The Dating Thread - Part 12. How NOT to lose the will to live. Sense of humour essential!

[TimeForMeAndDD]

Good morning everyone! Had to start a new thread as the old one is no longer receiving posts.

Fill yer boots!

Hi gilmoregirl nice to have you aboard

My top tips would be.

1. Like MLM says, don't be afraid to email them first if they catch your eye. If they get back to you great, if they don't then NEXT. You've got nothing to lose.

1. Personally I'm not a one for endless emails or texts. I like to meet them in the flesh asap to see if there is chemistry or not.

1. If someone makes you feel even the tiniest bit uncomfortable or at ANY point, then don't be afraid to bin them off. Trust your gut instinct, it is there to protect you.

1. Oh, and finally- always shave at least 2 inches off whatever height they claim to be. Especially if they are a little on the short side. 5,8 normally turns out to be 5,6 I've found it is only the guys who are 5,11+ who tend not to fib about their height.

Daft question, but does everyone find that fibbing about age is a common thing? For example, I met a guy a few months ago who claimed to be 29 but looked years older than me (I'm 33)

In a similar vein I have been privately emailing a guy from OKC. I shamelessly stalked casually looked up his FB profile, and on the pictures he looks quite a lot older than 28. Also a lot, erm, chunkier than on his OKC pictures. This is no good for me as I'm afraid I like my men on the wasting away slender side.

Yes, fibbing about age and height common, good for you for fb stalking, we can play the internet at its own game.

That said, i dont put a full length body pic on my dating profile, let my wet paper bag of a stomach be a glorious surprise. :)

snape - he sounds fab, id love a pervlook. hope it goes fab!! well dont for going for it and trying to stop pinning too, i know its hard

welcome gilmore - two weeks is no time, new people join all the time, sometimes tere are good ones and sometimes not.

mlm - i would never, ever, ever tell someone i thought they were out of my league. ive thought it many time, but i would never say it nor ask if they fancied a chat... i just normally say hi, and that i liked their profile and thought i would say hu.... and it goes from there.

miranda - glad he emailed backl - thats great - when are you seeing him again?

I have a second date - Tuesday!!!! as in 2 days away. with the will young alike ( i happen to quite like will young... imagine a more manly version, with sparkly, mischevious eyes) Hes coming here ( which is fine, i know where he works, in a hospital and ive called a few hospital working people who have vouched for him) so its all good. He did say i wasnt to think he was wanting to jump into bed with me, that hes not like that at all, just a big flirt, but just that he really appreiates/ enjoyed my company. So - there will be NO SEX.

Obviously i only have what he said about his gf.. i have no idea if thats true or not. He has a son who lives the other end of the country, who he sees as much as he can, she apparently hates this and tried to stop him. She also refuses to visit him here.. he has to go to see her. He works every weekend, few hours at lunchtime sat and sunday... and in the week full time. So its just not working out. Im taking all this with a pinch of salt and not concerning myself unless i need to. Its literally coming over to hang out because i was/ he was fab company - and frankly that doesnt happen very often.

oh and ywk text me 3 times last night, which i didnt see. and twice again this morning. clingy much?

Its hard to say Milk, lots of guys look older than they say they are, and I think lots of people use pictures that are a couple of years old.
I've never lied about my age, and I wouldnt rule out someone on the grounds of age...but if some looks like they dont exercise I'm not interested

honestly - ive never had a date with anyone being shorter than they said.

im sure im the shortest on here and pretty much all my dates are voer 6ft. last nights was 6ft 2.

Second date!! I'm pretty sure some woman on here was complaining about never getting a second date not that long ago. :p Goes to show how things can change, just a little bravery and staring life down until it gives up and sends you something good. :)

Glad youre taking him with a pinch of salt, if he is honest and truthful then it sounds like his gf is giving him a bum deal. If he's a player stringing you a line for a (pity) shag, then so what, you want to shag him anyway.. So all is good. :)

Pfft at ykh. Pfffffft!

Trying to think when to suggest seeing Mr Nice again - XH has the DC on Thursday night and the next Thursday and Friday nights. So will suggest them and see what Mr Nice is doing :)

Going to send some messages to people on PoF while i am into this dating thing I think (whilst remembering I only have so many child free evenings )

I'm also surprised at other peoples problems with height, I'm 5ft 2 and most men I've met have been 6ft or over.
I'm not keen on very very tall men, they tend to look a bit lurch-like

well yes, i supose so. it was a leap of faith, i cant tell you have weird his messages were, and it was a totally blank profile. I didnt even know his name.

One of his reasons was - lots of his friends online date, and they discount women based on silly thinkgs, like hair colour, or not earning enough, or a picture they dont like, but they like the rest, or a smile that isnt right. He said its ridiclous - you have no idea and nothing replaces meeting and talking to someone. His sister online dates and usually chats for months before meeting and then is disapointed. So, it was sort of an experiment. and he said me meeting him restored his faith in humanity. Kudos to me for having the balls. I told him i had him pegged as stonned, crazy or very clever and i was only there because im too curious for my own good and i had nothing else to do :)
( see, we were both honest) but i do think he has a point.

