The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

bibbity you are so right about dreams - we can wake up feeling so disconcerted by them. I had a whole series of dreams about going for a pee, and when I woke up the first thing I did was check that the bed wasn't wet (luckily it never was).

alias certainly cutting down is better than doing nothing, but for me trying to drink small amounts was awful. If i'd managed to stick to a small amount one day, then I'd 'reward' myslef the next day by drinking loads. And yes, for me, having one glass made me want more, and than was much more difficult than simply not having any in the first place.

Thanks everyone. Well, I did drink last night as you know. About a bottle and a bit :( It wasn't as strong as the usual wine I drink but it's still alcohol.

Well, today is a new day and I will not drink today.

there's a theory of dreams that it is about expectation fulfillment or the discharging of urges fired in the day. so basically we are repressing urges, drives and needs all day long. we get angry at our boss but we can't show or release it, we have to hold it down and don't therefore discharge the energy from it. therefore we dream to discharge all those unfulfilled instincts and urges that have been retained through the day. so if you are getting the urge to drink or worrying about drinking in the daytime and repressing that, not fullfilling that expectation then in rem sleep you fulfill it so your brain can get it out. not sure if i'm making that at all clear

so for example if you really fancy someone you are working with and every day you are getting aroused and not discharging that arousal by jumping on them (which would be potentially very unwise) then you're likely to have dreams of sex to release that sexual urge/instinct/response so it's not clogging up your brain.

basically in our distant past our triggers were acted on - arousal made us have sex, fear made us fight or flight etc but in modern life we have to repress our urges and override them with our newer shinier frontal lobes but the theory is that the energy released still sits there waiting to be used, it's not safe/appropriate to use it in our waking lives so it's discharged in our sleep in rem instead.

sorry for long lecture of near irrelevance but jwn that's what your posting made me think of. it may well have been triggered by the other week and is being retriggered every day - the more you think about it in the day the more you will dream it to fruition at night if you go with that theory.

sorry - aware i'm a minefield of boring information.

day 8 here morning babes

oh and the more repressed shit you have, the more times you've worried inapropriately and built up a fight or flight response that was not needed/couldn't be acted on, the more times you've felt angry and repressed it the more you will need to dream to release it and the more rem sleep you have the less deep restorative sleep cycles you have which equals being knackered!

Morning lovely Babes.

It is foul here. V cold and wet. Get to a dr JWN there are some horrid bugs around atm- DH and DD1 have both had a deep chest infection which only cleared with ABx, after a good 10 days of coughing til puking

Dreams are horrid. I get drinking dreams still, they don't mean anything but are very discombobulating.

alias and grey what are your plans for tonight? Will there be alcohol in the house? Can you do your very best to get to witching hour with avoiding HALT as your mantra? In the army it is a bollockable offence to faint on parade if you haven't had breakfast. If you white knuckle it until teatime on a wave of coffee and adrenalin, missing lunch and not posting here you will be far more likely to pick up.

oh and jwn i promise this helps if you can stomach it - grate a few cloves of garlic a couple of cm square of ginger into a cup, add boiling water and cover for ten minutes, add lemon juice and a spoon of honey and drink. if you can bear it eat the garlic and ginger moosh if not strain it before drinking.

Help Tonight, I think I will chuck the rest of the wine out. One of the bottles contained cava which will not keep until the weekend, so I may as well bin it.

I have a recurring dream that I have to re-sit my final exams. I have that dream probably every night or so. I think it is a classic stress dream.

I also dream that I find a secret bar in my grandmother's house. In the dream, I don't drink any alcohol but I wonder if it is a 'guilt' dream?

The other side of the dreams could have a positive spin though JWN. When you wake up thinking 'oh no, I drank last night' how do you feel? Regret, shame, failure. disappointment? All the things you would really feel if you actually did drink.

Then how do you feel when you realise it was just a dream? Phew, massive relief I bet. So these dreams are kind of reinforcing what you already know. You don't want to to drink. You are happier not drinking.

I've dreamed about smoking years after stopping, I dreamed I was stuffing myself with cakes just a couple of weeks ago. I think they probably are repressed urges but far better to let them out in dreams than in real life.

You know you don't want to drink. You are stressed at the moment, still suffering the after shocks of 'the incident' (thought any more about counselling?) and you are planning and preparing for the dream wedding of your precious child.

The feelings from dreams can stay with us for some time but they will go eventually. I once stayed angry with Hose for a whole day because he did something mean to me in a dream and I couldn't shake the hurt I felt

So, get the the gp, get some rest when you can and I am sure you will be feeling much stronger soon. Are you concerned about everyone drinking at the wedding, will that be a difficult time for you?

Hope to catch up later, much love x

yep - it's urge fulfillment without any of the bad consequences and with the bonus of reinforcing your revulsion at the idea of drinking.

i don't know what the 'incident' is - not nosing just pointing out that if what i'm saying seems way off base or is offensive in any way in relation to it it's because i don't know what it is iyswim. babble-icious!

off for school run in the rain in a moment.

Fairenuff - I've had dreams where I've been drunk. Then I've woken up hangover only to find that I did actually get drunk and I do actually have a hangover. Ugh.

grey chuck it out now. Unless you're a morning drinker you're less likely to think 'what a waste' and drink it. Going to the fridge at the end of the day when you're tired hungry and stressed is not a good idea. (I have no idea whether you are a morning drinker BTW- I was)

jwn sage tea and garfling with aspirin helps. Check carefully any linctuses(lincti?) night nurse contins alcohol, enough to unsettle you (or me) big time.

