Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

you were lurking for THAT long! wow, so you know how long I've been posting and you still think there is a chance - that's great!
well, maybe 'strop' is not the right word, but 'off' with you and doesn't want you to approach. This may be some sort of 'punishment' she may be crazy! or - got involved with someone now and is embarrassed that she encouraged you before. Leave it be for now and if she calms down and soften then 'pounce'.
Not pleased about my trivia talk as I talk a bit on edge with her, when i should be more espressive of how i feel, more in control. She may think I'm not even attarcted as a result, just clingy on some creepy way . And she does excuse herself - maybe she hopes i say smth relevant and i don't and she decides to walk away then.
I still will have a peek at the clothes though, can't resist. don't think she'd be upset about that really..it's not like going through papers .

you know, if one of us was a man, we'd be all over each other immediately! It's the bloody two women thing that is so complicated (not even emotionally speaking but to her socially, and to me still no clue physically what would i be doing, possibnly for her as well).
My man friend said to me - you are talkign to her about trivia when what she probably thinks is 'why doesn't she just grab me?' - he may have a point, but I really don't have the nerve. And then he said that at this age women are not after sex much so it's unlikely she'd even try unless it's very easy.

expressive (ha, not coffee-like!)

Thanks for the update likea! Sounds interesting re your WIQ. Will try and keep up in future but this thread is so fast moving, and I'm trying to get on with me' Sarah Waters!

yes your wiq is being ridiculous, but maybe she has mental issues? also if she's in her 20s and confused she could still behave in a childish way.

er..i wouldn't say 'fast' Salt! nothing radical yet with us on here, apart from sleep who outdone everyone with her speed of developments - about 2-3 weeks!

yes, outmy, I wouldn't jump either, but he meant grab her in a hug - which is what I REALLY want to do! I literally have to force my arms down my sides to stop doing it ! but he meant that it looks like there is a bit of interest and she's waiting for me to make steps. I do ask him - why can't SHE then initiate, we aer on the same boat, to which thre is no answer. Yes, not grabbing of course, but an honest talk. He keeps telling me to talk to her honestly, for which I'm trying to gather nerve and prepare her with these texts of saying how I'm not being sweet to just everyone etc. (tame and possibly comes across as clingy in a weird way?)

outmy, I honestly couldn't guess that you were on a lot of vodka! This didn't come across as negative don't worry, I don;t have the nerve to do this so obviously it's a scary thing to do for reasons of their unknown reaction, even though it's only a hug fgs! I may do it if there is some situation where she needs comfort but hasn't happened so far. But it's true that if you jump someone with kissing or groping they would be horrifeid! HUgs can be given to friends so not so risky. I think if we touched properly, even if i held her hand, things would really have moved on (unless of course she feels nothing for me), but it's scary and I don';t know how to start that even 'accidentally', it' s the pesky nerves. I can'r even initiate a hug goodbye as it never happened and would stick out iykwim. It could work if we drink together so possibly will work on that - or if she decides she had enough waaiting!

Hi this is the thread I mentioned in case you couldn't see it

Hello!

I was directed to this thread by a kind MNer who suggested I might find some like minded folk and possibly some advice for the situation I'm in.

My original thread is here but if you don't want to read it, the story is that I've developed feelings for a close female friend. I'm in an unsatisfying relationship with a guy that's recently taken a turn for the worst, and I'm thinking more and more about my friend.

She is over twenty years older than me (I'm 30), and is the most incredible woman I have ever met. I've had brief flings with women in the past, but I have never felt like this before. I am afraid of telling her for many reasons, primarily because I don't want to jeopardize our friendship.

So confused.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack the thread, but would appreciate any advice!

Hi caonima
In a nutshell, I'm married and fell in love lust with a woman. I've decided to separate from dh so I can be free to pursue who I like. It's not going to work with the other woman, but I now know I want a woman as my partner.
I read your other thread and it sounds to me like you need to sort out the situation with your partner and then see if the friend might want to take things further with you. I'm sure you can do it in such a way that you can maintain a friendship whatever happens.

Hi Caonima

You are not hijacking the thread, this is what the thread is here to talk about and quite a few women post on it. I agree with Myelin that you need to sort out the situation with your partner first and take it from there.

