The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To............... Amarillo?

[Mouseface]

.............. sorry, ran out of ideas tonight!

Hello, tis me, Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol, vodka in particular.

Welcome to the Battle Bus, full of totally Brave Babes all on their own personal journey to sobriety. Some are there, some are still on their way and some aren't quite ready yet but stay on the Bus for a good old natter

Wherever you are in your quest to get back control of your drinking, we've all been there too so you're not alone, not by a long shot.

Come take a seat and say hello.

If you'd like to know the history behind this amazing journey, you can follow the links back HERE

See you soon x

Morning all

Good luck with the wild child Mia

Hopefully absolutely nothing wrong with giving your excuses. People do it all the time in polite society. You don't have to give the whole truth and nothing but the truth (that's what we sometimes call tmi ).

Joey Travelodge? Seriously, is there a b&b nearby or anywhere else you could possibly stay? You are an adult, you make your own decisions and if others don't like it, they don't have to be around you. You do not have to let others threaten your sobriety. You are more important than that.

Buddy well done on getting through yesterday. Bet that feels good today?

What is up with MN these days? It keeps going offline! If anyone is being thwarted in their efforts to join us or speak with us, please keep trying. Must be the weather.

I've been telling my family that this is how the Flood started. No-one thought it would happen but it just kept on raining. The dcs said it's not going to flood and I called them 'doubters' - 'There were people like you back then' I said . Hose told me I am crazy and I said 'That's what they said to Noah' Honestly, no imagination, my lot!!

Morning,

Hope everyone is ok, Faire you make me laugh. Are you building your ark in the garden? There is no point having this insight if you're not acting on it
(also, do you have space for two more?, or three if I bring DH??)

All ok here, ready to start the day. New month, so its invoicing day. Which I do like. And I get to start a whole new spreadsheet.

Inde how is the wedding planning going? do you have a spreadsheet?

right - will be back later. must work. x

hopefully well done for taking the antabuse - that must have felt like a big step. I joke that I used to be a secret drinker, and now I'm a secret non-drinker . I usually say "I don't drink much these days", which bizarrely still feels better to me than 'I don't drink', even though the 'much' isn't anything. But if makes me feel that people won't question me or pry so much as if I'd said that I never drink. But tbh, I don't think anyone really notices or cares that much. In the early days if I was at aomething with drinking friends I'd say "I'm not drinking today / this week / whatever, I had such a hangover yesterday / last week that I just can't face it". Got me through without a drink and still retained my credibility as a lush one of the girls

joey if I recall correctly you are aiming to drink about half a bottle, twice a week (Tuesday / Saturday) - is that right? So what now for this week?

This is how my thinking would have gone:
Option 1: had 2 mini-bottles on Monday, need to buy 2 more today for 'allowed' Tuesday night drinking, will 'try' to exercise some self-control in stressful situation on Wednesday, phew! 2 mini-bottles as alllowed on Saturday.
Option 2: had 2 mini-bottles on Monday, so now 'not-allowed' to drink on Tuesday night , deal with Wednesday when it comes, 2 mini-bottles on Saturday.
Option 3: had 2 mini bottles on Monday, so 'allowance' is only 2 more for the week - either Wednesday or Saturday. But if wine is taken on Wednesday and 'allowance' is drunk, then no more should be had until the following Tuesday [eek!], but on the other hand Wednesday is likely to be very stressful so maybe I should just accept it as an 'extra' day - just this once. In fact this is such a stressful week, perhaps I should accept that I drank on Monday, and then I can carry on as 'planned' today (2 mini-bottles), 'try' to exercise some self control in stressful situation on Wednesday...... (revert to option 1).

Of course that may be nothing like your thinking, but you can see the convuluted baragaining that went on in my mind when I tried controlled drinking, and you'll understand why I find it so much simpler just not to bother.

what a horrible day.

