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Original poster

When life throws you potatoes, make chips! Be disappointed but never defeated! Dating thread No:13

999 replies

ChaoticAngel · 26/04/2012 21:31

"you say potato, I say potatNO"

Down with potatoes Grin

As you were....

OP posts:
ChaoticismyLife · 29/04/2012 23:41

Trust your instincts sponge.

After saying earlier in the thread that I'd never seen anyone from Match on POF the first person to contact me on POF was someone from Match Hmm

He sent quite a nice message when on Match, telling me a bit about himself etc but when we did the im bit he kept asking 'Was I passionate?', 'Did I like to kiss?' etc so I blocked him on fb and my membership to Match had just ran out so didn't have to worry about him there.

hatesponge · 29/04/2012 23:48

He claims to be single and has given me his number.

He is in the Army which explains some of the stuff that seemed odd. However also means he is probably a serial shagger...

hatesponge · 29/04/2012 23:50

He has now pissed me off by phoning me.

I hate speaking on the phone especially at nearly midnight.

What is it with men? Jesus, who phones someone they don't know at this time?!!

lovesineffable · 30/04/2012 00:04

phoning un announced is not on!!
Perhaps he thought he could talk you into 'phone sex' if he caught you off guard
ewww :o

hatesponge · 30/04/2012 00:09

loves I suspect you're right. Or even if he didn't get that far, that hearing my voice would be some sort of wank aid.

I text him back to say it's late I'll speak to him tomorrow, at which he came over all as though I'd kicked his puppy, saying how nice it would have been to talk to me, how he supposed he could wait til tomorrow Hmm

At this rate I won't be speaking to him at all.

MyLittleMiracle · 30/04/2012 08:02

NO ONE phones me at that hour unless its an emergency or we have said. Admittedly I have been texting at that hour bit only cos we have been talking all evening.

watchoutforthatsnail · 30/04/2012 09:22

morning all :)

Sponge - hope your weekend wasnt as bad as you thought it might be, glad you resisted the barbour ( because you do deserve better) Be careful with the army one.... not tarring them all with the same brush, but in my 13 years dealing with many, many serviceman, yes, they are all pretty much serial shaggers. Ive only met 3 or something that werent.

mlm - do you think your just friends is distancing himself... it doesnt really sound that he wants to ' see how it goes' being as you havent seen him since you had that talk, and have no plans to see him either. I dont want to you get hurt.

milk - hear anything from the fit one?

lubey - any updates, seen him again?

Im talking to two possible ok ones on pof and okcupid, had a ton of messages over the weekend ( people bored by the rain i think) and they were all rubbish!

Anyways, i have a problem with ykw - can those that know the backstory advise. I dont love him, i dont actually have any feelings at all, im indifferent it seems. yes, i was pleased to talk to him the other week, but that was when i was feeling very low. Anyways, all week hes been texting, calling, msning me, ive taken to lying about where i am, saying im out, or that i didnt get his message. the more i seem to do this, the more desperate for my attention he seems to become. It just makes me feel sad. The latest ploy is he has to come to my town for his work ( funnily this has never happened in the last almost 3 years... and i tried for 2 to get him here) But hes coming and needs my help. Then he admits hes looking for an excuse. Im not excited, i feel like im dreading it. If it had been 9 months ago, i would have jumped at the chance, i would, but now.. i just dont want to. Ive tried telling him i want to leave it and be friends, he seems to just ignore that and do what he wants.... i need to end this in the nicest way possible, i dont want to see him... But i do care, and its just an all round sad situation. hes just too late... had he of been this way in the begining, i would have given him the world, but now, i dont even want to give him 5 mins of my time :(

adamschic · 30/04/2012 09:50

Watch, sounds like he wants a bit on the side, and you have said you wouldn't want to be party to this. Can you not just tell him you don't want to see him because he has a gf. I think it's difficult to stay just friends. I have managed it with a few exes but tbh there is still a sexual element to these 'friendships'.

I have to dye my hair regularly nowadays. I find home dyes the same as Time, you can really tell you are just trying to cover greys. I haven't been to the hairdressers for about 3 years, since DD and I discovered 'Celebrity Sissorhands' on Utube, so she does my hair. She goes to the hairdressers mind and has told me to threat myself next time.

ChaoticismyLife · 30/04/2012 09:55

watch I'm sorry but I don't think there is a kind way to tell him, I think you're going to have to be blunt about it. You've said he ignores you when you try to tell him you just want to be friends and do what he wants which, when you think about it, is pretty selfish of him really. He doesn't have the right to override your wishes by ignoring them, he doesn't have the right to bulldozer you into a relationship that you don't want. I know you want to let him down gently but in this case I don't think that'll work.

watchoutforthatsnail · 30/04/2012 10:06

adams - its not sexual at all... Its a platonic friendship, that for lots of reasons, just didnt develop into anything more. I wanted it to be more in the beginning, In the middle we argued about whos fault it was that it didnt happen he lied. i lied... and he wants it to be more now.The timing was all wrong, its not really anyones fault. So its sad.

chaotic - i know. Its hard, i dont want to hurt him, but know im going to have to, and that makes me feel bad. I do care for him, alot, probably always will. He always said he would ' end up' with me. I think he thought id always be there. and i dont know when, but my feelings have changed and now its not what i want. And im pretty sure he knows this, hence the increasingly deperate attempts to get my attention. I just feel sad about it....

MyLittleMiracle · 30/04/2012 10:20

Well just friends is back in touch late last night. He has and is poorly. Don't think asking if you can stay the night is distancing yourself though. He basically slept through yesterday. I just plan on seeing what happens.

