Welcome to the Turning Tavern III

[Crushinghard]

A continuation of the TTII thread for women unexpectedly finding themselves attracted to other women.

This sounds really confusing. No wonder you don't know where to go with it. The waxing and waning of interest seems to be a common theme!

Going for a coffee was hardly a big saucy invitation, so maybe she got cold feet? Possibly she doesn't know herself what she's feeling.

I'm an oldie on this thread but I've name changed.
Have you decided what you want? Is it just her you are interested in? Are you single?
It can be very hard, don't know how you've managed so long like this!

It does sound a really confusing situation. Do you know this teacher's background i.e. is she single, living with a man/woman, openly gay?

You may never know why she was giving off confusing signals. But it does sound now as if she is saying she is not interested. Are you interested in finding another WIQ?

Please don't apologise, you are not rambling. And it does sound like she led you on to think she was interested. There are lots of reasons why she might be acting this way now. Maybe flirting with you was a fantasy with her and the thought that something could actually happen really scares her. Maybe things have changed in her personal life so that she is no longer free to get involved with someone else. Maybe she is just a really screwed up person and acts in confusing ways with people a lot.

Sadly you will probably never know why she is acting this way. But it really doesn't sound as if it is anything to do with what you have done and your fault in any way. Maybe sadly you need to chalk this up to experience and try and forget her as best you can?

And take the time to figure out if you want to meet another wiq or if this was just a one off. And not all wiq behave in this way, so please don't think that.

Leading you on was unfair, but if she's made herself clear now I'm afraid you'll have to find a way to let her go. It's not easy, I know, but for your own sanity it needs to be done.

hello outmymind welcome to the thread.

I've had a couple of years of very mixed signals from my WIQ and have been sent a wee bit mad by it After 3 months of no contact - as far as I was aware we'd reached the 'friendly but not proper friends' stage and I was quite happy with that - I bumped into her one day and straight away she asked me for a drink. I said yes - cue another three weeks of her blowing hot and cold before we finally went for said drink couple of weekends ago. She was very lovey-dovey on that night, but very little contact since. Grrrr..... So I really understand how frustrating it is and can offer loads of sympathy if not any real advice.

Unless you're like a friend of mine who's so thick-skinned she would cheerfully bounce up to someone and say 'right, what's going on?!' you'll probably never know what's going on in her head. Do you have any friends in common who might be able to do a bit of detective work on your behalf? if you knew what was going on in her life - relationship breakup, whether she is gay or not - you might be able to make more sense of things and put your mind at rest.

Do rant away on here! As Gay said, waxing and waning of interest does seem to be horribly common so we all understand how it feels to be on the receiving end.

Could you approach her and say something like ' I'm really sorry I was so late picking the children up the other day, I hope I didn't hold you up for anything? Only I saw you'd left by the time I got here'......or something more appropriate along those lines?

She was being off with you before then though.....Hmmm. I think maybe you need to ignore the fact she's a teacher at your childrens school - tbh she's not behaving very professionally if she's giving you dirty looks. But maybe if you approach her in a friendly and apologetic fashion about your lateness she'll respond in kind and you might get a better idea of what this is all about.

It's infuriating how nervous it makes you isn't it? I've been reduced to the level of a complete dribbling arse in front of WIQ, I actually don't recognise myself Well, maybe a bit.....But you know what I mean.

Blimey she's even more of a mess-with-your-header than my WIQ! At least all the blowing hot and cold I've had to deal with has really been email contact, generally - apart from a couple of occassions - she's been lovely to my face, which in a way makes the email silence even harder to deal with. But changing direction to avoid you?! Good grief.

Well, two choices then, you either channel your inner all-guns-blazing and next time to see her make a point of talking to her (I still think an attempt to apologise for your lateness might be a good opener) Just be aware this may involve you running across the playground after her! Or think 'right, sod you' and act likewise, stroll past with your nose in the air.

There's got to be something behind her behaviour hasn't there? Is there anyone else you could discreetly ask?

We need Likea to come along and scratch her chin over this. She's good at the pyschoanalysis stuff.

Welcome outmymind :) She's definitely blowing hot and cold if you have read the signals right from her in the first place. Being a teacher at your daughter's school may put her in a difficult position with regards to you. How long before your daughter leaves the school?

We're not really in a place to judge the reason she's being off with you. It could be because you were late, in which case an apology would be a good start, but there could be something else you didn't even pick up on.
I'd start with the apology anyway, it gives you a chance to talk to her at least.

As Myelin said an apology is the way to start communicating again, can you say what the vibes were from her in the beginning? Typical WIQ behaviour sending out mixed messages we've seen it all before

Hi outmymind ! It could be that your wiq just gotinvolved with someone now and that's the simlpe explanation for her avoiding you. But if that's not the case - I need some examples of those 'strong signals' to get a feel for your situation, I know you can't go into details, but maybe just a couple of examples. Also what is she like with people generally - is she a bit dramatic? Geberally though you have to forget about 'looking desperate' as you can't avoid taking risks in the situations, at least ytou don't work together so if you embarrass yourself a bit you don;t have to see her later (i.e. not much to lose, but you could gain a lot by asking her - but first i need to hear about signals re whether you are reading too much into it).

damn it! I won't be seeing wiq next weekend as planned as she's now got something on.. I'm not far from tears here..as it means the next chance i get is the very end of May (and even that not entirely confirmed). it's amazing how you aer just swimming along and then a sharp pain of disappointment when things not as planned - it's a physical sensation which feels s**ty. At least she actually said (by text) that she is sorry she won't see me next w/end, don't know whether I'm justified to feel encouraged a bit (she doesn't usually say these things to me).
polly, aer you better physically?

Likea I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you think this might be the opportunity for you to text and say you're sorry you won't get to see her for a while, is she free for a drink/meal in the interim? Might be worth a try.

No, I'm not better, bit worse in fact. I think I've got another chest infection. I've been plagued by them for the last 18 months - I'm having a scan next week to see if there's any underlying cause because I'm getting them so frequently. Will see the doc on Tuesday and probably get more antibiotics. I have asthma so anything like this really knocks me for six. Boo.

you definately need antibiotics - have they worked before? usually penicillin clear them fast! but it sounds like your immune system needs a boost - try a long course of l-lysine, although it's more anti-viral than infections but still boosts immune. You may need also multi-vits. You aer probab;y overdoing with dc, can yo uarrange childcare hwile you aer recovering, as you won't recover when it's cold AND you get tired.
The problem is I'm not in london every week (where she is) and then she's away - I knew she would be soon but didn't think it would be that soon! she didn't know either. So with all that end of May would be lucky! Of course if that can't be done i will go and see her even witrhout the normal arranged activity, just to stop by and say hi. I did reply indicateing i was sorry, but I must say it's nice she said it first. I will phone and talk to her though this week.