You might find you are still very interested in your friend or you might find that your interest wanes when you come out of your unsatisfactory relationship. I was with a man in a relationship that wasn't great. I became very attracted to his lesbian friend and ended up splitting with him and being with her. Once I actually split with my partner I realised I wasn't actually so interested in her, the attraction was more a sign that I was in the wrong relationship. So we didn't last.

I am actually now living with a different woman. But I think when you are in an unsatisfactory relationship, it can be hard to separate all your feelings out for both your partner and any other attraction you feel

Hiya, and welcome to the thread. You are not alone, you'll find all sorts of people here in different stages of their interest in women. Hopefully you will get some useful advice and support.

E

Hello :) no time to read all- how is sleepless ???

Hi Caonima, I saw your thread and was quite amazed (firstly, because your woman in question (wiq as we call them) and your situation is somewhat similar to mine, but also was surprised you have not noticed this thread - it's in its 3d round! and we had other ones running before). The similarity is that I'm the one poster here who is in love with a woman 20yrs older - I thought it was about 15yrs but discovered she's older than i thought. I'm 41 so not as young as you but the age gap is still noticeable and it worries me, as like you, I think she may wish a partner of her own age and I also worry that her fondmess for me (which I can see) is like to a daughter! I also worry whether she's interested in men only and in anyone in particular right now! What's difffernt is that we ar nor close friends like you aer with your, as I don't have opportuity to see her daily or weekly, it's usually once in two weeks or less and sometimes v.brief. I known for her for about 6 mnts with gaps of a month and then two months. So you are VERY lucky that you aer naturally brought together daily, and that she sees you as a close friend. I think if she saw you as a daughter she may not have confided to you as much re loneliness, ot discussed whether she'd have a r-ship with a womn! It's a great bonus that she knows you are bi, is not put off, and she didn't say she's dfead against involvement with a woman who is a friend. I think in these circs you could safely tell her, and stuill retain fiendship. It's not going to be a shock and you know her general attitude, so it's one step away telling her that it's her you like (she knows you've been with women). I think at worst she;d be sorry that it happened to you and treat it as 'inevitable evil' that may happen to anyone bi. At best - you never know! In my case I've never been with a woman and I dont think she has, but I'm not brave to ak as we never talk on personal subjects. I did compliment her, and try to show I'm attracted non verbally (or rather that i really like her)- asa non-close friend I think she may be getting some message, but I know i will have to be direct quite soon as all these hints can be misread and meanwhile I'm stuck on her properly! but she may be horrified ot disgusted as we discussed here about hetero women. To me age gap is a real bugger as it adds to the 'inapproriace' of the situation for her even if she feels something towards me. But as i say, I will say something soon as I can't just be stuck, and so should you! she's quite prepared in your case (maybe minus the age gap!).

outmy - I think you were drunk (as you said) during our last exchange but I did always suggest that you shopuld behave like a grown up and try to clear the air, and just say what you are saying here - that you are not intiating anything as it looks like you misunderstood her, so she doesn't have to worry, yo u just want civil friendly, NORMAL atmosphere afain, and add that you bump into each other and it's getting very strange and awkward. Don't guess 'what if she thinks this' just tell her straight so that she hears it and doesn't think anything untoward. If she secretly is still attracted at least yo ucan move on to more later, but first just be neutral.

Just a quick report on my stay at wiq's. I think I may have pushed it a bit too much with htat text where i said i wasn't sweet to everyone, meaning just to her. She didn't leave any nice note (even if brief) and when i asked her smth by text (boring practical thing) she replied very factually, not even 'hope you aer comfoirtable or smth' - whereas before that text shewas very warm. I know though that she's abroafd and prob in the middle of smth so will have to see what she's like on return. I still worry that she may be somewhat interetsed in a man (remeber the one who stayed?) as I did look at some 'to do' notes that were on the table, and his name is mentioned there (recently) and ticked, but he used to rarely be in london (he's really far) so i wasn't esxpecting him to crop up again. And someone did send her valentine's which is displayed. Thre is another one whjo also she goes out with somtimes so maybe he's trying it on too even though I don't think she's keen on that one. It's all getting intense, I really want to move it on within the next month, one way or the other, as it'sgetting to me now.
I really don't want to ask generally whether she'd be interested in a woman - and advice how to make it personal about me but not to put her on the spot too much? Or is it best to just tell her how I feel (well, not full on) without asking her first?

Caonima,
inappropriacy' - sorry for so many typos, had a vERY long day and was in a rush to type while I'm concentrating!