Morning Babes. I've been feeling like shit and making things worse by drinking. I stupidly tried to go cold turkey on my anti-depressants, and now realise I'm not really well enough to stop them just yet.

I missed a business trip yesterday because I was drunk the previous evening and forgot to set my alarm clock. My presence wasn't critical - it was a supplier visit - but I feel like I let everyone down.

I've had a mixed few days. Fantastic uni visit on Friday, another one this afternoon then I can make a decision. DH was going to come with me, but DMil has had a biopsy on a lump in her breast and asked DH to support her today - she's got an appointment with the specialist who'll talk her through the results.

V quick post. jwn get to doctor for chest and try not to worry about the dreams - your brain is trying to make sense of what happened. This could just be a normal process or a sign you need to talk it through. Has Victim Support be in touch?

Struggling to keep up with thread but all ok here. School place allocation day here.

Everything crossed for you MsGee.

Good morning all,

Lots of you up and about this morning. I was up at 6.30 saw Dh off to work, and then went back to bed with a cup of tea until 8, eeh, luxury .

I go back to work tomorow, big meeting first thing to tell us what will be happening later on in the year. I'm not sure it's going to be good news .

Venus my lovely friend, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that post, I do try to tell to myself all of those things from time to time (well, not the fantastic bit ), but most of the time inside, I am still not doing good enough, not work or material wise, just as a person, I suppose.

In some ways of course those thoughts are making me the important thing, me the centre, which is also a bad thing. I know really, that the thing to do each day is to be kind and caring, considerate and do the same for others as I would have them do to me (to paraphrase a famous book!).

I do think that the guilt about my previous drinking makes me feel unworthy in so many more ways than just guilt about the drink.

The reunion though, was strange. We were a group of friends (boys and girls) who knew each other inside out, some more than others!, and in varying permutations! for 10 years, 30 odd years ago, until people started moving further away, getting married, or with partners,etc. We didn't see each other en masse then for many years, but have started to meet up again over the last 6 or 7 years.
As my friend said, it's bizzare because we still feel like we know each other so well, but we don't any more really. It was quite amazing how people slipped into their old personas though. And I did hear some conversation that wasn't kind or considerate, which made me sad.

We have made plans to meet up again in the summer, shall I stay or shall I go . (that is a song, right?)

Of self-esteem, many years ago I said to Dh that I hoped the DC would grow up as arrogant bastards because they seem to get on life, and no-one hurts them. I think differently now, I think that perhaps people are arrogant bastards because they are hurting.
Anyway the Dc didn't and aren't .

Crikey, I am really sorry, I have written a book, and haven't even started to talk about dreams yet . So sorry this was a post titled me, me and back to me. Thanks for being there.

With thanks to you my friends, and lots of love
T xxxxx (mwah!!)
(not going to preview so please forgive grammar, typo's, etc )

I knew I would x post loads.
Sorry for dumping all that stuff on you, so early on a Wednesday. xxxx

Morning Babes. Day 9.

Difficult day ahead today. I made the decision last night to cancel my wedding. DP didn't want to get married in the first place - he was only doing it because I wanted to. I cried a bucketful last night, didn't sleep well, and feel like shit this morning.

My jug is already empty, so to speak, and I was thinking about drinking tonight before I got up this morning. I know it wouldn't help anything - in fact it'll make things much worse as I'll get overemotional (as if I'm not already), disinhibited in expressing those emotions, and just feel ten times worse.

Going to eat and eat today to try to stave off the booze yearnings. Hey - haven't got a wedding to lose weight for now either.

saf I know from reading past threads that JWN's incident was that she witnessed an attempted murder on her drive. It was very traumatic and then afterwards a neighbour gave her a glass of wine, which she accepted because she was in shock.

thurso I feel bad for posting epic posts on here too, but then I so enjoy reading other people's long posts that I'm starting to think it doesn't matter.

Day 9 Boing :-)

My friend who I was supposed to go to the cinema with tonight has cancelled - I have no gym stuff and went into a mini panic of going home to the empty house with the whole evening to rattle about .. anyhow I'm going to work on a bit later and just go to the cinema myself to see Battleship .. big action film should take my mind off of the vino .. then I can just go home and go to bed afterwards

Looking forward to cinema Nachos for tea :-)

Thurso I think it is very funny how people from school act as though they still know each other so well .. glad it wasn't too bad!

jwn Get better soon xx

Mia sorry to hear that you've cancelled your wedding .. can I ask why?

Kxx

hope you're ok this morning mia - that is a big, brave decision. was it wanting things honest itms? it's a good thing imo to step back from something if you worry about it's intentions or motivations or something. especially something as big as marriage maybe? do talk if you want to.

BOING!!! Finally understand that word! Day 9. Feel fantastic, not missing drink one iota.

I do often have 2 or 3 days without a drink (I seem to do my 40 units from Thurs to Sunday ) and I am one of those just cutting down.

Even so having a really good clear run without any alcohol has made me feel so much better - less anxiety, less tired, no manky tongue!!!

Mia - so sorry you are having a tough time. (I'm not really posting much as so many fantastic friendships have developed on here over months and years and I don't feel my input into conversations is needed or wanted. I'm not being anti-social or ignoring emotional posts, I'm just sitting back. Also I find lurking just as beneficial for me personally).

ooh bproud you've just made me notice how nice my tongue feels!

sorry - proud you are not bproud! sorry.