nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

[chocoraisin]

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a ?

And maybe its a blessing that H is going 'home' rather than hanging around, so that you can concentrate on what's important (i.e. not him) and let him know when its all done and dusted and you've had your tea and toast! Soooo exciting almost makes me want DC no. 4 x

Yes, tempting not to talk to him until you get home. He knows it's a boy, he knows he'll be born Tuesday he knows he conceived him & then fucked off What more details does he want?

mum and dad dragged me out for a sausage butty and cup of tea this afternoon, bless them. I feel marginally better. My thoughts exactly midwife - not at all feeling charitable today!

DS is back and its so nice to have a little snuggle with my big boy, he's been chatting away telling me all about his tractors and planes that he saw. I am glad he had such a lovely time even though it pulls on my heart strings terribly.

My mum was about ready to land a punch on H today I think - good job DS was dropped off by MIL's hubby! Tensions are running high all round... I'll be glad when I can meet this little bean of mine and focus on being with him. Hopefully all the other nonsense will fade into the background a little bit and I won't really care about who is where/doing what. Wishful thinking maybe, but I'm hopeful!

Thanks for all the moral support xx

Think you're right Choc, once you meet the little guy and you're busy taking care of him and DS1, you won't have time to care what H is up to. You'll be in your little cocoon of love with your boys!

choco I bloody love your Mum and Dad. They are absolutely right to keep you cheerful, and to want to punch the dickhead to be angry with anyone who would do such a thing to their lovely daughter.

glad you got out and got cheered up. And it is lovely for your DS that he got a nice day out. You and I know that it's not real parenting, but now Ex is in more of a 'feckless but occasionally fun random uncle' role anyway, and while I wish he was as good a dad as your DS deserves, it's a nice day out and I'm pleased he enjoyed it.

Hugs to you choco. It's so bloody hard isn't it?!DD refers to the weekend as going special Places with daddy. And she's so excited when she comes back and tells me what she's done. It's hard to accept that there is part of her life that I have no involvement in now....

It will be different for your DS2. He won't have that same attachment to your ex as DS1 because he will spend most of his time with you.

We are the ones bringing up the children, we will be the parent who shapes their life, we will be the one that they turn to.

I have friends with new partners and their kids prefer to spend time with mum and new man, rather than their own father.... Sad but true..

I hate my ex with a vengeance for doing this to us, but i also now see him a a weak pathetic man, someone to be despised and pitied. No longer a man to live and respect.

As everyone keeps telling me, it will get better in time. Just hold on to that thought.

DS2 will always be really close to you. I think I did mention before that my DD3 & I have always been so because we were alone together from her early weeks. It'll be ok lovely.

Hang in there choco. Your ex has chosen student life and a childfree relationship over family life. What a loser. You will always be providing the heart and soul of your boys lives. You will be shaping their values and building up layers and layers of memories based on daily interactions. He will become increasingly irrelevant; just a guy they do stuff with. Stupid stupid man to leave his beautiful family.
You have not lost your family - you will always be at the heart of it.
Tuesday, huh?

thank you lovely lovely people. I am still sad today, but soldiering on. I very much would like to have my baby now and just move on through the mess that will be introducing him to H and all his family etc. I think I've thought about it all for long enough now, I just need to get on with it! Too much time thinking not enough doing, you know? DS1 was already a week old by now - I've never been pregnant this long before! LOL I think I expected DS2 to arrive pretty much the same, so I'm having a bit of a twiddling my thumbs moment right now, silly really. I do realise that he's going to be a very different baby really... :)

Who's going into theatre with you, who's looking after DS1? I'm sure your lovely parents must be coming up trumps but I know how sad you feel that a loving partner won't be with you. His loss but I know you must be v sad.

my mum will take me and dad will have DS1, then bring him into meet his wee bro afterwards. There's a plan in place it just all feels a bit odd, like they only let dads and partners on the ward usually from 8am-4pm so I've got an 'exceptional case' where my mum and DS1 will be allowed in instead. H will have to make do with general visiting at 4-7pm. I just feel v self-conscious that there will be all these other happy couples on the ward and I'll be different. I guess in the event I won't care, but it makes you feel a bit crap having to write it all down in your notes about how your xH isn't allowed to your bedside without permission etc, it's not how you imagine welcoming your second ( as well as discussed and planned as far as I was concerned) child. :(

Yeah I know it must feel awful but honestly - it happens alot & you probably won't be the only one on the ward without a partner. Is twunt coming the day you have the baby? Might be better to wait until you're more mobile & less vulnerable? Just don't want you to feel even more upset.

Choc, if anyone should be feeling bad, its the twunt who isn't allowed on the ward to see his own son until every other tom dick & harry is allowed 'general visiting'.

As MW says, I'm sure there will be others in the same boat and you are lucky enough to have lovely supportive parents and your precious DS to visit, so try to concentrate on that and don't worry - everyone else will be too loved up with their own froggies to notice who's visiting you.

thank you :) I really appreciate the hand holding x

Right. Enough wallowing. Who's for rhubarb crumble? Going to pull on wellies and get DS foraging in the garden for some pudding.

[gift] Did it work?!!

Nope! Ok

You get my drift!

mmmm.... rhubard crumble! save some for me (as long as you washed your hands when you got off the pot ) x

its 'thanks' MW, which is daft, as flowers are much more useful than just for thanks aren't they.

x

Sorry, don't like rhubarb, can you make me an apple one ?

Actually the rhubarb has been put away in the fridge and we just made a gooseberry fool instead! Any good? DS does love cooking and I love seeing him stuff the fresh fruit in we'll ignore the lashings of double cream... I'm sure it's good for us really...

Need cream for the calcium and vitamins.... that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

Best wishes for tomorrow choco, really looking forward to hearing about DS2, he has a fantastic mum.

Shame there's no MN icon for grapes, chocs, magazines and other hospital-appropriate gifts!

Mmmmm gooseberry fool!!!