shit just found a 'secret' phone in dh's car.

[mebythesea]

I cant believe it. Ive been reading/ lurking on the recent secret phone finding threads and now ive found one in dh's car. Fuck. Trying not to panic.

I went to my yoga class in his car as he wanted to use mine to take kids out in as it had all the carseats in.

So i was looking for a pen in glove box and found this cheap looking little newish phone. Never seen it before. Cant think why he would have it. He has a blackberry which he uses for work etc emailing. Is very open with it ie i use it when mine dead etc.

The phone battery is dead so can turn it on.

Ive taken it. Put sim in mine but didt seem to make any difference, all my stuff was still there, couldnt work out how to see what was stored on the sim.

Any ideas as to how to get info off it very welcome.

Am hoping theres an innocent explanation.
We've been getting on better than ever recently, felt like we've been getting a bit of the old spark back after a tough few months.... Oh god

trust

Nothing to be gained by asking him about it. Check it first. If the contents are innocent then it can be innocently 'found' somewhere around by the OP and no harm is done. Some call it playing games, some call it protecting yourself.

which is rather my point. When she found the phone ( sorry OP talking as if you just left the room) she knew she had a hinterland of mistrust and the like. Why not just say - "Hey found this in the car - please plug it in so Ican see what's on it because it looks suspicious to me, esp given your previous." Quite why she has to be all furtive, and people think this is a good idea, is a bit incredulous.

protecting yourself from what exactly?

I agree with you Pan, but Op isn't on that page yet

she needs some evidence, and it sounds like he would refuse or find some pretext as to why he couldn't plug that phone in and show her what's on it

as soon as she gives him a clue (if he has something to hide of course, this could still be innocent) he will start deleting things...in fact he probably already has

time and time again on these threads, the cheated-upon still have that stubborn kernel of denial and say "if I just had some concrete evidence I could act"

I don't subscribe to that, but a surprising majority do

yes, I wouldn't be very good on these relationship threads, would I? You know, urging honesty and all.

Pan, it's a useful viewpoint

the thing is, honesty only works when you are dealing with an honest person

otherwise you get shafted

Unfortunately Pan once a lying cheating bastard, more often than not, always a lying cheating bastard.

which again is at the root of "Pan's Panacea For Dealing With Lying Cheating Bastards". One thing I am sure they would hate is a truthful approach, so give it to them?

Also testing people is never a good idea - if they 'pass' it is only til next time ( in the tester's head).

But I'll leave it to the experts....

If its a newish phone it should take one of the universal usb thingy chargers?

no, no Pan, you have much to learn

honesty is food to the cheating bastard types, they eat it up for brekkie whilst simultaneously chewing up your self esteem in the process

there is only 2 ways to deal with a situation where you don't rust your partner

1. leave them anyway, evidence or no evidence. Lack of trust=no relationship. This is the AF-recommended route but experience tells me that hardly anyone ever listens to me when I give this advice.

2. Play the bastards at their own game. Lay low and let the stupid twats trip themselves up while you gather evidence. They always give themselves away in the end. Usually when their respect for you has reached such a low they forget that you actually have a brain in your head.

Although, in this case, we are getting ahead of ourselves. This man could be innocent of all wrongdoing.

trust your partner

There seem to be a million of these threads lately! Is there some Bastard's Guide to Screwing Over Your Wife guide doing the rounds or something?

Very sorry op. Really hope it turns out to be innocent for you.

yes I would, and have, chosen Option 1. Option 2 sounds like just a very expensive and painful path, to only arrive....eventually....at the door of.......Option1!

best of wishes meby. Let's hope you never feel the need to test him again.

AF, hysterically funny, and so true.

It's true though, isnt it, that re option 2, they always trip up eventually.

I helped mine to by playing dumber than I am- ie I am dumb with computers, but not that dumn!

I have just cleaned out the car and found three phones, two are mine and one must belong to the previous owner of the car. I also now that one of the phones was one that I had during a previous relationship and would get me in to no end of trouble on these types of thread.

So there may be an innocent explaination for this, but if the trust is gone, do what AF says, Leave him.

helped him to trip up, I mean..

mebythesea - I hope it doesnt work out to be really bad. my exp had a secret phone and a history of cheating etc and his secret phone was bad. I wouldn't be able to wait for a charger to arrive to check the phone. it would drive me mad...

just for your info, if you ever need a phone charged again you can go into the shop that provides network coverage for the phone, my phone is with orange and I have in the past asked them to charge my phone and they dont mind.

good luck.

Hope there is an innocent explanation, OP.

True, Pan, option (2) eventually leads to option (1) via the, shall we say , less scenic route

many people need to go through that process though

id be comsimed with curiousity

Go round to a neighbours and ask if they have a phone charger because you have lost yours then we won't have to wait you can set your mind at rest.

Sorry, don't mean to be flippant. I simply wouldn't be able to wait. Mind you, my cheating ex didn't bother with a secret phone - one New Year's Eve he got several texts from one of his women and managed to convince me it was some drunk woman trying to reach the previous owner of the phone!

I really hope it's nothing, OP.

Samsung phones are buggers - it can be really difficult to find the right charger. I bought a universal charger kit but it wasn't. ( Universal that is)

The red flag here is: he knows op used the car, his phone is missing, the natural reaction would be to ask the wife if she had seen it...