When life throws you potatoes, make chips! Be disappointed but never defeated! Dating thread No:13

[ChaoticAngel]

"you say potato, I say potatNO"

Down with potatoes

As you were....

I had 3 teens in my pre DD days sponge and I soon learned to pick my battles and not to sweat the small stuff. Like MrsC I closed the door on their rooms, it was their space and I respected that but in return I expected them to keep their space clean and tidy. If they didn't, if they chose to live in a hovel, it was their choice. All three of them have grown into adults who have immaculate homes so the mess they chose to live in as teenagers never did them any harm . I understand how difficult it is though, having to look at it, you have my sympathy there.

What excuse are they giving for being late for school?

If it was just their rooms I could possibly live with it. but it's every room (ie I go into bathroom, towels/clothes all over the floor, toothpaste all over the sink, shower gels etc in bath/on the floor rather than back on shelf; kitchen - they make food, leave fridge open, cupboards open, food out on the side, crumbs, plates, etc everywhere. It probably doesn't sound too awful but it drives me mad!) they just leave a trail of mess behind them.

Lateness - they didn't get round to leaving on time . I have to leave at 7.30. to be on time they need to leave ideally at 8.15 but really no later than 8.25. They are awake when I leave. However sometimes they decide to go back to sleep, or they just sit down and watch TV for an hour or so, then leave at least half an hour late...

No, I couldn't stand that either, it's a lack of respect for you and for their home. As is not getting up and getting to school on time, they don't have to suffer the consequences so it doesn't matter to them. Do you know what I would do? I would make them get up and leave the house at the same time as me. I would make them go to school early and have to hang around in the playground, whatever the weather, until they appreciated that I was trusting them to get themselves to school on time and they had to work with me on it. I bet after a few days of that they would learn their lesson

As for the cleaning, I would be firm and introduce a rota. I tell them what is happening and that it is happening because we are a team and we are going to work together as a team. I would make a list of jobs and ask them to choose which of the jobs they want to do, then give them responsibility for doing them. If they don't do them then there are consequences. If they want their xboxes etc then they will have to earn the right to them! End of! Mu housee, my rules!

Don't know what's happened to my typing there, I haven't been drinking, honest!

It IS a lack of respect, you're right. I asked them why they do what their teachers say but not me (apart from being late they are generally v well behaved at school), why do they respect the teachers more than me? They can't tell me. But they really have no respect for me at all - they (mainly DS1) lie constantly (this morning DS1 spoke to me on the phone at 8.20 and said he was just leaving. A complete lie of course. But it gets to a stage where I can't believe anything they say).

I have told them before now if they didn't stop being late they'd have to leave with me. I may have to give it a try!

I think you have to give it a try. You have to assert yourself here and establish boundaries, easier said than done, I know . What was always at the back of my mind when dealing with my teenage son, was the fact that one day he would be some woman's husband, therefore it was my duty to insist he treat me with respect, because if he couldn't treat his own mother respectfully then any woman he became involved with didn't stand a chance!! It is hard and it is a constant battle sometimes but I would rather have respect than a clean bathroom

Actually, I take that back, I would rather have respect and a clean bathroom!!

An old fancy is in contact. He accepted ny friend request and is pretty local too, but only ever ever friends. Wouldn't mind catching up and showing off ny sexual confidence and inner goddess.

Sponge, I truly believe you have to go back to toddler training once your kids hit puberty and teenage years

All of my children were lovely. They would help me and want to please me. They had beautiful manners and I could take them anywhere. They were wonderful

Then it changed, they became moody, selfish know it alls. They pushed boundaries just like they did at two. Speaking to friends with teens, it happened to all of them. There were days where I disliked my children intensely

My way of dealing with it (which could be totally wrong but I was single parent and I had to have control) was to be mean. Really mean. They were grounded and had their things removed, sometimes for months. Each one has spent a long time being Dobby, kitchen slave - my son still is and he is 19 lol Kitchen slave has to keep kitchen tidy and clean up after dinner

Luckily, there were times of happiness and it was in those times the trust was put back in

Now, it's mostly ok. We still have moments but most of the time we live in a happy house with respect for each other and our things. YEs, their rooms are tips and yes the house still gets into a huge mess. But they know when I have reached the end of my tether and things get done and sorted

Teens are hard work but it does get better

Well DS1 has been very polite so far today, long may it last (prob wont).

Friends came round this morning to 'help' me re party. 'Help' involved several cups of tea, and about 10 minutes of actual help (which involved doing nothing I couldn't have done myself). What irks slightly is the Evil Ex and I did loads for all of them in the past, gave up whole weekends and worked bloody hard. I do feel like I get back a lot less than I give sometimes, particularly with this group of friends who I've known for years.

Anyway, what dating news is there? before I entirely take over the thread with my whinging Is anyone out this weekend or are we all hiding from the wet weather? (I know I am )

I have very stupidly agreed to go for a coffee on Monday. I may have to cancel it though.

Hi Sponge Maybe your friends don't think you really need their help Maybe you are the more capable one of the bunch? I'm pleased to hear DS1 is behaving himself, maybe he has read the thread . No dates here surprise surprise no rain either, it's dry for a change . My washing is on the line and I am chilling, doing nothing. DD is at her dad's so I have no reason to move apart from to supply myself with food and drinks. Tis bliss!

