The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Hello all
I last posted on these threads just over a year ago but didn't keep up with it. I actually hid the threads so that I didn't see them.
Right, another deep breath, I am going to be totally honest about my drinking habits (excuse any typos but I don't want to see the words until I have finished - sounds daft I know)
So after I briefly joined the Bus loast year, my habits went from bad to worse.
I am a morning drinker
Depending on what day it was I would either drink a bottle of wine at 6am or straight after the school run I would have a drink. Then in the evening I would have a bottle of wine. At the weekends it could be more.
Bottles have been hidden in my wardrobe, handbag and various cupboards in the kitchen. Last time I went to the bottle bank (would only put a few out in the recycling) I got rid of about £120 worth of bottles .
Last week I don't know why but I clicked on this thread again.
So last Mon am I had half a glass of wine, normally I would have gone to the shop to buy another bottle (along with wrapping paper and a card so that it looked like I was buying the wine as a present ) but I didn't that day.
Don't know why but I decided to see if I could get to the evening without a drink.
I haven't had a drop since. So I am on Day 9 (obviously not including the monday).
I am not thinking about the future at the moment, whether I will ever have a glass of wine when out for dinner or not. At the moment all I am thinking is that today, right now, I am not going to have a drink.

I have kept this namechange as, although I don't post much with my usual name, I'm not yet ready to post under my nommal name.

Sorry this is long.

Now I am dithering whether to hit the post button or not. Morning drinking sounds so awful, ok enough dithering. Close eyes, hit post.

Welcome ht! You are doing do well! Don't hide us again!

Welcome Angel, Seasidegirly and welcome back HT I'm in awe of you giving up without any form of chemical assistance, from a habit that sounds as bad as mine was . Stay on the Bus and keep us all going.

I've been reading about the side-effects of Antabuse, and tiredness is common particularly during the first couple of weeks. It's not so much tiredness as complete and utter exhaustion, but I'm keeping on because right now, I don't have the willpower not to cave in to triggers and just need a clean break to develop more sensible routines and habits.

Have a good day Babes - old and new and newish

Wow Truth you have done so well, that is fantastic. What a brave and honest babe you are, welcome to the bus

Hope to chat more with you later x

Thanks for the welcome back
I have felt exhausted all week. So much of my days have been taken up with planning on how/where to get another bottle of wine (or searching for the best deals or going to 2/3 different shops as if thast made a difference!) then coming home and thinking of a new hiding place because I hadn't got rid of the other bottles yet. It was practically a full time job
My worry is that I am such an all or nothing person. So the last week I have had no caffeine, no alcohol, eaten really healthy and started doing some exercise (I am about 4stone overweight with a very noticeable "wine tummy"), I am feelng good but worried that 1 slip up (on any of those things) will lead me to crumble. I am however smoking like a trooper. But have told myself that there is no way I can give up smoking at the moment.
Just going to do the school run and then my plan for the morning is to get rid of the rest of the empty bottles in the house. I am dreading counting how many there are.

Gosh, sorry for the long post, I feel as though I am a dam that has broken, and it is all gushing out.

Hi Truth and welcome . Wow! What a change you've made to your life. I am in awe. Good for you . Please do stick around and if you do have any wobbles or serious cravings then come and tell us. We'll try and talk you out of it! If the healthy eating or exercise slips a little, don't panic and give up. You're doing incredibly well. The drinking is the most important thing to concentrate on. Don't let any possible slip-ups in other areas affect what brilliant progress you're making with your drinking. Keep on posting

ht Prioritise the not drinking- so if you slip up on the caffeine or the food, comfort yourself that you're succeeding not drinking and that's the most important thing!

I am still smoking 2+ years sober and at self

Sorting out the empty bottles will be upsetting, so make sure you look after yourself, have fags in so you don't have to nip out and get some half way through when you're feeling wobbly. But have a treat after, come here, or call a friend or have a bath.

Mouse I'm so sorry about your friend.

Horribletruth You sound like you have made great progress. I hate that bottle chucking thing. I hate walking out of the house with bagfuls of empties and hoping none of my neighbours see me.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Hello and welcome to Angel, seaside and Truth. Great to have you all here.