Full of self-pity and recrimination this morning (which I wouldn't normally be, so I guess thats thanks to The Bus) after getting the wine out of the car on what was supposed to be a AFD.

As I prophecied last week, my good intentions would start to crumble as I got too complacent. :(

Venus that's a great summation of how convulted our thought processes can be when we're bargaining with ourselves over drinking. I do the same and I agree, the thought of not having to deal with it at all is most appealing. Joey I wonder how you can stop after the two mini bottles, it would be impossible for me.

I'm beginning to feel really anxious and not a bit alone now I've made my decision I need to try and stop. JWN said something about how realising you have a problem with alcohol can make you feel very isolated. I feel like that now, as if I'm about to lose a friend....but of course it's not a friend, quite the opposite. Just need to feel safe somewhere at the moment I suppose and hope this place is it :)

The Brave Babes Rain Dance_

The Brave Babes went in two by two, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in two by two, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in two by two,
Jesus was there and Mouseface too,
And they all went into the bus, for to stop drinking the wine.

The Brave Babes went in three by three, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in three by three, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in three by three, Hurrah, Hurrah,
Faire, BProud and lovely MsGee
And they all went into the bus, for to stop drinking the wine.

The Brave Babes went in four by four, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in four by four, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in four by four, Hurrah, Hurrah,
Ma, Isindie and a couple more**,
And they all went into the bus, for to stop drinking the wine.

(* NB this includes mia, ginger, soma, hopefully, MIFLAW, sarah, joey, silver, noteven*, and EVERY OTHER lurking and posting Babe)

The Brave Babes went in five by five, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in five by five, Hurrah, Hurrah,
The Brave Babes went in five by five, Hurrah, Hurrah,
All the Brave Babes are staying alive,
And they all went into the bus, for to stop drinking the wine.

faire get building your ark, for we're all coming to your house for tea

Oh no! all that effort, and I left in lots of extra 'Hurrahs' damn!

But at least the sun has come out here - is that a dove flying past with an olive twig in its beak?

venus you are so right about the convoluted bargaining! But at the moment, if I stay at DMs then I won't be drinking anyway.

The reason I think I got stressed last night was

1. getting through an evening with my mother. sober.
2. had been looked forward to an evening with sis and BIL and getting, umm, not too drunk hopefully, but merry anyway
3. I was also quite excited about the thought of trying my controlled drinking. Felt sure I could manage it and was making progress.

Still, Wednesday is supposed to be AFD anyway, so whats the problem? I suspect in this particular case the problem is not so much alcohol, but my DM. But enough of the introspective analysis of my mother/daughter relationship.

How is everyone else today? mia? SAF? has everybody been cut off by rising floodwater?

You're safe here Soma, you know it. You might even find after a while that the space you leave open in your life that is currently filled with alcohol might attract a person into it. No room for a person in that space at the moment though if you're filling it up with booze.

Joey I was feeling that on Friday after drinking on Thursday night. It's the drinking for the wrong reasons, too, isn't it - to drown an uncomfortable feeling rather than to enjoy a nice glass of wine.

New day today though, eh? As the wise Venus asked, what are you going to do now?

Ah thanks Mia, that's a nice thought :) How are things going with you, do you feel the controlled drinking is working? I'm trying not to even think about whether I have to stop altogether or can drink "socially", I think at the moment it might do my head in.

Just really really trying to do it one day at a time. And filling myself up with strong coffee so beginning to feel a bit edgy right now. Need chocolate!

Crossed posted with everyone.

DD just wanted to know what I was laughing at. I couldn't really show her Venus' song, so she told me I should stop reading MN and concentrate on our maths lesson. Told her I'm multi-tasking.

Morning everyone.

No rain, yay! . I might actually be able to go outside today for more than is absolutely necessary. It's not good for your state of mind being trapped inside is it? Summer is coming soon, yes? :)

Welcome Upsy and welcome back, Slot!

