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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When life throws you potatoes, make chips! Be disappointed but never defeated! Dating thread No:13

999 replies

ChaoticAngel · 26/04/2012 21:31

"you say potato, I say potatNO"

Down with potatoes Grin

As you were....

OP posts:
hatesponge · 04/05/2012 11:58

Post, I honestly dont know where to start :(

PostBellumBugsy · 04/05/2012 12:12

Ok, you have to accept that there is a limit to what you can achieve in the time you have available.

You can get your hair done & buy a nice outfit. You can make a room / some rooms in your house fit for a party. No one is going to care if the decor is not quite right, if there is a whole load of food & booze available.

However, no one will come & have a good time if you don't send out the invites. So, first job is to invite everyone. Then think what you can achieve. I am terrifyingly organised, have done event planning in the past & am very happy to help you with a blow for blow checklist of things to do if you want!!!

TimeForMeAndDD · 04/05/2012 12:13

Sponge I can understand you feeling the way you do with regards to your mum BUT, 54 is still a long way away from 40. When you hit 50 you can be more excused for thinking about your own mortality.

I can also relate to how you feel about not having done enough, but there is nothing stopping you from getting on with the stuff you want to do and doing it!

As for the other stuff the only thing that is spoiling your birthday is your negativity. Your friends will be with you to help you celebrate your birthday, they won't be looking at your house, they won't care you don't have a man. They won't be thinking you look fatter because you are going to have a huge smile on your face and be the life and soul of the party, that is what they will notice.

You can turn all of this around with some positive thinking, good planning and immediate action! I'm already planning my 50th Grin

TimeForMeAndDD · 04/05/2012 12:15

Have a decorating party. you could get your house sorted in just one night! Grin

PoppaRob · 04/05/2012 12:16

Old age looks great when you consider the alternative Sponge. In December 1999 I was told I would probably be dead within 2 weeks, then by January 2000 I was put on the transplant list. By 2001 I was off the transplant list and by December 2002 I was so bored and broke that I found myself a soul destroying fucked up trainwreck of a job and went back to work. The way I see it I've had more than 12 years that I didn't expect. I totally hate being fat, feral, fucked up and fifty the wrong side of middle aged, but I'm happy to be here most of the time. Wink

watchoutforthatsnail · 04/05/2012 12:18

sponge - your friends and family are your friends and family. they do not care what your house looks like, or even what you look like. I lose and gain weight like crazy... and im talking going up and down by 2 -3 stones over the course of a year. firstly noone notices, secondly noone ever says anything. ive asked them why and the answer they give is that they dont see it, they just see me. And its fair to say, i dont notice if they gain or lose weight either. because i just see them. And it doesnt actually matter anyway, i love them.

if you want a party, plan one :) noone of that other shit matters, not one bit.
And yes, sometimes things dont quite go in the direction you had planned or hoped, but it doesn tmean you are a failure because they havent.

hatesponge · 04/05/2012 12:32

Dont get me wrong, I'm happy to be here (even if it doesn't seem like it!) In fact I want to be here as long as possible :) hence why I don't like getting old, it reminds me of a line from one of my favourite poems 'at my back I always hear, Times' winged chariot hurrying near'

(just as an aside and to show I havent totally disappeared up my own backside with my midlife trauma, despite being written 400 years ago, that poem is still totally relevant, it's all about a guy trying to persuade a woman into bed on the basis of 'well, we fancy each other, we might all be dead soon, so lets crack on' Grin)

I have just sent some emails with invites. Small progress. It is just the house now I really need to worry about. Problem is it's not just a bit of a mess, it's completely unfinished, and I'm really struggling to know where to start in the limited time I have.

And the thing is, although I know you say people don't care, some probably don't but a lot of them do. I get comments of 'Oh, not finished it yet' quite often. And I feel embarrassed about living as we do Blush

TimeForMeAndDD · 04/05/2012 12:37

Unfurnished is perfect for a party, plenty of room for dancing without having to go to the trouble of moving furniture!

And don't feel embarrassed, it's no one else's business how you live. Ignore the comments and don't feel you have to justify yourself. And don't feel you have to bring your house up to scratch for the benefit of other people.

PostBellumBugsy · 04/05/2012 13:07

OMG, unfurnished is perfect!!!! Most people spend hours moving furniture out for a party - you are sorted! Ask a few mates to bring some garden chairs & tables, put up loads of balloons, streamers, buy or borrow some fairy lights & it will look fantastic. Grin

MyLittleMiracle · 04/05/2012 13:14

I cant wait to have a party at mine, may well have to invite a couple of people though.....

Snapespeare · 04/05/2012 13:14

sponge stuff the people that have the balls to criticise you for the house being unfinished. stuff. them.

just decide on what rooms you want to use, shift stuff from those rooms to rooms you won't be using. clean and tidy the rooms you will be using. buy food & enlist help of chum to make food. buy some booze. get hair cut, buy a frock. easy! :) you can totally do this.

:)

watch glad you're in a better place re ykw. :)

now, a question. my lovely flat mate has a date! he wants to impress her (and seeing as his memorable previous first dates include chislehurst caves and 'the pub', cannot be left to decide thison his own...) does anyone have any decent suggestions? south London to central London - not too beer based (he'll get pissed and slobber on her) she is susposedly 'fun-loving and bubbly', but he wants to give a good first impression without being too controlly or it looking like a lot of creepy effort.

any ideas for a perfect first date?

:)

hatesponge · 04/05/2012 13:15

Sadly its unfinished, not unfurnished Blush.

