sex while asleep

[silver999]

my partner woke me up by having sex with me, I was really shocked at what was happening and not sure what to do or think about what has happened.
I told my friend but she just laughed about it, any advice? thanks.

Agree with Garlic and Oracle. Where is the turn on with the other person either not being keen, or not being conscious? Even if you had an agreement between consenting adults that it was fine to wake someone by having sex with them, to me it is very wrong that you would WANT to have sex with someone who was not aroused, not participating...

Going back a bit, people in simply unhappy relationships may choose not to have sex.
Or much less frequently.
If they feel that they have to have sex to keep the other person happy is very bad and, yes, raises the spectre of effective sexual assault.

On persuading, personally, I'd be better persuaded by a nice gesture or some genuine loving cuddling/kissing/etc than an intellectual conversation.
Sex is hardly intellectual. :)

But, it can be asked in a sexy way.

Oh, and when dh wakes me for nightime sex, he doesn't penetrate me until its clear that I consent, funny thing, respect.

Plenty,

Nagging is acceptable within the framework of not being abuse or assault. It is tiresome and rude and probably self defeating. Sex is a spectrum from mind blowing to good to just about ok, and then abusive and criminal. To analyse all sex as amazing or abusive is simplistic.

I've had lots of just OK sex, but it's always been respectful. I've never been nagged into it, although a couple of men have tried. I can see how somebody who was a bit vulnerable could easily be nagged or otherwise manipulated into giving in, against their wishes. Not acceptable.

Nobody has said that sex either has to be amazing or abusive, Larry. Just that both participants should be actively participating. I personally don't think nagging the other partner for sex is acceptable or desirable, and certainly is not a turn on - you said yourself that you and wife would find it a turn-off to simply be asked. So I'm at a bit of a loss at what you are arguing, when in your next post you say nagging is acceptable.

Nagging for sex is abuse.

Nobody should have sex because they were nagged into it. And for someone to think that it's ok to nag someone else into having sex, is !

what running said. There have been plenty of times when I have been nagged to have sex, or some form of blackmail used. It did not make me want to have sex with them, quite the opposite. and the relationships have ended soon after.

Yes, SGM I agree. I reported 2 posters yesterday on this thread for spreading rape myths - MN deleted one, but haven't got back to me about the second. I find Larry's views despicable.

Hello,

I just wanted to express concern about trusting too much on 'girls are told to be afraid of men' and the stats about harm to illustrate the point.

These stats will inevitably be compared with the figures for men's much higher likelihood to be killed, murdered, maimed assaulted etc as well as the higher likelihood of men to be killed, injured or maimed at work.

I think when campaigning on this, it can be risky to get into an I am considerably more disadvantaged than you. To do it on stats about violent crime and harm could be handing the argument over.

I know the comeback is usually 'but that crime too is perpetrated by men'. To avoid the problems of comparing harms as punch and judy, I think the argument might be better made in another way - perhaps by focusing campaign strategies on the harm done by crime to each sex, and the particular type of harm in sexualised assault or large power imbalance crime, and then after there is acceptance of the major point, moving to explanations understanding of different perspectives after that?

Just a thought. Don't shout at me...;)