The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

Oh by the way, I read mouse's post as Russel Grant, not Russel Howard. Very different image I had in my head there, of mouse being chased around the bed by Russel Grant.

Also - to everyone else - sorry I've not been posting - moved DM to a nursing home yesterday and trying to get her settled - she will be fine, i'm sure, (tis very expensive, full time medical care, lovely room, lovely food etc etc) but she seems to be getting a bit more confused every day - what day it is, what time it is, that is the hardest bit.

She's gone from a being the core of our family - the woman who could sort anything out, who looked after us all, who we would all turn to in times of trouble, who was beautiful, elegant, witty, entertaining, unending energy, a fantastic grandmother - to - well a shadow of her former self. It is heartbreaking.

I never thought it would happen so soon.

Sorry Babes - life is hard atm.

BUT to all you new and newish ladies.

You are doing brilliantly whether one night sober or ten nights or ten years.

Whether you've stopped and started again, for whatever reason. You have admitted there is a problem and brought it out into the open.

Keeping secrets destroys us inside, it eats away at us, it is insidious and all pervading, it rules our lives.

And however long it takes, we will come out the other end.

Sleep well lovely Babes

xxxxxxx

So sorry to hear that Silver - dementia is a horrible horrible illness. It's so much worse for the people left behind than for the person afflicted. I hope that your DM is much happier in the nursing home with the care she needs.

Massive hugs to you Silver xxxxx

Take good care of yourself too Silver xxx

mia you sound like you're in a tough place; I have no advice really but I also have a 9 year old daughter so I feel the irritation sometimes! I think the only thing that keeps me going is my little dog who so xxx and also having to take him out for a walk clears my head too.

I am nearing the danger point! Have been pretty good for 10 days, and starting to feel the pull. I think this is usually the time I get complacent & think I am in control.

Thanks Joey. My little cocker keeps all of us sane and soft too. Dogs are fab for that, aren't they! I'm not in a tough place really - not compared to a lot of people on here. Just got a terrible case of the self-pities.

I stopped drinking an hour ago, topped up my crap-fattening-food levels and am going to go to bed now. Do I feel any better than if I'd resisted the temptation to drink? Nope.

Don't succumb to the pull Joey! Resist Resist.

mia

I love cockers! They are so happy

I am resisting, just begining to realise its going to take months or years not just a few weeks.

Yes cockers are very happy - the merry cocker! Ours is a particularly absurd specimen. She rules us with a rod of soppy neediness.

Months and years... Nope, definitely not what I want to hear right now.

I don't think I can do this. Where does that leave me?

Night ladies.

Am off to bed sober, for a change. Sleep well xx

Hi babes - Just checking in. Went to the cocktail party and it was a very sober affair. Had one and a half very watered down margaritas. I have to say, however, that I was well up for getting plastered but it the other ladies just pecked at one or two small glasses and then went home.

It brought home to me how unhealthily I drink - I see alcohol as only being for getting piddled, not for something to enjoy as an occasional pick-me-up. I necked down my drinks whilst the other ladies had barely drunk half of their first one.

Still, I am now sober and relieved that I will sleep well tonight. If I'm honest, the only real benefit I have found from not drinking is sleeping well but that is a very big benefit. Oh, and the guilt is not as bad.

I necked a whole bottle of white last night. I have been awake since 5 (and I don't feel either tired or hungover, which speaks volumes about my tolerance). I will go to work today, and no one will have the slightest inkling of the shameful secret I keep hidden from the world.

The first thing I did this morning (after 2 large mugs of rehydrating tea) was to log on here, and read through this thread. You are all amazing, and I feel so much more optimistic about finally beating this demon now.

It is so cathartic to be able to let this all out on here - I wish I'd found you sooner. I'm hoping I will discover the resolve to stop fucking up my health and finally putting an end to the self-sabotage that's plaguing me.

silver - a friend of mine has just done a course in dementia care and what she said is that the more you can enter their world and accept it the better. apparently we go back to just living in the moment (whatever moment we think it is) and the best care is just furnishing that moment. apparently it's easier for carers and family too when they stop wrestling with trying to make them who they were or to remember stuff but just to try and enjoy the moment with them and accept who they are. she was saying from what they learned that actually we can be happy in dementia with good care that lets us be the emotional/mental/whatever state we are in itms and just takes care of our needs and feelings in that moment. sorry if that's teaching you to suck eggs or something but wanted to share it as i found it quite reassuring - though i haven't explained it as well as she has.

must be so hard for you. don't worry about posting but post as much as you about how you're feeling if sharing it will help x

isinde - did you go to your counselling appointment? i remember you made one.