Im not getting the player vibe at all and im quite good at picking it up now and he certainly wasnt laying it on like ' woe is me' it was more 'embarassinlt, this is my situation'

i dont plan on shagging him - and to be fair, he didnt make a move on me at all last night, bar a couple of hugs. it was hanging in the air, like huge tension, but he didnt do anything, and neither did i.

so - yeah. we shall see.

all sounds very good watch:)
you'd think his sister would have figured out by now that chatting for months (!!) is NOT a good idea

oooh, also. he said from a male perspective what its like, and i found it really interesting.

No pic and you get literally no replies.

with a pic he got a few, mostly he was ignored when he sent messages ( i did explain it was probably because of the blank profile) but he said he just wanted somone to take a chance and meet up. Some women were confused and just fired questions to him, so he didnt bother... and some with no pics contacted him and then it turned out thery were over 50.

he said then when you think you have somone, you send a message and wait, and then you can see when they have been online and maybe not replied, or have replied byt then not again and then he could see i logged in once at 5:15 am ( have been waking up stupidly early, check emails, read news/fb etc...) and hes l ike, what the hell is this girl doing up at 5:15!!! and then not replying to him. he said its like a rollercoaster.

I just thought it was intersting because we assume the guys have all the control. Bollocks do they, they are just as bad as us :)

hmm, I've never thought that men had all the control with the online thing...quite the opposite, it's always seemed obvious that women get alot more offers than men do and can pretty much call the shots.

(It's further down the line that women seem to let go of the reigns, having slept with him and let her increased oxytocin do the talking)

For one thing women are much more wary of men they dont know than vice versa

Someone actually told me they were older than they were, they said they were 22 but had BARELY turned 18, but mainly people say they are younger than they are.

Watch, 2nd date well done. So is he saying he just wants to be friends or is he saying he wants to take time before you get into bed?

From what I've heard, lots of men struggle to get a reply to messages on the internet. I suppose it's similar to meeting in RL. If you approach them they may think 'she's OK and it might be fun' if they approach you they are thinking 'can I pull her, is she out of my league' so it changes dynamics somewhat.

I'm small too but have always gone out with tallish men. I don't really go for short ones.

Had a long chat last night and we have come to more of an understanding. There is too much history to just let things go but I am keeping an open mind.

he hasnt said either. just that so i know hes not looking to jump into bed with me.

I thikn it was more of a reassuring thing. a ' im ot going to leap on you'

or thats how i took it. have i misunderstood?

glad you have come to some sort of understanding. hope he starts treating you right.

Nope, it was definatley reassuring. The conversation prior to that had been a bit boob centric.
( not in a skeezy way, more in a ' I haveht been able to stop thinking about your boobs all day' type thing. I was wearing a scarf!!! Then we were talking stealth perving techniques)

I think he was reassuring you as he is coming to your home.

Will see how we go at least he has taken on board what I was asking for so far.

Yes. I think so too.

I.hope he does Adams.

watch I think he sounds nice. I love his honesty and I think if he just wanted to shag you he wouldn't have been so open about his situation. He would have kept it all from you and just taken 'the goods'. The fact he did tell you everything, well, he has given you control over the situation, you can choose what you do with the info, i.e. see him again, or don't. Many many men wouldn't have done that.

adams I'm pleased you have come to an understanding too and I also hope you treats you as you deserve to be treated, which is with love and respect. A soul soother, remember?

Anyway, while bored this afternoon I bought a dress, online, and shoes to go with it. So I have the outfit for a date. Just need the man now Failing that it's a lovely dress that I will get lots of wear our of if a man doesn't turn up.

Aaagh, I'm really not sure what to do about Mr Coffee. Had a great time last night, the time flew by, but I'm really not sure I fancy him.

Have to admit, though, that when I look at men in their 40s on dating sites, there are so few I find attractive. Maybe I'm being hypocritical as I'm the first to admit I'm never going to win Miss World, but still... I looked at women in the same age group on dating sites, and they were nearly all attractive and well-presented with interesting profiles. So why aren't the men?

I don't know if I'm just being too fussy or if I should wait and hope to meet someone I fancy. I did meet someone I liked last year, but, typically, he didn't feel the same way about me.

I ask myself exactly the same question, when sat in my little coffee shop, people watching. Men my age are not appealing at all. I think I've missed the wagon.

Time - I'm glad it's not just me. I see younger men I find attractive, but I know it's highly unlikely they'd be interested in me. So what to do? Remain single for ever? Date someone I'm not really attracted to? It's really hard.

I remember being in my late teens/early 20s, and there were so many single, fanciable, lovely men around. Now it sometimes feels that all the good ones have been snapped up ... or am I being horribly negative?

No, it's not just you. I lust after look at younger men too, I thought it was just the HRT kicking in but truth is, they are fit! They are fun, they smile, they look happy and relaxed just walking around town, and they wear there trousers where they should be worn.

What to do? Well, aim younger!

If a man was more than just 'nice', if you found him interesting and stimulating, then you would be attracted to him regardless of his looks. If you aren't attracted to Mr Coffee then it's because of his personality not just his appearance. That's my view anyway