The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

Lola I went out for meal with DH on Sat night & after having commited myself to driving, spent at least 6 exhausting hours beforehand stressing about how I would cope/what I would drink.

Actually it was fine & it's not until you face these situations head on that you find your true strength. What's the worst that can happen? You're a bit bored, not the life & soul - it's not the end of the world & you won't have a hangover next day to boot!

I also noticed that DH drank a lot less because I wasn't drinking - so bonus on the clear head/more in wallet combo!

When you've done it once, I am convinced it must get easier, but like the Babes mantra goes "you've really got to want it"!

JFDI !!

mia thank u so much! DH drained me yesterday, loads of debts discovered by me that he has been hiding, no idea how to pay bills/ mortgage. Dh's family harassing me about seeing them all ASAP as they have been away and missed dc's and this weekend looming with all the drinking anxieties. Loads more but Ds is having huge night time tantrums resulting in crying until he is sick so no adult headspace time which is the worst part of everything, he's driving me crazy and I wanted a wine so much last night I felt like crying but blamed DH for not sensing this and getting me one, just was a moody, upset, miserable human being last night and woke up having a fat day/bad hair day which is enough to make me grumpy!

That willpower theory makes sense, first couple of days wen't too stressful. It yesterday I hit max stress out and I had no willpower supplies left. Ok fat day not that bad but I just feel flat anyway and so doesn't take much to get me down...

I do think that driving is the key, they would be pissed but not as much as I would've! I am always the worse . I'm going to have to come on here daily until then as I am going to find this the hardest thing I have done for a while, have never in my memory driven on a night out. I know friends that have and I've pitied them for some reason ?!? Tomorrow night I am going to try to have no Cava, DH will be shocked and suggest I have a couple so will be sooooo hard! Maybe I could buy one bottle only so even if I had one ? God no I should just have a ginger beer, I'm going to ask DH if he wants to drink or not, he may say he's not bothered as he's on a diet so that'll hep!! So bloody anxious and stressed about drinking tody for some reason....

Casa probably not very helpful to ask if you can get out of the industry. I know how you feel, I was in advertising (media buying, VERY macho) for years and it was the same - sexual harrassment and drinking came with the territory.
I work part-time now in a medical practice and love it. But then again I'm much older than you (54) and have paid off the mortgage (that was one good thing my previous career enabled me to do). If you can drink through antabuse I can appreciate the depth of your problem but then again if you can stop for two whole years you know you can live without alcohol. Were you content during that time?

Mia, how goes it with the loft? I have a similar set-up, loft doesn't comply with building regs although it has a fixed staircase and is a nice bedroom, and DD moved up there when she was 10 because her downstairs bedroom was quite wee. Great idea to set it up as an extra space for her. You sound so upbeat and I enjoy your epic posts so don't worry! And you're right, might need to drop the "Sad" but am so so mindful of the tentacles of alcohol and don't want to act too soon.....

chasing well done you! You are of course right, bit bored or stonking hangover? I will google the restaurant beforehand and check out the soft drink options, it's a lovely place so maybe that will inspire me as opposed to a bloody diet coke!!! The food there is amazing so at least I'll appreciate that more than my usual drunken stuffing of face! My best friend will be so shocked but I might just say that wecan't afford a £35 cab home on top of n expensive meal which is true, I was stressing about the financial side after. Y discovery yesterday so anoth huge reason to do it. thank u somuch but I have a feeling Sat getting ready will be the hardest part :(

Checking In

NonAstemia your posts about willpower and being exhausted made me laugh, they're so true. I've recently made the decision I'm 'allowed' to drink 3 nights a week and I feel quite relaxed about the other nights. The decision has already been made. Also my husband has joined me!! Last night he said 'it's a no-beer night, isn't it?'

It's so much easier when you already have the rules... to those who say they wine in the fridge beckons, I suggest you don't have any in the house unless you intend to drink it. I have no self-control, so I don't buy any.

There is a different problem - weekends, parties etc at friends house. But I will tackle that another time. Small steps.

