The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

the Struggling in Scotland....
mia sorry, that was a horrible thing for me to post. The bus is for everyone and it seems a lifetime ago that I was a newbie and made so welcome. ignore me, I'm a grizzly old bag at the moment, not receptive to new ides/faces/change.
I'll hunker down in the sidecar until I get used to everyone.
mouse happy birthday to nemo and to his wonderful family. All of you.

No it wasn't horrible at all ma, you were being honest about how you feel. I've not been here long so I assumed there were always lots of people dropping in and out - there certainly have been in these couple of weeks. Is it usually much quieter than this then? It must be a bit odd if it's usually the same faces to suddenly have it invaded by strangers!

There is such a friendly, open and supportive vibe here that I did feel really welcome.

Oh is that why some of the other regulars haven't been posting very much either?

Tut paranoid not paranod.

Well I'm off to bed now. Sleep well everyone.

ma you sound so fed up. Huge hugs from me xxx

Off to bed soon. Night all.

Morning all!

Newbies and oldies and (( ma ))

Everyone should feel safe to post- not so new and brand new, we all have earned our place on the bus. Mia there's not been a drop off- all contributions are really helpful, you never know how what you post might be just the thing another Babe needs to hear, and there's nothing any of us could post that could make anyone else drink, so we should all just post away.

Re the paranoia, I often feel very un namechecked, but then I reckon I'm posting to order my thoughts and track my progress, and as a sober member, my posts might not resonate with Babes today- but I do so for me and to offer hope for the future. twitch

and strength to everyone!

morning all
now i feel bad for making mia feel bad because she thinks she made me feel bad.......
I've been reading all the newbie posts and its great to see the bus welcoming and supporting so many people. that's why its here.
I'm pre-menstrual, worried about my job/teens/father/marriage/money...and being thoroughly unpleasant to everyone . does Gerald have a naughty step?

I love reading your posts Ma and as a newbie I'm in awe of all you old-timers. I hope we can be very happy together! It's so important for me to come here at various points in my day, I've recognised it has a vital part to play in my recovery. Day 3 for me :)

Mia Surrey Soaks is a great name. Now that I'm in Hertfordshire perhaps I could be a Hertfordshire Half-Cut as well. Hope you're feeling clear-headed and more positive this morning Greyhound.

Soma Great to see you sounding so positive

Waves to help

Day 7 and I am still jolly tired, mateys. I don't know whether it's the impact of the Antabuse or whether I've just been fuelled by alcohol for so long. I never normally wear make-up but I have distracted myself by buying some. Am a bit unpractised with it - there is something of the clown about my face this morning :)

bproud sorry i wasn't around last night - was actually spending time talking with dp, rather than being on laptop. I empathise so much about your dd moving out - it's like sending them off to school all over again. Desperately wanting them to be happy and secure and 'free', but at the same time feeling a gap and a little less 'needed'. When my dd first moved in with her friends, and then her bf, she was so keen to be independent that she rarely came home (and I can remember being exactly the same at her age). But then one night I got a call from her lovely bf - dd had violent d&v, and guess what? She wanted her Mum (secret feeling needed ). It is a strange transition, but in some ways it has also freed me up to become a re-invented me too.

A special "hello" and name check just for HELPYOURSELF

I have to say that I am delighted when there are so many people posting. I sometimes feel a strange sense of responsibility about these threads (shared with many others, I'm sure). I hate to think of someone struggling, posting on here and being left unanswered, so I feel mighty relieved when lots of other people are posting too. I'm sure most of us have had the feeling when someone posts from a difficult place, and I am the only person around to respond, feeling that everything I write is making it worse, not better, and wishing for others to come and post and say the things I can't find the words for, or touch / comfort someone in a way that I haven't. We are all individuals and we all have our own part to offer. I think.

Morning help and everyone else

I expect we were all lurkers before we joined the bus and I think that it's great knowing that there are probably a lot more babes out there than we are really aware of. Not great that they are stuggling with this problem, but great that they have this support if they want it. Ya get me?

Look how oikopolis popped in to help Soma the other day. Isn't that fab!