Truth - I agree with help, you need to worry about the thing that will do you the most lasting damage, not the things that you can easily correct, de-caff, low fat foods, smoking less.......

Don't count the empties, just get rid of them. You'll only feel worse than you already do and you've beaten yourself up plenty as it is.

You are in the right place, we may not all smoke, over-eat, live on caffeine, or are on a fab diet where we can eat as much cheese as we like........ just me there actually!

We do ALL have abusive relationships with alcohol, whether that be past, present or possible, that's our link.

Well done on posting, that's the hardest step for many, just to say 'D'you know what? I think I drink too much'. It's not something that anyone wants to hear or say aloud.

I'm on a pre-school carer day but will be back later. xx

Seaside making a tit of myself with men I really fancied was my speciality! Welcome to the bus. HT to have achieved over a week's sobriety just like that is extraordinary. Keeping on that path is so hard but we can all do it together.

Mia you OK? Do just drop in to say hello. Hopefully I feel really positive about starting antabuse after what I've heard from you. I don't have too many cravings at the moment (maybe the acamprosate is doing something) but I just know when faced with a trigger (like visiting the loony parents this weekend) I'd reach for a drink or three. So best if all temptation is removed.

Have a good day all xx

Oh and thank you for all of the nice posts, (I got a bit maudlin last night , but I always do with Ingrid's anniversaries, we were drinking buddies and got into (and back out of) some almighty scrapes.

The thing is, we were friends much more than drinking buddies but it took me a long time to figure that out. I wasn't used to having a close female friend and an older one at that.

A while after she died, I realised exactly what she had meant to me and why.

I'm really off now, bye Babes xx

Hi Truth and all the other lovely Babes who have helped me so much

I have been meaning to post for a while but felt I had to today because I was also a daytime as well as an evening drinker. I did the rounds of all the different places to get wine - even had three bottle banks I'd alternate visiting.

Also did the buying of birthday cards and a lot of times when "the girls were coming round that evening" which necessitated buying wine at ten in the morning - yeah right, I'm sure everyone believed me

You're not wrong. It's hard work being an alcoholic!

I put it down twenty days ago with the help of these threads and the Jason Vale book which some of you recommended.

Off now for a driving lesson which I will actually take in, not being still half pissed or hungover, and an A.A meeting.

Hope to catch up later

{{{Soma}}}

Hi everyone, hello to the new/renewed arrivals to the bus.

Still here, still crap. Got another cold, or is it the same one making a late resurgence? In pain with my old back pack pain, new neck pain blah blah blah blah.

Trying to resist the voice that keeps-on-keeps-on-keeps-on saying 'well you feel just as shit as you did when you were drinking... might as well have a drink then eh?'.

Codiene in tummy, muffins in the oven, good parent/teacher mask in place, maths past SAT paper in hand, off to face the day.

Morning all babes, boing going on here the sun is out at last!!

Welcome Seaside, I am a sober alcoholic, and yes, tittery is what we seem to do best at our peak! Venus, Faire, JNW, Mouse and other regular passengers have some clever tricks and tips to avoid that first glass again.

Truth, seriously that is an astounding accomplishment, well done you, and hopefully now you ready to face the world without the ethanol swilling around the bus will help. Life isn't all rosy without it, but at least we have total recall!

Mouse, although it sounds horrible, I miss my friends that I have lost through accident and illness more than I miss some of my family. They loved me for what I am not what they wanted me to be.

Mia are you OK?

Better get my bum into gear, busy one today, and am now fretting already about a London trip in two weeks, have become such a country bumpkin in wildest North Yorkshire, the born fretter in me is beginning to surface.
Sorry not to namecheck all, but thinking of you nonetheless.

SSSM - Just mwah. xx

I'm really going now, this Bus is addictive, I tell you!

Klaxon for JWN is this your bag?