Best wishes to everyone

Joey

PS am another one with a major coffee addiction going on - am on my third huge mug of "mud" (that's what my colleagues call the way I take my coffee) already. And someone mentioned those filter sachets - they're great aren't they but blow your head off. Does anyone know how much coffee is too much?

Alias I have friends who do the same, ie only drinking on certain days. The other ones are called "AFDs". Work it out :)

Btw changing name soon as DH will know this is me should he ever find my mumsnet page, Lolabelle not my to name obv but Lolabelle is very recognisable to him! Just don't want him to ever know who I am on he, that's if he even knows I come on here much....

Changed

sadsoma I had to look it up! at first I thought it meant 'drink All F%cking Day' but have found it means Alcohol-Free Days.

Morning all

hi silly lovely poem.

i ran out of instant and have made a filter coffee in my little stove top jobbie. i will be a mess after this but hey.

allegedly it seems that 2-3 cups of coffee a day is the right amount for accruing the benefits of it and not getting into the downsides. much like alcohol it's one of those natural substances that has benefits up to a point and then becomes problematic. so for the normal people out there they could drink a glass of red wine a day and have a couple of cups of good organic coffee and be better off for it in terms of many things like reducing chances of alzheimers for one.

but we're not 'normal' but hey at least we're not cunts

Silly what a beautiful poem. I'm not usually much of a one for poems but that really did it for me, especially

As you go through hell ? keep going,
Make no brave oasis there.

Glad the willpower stuff struck a chord for a couple of you. Save up the contents of that jug for battling the booze.

Right, the painkillers have kicked in, I'm going to the loft. I may be some time.

there's something in brain science to back it up actually - i think it is called the orientation spike or something - would have to look it up. but basically it's to do with why depressed people are so tired and demotivated because they overuse this spike thing on unneccessary worry and stuff and it exhausts the brain. that is soooooo badly explained

Oh and Soma thanks!

The previous owners semi converted it, but judging by the bodging that took place with all his other 'home improvements' I'm not entirely confident that the whole lot might not fall down at any minute. We'd love to have it properly converted but no way we could afford that at the mo. I wouldn't put heavy furniture etc up there but it's certainly safe enough for people and boxes, and is quite a lovely space - great views from the velux windows too. The main thing that concerns me is the stairs, which is just a pull down stepladder type thing. I wouldn't necessarily want DD sleeping up there, but I think it's fine for the day, and it would be fab for her to have a nice space to 'chillax' (see I know the lingo now ) and play with her friends. Especially as she nears her teens and wants a bit more privacy (she's 9 now).

Right, no more procrastination. I'm off!

"PGO spikes are bursts of electric energy fired from neurons from pons (P) in the brainstem, through the geniculate (G) body and to the occipital cortex (O). In waking life, these PGO spikes make up the orientation response, that is, the instinctual response to threat that can incite decisions for flight or fight before the animal has time to "think"."

pgo spike - glad to see i wasn't completely pulling that out of the air and must have read it somewhere. can't remember exactly how it related to exhaustion in depressed people - think it was to do with it going off all night from too much rem sleep and therefore being knackered in the morning. which is completely unrelated possibly but reminded me of the jug idea that you have limited will power/motivation/energy to make decisions.

will shut up now.

Silly, that is a really lovely poem!

This whole jug of willpower (I don't know if that is the actual technical term ) thing makes so much sense to me. I've only had a plan for AFDs since Saturday and already I feel more in control. I'm going to do some research and find out more.

Joey

Glad you like the poem . I don't 'get' many poems but some hit me and stay with me.

The willpower jug theory is fascinating, as is the spike thing too. I find it really helpful to be able to back up a gut feeling or an experience with a proper bona fide theory. Probably because I don't trust my own instincts alone. That jug makes so much sense. It explains why it's so important to make your days as otherwise easy and trigger-free when you're in the early stages of cutting down. Would be nice to be able to do it all the time obviously but that bloomin' real life thing tends to get in the way doesn't it?

