Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

[hatesponge]

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

Hi ChaoticAngel. I'm good. Changed my profiles on Oasis and PoF to see if total disarming honestly would make any difference. It doesn't.
www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=28470923

I'd be happy just to leave it as friendship, I really would..that works for me.
And really since we haveht had sex snd that's not what he's after.... Then that would be great..
I'm not going.to see him when he's in his situation. But texts, phone calls, Skype is fine..
I missed our conversations.

Lubey - I concur.... NEXT!!

Libby - date four eh? Hope all goes well!

Time Well mr lovely saturday night and I are still texting today... he seems keen which is great news cos I am now where can i magic up a babysitter from for another rendez-vous tomorrow night So far so good, hold the kleenex for now!

Sponge know what you mean about your dad, mine is bloody lovely too and think I've always expected the men in my life to be at least as capable as he is! Does make it hard for the poor men in my life I think never really thought of it like that before but I think you make a good point about our dads!

MrsKL Enjoy! I am really pleased for you and even though I am a fully qualified cynic I really do hope it all works out for you You could have a double wedding with Zany, our other thread success!!

Watch I get you. Some people are very hard to let go. As long as he is bringing 'something' into your life and not taking anything away from it, then enjoy it for what it is. I think the same applies to Snape there too, you both seem to get something from these men and feel better for having them in your lives. God, life is short, enjoy what you can, while you can, just don't go getting hurt.

Talking of dads, my dad was lovely, a brilliant dad and I was heartbroken when he died. The Ex reminded me of my dad in certain ways, he did actually have a bit of a look of him, same hobbies, and he appeared to be sweet natured and gentle when I first met him. He also turned out to be as emotionally unavailable, hard, cruel and nasty as my mother. I got both parents rolled into one with him.

PoppaRob nice profile, I like it.

MissK does this mean we have to start looking for hats

Wrt dads, never knew mine growing up. Nowadays, I usually say hello if I saw him when walking the dog but haven't seen him in ages. I do wonder at times what a psychologist/psychiatrist would make of me

My ex husband, the father to my eldest three children, stopped seeing them when he found himself a new woman. I raised them all by myself from that moment on and they have turned out to be brilliant, well adjusted adults who I am very, very proud of. I'm sure the same can be said of you Chaotic. Well, I've not noticed any odd behaviour from you while you've been posting on this thread

This is the first part of my dating profile. I did actually ask people, it was interesting to say the least.

"I asked some friends to describe me in one word and some of the words they came back with are intriguing, caring, considerate, generous, eclectic, enigmatic and unique. Hmm?not sure if this was a good idea or not ;-)"

...but, yes, at the risk of sounding big headed, I do think my mum did a great job, especially as I was born early 70s and there wasn't the same support as there is now.

You don't sound big headed at all. I think I did a good job and my children tell me I did too, nothing big headed about it.

Thanks, Time :)

Anyone on Oasisdating.com? If so check out bradj1981. He's wasting his time on there all he needs is a mirror

I will pay my children to think I am a good mum too! If that makes me big headed then so be it

I never saw my dada aft he left when I was five.. Subsequently I had a huge amount of teenage issues, equating sex with love and not really knowing what to do with chaps. Meh. At least it's made me very very good at self analysis!

Yeah, I do get a lot from PM, but i miss him heaps when he's being (emotionally) unavailable, so it's all a bit peaks and troughs. Was telling him how I'd been a bit fed up recently and feeling a bit misanthropic & he said, 'what?! Not with me I hope?' & I was too kind and said that of course not him and blah blah blah buggery bollocksy fucksticks.

.

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I'm 47 Snape and I'm still not sure I know what to do with chaps, apart from the frozen chicken position. My dad stayed with my mum 'til he died so I grew up with both parents. That caused me to accept abusive relationships and think they were normal. My mum being the 'emotionally unavailable' one and abusive towards my dad.

Does PM know exactly how you feel about him Snape or do you tend to keep those feelings to yourself, for fear of rejection? See, I can't help but think that he must feel 'something' for you, he seems to enjoy your company as much as you do his. I love the sound of your 'relationship' with him, but I can also feel the pain it causes in your heart that it isn't a romantic relationship. It makes me wish he would come through for you, love you, because from what you say about the two of you together, it would be a beautiful relationship

Yeah, next!

I am still not on dating sites. After years of it on and off, the thought of re joining is just urgh. I really can't be arsed with it still and honestly don't know if I will bother again - sticking with RL for now - even though there are barely any opportunities in RL I do have a few possibilities I could attempt to steer in a dating direction... we will see ;)

Well me and my "just friends" is looking very promising. We have just been texting about staying up all night together. I see him tomorrow, what to wear with those jeans? Mmm something revealing but not slutty.

I think you should start dating again lubey cos I do miss you on the thread

Oh, we would be the best couple ever, he's just an emotionally unavailable knob end!!! .

It's very difficult. I've occasionally propositioned him, in the past, the last time around 15 months ago, been gently rejected and have promised to not do so again...it's always at the back of my mind & it's incredibly annoying. The kids all adore him, especially the boys; we all went out when it was big snow and had snowball fights etc... We've always had a shorthand and used to be very tactile, still I said that wasn't really fair, so we stopped...but we've kind of fallen back into it (helped by rum!).