Good Morning Babes

Thank You so much for all Your kind words. Sorry I didnt get back to read Your replies or post last night, Just after I had written my post my OH came home and I had a bit of a meltdown on him. I have told him everything about how much I have actually been drinking (not what I allowed him to see) I have also told him about a wonderful group of Babes who are very supportive :)
He was really good and said he would help me best he could, He has taken the wine from the house at took it to work with him and as he was leaving suggested I spend some time on the wii fit after I've got my work done (I work from home). It feels like such a relief reading the posts on here and seeing there may be some light at the end of the tunnel. Thank You all for welcoming me on board. I did post a few weeks ago but I know now I wasnt quite ready then to give up my best friend. I feel totally different about it all now, This might sound really stupid but my cat died last week, it was really sudden and unexpected as he was ran over, My kids were absolutley distraught, It has really got me thinking how selfish I am, If I carry on like this then it will be me that my kids will be saying goodbye to, I dont want them to ever be in that state again and certainly not down to my own doing. As I said in a previous post a few weeks back both my parents are alcoholics, Neither of them brought me up but I was told it can run in families. My Mother had a heart attack at the age of 34 due to her drinking, she now has numerous health problems and she is still drinking a bottle of Gin a day, We dont speak at all. My Father was also a drinker, He lost his leg after being hit by a train when he was drunk, He has turned his life around now and doesnt drink at all. sorry for rambling, I hope it all makes sense, I'm not quite 'with it' at the minute if You know what I mean.

I have brought my sleeping bag with me on the bus this time, I have a feeling I shall be camping here for a while :)

I have chocolate too please help yourself!

{{{{Mouse}}}} Hope you're feeling better today my lovely x

I'm alright Sarah, thanks, just fed up.

Sorry for being so self absorbed at the mo, people. I am reading all posts and taking it in, just haven't got the necessary skills or energy or something to respond with wise and witty words.

Tritessa I never thought of buying a card and wrapping paper. However, I have tried to hide my drinking in other ways.

For example, a few weeks ago I bought six bottles of wine from M&S because you get a discount if you buy six (these stores must love us alcoholics). I carried them home in a cardboard wine carrier that promptly collapsed, sending bottle crashing down onto the pavement.

As I surveyed the mess (of course, my first thought was OH MY GOD MY WINE! MY PRECIOUS WINE! and not the glass al over the ground) a couple of neighbours walked over to help me. I was mightily embarrassed and waffled something about having people over to dinner that evening... In the end, we got the glass cleared up and M&S gave me replacement bottles (thank the Lord...).

The flirting thing - I am a terrible, terrible flirt when drunk. Luckily, my dh thinks it's funny but I don't.

Tritessa I am sad and glad that there is someone else who has done the daytime drinking too. And the buying of cards to try and disguise why wine was being bought so early in the morning. Its shit isn't it? (on the plus side I don't have buy any cards for a long time)
Angel My mum was an alcoholic. She used to hide her bottles in the back of cupboards and behind the microwave. I hated it She died when I was a teenager and the last thing I want is for my DC to go through what I did.
I have been putting it off but I am going to clear the house of all the hidden empties. I am dreading it.

Hugs to all- I never thought to buy a car and wrapping paper, but although I haven't had a drink for over 2 years, a part of me thought, what a brilliant idea!

I heard something chilling but very useful in an AA meeting that other day. A man many years sober said that his Alcoholism 'was in the next room doing press ups' That's why it's important for me to remember what it was like drinking and to do everything I can to get more and more well, because if I drink again, it'll be bang right as if the last few fantastic years never happened.

a card

truth I work from home, and I had taken to enjoying a little 'working lunch'. Hadn't yet started those lunches before about 11am - but the important word was YET

Hello to all, waving quickly and running - I'm hugely busy at work, have stuff going on with aged parents, and a close friend has just split up with her partner. And I'm still trying to hold on to a little bit of space for me.

mouse will pm whenever I get a moment xx

I have just been to the bottle bank. I know I shouldn't but i counted every last 1 of them. I had 80 bottles hidden around the house What the fuck am I? I am disgusted at myself. I wear knickers with holes in, haven't had a haircut in over a year and all my clothes are stained and old, because I could never justify spending money on stuff like that. Feel sick with myself.