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Original poster

Is there anything wrong with this Facebook Conversation between DP and 'girl from work'?

82 replies

GuiltyParty · 26/04/2012 10:48

I don't want to be the almighty Miss Paranoia but I've just stumbled across this facebook conversation. DP was at my house last night and was using my laptop. He must have closed it down without logging out of facebook and not realised he would still be logged in next time I opened it up again. I admit, I was nosy when it opened on his profile and so looked at his private messages (a bit of history here with innapropriate texting of a girl from work last year, hence the nosyness). So anyway I'll just repeat part of the convo here and you can tell me if I'm being a nutter or not.

Mark: hi Laura thanks for the birthday message , hows you ? xx

Laura: hey Mark, no problem
i am good thanks how are you?

Mark: im good thanks

Laura:good good

Mark: your looking very well in your photos

Laura: awww thankyou i am worried that i have put weight on lol

Mark: you look gorg as always , not same at work with out you

Laura: awww thanks Mark, you do know how to make me feel good

Mark: Yay :) :) hows Work? how long do you have left over there?

Laura: its going good thanks, was supposed to finish in June but staying another 6 months as I like it here

Mark: right i got to go back to work, you keep bing your gorgous and bubbly best, chat again xxxx

Laura: thanks hun take care speak soon xxxxxx

-----

This is a girl he previously admitted to fancying and bought her a birthday present last year behind my back. I know the convo doesn't sound that bad but is it normal for men to give some OTT compliments about appearance to women from work? This girl is currently in Japan btw.
Previous conversation between the two of them involve no mention of me and when she asked how things are in England, he replied "Same shit, different day". When she left we'd broken up and he told her this. Would it now not be appropriate to mention that we'd got back together since she left?

Or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
OmgOmg · 26/04/2012 10:50

This reply has been deleted

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wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 26/04/2012 10:51

Well, I don't think you're being paranoid Guilty. Looks like your DP fancies Laura and is letting it show/making his interest clear, even if he doesn't plan on doing anything about it.

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 26/04/2012 10:52

Cross-posted with OMG

Do you have DCs? If it were me, I would perhaps be questioning whether DP was really 'into me' enough to make it worth my while investing in this relationship. Sorry, that may sound very harsh, and don't mean it to.

Pleasehelpifyoucan · 26/04/2012 10:53

It sounds mildly flirtatious, and in the context of a long healthy faithful relationship, it wouldn't particularly worry me, I have male friends who are equally chatty/flirtatious but these tend to be old friends from 20 years ago, and nothing would ever be secret in our chats. However, if he has form for inappropriate texting and you know he fancies her, it puts a bit of a different slant on it. I think it really depends how reliable he is, I don't think you have anything to 'accuse' him of in this convo except trying to keep up a flirtatious friendship, what that might mean for you is a different matter.

MonsterBookOfTysons · 26/04/2012 10:54

He sounds flirty, she doesn't tbh. At the start it is as though she is brushing him off imo.

OracleInaCoracle · 26/04/2012 10:54

I dont see anything wrong at all, but what is his behaviour like normally? are you a jealous person? why did he tell you that he fancied her? I think you are being paranoid tbh, and it doesnt seem like (even if he does have a teensy crush on her - and thats perfectly natural/normal) this is moving towards anything, or she reciprocates.

pictish · 26/04/2012 10:55

I think your dp has the hots for Laura, and he seems the keener party going on that convo alone.
The thing is, none of it is particularly incriminating...but I can see how it would be hurtful for you to read it.

MooBaaWoofCheep · 26/04/2012 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OracleInaCoracle · 26/04/2012 10:56

I agree, the "good, good" seems like brushing off.

plantsitter · 26/04/2012 10:56

Listen, you can analyse this as much as you like but it won't tell you anything concrete. It's clear he fancies her or has in the past. It's also clear nothing has happened and, if she's in Japan, nothing is going to happen. I must say I've wanted blokes who've rejected me in the past to now be madly in love with me now even though I'm happily married and wouldn't consider doing anything about it if they were.

If you don't really trust him, you don't really trust him. I couldn't live with that in a serious relationship personally, but maybe you can.

fluffiphlox · 26/04/2012 10:59

i think he's being more flirtatious than she is.

