The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

Hi - random announcement but I have just ordered non alkie wine (red and white) from sainsbury's. Please don't tell me it's shite as I'm quite excited! (is it shite?).

Day 7 for me (only doing 18 days of total abstinence) and feeling fine.

I'm still finding it easy not to drink but on the other hand feel I'm slightly flatlining. Then on the other, other hand I am enjoying time with the kids more especially in the evenings. Im not really sure how I'm feeling to be honest!!

Ooh it's all a bit of a head fuck innit?!

Silver xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx how's your mum? How are you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Proud (we might have to start calling you Scary so we don't get you mixed up with our lovely Bproud ) I have a feeling t'will taste like apple juice but, hey, bung a couple of ice cubes in it and a bit of sparkling water and have yourself a luverly mocktail . Well done on the 7 days x

MsGee if you are out there, I have stumbled across a thread in 'Good Housekeeping' (yeah, I know, don't ask) where it appears that posters post their 'to do' lists every day! A whole thread dedicated to lists!! I am sorely tempted to join them

But I think you actually have to do some of the stuff on your list and I am already very busy on mn most of the time

ooh i haven't had a good list phase for ages and i think i NEED one. nothing like getting a 'tick' to motivate me

morning lovely babes.

day 7 here.

jesus - are you ok? do you know what's brought it on or has it (the voice) just appeared out of nowhere? good reminder that we can't be complacent - no matter how long it's been it's still there and it only takes one drink...

back to school today - hooray! ds has been up since 5.30am. his blind has fallen down (one of those blackout jobbies) so i must, must fix it.

also don't know if anyone else has noticed this but i think i need to cut my caffeine intake down now that i've stopped drinking. i drank my usual amount of morning coffees yesterday and noticed how jittery and wired i was - maybe with less cns depression of booze in the system caffeine has more effect?

right best get on with morning stuff.

Morning all!

Sounds like a good night for many- casa come and tell us how you are.

We have bacon butties and hair stroking and a kick up the bum if you need it.

Morning

SAF loving the sound of a 'list' thread!! Must write one so can crack on with everything that needs doing once DD is FINALLY back at nursery .

I'm also drinking a lot of coffee strangelycoincidingwithbeingonMNso think my addiction may just be shifting & trying to get its claws in elsewhere

DS also back to school today - is it a conicidence that both DCs wet the bed last night? . Lots of washing today.

Casa are you ok? Love to hear from you x

oh dear chasing! did you have to get up in the night and change sheets? luckily i've never had to do that - i potty trained ds at 2 for daytime and then just left him in nappies at night till he was about 4 and a half

i know my limits and i couldn't have coped with wet beds in the middle of the night nor could i have coped with late evening waking him up to go to the loo (nightmare in my book - he hates being woken and what if he didn't go back to sleep) so just left it till he was totally ready and always had dry nappies at night.

it is pouring down here - just in time for back to school and having to go out the door regardless of the weather.

Ah Saf one of the things I love in my job is welcoming all the children on their first day back, with a big smile. It's so lovely to see them all again and catch up with them. Who's had a haircut, got new shoes, lost a tooth, etc.

And if they come dripping through the door with excited grins on their shiney wet faces, and hair plastered to their face, so much the better. Just makes it all the more british if you know what I mean.

< green paper towel anyone? >

ooh scratchy green paper towels

ds is stamping round the house in his new shoes as we speak with his feet looking even more ginormous than usual. when did you go back to work faire? forgot to ask if you had a nice holiday.

(i usually remember as an ex teacher to wish my still teaching friends happy holidays - find it hard to commisserate with the sunday before back to school fear stuff now though as i'm jumping up and down going yay! school! from the parent position)

Morning everyone, good to be back in the routine with DD back at school. Saf your comment "good reminder that we can't be complacent - no matter how long it's been it's still there and it only takes one drink..." is imprinted on my brain. I've done the giving up/cutting down thing so many times to know that's the truest of all truths.

Pleased with myself that yesterday two major cravings came and went and that I didn't give into them. Helped by you lovely lot of course. Casa, how do you feel this morning? No doubt you drank last night but hopefully that glimmer of wanting to do something that Venus referred to is still there.