Buddy and Sunny, well done on yet another day ticked off :)

Alias, I do feel for you, being a fellow Stately-Homer, albeit only a lurker. Going to stay with my mother would certainly be a massive trigger for me. Thinking about doing it by myself terrifies the living daylights of me! Can you stay somewhere else? A few weeks ago we all stayed at my parents' house and it was very hard. It's hard feeling so sad and alone when you're with the people who should care about you and love you the most (and vice versa of course) :( Although I didn't drink that night (it was only because I wasn't offered any!), the whole experience set me back a bit. You need to concentrate on your own well-being and getting sober or cutting down is hard. If you can avoid any potential triggers you should. Can you stay in a B&B, or travel earlier/later in the day?? Try not to beat yourself up about last night. It happens! To most of us at some point. Don't let one night threaten your resolve. Chin up :)

Soma, this place absolutely is that safe place you're looking for :) I felt lost too when I first started cutting down. I felt I'd lost my friend, my comfort, my escape route...obviously now I recognise that thinking as a load of bollocks slightly misguided . My life is better without drinking. Fact. I'm still working to resist the urges but at least I see it for what it is now. The longer you are on this bus, you more you'll see just how much better you'll feel without turning to the bottle. Keep posting :)

Mia, sounds like you'll need some super-concentrated camomile tea later...good luck with the houseful of kids! I love the idea of the sound of lots of children playing and laughing together but I find the reality quite annoying... .

Well I'd better get on with today's tasks. Might squeeze in a dog walk before Faire whisks away in her ark.

Have good days everyone.

Venus, :o

i'm not walking her isinde - she left me off the ark to drown

Good morning everyone! So much of what you've said has rung true for me, it's such a relief to hear others with the same crazy thoughts, justifications and secrecy around booze!

I always start the day feeling determined not to drink and am planning to leave the house today at booze o'clock dinner time to try and escape the cravings. Will I be hiding from these cravings forever or will I just wake up one day feeling completely different?

I'm spending this weekend with the in-laws, if ever there was a trigger it's got to be that! Must.not.drink.

Raining biblical proportions here too, we may have to move from battle bus to battle ark at this rate

I think you and I will have to cobble together some kind of raft, Saf

thanks everyone

It's really not possible to stay somewhere else (that would cause such a family feud!) but I'm working on trying to get out of it completely.

And last nights blip - at least I'm understanding the triggers better. soma I would drink more if I had any, thats why I only keep a small amount in the house - or car... may need to start keeping it in the shed

Can this Bus float?!

saf, silly, buddy of course you're in the ark - I just hadn't checked all the decks.

Off to do some work xx

sod them silly - we'll have a luxury yacht with staff!

Exactly silly - the notion of children playing happily together is lovely, but the screeching, shrieking reality... not quite so much. They're good kids though.

Soma the controlled drinking... hmm, this weekend I definitely drank more than last weekend. More like my normal amounts on a fairly moderate weekend. I wasn't going to drink until Friday, but did on Thursday because I was just full of fury and didn't know what else to do with that feeling. Totally the wrong reason to drink!

I didn't have any trouble not drinking last night, which is good, and feel ok about not drinking until Friday at the moment. If I can not drink Mon-Thurs then I'd be quite happy with that at the moment. I don't know how that will play out...

Just had a real breakthrough moment with DD and her maths, where she worked out how to do a problem that there's no way she could have done a couple of weeks ago. She was really proud and pleased with herself. Makes all the strife of HE worthwhile!

i'm sure there's an innuendo in there isinde but i'm just not seeing it

If you feel there's a problem, joey then there's a problem.

I don't know if this a helpful comment or not, but four mini-bottles a week sounds as though it's probably around government drinking limits of 14 units a week. That's not excessive at all.

Is the problem that you are thinking about it too much and bargaining with yourself in the way that venus so aptly describes?

By the way, Babes. Day 5 is here and I am badly in need of some boing. All I want to do is go to bed. In fact I might just do that. I am so flipping tired.