sex while asleep

[silver999]

my partner woke me up by having sex with me, I was really shocked at what was happening and not sure what to do or think about what has happened.
I told my friend but she just laughed about it, any advice? thanks.

Wow.. I hadn't heard that, but I can see how its logical.

I am VERY wary of seeing value in a DM article drawn from one study, but I can certainly see how it could be the case. That wasn't what I was referring to or considering at all, I was thinking of the 'fingerprint' bruising on arms (had it) crotch area bruising (had it, especially when anaemic) or the kind of bruisey scratches you can get (do this to DP all the time ).

Will read more - but as a sadness, this article will obviously be used as a defence, and sometimes when rape has happened :(

OK, read this with my thinking cap on, and the research is actually saying that 64% of rape victims had no vaginal leisions, and that this is similar to the number of women actively engaging in consensual sex.

I.e. that no evidence of injuries does not mean someone has not been raped... [sighing with relief at another DM scare story understood!]

Of course there is no analysis of any different patterns of injuries, or if there is a tendency towards a particular type (eg .. and I'm freewheeling here.. injuries more likely from muscle trauma from tightening or shallower patterns or deeper patterns or other.) .. This might be a journalistic/press release error or a research error...

More work!

That came off more agressive than I had intended - I understand that you don't want to label non-rapes as rape, because you think you'll be making everything worse. But sometimes when it looks like a duck and it quacks, it's a duck.

Also as this seems to have tested vaginal leisions, what about the situation where vaginal sex is consensual but anal is forced - why didn't they test for anal or oral??

'Will read more - but as a sadness, this article will obviously be used as a defence, and sometimes when rape has happened'

Yes, that is a possibility, but unlikely to be taken into account, surely.

'why didn't they test for anal or oral'

Good question.

Head injuries could be caused by a fall down the stairs or they could be caused by being hit over the head. In criminal cases injuries are considered in context. I very much doubt that a rape case would ride entirely on vaginal injuries alone. That said, if research like this means that police take cases where no injuries have occurred more seriously then that is a positive thing. The idea that a person who has been raped must be injured is far more damaging than the idea that injuries don't automatically point to rape.

I agree totally with the last post.. but that isn't quite how this research has been reported so courtroom activity might be better but people expressing views might say the opposite - that if someone claims she has been raped she has in fact had consensual sex because the same injury appears.

The reporting danger is important! - its bloody DM voters in wealthy areas who make it to the polls so if they think about these things badly politicians will respond to them

I think that some posters need to work on their self-respect and think hard about why they use terms like 'use your body' when their partner may be expressing love

Wow...in the context here, you believe the woman was expressing love? She had unprotected sex with him even though she knew his previous wishes of always using contraception? That in itself is harmful behaviour. I am so shocked that you can't see that!

noo.. sigh.. I am talking about the people posting indicating that all sex initiated during sleep/half sleep is rape.

No I haven't.

i know you are, but what am I? ...

(sigh)

By the way the 'duck' analysis is the usual way rape cases fail, though there is a change of a letter.

'She was wearing a short skirt, was flirting all night, snogged several men, walked home with one and had his hand down his trousers, took him back to his house and made him breakfast - she is known to have several partners and attend sex parties. My client did not rape her, this was a drunken pickup and she knew what she was doing'.. etc...

looks like duck, quacks like one??

Betty and timeto, in your evocations of BDSM, rape fantasy, et al, you've omitted one very important factor: the stop word. All practitioners of potentially dangerous sex games use pre-agreed signals that the game has gone beyond acceptable limits.

In ordinary sex, the word 'stop' should suffice or, if speech is unavailable, there are recognisable indicators such as freezing, pushing away, crying, and so on. It's patently absurd to pretend one partner may legitimately play out a BDSM fantasy without the other's prior consent and a stop word. That would be rape.

In the OP's situation, the simple fact is that his girlfriend knew he didn't want a pregnancy and had unprotected sex without his knowledge or consent. So it was 'rape' or, since he wasn't penetrated, sexual assault. The potential consequences of this particular assault are lifelong and involve a child, which she knew. That makes it clear, cynical abuse. I fail to understand why you're determined to belittle this victim and others.

she is known to have several partners and attend sex parties. My client did not rape her, this was a drunken pickup and she knew what she was doing

She has the right to say No at ANY POINT during proceedings. So does he. Anything else is lack of respect for another's sovereignty over their own body. The words for that are rape and sexual assault.

walked home with one and had [her] hand down his trousers

Well, that was sexual assault unless he showed enthusiasm for the fiddle. Can we assume he didn't say "get your hand out of there" or "I'm going home alone, you nutcase"? He carried on, so he probably didn't feel assaulted. Sounds like he took it as a cue to perpetrate an assault of his own. That's no good, especially if the other is less able to consent or withdraw consent than you were.

1. I'm not doing so.
2. There was no 'stop' word expressed in your scenario and no expression of lack of consent either before during or after the event.
3. Neither was there in mine. 'STOP' or another 'safe' word was not expressed - was the sex in my scenario by your definition now consensual?

1. Yes I know, that's the point
2. Are you saying one sex assault deserves another?

1. Nice that you have assumed who assaulted who.. was it the short skirt, or the sex parties that made you jump to your conclusion??

"2. There was no 'stop' word expressed in your scenario and no expression of lack of consent either before during or after the event. "

There doesn't need to be a "stop" word to show lack of consent, there just needs to be no "yes".