I did drink last night but I didn't buy any more. Had a girlfrriend round for tea and went to bed as soon as DP came in from work. Still feeeling crap. Have v stressful work meeting today. But have rung CPN to get help. Don't know what else to do.

Thank you all for your support as well.

to "green paper towel" Faire, they're so scratchy though!!

Thanks to all for last night, I managed to banish the negative thoughts, and went to bed quite early, then dreamed that I was on the Titanic .

I drank too much coffee yesterday as well, I love those individual filters, but, they give me such a headache afterwards. This morning I have run out of peppermint tea, and have lemon and ginger "Revive and Revitalise" the box says!

JWN I wonder if, if drinking to excess is "in" us, the demon never truly goes away, it's only what we do about it that changes. I know I have been having too many wobbles lately (long holidays don't seem to agree with me) and the thing that stops me, is knowing that I don't want a glass or even two, if I start, in the evening at home, I'll drink a shedful! because "that's what I want, so there Thurso!"

Ma poor you. I had one of those some weeks ago, and it took two courses of antibiotics to get rid of it. I too almost felt relief, that the decision had been taken out my hands for two weeks, I just couldn't drink and so I didn't stress about it. There is an antibiotic that I had for an inflamed wisdom tooth a while ago, that if you drink alcohol with it, you will end up in hospital, maybe you could pretend it's one of those!

I hope everyone is ok, and if it's the first day of school, that you don't get cold and wet on the way there. It's chucking it down here.

I'm going to give myself an easier day today, it's that, or throw all my papers out of the window , speak later. xxxx

X posted lots
Morning everyone

You're back here and asking for help - you're doing great Casa. What work do you do? Is it stressful and does the drinking "help"? Come back and talk to us later, I know I'll be here on and off, especially around lunchtime when my first craving is bound to hit.

Thurso re: your musings, I agree that the demon never does go away and that's why we can't re-learn how to drink. We can only learn how not to drink. Holidays aren't that great for me either because it gives me too much time to think and I think too much at the best of times. Was glad to be back at work yesterday and to have packed DD off to school this morning.

Morning. no booze last night for me. Can I stay on anti-biotics forever?
casa keep us updated on how you are getting on.

Sadsoma - I work in business development - hate it. Part of the problem. V macho culture, lots of swearing. But that's not the issue. Its me. I have no idea how to cope with stress and never have had without drink. I have managed to stop drinking for 2 years. Then back on. Even when they put me on antibiotics I drink through it. I drink through antibuse.

Well f**k me I'm on day 4 again, never get past this day so feeling anxious. Not speaking much to my DH at present so may go to bed early to get through the eve . It's his birthday tomorrow so have bought him lovely dinner ingredients and usually get him Cava and I know he'll still want this as I know he equates this ( as I do) to part of the birthday ritual but I'd love to think I can get through it without to almost prove to myself I don't need alcohol on special occasions.

Also the next big hurdle is on Sat night, I have booked a lovely restaurant for myself, DH and our two closest friends. He knows nothing of this and we're getting a cake and balloons to embarrass him as he hates attention on him etc but because of finding this thread and being more aware of how bad my addiction is I know driving would not only prevent me from drinking but would save everyone upto £50 in cab fares but I am scared of whether I will enjoy myself with 3 other pissed people and whether or not I would be boring and quiet??? I'm usually the life & soul and I feel panicky at the thought that I might ruin the nights atmosphere.

I have so many reasons to not drink I am trying to remind myself of them but I feel so low at the mo, like my own stupidity and addictive personality has taken away one of life's few pleasures . If I try to drink sensibly I know I probably won't and I'll be hungover and annoy with myself also we live far away from our friends so the cab fares are huge so it makes sense plus I won't make a fool of myself. Million more reasons but don't want to go on. Feel like ll my willpower is ebbing away, having a bad week with the DH and dc's so maybe that isn't helping.....

Oh and btw why do I feel no 'boing'??! Not fair....

lola will they really be 'pissed' - i get that you are saying you would have been but will they be? or will they just have a few glasses of something with their meal?

have done a very wet school run and walk through the fields with the mutt and am now having a sit down for a bit before getting on.