TheSinglePringleWillicopters · 30/04/2012 10:23

sponge just a warning but they man who lied to me and turned out to be married was in the army!

PostBellumBugsy · 30/04/2012 10:23

Morning all - taken me forever to catch up again!

Seaside - so eeewwwww. I just can't believe anyone would say that - somehow it is almost worse than doing it - even though that is rank too.

Watch - I can pretty much guess the backstory & your reaction says it all. Go with your gut on this one & tell him unless he is free to be with you, not to bother.

Sponge - can't belive that he called you so late at night. Totally out of order.

Miranda - glad you are going to see Mr Nice again! Sounds like you have killed off the whiney texts.

Waves to all other daters.

Very little to report on my own dating situation. Still exchanging great emails with MrMusic - but he still hasn't bloody asked for a date yet. I have my own personal rule not to ever ask for a date because I can't handle rejection. Any top tips for manoeuvring a date into an email, without it seeming like I am asking?

ChaoticismyLife · 30/04/2012 10:27

watch you have every right to feel sad. 'What could have been' if he'd been on board at the beginning must be going through your mind. Unfortunately when feelings aren't nurtured they tend to, eventually, die. A bit like any living thing, nuture it and it will blossom, neglect it it will die.

I could be totally wrong here but I do wonder how much he's 'chasing you' is to do with the fact that your feelings have faded. Has he sensed this and is now chasing you to get you back to where you were? It must have done wonders for his ego to know you wanted more. These are just thoughts, you know him, I don't.

MyLittleMiracle · 30/04/2012 10:27

watch say what you feel. Say you don't want a sexual relationship with him because of his girlfriend. Be honest but gentle.

lovesineffable · 30/04/2012 10:29

It's hard to be blunt and hurt someones feelings, but I think in these situations the other person often senses and plays on this, although perhaps not deliberately/consciously.
Often they just pi$$ you off so much that you stop caring about their feelings

watchoutforthatsnail · 30/04/2012 10:31

post - if i said the word he would be free to be with me. its been the case since maybe this time last year.... but i dont want him to be with me. thats the point. he also hasnt been in a relationship the whole time ive known him. He has a girlfriend now, but they have been together less than a year. he saw her because i wouldnt see him..... its not his fault. hes not a shit. its just wrong timing.

you could ask what hes got planned for the weekend.. and then when he asks you, say you dont know yet. and then if he doest take that hint, he pretty much not going to. I tend to think if they dont ask you out within 2 weeks, then they arent going to. And really, do you want to date someone who is too shy do ask for a coffee, via email?

watchoutforthatsnail · 30/04/2012 10:37

mlm - no, he absolutley is not coming onto me in a sexual way. Its not sexual. not at all. Its been a very emotional affair. we havent even kissed, yet i have streams of messages of him telling me he loves me ( messages going years back) i did love him, and now i dont. And im sure he knows this and this is why im getting constant messages from him, but it doesnt change how i feel. I know i need to be blunt, and i know thats going to hurt him. And i do care for him, and so dont want to do that. Its really hard.

TimeForMeAndDD · 30/04/2012 10:44

watch as harsh as this sounds, his hurt his not your responsibility. You have told him where he stands with you but he chooses to ignore your feelings and your wishes, he doesn't seem to care that in doing what he is doing he is hurting you. The situation you are in with him is of his doing, not yours. Do not feel guilty or hold back fro hear of hurting him. If you allow him what he wants you are compromising what you want, he is happy while you are miserable. Why do that? Be strong, be firm and stick yo your guns. If he gets snotty about it or falls out with you because of it, then he isn't the person you thought he was.

ChaoticismyLife · 30/04/2012 10:44

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Sorry watch I know this isn't easy for you Sad

TimeForMeAndDD · 30/04/2012 10:45

Apologies for my terrible typing!!

PostBellumBugsy · 30/04/2012 10:49

Watch - I'm confused. How come you were trying to pursuade him to come to yours for 2 years but now he is offering you are not up for it? What has happened in the last 9 months to change things? Clearly I do need the backstory!!!! [thick emoticon required]

Am thrown a bit by MrMusic - don't think he has internet dated before. He seems keen. I think he may also be worried that I'm going to find him a bit chubby (as he's made a few references to that). I think I shall just have to make a very light suggestion that we meet up to discuss the 'topic of the day' over a coffee. At least that way I'll know one way or another.

watchoutforthatsnail · 30/04/2012 11:01

its not terrible typing ;) no worse than any of my typos or when i post from my phone. like. this. all. the. time.

I know, and actually you are right. hes happy - he thinks hes coming here and ill see him. Im not happy, hes coming here and ill have to see him. which is why i know i need to tell him.

I told him not to long ago i didnt want to do this anymore, im really not avaliable to talk to him like i used to be. I cut that back from last summer, prior to that it was hours a day. Now its maybe once every two weeks or so. Where as i used to think about him alot, now i barely do, Days and days go by and hes not even a briefe thoughts. Texts which used to make my day now i just ignore and dont respond to for days, or i do respond and say im out so he doesnt call.

Urgh - its awful. You would have thought he might just realise and leave it, but it seems like im going to have to actually say to him. bluntly.
:(

adamschic · 30/04/2012 11:03

Sorry Watch, I misunderstood. Men they are often stupid when it comes to timing. Anyway best get on with some work.

lovesineffable · 30/04/2012 11:08

Post I'd be worried that his level of chubby would be outside my comfort zone...have you seen photo's of him?