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 26/04/2012 10:59

I'm not a paranoid person but there is a bit of history here. Why has he not mentioned me? when she asked what was new back in England, why did he not mention the fact that we'd got back together? When she asked him what he'd been upto lately, why did he not mention the weekend away we'd been on?

I'm tempted to change his status to "in a relationship" to see how many people react with surprise.

BTW she didn't encourage him last time he did this, in fact before she went she was ignoring his texts (he was texting to say he'd bought her a birthday present and wanted to take it to her house!) and she was ignoring him.

OP posts:
imnotmymum · 26/04/2012 11:00

sounds innocent to me do not worry

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 26/04/2012 11:01

His grammar is shite. Leave the bastard.

helpyourself · 26/04/2012 11:03

guilty what's your relationship to him? You don't live together, are you planning to? The girls doesn't sound interested but I would go ballistic if I saw an interchange like that between DH and A.N Other. However- we've been together 20 years, and have numerous DCs. If I'd seen a convo like that in the early days, before we lived together I'd assume he was keeping his options open and probably end the relationship.

Notthefullshilling · 26/04/2012 11:07

Hang on, what over the top comments he said she looked "gorg", you look sexy, or hot, or over dressed would all have been inappropriate.

Did you see the photo OP? She might have been dressed up to go for a big night out and so looking particularly glam, if you were the same would you not feel hurt by no one making a comment on how good you were looking? What I mean is that he may have been remarking on how much effort she had gone to, to look good as a polite way of recognising the fact.

Also he finishes the convo first by saying he had to get back to work, if he was that in to her he might have been saying, chat later, or what is your number!

Last but not least she is "over there" so not even in the same city I presume.
So unless you have stronger proof that he might even be contemplating playing away I suggest you not listen to the conspiracy theorists round here, and ask him tell him you saw the message, ask how she is doing, what work she is doing, where she is, would he too like to move job, location, try TALKING

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 26/04/2012 11:07

We are supposed to be thinking about living together but something inside me tells me not to trust him. There have been other things too. He works in a supermarket and I once went to do my shopping there (don't usually as it's miles away from where I live but this one time I happened to be passing and needed some groceries) and he looked absolutely panic stricken when he saw me.
He told me he fancied 'Laura' during the time we were split up, now of course he denies ever saying that Hmm. She's a lot younger than him, she's only about 22/23. He's 40.

OP posts:
Maryz · 26/04/2012 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 26/04/2012 11:08

Honestly - I think he fancies her.
However, I do not think she is a threat to your relationship in any real sense. She's not interested in him.

My dh had a mild crush on a woman at work. He certainly never approached her in anything other than a work related capacity, and it wasn't a serious concern...she's happily married and so is he. He just fancied her and I wheedled it out of him, by picking up on very subtle signals he displayed when her name was mentioned. The woman concerned had no idea.
I didn't feel jealous or upset, and in fact made a little bit of fun of him about it.

It's ok to be attracted to other people - it's what you do with it that counts.

You dp has made slight movement towards looking for some return on his flirtation, which is a niggle...but she hasn't reciprocated and my guess is that this will fade into the nothing it really is.

Keep an eye on it though. If you can.

OracleInaCoracle · 26/04/2012 11:10

look, you obviously dont trust him, I dont think you should be moving in with him. how old are you?

Original poster
GuiltyParty · 26/04/2012 11:11

Should also add that if he saw an exchange between me and a male on facebook like this he'd hit the roof. He went off on one because I had a PUBLIC (remember, his are all private, why?) conversation with a guy, we had a joke and I put something like "Bet you can't wait to get back to work ;-) " and he replied "oh yeah, really, really can't wait :-P lol"

DP kicked off asking why I'd "winked" at the guy!! So why is it ok for him to have conversations like this when he'd go off on one if I so much as complimented a man's tie?

OP posts:
treadwarily · 26/04/2012 11:11

He fancies her but she's not that into him

thisisyesterday · 26/04/2012 11:13

i don't think it sounds flirty at all.

if i saw that conversation between my own dp and a woman from work i would not think anything of it.

but then background plays a big part doesn't it? if you don't trust him now you won't ever trust him surely? and that's not a good foundation for a relationship

Maryz · 26/04/2012 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mobly · 26/04/2012 11:14

She doesn't sound interested... He sounds like a creep.