Blimey Gerald is fair rattling down the road here today!

Mia, before I forget the ginger and cardamom was delicious, and as the most addicted person on the planet, to everything, coffee is my weak link these days, I am going to try and replace at least some of it with that little tincture. It really does make the tum feel calmer, come 11pm I sometimes look like a rabbit in the headlights especially if I am doing late calls combined with coffee.

Casa I have no idea where you are, and I know that AA isn't for you. The best of all worlds right now, is to take the support from here imo, getting sober isn't that difficult if you want to, it's the staying sober bit that's tricky/impossible, this thread can help you do that if rl support isn't available to you. Sadly most of the medical profession once they have dried you out they expect you to just get on with it. We become timer wasters. Logging on here takes little effort and sharing is the most important part of the journey. BTW I gave up my career and changed direction to stay alive.

JNW, you know how long I have been sober, but not without immense heartache sometimes, and the voices. 'Just one now won't hurt' is the first tease.

Chasing, good way to think, 'what is the worst that can happen' [sober]. I ask that question a lot.

Blanket I pm'd you re the Heroin/Crack question.

Scary there is a company that I have no experience with because I just can't pretend to be drinking called the alcohol free shop co. uk. Some non drinkers I know have used it and say their products are fabulous, just had a quick look at the website for you and it does look good. They do delivery etc.

Meanwhile, just great to hear measures that are being taken to fill the void.

Lots of love stay safe. xx

Hiya, Phew - made it on the new bus - can't believe you're five pages in before I climb aboard!!

Boing

Been into London today for two new client meetings. Lovely to have such varied clients, both totally different and challenging in new ways. I felt very alive and lucky to have my job.

DD is super clingy and crying a lot last night, all I wanted was to curl up next to her and sleep holding her all night. Had I eaten my dinner I think I would have.

I haven't caught up with the thread yet but I spotted Faire's post on the to do lists. I shall investigate when I have time

Hi everyone. Babes I'm so glad I was persuaded to throw away the wine last night as today a major trigger happened that would, in the recent past, sent into drunken oblivion tonight. I am a writer and had some poems accepted today by a poetry magazine. Last time that happened, I 'celebrated' by drinking but tonight I won't.

If the wine was still in the fridge, it would have been a different story.

Casa hope you are okay.

Danger time of day for me but have just managed to ride out a craving. Sitting here with a cup of strong tea now and will probably raid DD's dwindling Easter chocolate stash.

How's everyone doing? If it wasn't for this community, I think I'd probably be started on a bottle by now.

Well done, Soma. Those cravings are awful, aren't they? Despite giving up booze during the week (so far), I still had about eight empty bottles to throw away. I'm terrible - normally I recycle but I couldn't be arsed today so chucked them in the public bin (don't want dh to see I didn't recycle them so I didn't put them in our bin - naughty Greyhound).

I felt really self conscious. I'm sure that anyone who saw me furtively chucking out my empties would know I have a drink problem.

I find that I am eating like a pig horse to 'compensate' for the comfort that drink gives me.

I'm absolutely sure my bipolar is linked to the drinking. It's a bugger. It's probably the most serious part of the bipolar - the risk taking, the impulsiveness.

Better to eat too much than to drink Greyhound. I'm not bipolar but I do suffer from anxiety and have been on and off SSRIs for years (currently on). Alcoholism seems to be linked with so many mental health conditions. And I know one reason I shouldn't drink is because it interferes with the medication. I'm sure you know that too!

Boing!

I'm off to join the work's running club tonight .. hopefully I'll be able to keep up!

I weighed myself this morning and despite consuming no alcohol (and so no crisps and houmous) and having run 8km 3 times and cut the grass over the last week I have not lost an oz!! :-(

I have not been eating more to compensate for the alcohol - diet ginger beer and diet irn bru have been my drinks of choice!

ARRGGHHH .... The weight loss was what was going to make it all worthwhile ...!!!! :(