Lack of furniture I could deal with, but my house looks more like the before on an ep of 'DIY SOS' :(

Snapespeare · 04/05/2012 13:18

but theyre not coming to see the house! it isn't your houses birthday!

how long have you got? lets project plan! :)

MyLittleMiracle · 04/05/2012 13:21

Yep, lets get project planning we will bully convince you into having a party and getting completely wasted

hatesponge · 04/05/2012 13:21

Snape is it an evening or daytime date?

I'd actually love to go on a first date to Chislehurst Caves GrinBlush

Party is 2 weeks tomorrow...any/all planning advice appreciated. Starting to feel slightly better and less ostrich-like now so am ready to be organised! :)

MyLittleMiracle · 04/05/2012 13:28

First of all go to the supermarket and get plenty of booze in!

sponge you must live pretty close to me! My mum used to go to chislethurt caves as a young woman to listen to the music they used to do down there! I used to work close by too!

watchoutforthatsnail · 04/05/2012 13:35

snape - i always love activity dates, you know, when its actually ' doing' somehting, rather than just sitting there talking. Plus it gives you something to talk about, its easier to flirt if you are laughing, and theres always the option to extend the date to ' the pub' afterwards if its all going well. so a mid afternoon date... depends what he likes, ive had some fab dates eating ice cream at various places, beach, park etc... rowiing boats and a park is good, though maybe not in this weather! ive done amusments on a pier, which was a fab date actually, some kind of theatre? picnic - oooh, picnic is good and cheap and he can get you to make yummy cakes, girls like cake, he cant lose. Art gallery/ museum/ something to look at and a picnic? regents park and a picnic. im getting obsessed with the picnic thing here arent i. i want someone to take me on a picnic!!!!!!!!

sponge - it doesnt matter. it doesnt. and its better for a party anyway :) or have it outside, ton of plastic tables, chuck some nice table clots on, lots of tea lights in jam jars, bread on wooden boards, cheese on slate, slow roasted ribs, some bunting, blankets on the grass or weeds go all jamie oliver on them.hang some mirrors on the garden fences, mis matched old ones, 25p at car boots, if you can get a few flowering plants.. Shut all doors bar the kitchen and dining room. Tidy the living room just in case. then if people do wander else where, they will likely to be drunk and wont be caring what the rest of it looks like.
( i do parties quite a lot)

watchoutforthatsnail · 04/05/2012 13:44

oh and i have to say, im grinning like an idiot, because one of our new volunteers who we are training, thougth i was in my MID 20'S!!!!!!!!!!

mid 20's hahahahaha. i love her. i told her that. she nearly choked on her sandwich when i told her i was 34 this year in 4 months

and im in scruffy, its friday, i have no more clean clothes, holey jeans outfit. hell yeah. my ego is sutiably stroked.

:)

and obviously because i am so pleased about this, and now feel the need to tell everyone, shows that i am indeed not young. and am old enough that this makes my day! haha

Snapespeare · 04/05/2012 13:53

24 for the win (buys hair dye, does roots!)

my advice re flat mates date is early evening so you haven't wasted an entire night then if you 'click' you can extend it as long as you want. I like the picnic/amusement arcade idea but I am fucked if I am making him cakes so he can get laid! plus, making cakes never got me any shagging, so I fail to see how it might work for my flatmate... that said, he always asks my advice, never takes it and then ends up in a pickle, so we shall see!

project plan! love the outdoors idea (unless garden is also a tip!) def tea lights (pound shop!) and jam jars, fairy lights, bunting french bread, cheeses, pate, huge bowl of home made coleslaw/potato salad, loads of chicken legs. yummy!

TimeForMeAndDD · 04/05/2012 13:55

watch you are fab! I love your attitude and your energy. Smile You have had some fab dates too!

Sponge I was going to suggest the same as watch for your party, about having it outside. Not much more to say on the subject as watch has covered it all in her post! Grin

Snape is this a date with the girl who replied to the profile you placed on behalf of your flatmate??

watchoutforthatsnail · 04/05/2012 14:00

picnic and amusment arcade is good. and fun :) and it gets you out of that embarassing thing straight away, esp if they play air hockey or side by side dance things where you have to hit your feet on the lights. its fun :) and lots of laughing at each other, and themselves and then a nice picnic, with cakes from m and s! not courtsey of you, and then she leaves thinking how fab and how funny he is... its win win.

even if the garden is a tip, it doesnt take long to sort. bunting and tea nights and colorful blankets and beer and its transformed.
get boules to play. and some space hoppers for space hopper races too ;) they are fantastic fun when drunk or even when not drunk

Snapespeare · 04/05/2012 14:04

yes, this is the lovely woman who replied to the OKc profile we wrote for him when we were drunk. Blush he's managed to get to the date stage by himself (!) :)

space hopppppppeeerrrrrrsssss!!!

PostBellumBugsy · 04/05/2012 14:05

Snape - he could meet at the cafe at the Tate Modern or somewhere in Greenwhich - always lots going on there.

Snapespeare · 04/05/2012 14:07

Greenwich is good - she's from redbridge, need somewhere they can both get to relatively easily. I shall report back! :)

PostBellumBugsy · 04/05/2012 14:09

sponge - unfinished, unfurnished - it doesn't matter. You can do some quick fixes to make it look nice for a party. Flowers, balloons, streamers, get some pics of you as a kid blown up A3 size & stick them around. Make sure all overhead lights are off & buy or borrow fairy lights. Fairy lights make even the shitiest tip look great! After a couple of glasses of wine/beer/voddy - no one will give a toss anyway & if they do, you certainly won't! Grin

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