Time I am the capable one tbh so there's probably something in that, I think it comes more naturally for me to do stuff for them than vv..but anyway it is as it is, and I'll just get on with it. DS is behaving cos he wants to go round his mates to watch the FA cup - there's always an ulterior motive

Enjoy your day of bliss, sounds great. and no rain either! Now we just need to find you a date

Decided not to go out. Raining, and the house looking like a tornado has been through it messy sort of made my mind up. Plus I am only going out to keep myself busy and would be comparing him to just friends, its hardly fair is it?

Yeah, sponge, that's what I thought might have happened today I'm just the same!

Ahh, so your DS can behave when he wants to then

And yes to finding me a date. I'm feeling very ready for dating! Not a POF special though, please

Update (well kind of, my life is so dull), I've asked 'head teacher' for a clearer photo which he said 'no problem, will get one post hair for you' - WTF does that mean - does that mean post hair dressers appointment or that he has no hair? In his current (very distant) photo he clearly has a full head of hair, which makes me think that's not him in the original photo. Also, I nearly choked when he told me the name of his children today - just a bit too twee). I think it's definitely a wind up. I'm keeping it going because I can't wait to see where it ends up.

Well 'post' usually means after so maybe he's had a hair transplant.

Awh, can we know the name of the children??

Adams - is this the EU guy you we talking about a few weeks (the doc guy I thought I might know)? Did ye reconnect/work out (he became EA!)?

Hi all! Impossible to catch up on everything again, have been hibernating due to being so ill, and still no fucking heating, plumbers keep letting me down, argh!

In other news, Me and MrAmazing4thDate now have our 5th date on the 11th, and the 6th on 22nd.

11th will involve non stop amazing shagging coffee and lunch, and the 22nd we are off to the spa and hotel again, dinner etc as it was so good last time - we even have the same room booked with the amazing shower and mahooosive great bed

We have not stopped talking for longer than a few hours, this is sooo cool.

AND!!

Today is the anniversary of when my life completely imploded last year - The Big Bad Break-Up.

I had never been in such emotional pain before, despite having had plenty of break ups before, other shit and a failed marriage, this was like nothing on earth. I loved him so very deeply, and he was amazing guy that cahnged my life and outlook for the better in many ways. We were very close and had one of those type of relationships that I used to witness other people having sometimes, and wish I could have it. You know when it's just obvious people are soulmates? That kind of thing. I was convinced no man would ever measure up to him and how amazing he was, super intelligent, generous, funny, gentle, loving, full of fun and surprises, sexy, a great cook... and how we were with each other... ever again.

Anyway it was horrific. I don't think the pain really lessened very much for at least 6 months. By 8 months after, I was getting there at last. 10 months after, I was finally fine, and very happy with my single life, and not really wanting to change that, not on any dating sites, and having the time of my life.

Now a year on, the impossible (or so I thought) has actually happened, and someone that matches up to him is in my life. Not a relationship yet, and perhaps it won't be - perhaps it will... but the important thing for me is that I know my ex from last year isn't the only person out there who was great in all the ways he was. In fact this one is very very like him only younger and with a bigger cock

So my thought of the day is for anyone out there having a HORRIBLE break up, or who is convinced there's no one out there for you, or hung up on an ex... there IS!!! they ARE there!! GO FIND THEM!! :o

But what if that person who truly understands you is hundreds of miles away right now when I need a hug? And we can't afford phone calls abroad? 2 weeks of this too. And then he is non stop working til June. Still it gives me a month to lose weight and belly so I look stunning. Hair and nails done, I plan on knocking him dead. I plan to look beautiful.

Hi all

Some of you may remember be from way back in the mists of time when this thread was still to be found on the lone parents board.

While it is way too soon for me to even think about the horrors of dating, I thought I'd drop by to say hi.

After 16 months of largely-blissful happiness, have just been dumped and am currently devastated/bereft/wondering what to do with/if I have the rest of my life.

@lubey - think I remember you and your meeting the 'love of your life' - and while I think I feel the same about the guy who just dumped me, it's heartening to see you back on your feet although I have to say seeing as I was celibate for six years before meeting x, I can't see myself back in the saddle any time soon - but will take your comments on board, ta.

MzD

Hey Mz.. I know it's impossible to imagine right now - but remember my process posted above took me a year. Be really kind to yourself, give yourself a lot of space and time.

I know all I wanted back then was some hope about when the pain would end, or at least lessen so that I could just hunker down and wait for time to pass, try and keep busy to pass more time... etc. if I can offer that hope and a timeframe to anyone else then great.

Take care - you can and will get through it xx

But what if that person who truly understands you is hundreds of miles away right now when I need a hug? And we can't afford phone calls abroad? 2 weeks of this too. And then he is non stop working til June. Still it gives me a month to lose weight and belly so I look stunning. Hair and nails done, I plan on knocking him dead. I plan to look beautiful.

lubey that's a lovely post, I am so happy for you. You give even me hope! Sorry to hear you've been so ill and that your heating still isn't working, I suppose the positive is that you are saving a fortune on gas and will be able to spend the spare dosh on a new outfit for your date!

Mz I'm sorry you are having a crap time, it will hurt for a while, it's something you can't escape I'm afraid but it will get better. Not much use to you right now, but I don't think anything apart from chocolate and wine will be. Treat yourself kindly

Long time lurker.
So pleased for you Lubey...excuse any smelling pistakes - off on a date with RL find & couple of vodkas have helped!
I didnt know your back story but have been so impressed with your focus about weight loss etc & just on your general self respect. Good for you... gives us all hope.
Am hoping I get to do the dress of in the corridor

I am so longing to do the dress in the corridor routine

Enjoy your date wise