< waves to lurkers >

Ma why not just try some self care. Just do what feels good to look after yourself. Maybe eat well or get a little exercise, treat yourself to something nice. Don't worry about the drinking for now if you're not up to it, start with some small goals? (((hugs)))

Bproud how far away is your dd going? Could you arrange for her/them to come over for sunday lunch for a while. So sorry this is hard on you. I can remember moving out of home in an excited whirl without a backward glance to my poor parents. You've done a fab job raising her and she is happy and confident, you should be v..v.v. proud. But I know that doesn't make it any easier on you so have a (((hug))) too x

Hopefully stick with it, I have no idea but it could be a side effect, who knows. Maybe call your GP just to check? As long as you're well it beats drinking every day and feeling sick and demoralised as well as tired x

Soma well done babe, day 3 who would have thought it? Have you got some strategies ready for this evening. Fridays can be a bit of a minefield. How about planning to meet someone really early on Saturday morning for a swim or something?

Mouse so glad to hear the kitchen is done. That will be one less stress for you all to cope with. I hope the lovely MrMouse feels better soon (is it his throat again?) and give Nemo a late birthday kiss from me. Did he eat/lick any birthday cake?

Love to all, catch up later x

Morning Babes! Thank you and good morning Help.

ma you didn't make me feel bad for making you fe... Oh you know what I mean! I was just having one of those moments that I very regularly have in RL where I realise that I've blundered about nattering and wittering on in a stream of consciousness way that some people might find a bit much.

soma your full title, then, is Formerly Half-Cut of Herts, an honorary member of The Surrey Soaks.

Happy Friday everyone.

Waves to Hopefully Venus nothing you could write would make things worse, everything you've ever posted has only made things better for me. And that goes for most anyone who posts here with the intention of supporting others. Even those who are struggling help others because we see ourselves in them and hope that one day we might be able to help them too...

Bproud I feel for you so much. Is she the last one to leave or is she your only? I have just the one, and she's 12 going on 18 and it's as if I'm counting down the days till she goes. I do trust though, that because we have such a beautiful relationship, that our bond will be close and true forever. I'm sure it'll be the same for you.

Faire thank you, I've a packed weekend so hopefully will have no time for brooding or boredom!

TTFN! xx

Can we leave out the "Formerly" for the time-being Mia - don't want to count my chickens :)

And please keep on wittering/streaming your consciousness or whatever, I for one, love to hear it.

Morning.

Just a quick one as off into the big smoke ( ) today. Armed with a list as long as your arm .

BProud, sorry no words of wisdom as my DC are much younger. You have a great relationship with your DD though, and I'm sure it will continue, even if it does alter slightly, just think of all the grown-up Mummy/Daughter things you can do :)

Ma :( You do sound fed up. Not surprising given everything that's going on. Things can only get better?? Soon, I hope.

Mia, keep on posting whenever and whatever you like! Am loving all the input from the new Brave Babes. And wot Venus said...

Mouse, great to hear from you. Yay re kitchen! Boo re pain... And a happy belated birthday to the lovely Nemo. Bless him singing happy birthday to himself! :)

HelpYourself hello! And how are you doing today? For what it's worth I think you may not have been name-checked as much as some others because I think you come across as very 'sorted'. Not that you shouldn't get as much attention, but that you just don't need us as much, y'know? I hope I'm not completely off the mark here. And now I know you're just as needy paranoid as me then I will try not to ignore you! And for what it's worth I think every type of post here helps someone - whether it's the hungover person reminding me how awful the next day is, the person in agony trying to fight the cravings, or the calm, sober people like you showing us just how much better life can be without the evil booze. Thank you to everybody on this bus.

I can't do 'quick' can I? . Right, I'm offski. Have good days everyone.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Carrie - Hello lovely, in answer to your questions, grab yourself a and a seat, this may take a while .

I've had 3 x-rays on my pelvis and lower back, 2 MRI scans on my lower back, 1 on my cervical spine area, injections into my spine which failed , I've had a brain scan, ECGs, and numerous appointments with a Neurologist who has now discharged me and my Pain Specialist is keeping me on 3 monthly visits.

When I was pregnant with Nemo, I had severe SPD (Pelvic Girdle Pain) and was put on crutches at 20wks gestation. I was then put on bed rest (ahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!) at 30 weeks, induced at 39, not that it made any difference.