day 17 here - it has flown by actually. last night i was offered a glass of wine with dinner at my parent's house. had a moment of loss and poor me but said no and got through the jibes from my dad about 'what's wrong with you' and 'have you converted or something' and forgot all about it rather than it niggling away at me with shall i shan't i torture. i'm finding it much easier to just be a non drinker than someone who might/may/does sometimes etc. it's working for me.

hoping today is a better mood day - have had a couple of low ones - another disappointment yesterday came with reaching out and asking for a favour from a friend and them saying no for no reason other than not wanting the inconvenience of doing it for me really. was surprised by how disappointed and sad i felt my feelings are definitely more.... well maybe just more honest. they were there before but i just stuffed them down or maybe they were all just one big blur rather than standing out and being firmly connected to something that happened. don't know.

god epic post sorry.

Carrie I have found this thread incredibly helpful. It has really helped me cut down on my 'bottle of white a night' wine problem. I can now go for several days without drinking, although I still drink at weekends.

Morning all!

Well I am heading out for a posh steak dinner and some drinks with 4 girlfriends from my last job ... Wish me luck in only having a couple of glasses of wine and switching to softs!! (Before I got on the bus my idea of switching to a 'soft drink' was having G&T instead of wine..!)

Haven't had an alcoholic drink since last Friday's impromptu night with friends so I am pleased that I've resisted solo drinking which was my aim!

It's a gorgeous sunny Friday here .. and I am definitely feeling a BOING

hey kirsty - good luck. might it be a good idea to start with the soft drinks and then have the alcohol if you want it? might be easier that way round than the other - especially if you start drinking before you eat.

of sunshine - rainy here again.

mia "months and years" - well sort of yes, and sort of no (for me).

The 'no' part is because I started off trying not to look very far ahead (still don't often) because I couldn't imagine that I could manage 2 days or 2 weeks or 2 months without alcohol. Sometimes I didn't feel like I could manage 2 hours without alcohol, or 2 minutes. And tbh it wasn't that I couldn't imagine longer term without a drink, it was more that I didn't want to. And I could always find excuses for not stopping completely - someone's birthday, a party, a barbeque, Christmas.... So I just stopped looking ahead, concentrated each day on what I wanted for that day, and tried to get through it.

The 'yes' part is because the minutes, and days and months all add up. When I first came on here on of the biggest surprises for me was that I could get through a craving, and if I got through it, then it diminished rather than becoming ever stronger. Back then, I would have imagined that 2 years later I would still be struggling every day with the same feelings, but it is so, so NOT like that. There have been definite phases: initial struggle and fight; early euphoria; boredom once the euphoria passes; realisation of a much greater happiness and stability etc. Of course punctuated by other events / feelings / struggles - I had one last week, completely out of the blue, triggered by being in a particular situation.

Please don't let looking ahead make you dispondent. Just look at today and work on your aims for the day (being a good enough mum, being a good enough h-ed er, enjoying 2 glasses of good red wine with your dinner.

Venus - I found that really helpful - Thanks! Am struggling at the mo - have done for years - sometimes its more under control than others..

Am going back to AA at lunchtime - again - wish me luck - ho-hum....

maybe you're ready to 'hear' this time pixwix - listen for the similarities not the differences and all that

try and share back and get it out there a bit x

mia sorry if what I said depressed you. I hope you are okay this morning?

What venus said - all very wise words!

SAF I feel such a failure though - like I've been before, been dry for a while, and have let them all down - I've been toying with the idea of going back for a while, but kept trying to do it on my own, but I can't carry on like this..

... and bloody well done on day 17 btw! x

Thank you lovely venus for your Wise and kind words.

And tbh it wasn't that I couldn't imagine longer term without a drink, it was more that I didn't want to.

You've hit the nail on the head there, that's exactly how I feel.

Ho hum, another rainy day to match my mood. Usually go out with my good friend for a dog walk Friday mornings but neither of us fancy braving the weather yet. Feeling pissed off with myself that I drank last night, and a bit despondent about all of this.

Greyhound well done on not getting hammered at the party. It's a bit of an eye opener isn't it to realise that after all the worry about being led astray by others' drinking, it's you that wanted to drink to excess, not them! I've done that so many times. The absurd thing for me is that I drink more because I'm socially nervous, but I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face because the drunkest person in the room is never the wittiest, most entertaining or socially sensitive, are they!

Hope all you Brave Babes have a happy Friday.

Great post from venus v wise. Saf I also find it much easier to be a non-drinker than a sometimes drinker. Both in terms of how easy I find it to say no, and also people don't offer drink when they know I am a non-drinker.

pixwix hope your AA meeting is helpful. DH is finding it a big support (yes we are a pair of abusive drinkers married to each other and trying to make sure we don't ruin our DDs life)