Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

well, lucky woman! sounds like no difficult starts were involved! I can so envisage living with my wiq, but miles and miles away from that, it seems.

Well we were both single and she had lots of experience . She knew I had finished a long term relationship with a man but was interested in a gf, so it wasn't any harder really than 2 people of any sex getting together. Telling my family was interesting, but apart from that it, was fine.

can i ask how old were you roughly when you decided to be woth a woman? did you give her clear signals you wre interested ? you see, I think if I was exprerienced I'd feel much more confident initiating with wiq who may be considering something but no one has the courage to make first steps.

as to the signals, I just wonder how a previously stratight woman would encourage someone - were you direct? or were you careful, and she just read you well? sorry for all the q's!

I met her at a group for lesbians or those questioning their sexuality. So it was pretty clear I was interested in a woman. So that made it easy. She said until the meal she thought I was being friendly, but wasn't sure if I was interested.

It wasn't my first experience. I had a short relationship with a woman before - a friend of a bf actually who I split up with for her. But she was a lesbian. I can't actually remember how it started with her though! I think I may have been quite flirty though.

haha, yes it did help to be at that meeting! but also you aer very confident with the meal etc (not waiting for her to intiate), I wish i could do such a no nonsense approach! thank you for this, it's all inspiring, to hear of positive outcomes, whatever the circs.

too many comas in that sentence! I'll be off for a while now.

We had met up a few times very casually, with other people. So yes I decided to just invite her for a meal. She had thought it was just as friends, although I didn't know that! But I thought nothing would ever happen unless we were actually alone.

And yes it worked!

I wouldn't correlate experience with confidence when it comes to changing teams. They are not necessarily linked, and in my experience, have nowt to do with each other.

why not G40? it makes sense. I never had a problem showing initiaticve with men i fancied as I knew how to handle responses AND I was confident sexually speaking as i rarely got rejected on basis of not being fancied (I mean if hte were not single they did say 'no' but then i didn't take that personally). Here I'm very unconfident not only about her fancying me, but also whether I can offer something as a lover where we both have no experience - can't you see that if I was confident in that departnent and knew that I can be good in bed it would give me confidence? I'm also not confident whether I will like it enough myself (sleeping with a oman ) even though I'm not very concerned. She does like me generally as a person, so it's a lack in that aspect, but it could be just genreal friendliness. And I'm not turning generally, I'm interested in her - I think your point applies to general turning. You did say btw your Mrs 'tool a while' so possibly also wasn
t feeling confident to start with, but at least she knew YOU weren't a novice.

*not a lack in that aspect

*'took a while'

btw my wiq is a very confident woman generally (quietly confident mostly) but when it's the two of us there is also this strange hesitancy in her manner with me whic his not typical for her.
Also I generally get on with women I like (sociall) and am not unconfident in chatting even to strangers. So how do you explain my lapse in confidence with her apart from being shocked initially by my feelings and now in trying to do the right thing (still not sure what that is, obviously)? I suppose being in love with anyone is similar, but there is extra element of it being unusual which makes it harder.

I guess it is a bit like being a teenager in not quite knowing what to do and not being sure if you will be good enough at doing it. But I know it is a cliche, but I think its true, that once you start its fine. Because the truth is every woman is different. You kind of need to learn every time what someone likes.

Eats, yes, to an extent different, but if you ve only been with men before it 's radically different with the FIRST woman. I'm not planning to sleep with others anyway . I mean men ar different too but if you go for a few 'types' they aer not miles apart. Also I think genrally men's sexuality is much more simple (unless they have issues) than a woman's, I suppose women differ from each other more than men do.
The thing is I'm so used to thinking about wiq everyday (not just once) that I'm terrified now to having to get unused to it if she rejects me. I will have to obviously, but that makes me paralysed a bit in risking things. I think i will have to drop an obvious hint soon as if she is not at all interested it's dangerous to be hoping for this long.

Some things are different, but some things are the same. I ts really onlt the genital contact that is different - but honestly its not hard when you are into someone. Although I think you are probably right, that there is more difference between women.

I guess the longer you hope, the more devastating it might be if she says no. It would be good to get at least a hint of whether it is a possibility.

yes, I'm not too worried exactly because I like her this much (from my end), but still worried about her, if she decided to experiment but with a getout clause! I THINK I'm getting signs of her liking me more progressively (much more eye contact etc), so it's not a completely empty hope, but I still don't how to hint in a best way. Been advised by a few people to raise the general sunject of lesbians, but not too happy as I'm not really a lesbian and also it may be intimidating to her. It's an option but I'm looking for more inspiration. Any ideas, Eats?

No, it wasn't that she lacked confidence - she actually got our relationship going - but she sensed she might miss her chance. Not being experienced didn't bother her in the slightest.
In fact, in all my 20 odd years of being out there, I've not really met a straight woman who worried about sexual confidence with another woman. When I think about it, the lesbians were more nervy.

I think it is about sussing out her general attitude to same sex relationships though. If for example she thinks they are disgusting, then you are on a loser.

In addition, being good in bed isn't about experience. Or knowing the tricks. It's about listening, reacting and consideration, reacting to the "signals".
One person might be a firework with partner A but a wash-out with partner B.

I think it is caring about the other person's experience of sex, knowing what you like, and being attracted to the other person that makes you good in bed. And not taking it too seriously. Its not a performance

That's very true @ Eats.

My gay male friend was talking about a "hook-up" he'd had, and I asked how he knew this guy.
"Oh, he came recommended via a friend."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to ask if references and feedback were available.

G40 - well, you know one now, me! with respect I'm talking about my feelings and lack of confidence about it, what is the point negating it? I understand that if both people aer enamoured it will work, but if the position is unequal, i.e. I'm fallen for her, and she is just curious but no strong feelings, that makes her more 'expectant' and my trying not to put her off by having no clue what she likes and whether I will enjoy it also. You don't kjnow how straight women feel - they don't all report it, I'd be amazed to think they are very confident and sexual side without experiencing it, and also it does add courage to approach a gay woman as at least she knows what she likes andwhat to do. So women approaching you may be more confident as they know you aer not just trying it out but sceptical/unsure.
If of course she WAS in love with me I wouldn't worry anything like as much as then both would be sensitive/attentive and most of all - patient. I know from my history, that if I'm not in love with a man, and he's not so good in bed first time, I tend not to continue, it's only when in love you have patience to adjut to each oter over a lonhg time (if it's not great immediately).

*and me trying