Is there anything wrong with this Facebook Conversation between DP and 'girl from work'?

[GuiltyParty]

I don't want to be the almighty Miss Paranoia but I've just stumbled across this facebook conversation. DP was at my house last night and was using my laptop. He must have closed it down without logging out of facebook and not realised he would still be logged in next time I opened it up again. I admit, I was nosy when it opened on his profile and so looked at his private messages (a bit of history here with innapropriate texting of a girl from work last year, hence the nosyness). So anyway I'll just repeat part of the convo here and you can tell me if I'm being a nutter or not.

Mark: hi Laura thanks for the birthday message , hows you ? xx

Laura: hey Mark, no problem
i am good thanks how are you?

Mark: im good thanks

Laura:good good

Mark: your looking very well in your photos

Laura: awww thankyou i am worried that i have put weight on lol

Mark: you look gorg as always , not same at work with out you

Laura: awww thanks Mark, you do know how to make me feel good

Mark: Yay :) :) hows Work? how long do you have left over there?

Laura: its going good thanks, was supposed to finish in June but staying another 6 months as I like it here

Mark: right i got to go back to work, you keep bing your gorgous and bubbly best, chat again xxxx

Laura: thanks hun take care speak soon xxxxxx

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This is a girl he previously admitted to fancying and bought her a birthday present last year behind my back. I know the convo doesn't sound that bad but is it normal for men to give some OTT compliments about appearance to women from work? This girl is currently in Japan btw.
Previous conversation between the two of them involve no mention of me and when she asked how things are in England, he replied "Same shit, different day". When she left we'd broken up and he told her this. Would it now not be appropriate to mention that we'd got back together since she left?

Or am I being paranoid?

I am not sure if I would be worried or not. My DH is a bit over friendly when sending e-mails, I think these days everyone seems to put kisses on e-mails (even at work) and I guess it rubs off.

I was going through a very insecure patch (not really sure why) but I checked his e-mails and he seems to put quite a few kisses on his e-mails but it was all so innocent so I had no worries.

I have pulled him up on it and he said he accidentally put a kiss on a message at work to a man who took the piss out of him after that. He is aware he is over friendly but he is never flirty etc, he just worked with mainly women and in general women are a bit more friendly/casual in texts and e-mails.

My only issue would be that he has admitted to fancying her in the past, thats what would bother me. Although, I fancy Kiefer Sutherland (DH knows) but I wouldn't cheat on DH (even given the chance with him) so maybe its not such an issue!

Oops only read page 1 - I am kind of changing my opinion of him - I would be pretty pissed off with al this!

Kaluki I am a little sensitive about the 40 thing

OP, please get rid of this chap. He really is an arse (and a jealous one at that - red flag etc etc). Does he have ANY redeeming features? Does he? Really?

You deserve so much better. I wasted years In a relationship with trust issues. It's just not worth it.

I wouldn't even waste the time telling him why or asking for explanations I would just end it with him.

No you're not being paranoid. When you're dating someone and you are so keen (not yet living together so you still have idealistic views of each other) you want to let everyone know about your partner and certainly not 'forgetting' to mention you. When DH & I got together we couldn't help but mention each and were always dropping in references..like..we went away for the weekend etc.

I think you should bin this man, maybe he's not so bad but he's not that keen and I suspect he's the type of guy who will never be happy with one person. Always seeking the next person who might 'fancy' him so that his confidence is boosted.

You are in your prime..I didn't meet DH til a few year older than you (and actually had met him previously but was in another relationship!). Set yourself free and find a man who really does appreciate you.

OP I think you know the answer. I agree with people who've said that the conversation itself isn't much to be bothered about - if it was in the context of a happy, secure relationship. But it's not in that context, is it? It's a small warning signal to add to the many others you've had.

Agree with treadwarily. He fancies her. She's just playing along with it.
I wouldn't be comfortable with that conversation but I can't say what is right for someone else's relationship.

He can't be trusted; you are right not to trust him.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life, or actually even another DAY, being paranoid, going through his fb logs, being upset that he's pretending you don't exist and flirting with girls half his age?

I agree, he fancies her, she's prolly wondering why a 40yo is writing like a 14yo and cringing a bit for him. Or maybe that's me.
And he has form? Why are you bothering with him, honestly?

April and Sue, spot on.

Did you have a thread about this guy before? I think I remember it.

Anyway the only advice I would give you here, would be to get rid of this idiot. Don't move in with him for God's sake.

Every single person my DH has ever met for longer than 10 mins knows all about me and the DC. He is proud of us.

Your DP is trying to lie by omission to women he knows.

Now why would he do that unless it is to increase his chances of getting another one?

He is not the one, you and Laura can do much better. The difference is, she knows it and you don't.

Some guys just never grow up, do they. Eventually they become really unattractive because of that.

By not mentioning you, as KatieScarlet said, he's lying by omission, and if he were my DP I'd want to know why he was keeping our relationship a secret from other women. The flirting could be harmless, but it's rather juvenile isn't it.

I don't see how not mentioning the op means that he is concealing her existence I don't wear a wedding ring, nor do I feel the need to tell people about dh, that doesn't diminish my commitment to him. Someone asks a general "what did you do?" As part of small talk I won't say "dh and I did this...." Unless its particularly relevant. He does sound like a bit of a tosser and there are clearly issues there, but I don't like this thing whereby we mark our territory.

He sounds like a pathetic man child. When i read that coversation, i assumed he was earlier 20's, but to find out hes a 40 year old man sniffing around 20 years olds her just sounds like a loser. She is obviously not in to it, and i can totally understand her ignoring him before. He sounds like a creep. It also seems that he is keeping you secret from people which is never a good thing.
Sorry hun

Yes - pathetic is the word I'd use.

If my husband was acting like this, I'd think he'd had a lobotomy in his lunch hour

How very teenage

and if you stay with him, he will drag you down to that level

If my dp was acting like that, I would rip the piss out of him mercilessly.

I think it is an embarrassing exchange and he is being flirtatious. If it were MY dp, his feet wouldn't touch the ground, I would be seriously fucked off and having words. However I think the thing with things like this is it depends completely on the personality of your boyfriend/husband and how they usually act around women. For instance, my best friend's partner is a club manager who is very flirty, very complimentary of women in general, outgoing and would definitely call another woman 'gorgeous' but is actually absolutely loyal to my friend, and a great boyfriend. My boyfriend however is a little more shy, and would only call a girl 'gorgeous' if he really meant it, he's not 'a charmer'- so I'd take it as a big deal, whereas my friend would just shrug.
So you need to sort of weigh it up against the way your bloke usually acts to see whether it's an issue in my opinion.
Really weird how he overreacted to your messages to another man, though...

There are enough red flags here to make bunting - why on earth are you still with him? Get out now, do not move in with him (I have a feeling I have said this to you on another thread!!).

Maryz - I find your post very ill informed and bordering on offensive.

They have got other adjectives other than good, as can be clearly seen. Gorg is clearly an adjective and not just the kind of thing a teenager with sizzling hot underpants uses about girls on Hollyoaks. After all, the Queen uses it quite often.

Having now read through the rest of the thread I think it is worse than I thought before - as Chipping says, loaaads of red flags...

I agree! If you don't trust each other the relationship is doomed. To me it sounds like he does slightly fancy her and she's not that interested but the fact that he's kept his Fb relationship status as single and not mentioned that you're back together is suspect. If he genuinely lives you, wouldn't he want to tell the world? You deserve better than this.

He definitely fancies her and is angling for a romp. She isnt into him and knows that all he wants is compliment her and get into her knickers. Dont worry about her but do worry about you and him.