the first time it had ever happened (as it sounded from the op), it could be rape

Really? So it is only rape if it happens several times? How about you tell that to the girl who was raped by the footballer????

It doesn't matter if it has happened once, twice or a thousand times, unconsensual sex = rape.

I should have said that in my friends case I don't see it as rape because she knows it happens, and is fine with that. I would not be fine with my body being used like that.

And tea, aside from anything else, don't be so nitpicky about me calling her 'partner' her husband. That is not the issue here & makes no difference.

Different - im not being nitpicky you asked if I believed what I did because they were married, and I said I didn't think they were married because the op had used the word partner - and that I didn't think that anyway. What's nitpicky about that?

Empusa - no, I can't actually. If I was in bed with my partner and such a thing happened once and I didn't like it, I'd tell him right there and then, and very clearly too. I wouldn't think he was trying to rape me though. If it happened again after that and my partner was fully aware that I was unhappy about it or disliked it, then there is reason to call it rape.

I think the ops situation (whether fake or genuine, apologies if it's genuine) is quite different to the drunk and vulnerable girl who was raped by the footballer. There was no relationship, no bond between the two, and the footballer had no indication that this girl might be consenting (if she was actually conscious, which is also very different to being asleep). it was rape, pure and simple.

Please dont try to make it out as though I don't know what rape is or that it happens

TeaJunky - so you're saying you can't be raped by a partner unless they've already tried non-consensual sex on you once and were told you didn't like it? Everything's fair game to try once without asking, because when you're in love you always enjoy sex with each other, no exceptions? Um, no.

Seriously, non-consensual sex is rape, and sex that began when the person had no chance to refuse is non-consensual. It is as simple as that. The only person who gets to decide it was OK is the person who was asleep when the sex began. So yeah, if you'd gauged your partner's wishes totally wrong and he did feel assaulted by you beginning to have sex with him in his sleep, then you would indeed be a rapist. Sorry, but it's true by any meaningful definition of the term. I would never do such a thing without clearing it with my partner in advance, and if I did go ahead without his consent and he happened to be pleased about it, I would be damn lucky. This act has worked out for you in the context of your relationship, which is of course highly individual and best known to yourself. That's great. It doesn't mean you can just rewrite the definition of rape. Sharing a bed with a partner might possibly be tacit consent to snuggling, but frankly that's where the line is drawn. Bodily autonomy is for everyone, even people you love.

Whether or not someone was trying to rape doesn't change the outcome - intention does not negate consequence. Nor does feeling sorry afterwards. It might make a difference to how you'd deal with it in the context of a relationship, but it wouldn't magically make it not rape. You don't have to be some kind of evil monster in order to rape. Simple thoughtlessness will do the trick.