sex while asleep

[silver999]

my partner woke me up by having sex with me, I was really shocked at what was happening and not sure what to do or think about what has happened.
I told my friend but she just laughed about it, any advice? thanks.

Would you sit a young girl down and say that she can expect to have sex with someone even if she doesn't want to, and that's normal? Would you say that to your daughter?

No, but at the same time I would talk to her about the importance of keeping safe, not just in terms of sex but in all other aspects of life and to talk to someone if something happens to her that she doesn't like. Bad things happen and there are some rotten people out there. I think it is important to at least try to keep ourselves safe where we can.

I agree with SGM and Oracle that the issue of consent is not murky at all. Either a person wants sex and they participate and enjoy it, or they don't and they either say so or just don't participate. There's not really any grey area. If a person can be intimate with someone and not pick up at all whether they're enjoying it then that person is very unusual indeed. I don't see how two people can have sex and yet not read each other's signals. It would be very odd.

Oh I see. Well I'm sure you're a nice person really too jinx - but please read the rape myths, and the links I posted above, and think long and hard about what it is you're saying here.

When someone is unconscious, the issue of consent is straightforward. They are not able to, consent has not been obtained, and you owe Cailin a sincere apology.

What would "keeping yourself safe" involve Jinx? How could I have "kept myself safe"?

The concept of consent should be pretty straightforward to anyone who is capable of typing on a keyboard. Have another read of the MN rape myths, Jinx.

What exactly about the issue of consent is not straightforward for you, Jinx? Perhaps we can explain it so that you can understand?

Weeelll - either you are not intelligent to understand what has been explained to you/written here about consent or you are choosing to disagree with the definitions outlined here - which makes you a rape apologist.

It says that to some extent you have internalised the idea that women are sometimes responsible for being raped.

and the "keeping yourself safe" thing puts the onus back onto the survivor. I have slept in beds with men who have fancied me in the past and they havent had sex with me, because they were not rapists. you can go to a party in just a g string and nipple tassles and if there isnt a rapist there, you will be safe. it is not our responsibility to ensure that we are not penetrated without our consent. men are not animals driven by their peckers. they have self-control and they have restraint, and to suggest otherwise insults them.

OMG - I have just re-read your post. So if your daughter is raped, she hasn't been keeping herself safe? You do realise the implication of this statement, don't you?

It is not your daughter's responsibility to stop herself being raped. It is the responsibility of any man to not rape your daughter. How is that so hard to understand?

With apologies for italics fail ...

I never felt the need to tell my boyfriend not to have sex with me while I was asleep, because I didn't think he would do that. I didn't report him because I didn't feel strong enough to. You seem to be saying I had the responsibility in this relationship - that I should have told him not to rape me and then reported him when he did. What about his responsibility?

I don't know, because I don't know your circumstances but I assume that you knew your partner well and that you had conversations about boundries during your relationship

oh, ffs! she was asleep and he put his penis into her. should we all sit down with our dh's and say "actually, I expect to be fully conscious before having sex"? most people think that it wouldnt happen to them. their partners are not capable of rape. until it does, and they are.

Jinx.

Your post of 12.42 is a RAPE MYTH. Whether Cailin reported her rape to the authorities or not has no bearing on the fact that she was raped. You have either not read the thread properly or are willfully misunderstanding it.

I suggest you read this

Biwi,

As I said I think the matter of consent is not always that straightforward but under no circumstances do I condone rape or any other kind of violence against another person.

If you all want to believe that I am a bad person, stick up for rapist or that I'm stupid, which some of you seem to be implying, unless of course I'm to stupid to properly understand what some of you are saying because I don't necessarily agree with part that has been written here than I think that is very sad.

ok then, what is not straightforward about consent?

And why did you feel Cailin had not given enough information for you to be able to "judge" whether it was rape or not? WHy the need to question her, and ask if she reported it? Do you not understand that by doing that, you were appearing to pass some of the blame onto the victim?

Jinx I don't believe you're a bad person or stupid or anything like that. I just think that you hold views that unfortunately commonly held, and which serve to uphold damaging and untrue ideas about rape.

I would like you to answer my question though if you can - do you consider what happened to me to be rape?

... and explain why you think the issue of consent is not straightforward?

For what it's worth, I don't think you're stupid. But I do think you are a rape apologist - although I will wait to be corrected, once you have answered the question.

i haven't read the whole thread and this may be irrelevent, but it may be a similar circumstance.

I have a rare sleep disorder, which means i can initiate sex/sexual contact whilst i am asleep. On a few occasions i have woken up during sex with my DH, it freaked me out at first, but i trust him 100% and know he wouldn't lie to me about me initiating.

Could this be the case, on either side? yours or your partners?

I find it happens at times of high stress, or when i am particularily knackered. On par with other sleep disorders, such as sleep walking/talking. (it is more likely if you already sleep walk/talk).

I am not dismissing what happened, just offering a possibility, have you spoken to your partner about what happened?

Oracle,

If my daughter went out to a party I would talk to her about staying together with her friends and look out for each other I would say the same to my son. I would not expect my daughter or son to go out and get so drunk that they can not remember what they are doing, nor do I encourage sex outside a meaningful relationship. I do not see what it matters what she is wearing. Not much more I can say about that article really.

so, if your DD got drunk and woke up to being raped (as I was) would you blame her or the man?