Good morning lovely Babes.

This thread has been so busy the last couple of days - there are loads of posts I'd like to respond to but it's all too complicated!

Huge well done to Soma - you really were a sad Soma when you posted on here a few days ago and you just sound so different now. Like you've found hope and strength.

Lola said "Feel like my willpower is ebbing away, having a bad week..."

Lola I'm reading a book about willpower at the moment that I've found really useful. It's based on good solid research but I'm just going to re-jig and summarise the bit I thought might help you in a cack-handed way that would probably appall the authors

Imagine your willpower as a liquid substance, filling up a nice pretty jug. Your jug is filled up with willpower in the morning, and you have to make it last for the day. Every time you apply your willpower to something, you're pouring yourself a glass out of the jug. Each act of self-control depletes the pot, iyswim. Another thing that uses up your willpower is making decisions, particularly stressful decisions. You have to keep taking little swigs from the jug to decide all these umpteen decisions you're having to make every day.

Just to complicate things a little more, your blood sugar levels make a significant difference to how much you drink from the jug. If you're hungry and hypoglycaemic, you'll use a lot more willpower from the jug in order to exert self-control or make decisions. Eating regularly and providing your body with fuel and glucose (preferably complex carbs that release the glucose slowly) means you don't deplete your jug so fast, and can even replenish it a bit.

So the point of this rambling nonsense little story is this; if you want to not drink today (tomorrow, the next day etc), cut yourself some slack on other things - just concentrate your pot of willpower on that not-drinking. Make sure you are eating regularly enough to keep your blood glucose levels up - preferably healthy low-GI stuff, but hey - whatever works. Try to avoid having to make loads of decisions (or if you do have to, be aware that this will affect your ability to exert self-control). The reason I thought of this is because your post reminded me of how I was feeling on Saturday when I couldn't decide whether to drink in the evening or not. I thought about it, debated it, worried about it, all fucking day. I was exhausted by the evening (as was poor DP ) and although I didn't drink, I had a crap evening. Sunday night and last night, however, the decision was already made that I wasn't going to drink, I had confidence that I'd stick to it, and it barely troubled me. All of this back-and-forth in your head about what to do is exhausting and will deplete your ability to resist temptation.

I can't make the decision for you, but could you suggest to the others that if you (selflessly, generously ) stay sober to save everyone cab fares, then they can treat you to a lovely evening of drinking never some time in the future? That way you defer your 'treat', they don't question why you're not drinking, you get brownie points for being the driver, and your halo can nicely illuminate how undignified everyone looks when they're really pissed. Believe me noone will think you're being boring or not the life and soul - they'll be too drunk to notice.

I also had this realisation while reading about the decision-making affecting willpower that the reason I'm gagging for wine by 5pm after a day with DD is that she is constantly asking me for things, asking to do things, saying she doesn't want to do things, negotiating, arguing etc. It means that I have to make a never-ending string of decisions and I find it exhausting. It depletes my jug, so to speak, so that by the end of the day I've got no willpower left to resist the lure of the chilled white.

God my posts are epic aren't they. Sorry!

Today I will not be drinking, by the way. Day 8. Whoo! I have now had a whole week of abstinence. I think that's probably the longest time between alcoholic drinks since I was 14.

I'm going to carry on clearing the loft today. It's boarded and manky carpeted with velux windows, and has been used as a bedroom by past owners, although the only access is through a step ladder and hatch so it doesn't meet fire regs and building regs. DD's bedroom is tiny and as she's getting older it's just not enough space for her, so I thought if I can get it cleared out I can make her a nice den/space up there as an auxiliary bedroom. I'm getting quite excited at the thought of clearing the loft, clearing out her bedroom and decorating both before she comes back from my Dparents'. Ambitious much?

Goes away to ponder the possibility of undiagnosed bipolar...

saf how's your tum? Was the tea unpalatably horrid or bearable? For goodness sake go and have a smear!!

Hi casa by the way. You're in the right place - it's great here.