Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

Alice, the trans woman I am with is 20 years older than me. There are also ishoos, not between us but on her side with challenging life stuff. We are madly in love and have been talking about the future lately - and we are really on the same page... feel all giddy and loved up at the moment :) All you can do is keep talking and communicating, be clear about what you have, i.e is one person wanting a relationship and the other not so much? Also get yourself on 'Susans place' and 'Lauras playground' forums, they each have a sub forum for SO (significant others) where you can let off steam if you need to, and the people on there are soooo nice and welcoming.

Go with your heart, anyway. If you are both really into each other, that's the main thing. How far along in her transition is she? It can be a tumultuous time, for sure. But it can work if you both want it to 100%.

sleepless, what a shame about her DC, hope they are alright. I think you have to meet to know if there is anything there. Then you need to evaluate very carefully what to do about your DP and, well, to put it bluntly: if she's worth leaving him for. Or even if the way he treated her means you don't want to be with him anymore, regardless of whether anything develops with anyone else, iyswim. It's big life stuff, this. Hope you are okay. Try not to have any relationship overlap :) Think of it this way - if there is really something there and you eventually disentangle yourself and pursue it, there will be lots of time for kissing etc. If you do nothing and nothing develops, you will be so glad you didn't cheat on DP.

It's a hell of a situation and v unusual. I'm also gnawing my nails to see how it works out for you.

Oh my Hep Hep - I thought I'd be the only one... that is such good advice thank you. She is many years along in her transition. This is the first relationship she's had really in very many years. She is far more secure than me in many ways. At the back of my head I do wonder if anything would have happened between us without the alcohol. I certainly wasn't looking for a relationship. But I made all the moves.

And Sleepless - so sorry you were disappointed today.

Oh well, Alice, that sounds promising! I'm dating as GF goes through the first year of her transition so that brings its own difficulties, the main one being that transition is a preoccupying time and one of the hugest life events someone can go through, and she's dealing with all the other stuff on top of that. The one thing that proves invaluable again and again is talking, honestly and openly. It's when we stop connecting emotionally and sharing how we feel that stuff gets hard to cope with.
Sounds like your WIQ is pretty 'arrived' and comfortable with herself now? Are you her first relationship post transition? Definitely good to 'get it on' without alcohol, but it can be useful for calming those first-time nerves no shame in that!

Very Interesting thread. I however am greedy and although I have a partner (male) and in a happy long term relationship I also have sexual fun with my two best friends who are female, The three of us are the best of friends and really close, I have 3 kids, My friend has 2 kids and the other one is Lesbian with no kids. I have on two occasions now ended up in bed with my partner and my Lesbian Friend (very greedy lol), It has never been awkward between any of us. I love My Partner and I love my Girlies dearly :)

I am at her house!!!!!

And??!

If only there was a real turning tavern, I'd be in like a shot

This is slightly off topic and I don't know about anyone else, but in my own experience I've met very few women who are actually interested in what I have to say - I.e. they're happy to talk extensively about themselves (I'm generally interested in other people so perhaps I encourage this?) but rarely are they so keen to listen.

On the very rare occasion I meet a woman who takes a genuine interest in me, who actually asks me questions about myself, it's like I can't believe my luck. I feel sort of... smitten with them. I met a friend of a friend who was like this last year, and then recently I met a girl on the late train home who was also like it and she suggested we go for coffee. Part of me would love to go - but part of me feels it just wouldn't be right, I suppose because it feels more intimate knowing she actually wants to get to know me. It feels inappropriate as I have a DH and DCs.

I don't know what point I'm trying to make, really. Just needed to get it off my chest.

I prefer asking and listening. So I think I know what you mean.

I am home.

She is just so lovely, I have never felt so welcome on someone's home. She baked! I took flowers to say hope she feels better soon, we say outside and had a lovely afternoon.

I didn't want to come home.

I met her adult children and liked them, no
Chance really to be alone but there was some sneaking off into corners to chat, a bit of arm stroking (but I need to be able to see her with other adults to know if that's normal or not for her) and 3 hugs as I was leaving. She is so soft

I've had a text saying thank you for a lovely day and looking forward to seeing me again. I sent one back saying she is a gorgeous lady and has a wonderful family adds that it feels like I have known her forever she said she was glad I felt like that and that I was very easy to get on with and that she would like to have lunch with me when the Dc are back at school.

Friendly or more than friendly do you think?

She really is so lovely. And smiley.

I very nearly sent her a message saying she is my new girl crush - too much do you think?

Hi sleepless by all means say something like that, if you're prepared for a similar reply!

How do you think you would really feel if things took a slightly more serious turn and you realised she recpirocates your feelings? Because that's when it moves from secret crush to potential relationship.

I guess at least it's such early days for your friendship that if she ran screaming you wouldn't be loosing a long-term close friend.

Go with your heart/gut instinct. And keep us informed!

I honestly don't know what to think, I have no point of reference as I've never seen her with other adults, I feel like I am making a fool of myself but I can't help myself.

She has just text saying how much her kids liked me and saying I have left my phone charger there. She wants to drop it over but her ex dp is here and it would be so awkward. Especially as he doesn't know I've been talking to her!

I have told her that I will come and pick it up soon and that it's the perfect excuse for me to see her again. She has replied that I am welcome anytime and that her son wants me to come over tomorrow - I can't do that though will have to be the weekend now

Can't you send DP out for a few hours?!

I can't, I would have to lie to his face then, and so far I have been able to avoid mentioning anything to him rather than lie iyswin.

Do you have to lie? "You deserve a beer or three, off you pop." That'ld do.

The plot thickens...

When I was texting with my WIQ in the early days she said "we're the perfect match" and I remember my heart beating like a bongo drum. You have to imagine if a man behaved that way, would you think he was flirting. I think so.

evening all......
Loveis that is so sweet, the idea of your heart beating like a bongo drum!
Sleepless you probably will be pretty sleepless tonight.....I guess this has come like a bolt out of the blue. The way I see it, it's very natural and flowing, and when you meet someone and have an instant connection like you two obviously did (do), then it is something to celebrate because they really are quite rare these connections, well that's my opinion anyway. No need to act on it until you are really sure.....go with your heart, never your head.

Sleepless a quick question...does your wiq know you didn't tell your partner that you were meeting today? I mean, did that come up at all...because if she's offering to drop round your charger wouldn't she feel a bit awkward herself?

While I'm all in favour of people being their true selves.....I don't agree with lying and cheating. Just saying.
Not taking the moral high ground....but just saying.

Ok... Sleepless.. How did u meet her if you have only seen her a few times and never with others..??

Phone battery is dead so I am using the iPod but it's so slow.

She came up as a person you might know on fb, I added her and we got chatting, them we started chatting on the phone and then moved on to meeting up.

I hadn't mention to her whether dp knew or not. We didn't talk about him, it was lovely of her to offer to bring it round but I doubt she would have felt comfortable about doing it. I am going there between 5-6 tomorrow to pick it up as my iPod charger says it's not compatable with my iPhone and won't charge it. I can't be without my phone! How would I text her!

I don't want to cheat on dp, I have been on the other end of it and it's not nice.

I think I have convinced myself that she is just friendly, I don't know. I don't know what to think or feel. I am all excited and butterflyey when I'm with her or talking on the phone but feel stupid and guilty the rest of the time

Thanks for filling me in sleepless. Do you have friends in common then?