The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

I've just put a bottle of white in the freezer.

Ahem mia, can I remind you of this?
Had a rubbish night's sleep due to boozing and feel really tired and tearful today.
and that later that day you were relieved to be not drinking?

Would you believe me if I told you that I went to round the clock drinking to not if you put a gun to my head in a few weeks?

Don't drink the wine in the fridge- how did it get there? Were you upset and craving when you bought it? Has it been in the house all week?

Come and talk to us.

Yes Mia come and talk with us

You know what, it sounds like you are preparing to drink. This is a choice.

You don't really want to, hence the face but you think you have no contol. Mia you are wrong. You are able to contol this. What do you want?

If you want to drink, go ahead, drink it, sleep badly, wake up dehydrated, full of regrets, feel miserable all day. If that's what you want?

Or come and chat with us, keep it in the here and now. You are not alone, you know, lots of babes are trying to avoid that first glass.

What's going on, my lovely?

Thanks help the thing is I'm feeling really tired and tearful and pissed off every day, regardless of whether I've been drinking or not. I'm fucking fed up. I stopped drinking to feel better but I'm not feeling better at all.

God I sound like a petulant child.

The bottle was in the wine rack.

Faire I'm miserable all the bloody time. I don't know what's th matter with me.

Ok Mia first things first < rolls up sleeves >

Have you thought about HALT (hungy, angry, lonely, tired). You need to take care of those things first. Grab a cuppa and a snack if you need one, maybe get into pjs if you're tired and come back to chat with us some more.

What's causing the tearfulness? Totm? Medication? Stuff going on (or not) at the moment?

I'm dieting at the moment (as you probably know because I'm always going on about it ) but some weeks I don't lose weight. Does that mean I should stop? Give up trying?

The same applies to our drinking. It's not easy all the time, but hey, who said that life would be easy, drinking or not drinking we still have to cope x

You're seeing the hangover to the end, that's what's happening Mia.

Can I distract you with a boring but relevant anecdote?

I got new glasses recently. It was about three years since I'd had my eyes tested and the old ones were really scratched as well. The difference is amazing- I danced along the streets marvelling at all the lovely colours, the sharp outlines and the sheer brilliance of everything. But the following morning I felt quite dizzy when I put them on, and I was horrified at how dirty the house was- all the blurrry edges I hadn't noticed before were full of dust and grime.

I could wear my old glasses, I'm probably safe to drive and no-one else would really know, the frames are similar, but I deserve to see all the bright colours and sharp edges, I've cleaned up the grimy margins of my life house and the dizziness passed in a few days.

Don't put your old glasses back on.

Faire I'm a bit hungry, angry at everything, not lonely, constantly tired. I haven't even got dressed today so still in PJs. I've been drinking cup after cup of tea lately trying to raise my energy levels and mood, so don't want any more.

Not totm. Increased meds about a week ago to 30mg/day after dropping from 40mg to 20mg (citalopram, common ssri AD). Don't know what's the matter with me, nothing to be depressed about at all really. My back (long term chronic problem) is a worse than usual but I'm not in agony. DD being lovely at the mo. Things fine with DP.

I dunno.

Hey Mia how about chucking that bottle of wine away so that you are not tempted. You know the routine. Brush teeth twice, and curl up with a good book.

HT Fear and self-loathing - that's what alcoholism is - we're not there any more. That was then. This is now.

Tiredness is typical IME - I don't think it is solely the Antabuse (in my case). I think we were literally fuelled by alcohol. We just have to develop new and healthier fuel sources.

Soma it's good that the cravings are not getting you! Keep going!!

Thanks help. I don't feel capable of cleaning up the grime at the moment though.

Hope DP would be extremely unimpressed if I poured his wine away. I'd better start cooking - can't brush teeth til after dinner.

Thanks for the pep talks. Sorry for being so pathetic.

So ignore the grime, sit with it. It won't kill you, and you won't wake up full of self loathing if you don't tackle it tonight... But don't drink tonight. Do as hopefully suggests, double brush your teeth, have some supper and come back here. Where's DD tonight?

Maybe not tonight, but you need to talk to DP about pouring his wine away. Would he be unimpressed if you drank it? Sorry don't think about that tonight, I'll ask you in a few days.

And you are not pathetic!

Mia it takes a while for changes in meds to take effect doesn't it. So you may be feeling the results of cutting back to 20mg a little while ago. When the new dose kicks in, you should feel better. It may be as simple as that.

Or you could be coming down with something which is why you are feeling tired. I think if you could relax in a bubble bath, then curl up somewhere warm with a book for a while followed by an early night, it will do you the power of good. Much better than necking wine which will just make you hungover on top of what you're already feeling. You don't need to do that to yourself.