I had lots of physio and hydrotherapy before and after (once things had settled) he was born and eventually had my first MRI about a year ago thinking that the SPD had worsen, I'd told my physio that the pain had gotten much worse and seemed to have 'moved'.

The results of the MRI were a real shock because I'd got to the point where I thought it must all be in my head, I must be making the pain up because nothing the physio does, works. Thing is, he was treating me for SPD, not my lower back.

Anyway, another MRI confirmed that I have Degenerative Disc Disease, Facet Joint Syndrome and Herniated Discs, bulging out to the left, putting pressure on my spinal cord, left side.

I also have some bone damage to my pelvis but have no recollection of ever throwing myself pelvis first at a tree......

I've had every pain killer, anti-inflammatory and they even tried anticonvulsant drugs as a neurological pain killer. I was on Pregabalin, which really did help with the radiating pain, but came with horrific side effects, like a stroke almost, so I had to discontinue using them.

So, I'm now on 150mg of MST (slow release morphine) morning and night, with Oramorph when I need it and 800mg of Ibuprofen. That's the best that they can do for now..... 'manage' my pain.

I get stuck in bed trying to turn over, the pain is so intense at times that it knocks me sick.

This is going to sound a bit corny but Nemo, all that he needs, all that he does really is the one thing keeping me going. He needs me, DD needs me, DH too. And I really don't want to be beaten by my conditions, I've got too much to do thank you very much!

The next step is a surgical referral. No idea how long that will take but my very trusted and knowledgeable GP thinks that they won't be able to do anything, nor want to given where the bulging discs are.

Erm..... that's it I think Carrie. If you've gotten this far, you need more .

Sorry for epic post and to those who already know all about this.

Off to pre-school with Nemo now, back later xxx

Morning babes! Anyone miss me?! :(

I've been in the sidecar - sorry, and at one point I missed the bus altogether

Going to try and get back on track, but its been an exhausting few days. The only upside was I was at a reception yesterday where there was FREE WINE and not only did I stick to water - but it really wasn't a hard decision to make.

But last night not good, and Wednesday night worse. I was just so tired last night, I couldn't fight it or analyse it. Too tired even to come online and seek support.

MsGee I'm just posting to say it can take a while to find the right therapy for you, but keep trying. I've seen at least 8 mental health professionals of some sort - both NHS and private - some have been okay-but-not-for-me, two were dreadful, only 1 was my perfect counsellor.

It takes a combination of finding the right therapy for you (and CBT is perfectly acceptable for grief counselling) AND the right person that you click with.

I did better going private than on the NHS, but maybe I was just unlucky. Best wishes, joey

SIGH - drank last night, but not as much as normal. So, I've drunk every day since a week last Thursday. Monday will be my Day One...

hello.

just a quick post to say hi and keep checked in. day.... (have to think!) 24. at the minute the desire to drink has totally left me. i have my moments where it's like an auto-cue goes off telling me to drink but they're just that - a reflex that i notice and promptly ignore.

(ds requested that i wear a long green summer strapless party dress type affair that i have - i declined!)

What about tonight grey?

Saf - Ireland? Oh how fab. Are you going to stay with anyone or just get there and see where you end up? I've only ever been to Belfast, which was weird and a very long story that no-one would want to hear.

Have a lovely afternoon in your not green evening gown, give DS a massive squidge from me and Nemo xx

Hello to everyone, SSSM - glad to see you back here posting. It's nice to be back on the Bus and have some time to catch up with you all.

I feel a bit out of touch with you all, so will do my best to keep up.

We've just got back from pre-school (were germs and chicken pox is currently rife) and Nemo has gone completely off the boil, DD is in bed ill, DH is ill and painting our new shiny kitchen a gorgeous shade of green, which currently matches his skin tone.

I'm not feeling too great but can't stop to be ill, far too much to do! Off to do yet more washing. I'm sure our neighbours have a shoot that leads from their laundry bin to mine! Every time I empty it, it bloomin' fills again.

Back again later, assuming I've not contracted this vile lurgy that's going round.

Mouse xx