On the question of rejection and endless self analysis - my dad left, two casual BFs of my youth moved away, my kids dad left ( & I know none of that is my fault) I've had enough rejection for several lifetimes (add in a couple of men who were ostensibly friends post -the- ex) & some male friends who I never saw again once they had met jealous women and I start to find it all a little tiresome. When PM was dating someone last year, I backed right off, to give them a chance. Apparently she got sick of hearing about me (and I refused to meet her,...) so that ended... (quietly sets off party poppers....)

I'm very unlikely to tell him exactly how I feel and I value the friendship enough to not have my rampaging libido screw up what we do have. So I date to try to give myself the chance of loving meeting someone else, but I kind of measure other men against him and they lack. I certainly know he isn't perfect, he has a lot of strange little quirks and faults, but still. Here I am.
Dating thread 211 11.....

:)

The way you my best friend told me to see it was as that I had been very unlucky in love, but I wouldn't always be and I had to let this person in, so they could truly love me. I am now. I have note guts than before, and she was right, I and all you girls have been through more than some people go through in a lifetime, yet here we ate, we are strong.

ah - snape :( one day huh.....

Time - hes very difficult to give up. This is true. Im not in love with him anymore, though i do care for him deeply.I cant be with him for various reasons, and that sits fine with me. There has been a shit in the last 3 -4months in that he very much wants to be with me, and is, in his words ' trying to be more attentive, to show me how he feels and that he means it' ..... hes trying hard to make up for his big fuck up last year. I cannot handle the shift so much, it makes me feel very responsible and guilty and under pressure. ive told him this, my ' im sorry, i cant do this' message to him was just that. I felt like i was making him sad by being around when i wont be with him, and since i do care so much, that didnt make me feel nice.

I have of course explained all this to him.. But i truely love talking him, in the last 24 hours we have gone from love to politics, to fish to buildings to serial killers to pys to food, to work to films and evything inbetween. We just fit together in this very nice and unique way that we both equally miss .

Snape you know what, I think PM does love/respect you, because if he didn't, he would be taking advantage of the fact you love him and jumping your bones, he would be taking complete advantage of you, because men do that, even a whiff of vulnerability in a woman and they are there like a shot. But not PM.

I don't know of any men who spend time around a woman and her children, in such a lovely, familiar, family way, when there is nothing in it for them. He is getting something out of being around you. He is getting some of his needs met, at least.

Maybe the reason he doesn't want to become fully involved with you is because he knows what he is like, or perhaps he likes the feeling of freedom with the situation as it is, I mean, if he isn't bothered about the sexual side of things he is getting his needs met. When you describe your 'sessions' they sound lovely, I feel quite envious. I know you would like more but 'more' equals sex, you seem to have everything else with PM barring the sex. A lot of romantically involved couples don't have the closeness and ease of relationship that you have with PM.

And talking about rejection, PM seems to be the only 'constant' in your life, as far as men go. You do have your times of space from each other if and when it's ever needed, but you slip straight back into the ease of your relationship when you come back together again. He doesn't appear to have ever rejected you as a person, sexually maybe, because he doesn't want to lose or change what you two have together, but he is always there, even when he's not with you in body, he is there. Maybe you subconsciously like being with PM because he is emotionally available, because it feels comfortable to you. If you were in a sexual relationship with him, it would change the dynamics and perhaps he wouldn't be as appealing to you after a while.

Even the most seemingly perfect of relationships don't have it all, and a lot don't have what you have with PM. I also think it will take someone very very special to win your heart away from PM

But you know, I could be talking complete bollox, it has been known

Watch you don't have to give him up. You just have to have clear boundaries so you are not a head fuck. You say you don't love him any more so that means you are free to be friends. The friendship will only be blurred and become 'complicated' if there are feelings of love still there and no boundaries. You both have to be singing from the same hymn sheet or it won't work.

You most definitely should not be feeling responsible and guilty for not feeling the way he would like you to feel and not giving him what he wants from you. That is for him to deal with, it's his problem, not yours. If he values you to the extent he says he does then he will deal with this, and rather than not have you in his life at all, he will agree to work with you on some boundaries and accept your friendship.

As I said to Snape, I would love to have such a 'friend' in my life. Such 'friendships' don't come along all that often so if you can deal with any feelings there may be, sort out some clear boundaries, then there is no reason why a relationship as friends can't be enjoyed.

Now to lower the tone...sorry.

I've been browsing on OKCupid and just seen a profile where the man is wearing...a nappy

Oh, and a few profiles before him there was one sat with his back to the camera in a kneeling down position. He was naked!!!

Chaotic!! Just what you need to cheer up a dreary Tuesday!

No, I think a lot of that is fair time'...If I'm being charitable, sometimes, I think the reason that he doesn't try and instigate a romantic side to our relationship, is his crushing depression. He might feel that it isn't fair to 'burden' me with his mental health issues full time...or he could just be an arse who thinks I'm a moose. ;-) the depressions means libido-lowering meds as well, so he's not shagging with impunity ( not sother if that would make it better or worse!)

It doesnt help that he isn't my physical type, is somewhat overweight, a blonde (curse of the blondes!) and is really OCD about several things. I still want to lick him. Thes just this unbearable annoying thing.

I'm having a wobble aren't I? Must find unrequited rebound shag. pronto!!

(& thank you time, that was beautifully written and comforting)

The nappy one came when I clicked onto quickmatch so I got three photos of him all wearing a nappy. i swear some people need to take some sort of test before they allow them onto these sites