What about taking some multivitamins too. I'm going to have a bath myself now but will check back with you later. Just take it ten minutes at a time, you can do this lovely x

Mia, I think you and i have been on this thread for a similar time & I have read closely as you so eloquently described your thoughts/behaviours around alcohol.
You sounded so similar to me, I really drew support from what you were saying.

I also feel really flat & tired at the mo, so know what you mean. I think the wine just gives us a false surge, (nevermind the low that always follows)which disappears when we stop drinking & for some reason we miss it emotionally.

I dunno but hang in there lovely, the drink honestly won't make anything better. Can you plan something nice, maybe some indulgence?

Mia I didn't buy any wine, I cooked early and we ate so cravings are no more. Bit worried I'm relying on the diazepam to get me through this but it won't be prescribed for long and will hopefully give me a bit of breathing space. It was scary though, I very nearly caved....

And you're not being pathetic, you're being damned brave. I absolutely can't have wine in the house but I suppose that's not possible for you because of DP. I'm on ADs too which seem to work pretty well most of the time - how long have you been on them? Maybe you could switch to another?

And thanks everyone else who held my hand, the feeling of relief that tonight AND tomorrow won't be ruined is immense. It's so great to be here and not feel ALONE in this. So anyone who is feeling alone/pathetic/hopeless at the moment, do come and tell us your story.

Just dashing in. In middle of bath/bed delight so excuse brevity Mia I am very sorry you feel so rubbish at the moment. It's not fair when you're trying so hard with your drinking is it? That's life though . By the sounds of it you may well feel rubbish again tomorrow but I absolutely guarantee you will feel WORSE tomorrow if you drink. It's your choice. Please put the bottle back

Thanks Faire I've got a cold (again, after last week's virus) and I feel run down, in constant niggling pain with my back, and thoroughly pissed off. Bit of a perfect storm.

I don't know how on earth you cope, Mouse, with the degree of pain you're in. Mine is nothing like as bad as that and it drives me to drink.

help DD is in her loft room with a couple of the neighbour's children, listening to the 'DD's loft tunes' CD I burned for her this afternoon. Height of cool! even if she did insist on two Elton John tracks on there

DP would never in a million years pour his wine away, and I wouldn't ask him to - I need to resist the temptation of it being in the house when I'm not drinking. I don't have any white in the fridge though, so I have to chill it first which gives me pause.

Thanks for all the support. I've caved in, I'm sorry. It just took DP saying 'well you've done really well, and it's only 11%...'.

Try again tomorrow.

Cross-posted again. Now I feel I've let everyone down.

Soma I'm so pleased you resisted - well done you. From what you've said, when the craving hits you it's more like a tidal wave than a niggling thing, so you've done bloody brilliantly to resist.

Thanks chasing I think you're right, it's that energy surge. When I feel really flat and crap, I look forward to that hour or two of feeling miraculously better after I pour a glass of wine. I managed to convince myself that I was feeling crap and flat because of the drinking, which gave me the determination that carried me through the first bit (with the help of you amazing Babes). But now my drinking is a shadow of its former self, yet I still feel flat, crap, irritable, anxious, all the things I was blaming on the booze.

Silly I failed tonight. I'll try again tomorrow. x

Mia I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I am sorry you feel crap. It is hard isn't it? Do whatever it takes to not open the bottle tonight.
Soma I can't have wine in the house either. Glad you got passed your craving. I agree, it is great to not feel alone, and in a warped way it is comforting to know that others had the same tactics with alcohol that I did, that someone else gets what I am saying.
Well done Angel, it is hard going into a shop and not buying any wine isn't it? I keep coming out of the shop convinced I have forgotten somewthing because the bags are too light

xposted Mia you haven't let any of us down. Be kind to yourself. x

Hey Mia you haven't failed! I've been there a million times and no doubt will be there again very soon (just not tonight!). Go easy on yourself. We'll all be here tomorrow and you may be trying to talk me out of drinking. That's how this bus works. Great isn't it?

Hello everyone else. Sooo much going on here. Will no doubt bang on about it tomorrow. Have good evenings everyone

Right that's enough about me tonight.

Can I just say that truth I was really moved by your posts and that you've managed 9 days sober with no support. Just wow!

I also laughed at on the plus side I don't have buy any cards for a long time... but then I know I have a very inappropriate sense of humour...

Thanks all xx

Mia I know myself well enough to recognise that the first couple of weeks of not drinking will be fine. I will be motivated and strong. It is after that that I will find harder. After seeing all the bottles I took to recycling today I am amazed I am still breathing to be honest. I wish I had taken photos to remind me. But I guess that is what this thread is for, a reminder of why I can't drink.
Oh yes, cards, I have them for all occasions, well all occasions that it is possible for a card to be given with a bottle of wine I have a drawer full of wrapping paper too x2