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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

942 replies

chocoraisin · 06/04/2012 21:03

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a Brew?

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 28/06/2012 01:43

wow, my first ever double-post and it wasn't even that interesting! I think I'm going to bed! Grin

chocoraisin · 28/06/2012 11:04

morning ladies! borrowedlight thank you so much for your post - it's so inspiring hearing from people who are just that much further down the line and making brilliant lives for themselves and their kids. I've pretty much decided on where I'd like to be going in the next couple of years, and you're right, it's actually quite liberating to not have to compromise at all for someone who isn't pulling their weight in a relationship. I can choose where, when and what me and the kids do now. It's fab actually... I'm super impressed about you getting your own mortgage and stuff, that's my goal now. I won't be held back by this!

Exciting news... I have a section booked, for Monday!! EEK. So, in four days time I will be holding my baby bean for the first time. If I kick off on my own in the meantime that's good but wow, knowing the end is in sight (or the beginning, depending on how you look at it!) is such a relief. Hurrah for my froggy little newborn! Can't wait to meet him Grin

Blackcurrants god, I am SO glad I bought a double buggy now. Honestly, I was in two minds about it and wondering if I wasted a big old wedge on something that I might not need... but now I can't express how glad I am that I'll be able to buckle in the wee blighter and it's houdini proof :) I went for a side by side in the end that takes children up to age 5ish, so have given myself plenty of time to train him not to pelt off in the direction of trouble the second he's allowed his freedom. I don't fancy having to leg it for the canal bank with a newborn in a sling, or abandoning the wee one in a buggy while I sprint after DS! Still, I must confess to being a bit proud of how fast I can shake a leg when required.

OP posts:
porridgelover · 28/06/2012 12:54

Great choco..I'll be hanging here waiting to hear your news and hope that all goes well for you.

blackcurrants · 28/06/2012 13:38

I'd be proud! I'm a bit jealous - think you're probably faster than me already! Grin Can I ask which buggy you went for? I'm tempted by a 'sit and stand' style... but I don't want this to become a boring thread all about how I don't know what kind of buggy I want :)

I got sunburned at the town open-air pool yesterday, and feel a bit silly. I hope you have nice weather!

Midwife99 · 28/06/2012 14:49

I have some doggy backpack reins you can have! DD4 now past the bolt for it stage!

dublindee · 29/06/2012 01:05

Oh wow - Monday?
Can't wait to hear all the news Choco xxxx

blackcurrants · 29/06/2012 01:29

How did I miss that it's on MONDAY! That's great news! :) And a super birthday for DS2, too, a day after my sister's birthday. She always had her parties a week later, just as everyone was breaking up from school. Fun times!

Midwife99 · 29/06/2012 06:36

Wow Monday! Good luck!

DoingItForMyself · 29/06/2012 09:20

Ooooh exciting times! We'll all be waiting with baited breath to hear the news.... Smile x

saffronwblue · 29/06/2012 10:56

Monday! Will be sending lots of positive vibes. xx

chocoraisin · 29/06/2012 14:05

Rats!! that'll teach me Angry just been bumped down the list to Tuesday.

Back to the vindaloo+pineapple and jogging plan instead.

Boo.

OP posts:
chocoraisin · 29/06/2012 14:06

sorry, meant to say also - thanks for all the well wishes :)

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 29/06/2012 15:49

Lol, choco, please tell them that YOU HAVE PEOPLE ON MUMSNET WHO WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE BABY and therefore you are VIP and cannot be bumped, mmkay?

[shameless baby-based fanaticism]

chocoraisin · 29/06/2012 16:07

hahaha ok I will! Grin

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Midwife99 · 29/06/2012 16:23

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

blackcurrants · 29/06/2012 16:49

I mean, I've got to wait another [does quick sums] 25-26 weeks before I get to sniff the head of my froggy newborn. So you must do it sooner with your dreamy little alien, and then tell me ALL about it!

[not going mental about this, oh no, not at all]

skyebluesapphire · 29/06/2012 21:28

Sorry it's been put back a day:(

Midwife99 · 29/06/2012 22:02

3rd July sounds a good birthday to me! Smile

BlooMoon · 30/06/2012 08:08

Morning choco! Glad you are still managing to deal with all the crap and sounding perky. Will be thinking of you on Tuesday. X

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 30/06/2012 13:41

oh wow! I am so glad I found this thread again. Tuesday is a fabulous day for a baby. I am so excited on your behalf.

Now, going to scroll back so I can read about EXH and tut and humph at his antics. Wink

chocoraisin · 30/06/2012 13:42

so... not so perky today really. DS out having the time of his life at the forces day event that's on locally. With his dad, I'm not invited obviously. My last weekend with an only child and I'm spending it sat on a sofa holding back tears. I can't cope sometimes with the rollercoaster that I've been shoved onto.

I keep trying to remind myself that no-one has the perfect life, and I need to make the best of the life I have and stop wishing it away. But god, this stuff hurts so badly. Now that I've had my section date moved H is going 'home' to be with his girlfriend instead of waiting for our baby to arrive... he'll wait for 'a call' to come back down to meet DS2. I want it to stop hurting. It feels so fucking unfair.

I can't get past feeling that me and DS2 deserved so much more than this. And DS1 too, I hate that I have to accept all the special things he does with his dad will exclude me. Not that I should find that so hard - his dad excluded me even before we broke up. I used to beg him to agree to family days out, but it was always too boring or too much of a commitment to go somewhere with me and DS back then. Now, Disney Dad supreme gets to spend his day with DS going to farms and soft play and big days out and every time it's a first, or something I would have loved to have gone to myself, I have to sit home and be happy that 'at least he's putting in the effort for DS'. Well that's fucking hard to tell you the truth. Because he never put in the effort when it mattered for our family. And yes, it's better than him not bothering at all... but still a bitter pill to swallow.

All in all I feel like I was just a handy accessory to grow him a couple of kids so he can play with them when he feels like it, and carry on living the single and unfettered life with his fucking stupid OW the rest of the time. While I get to sit quietly out of the way on 'his time' making sure I don't spoil things for him and DS.

Honestly, sometimes I just hate him for what he's done to me.

OP posts:
Midwife99 · 30/06/2012 14:24

Oh lovely Choco - I wish I could come & hold your hand. In fact I can tomorrow if you want some company. We're all really thinking of you & wishing you so much happiness for the future. You know what - I hate him too. Angry

blackcurrants · 30/06/2012 14:55

Oh choco - it is so sad and so crappy, and of COURSE you deserve better than this.

but do you know what? I think you're going to HAVE better than this. But not with that man. Because he isn't any better than this. But you are. And it will come to you.

[gentle preggo hugs]

dublindee · 30/06/2012 15:19

They do say (whoever "they" are!) that Tuesday's child is fair of face...

DoingItForMyself · 30/06/2012 15:42

Oh honey I know exactly what you mean "I feel like I was just a handy accessory to grow him a couple of kids so he can play with them when he feels like it, and carry on living the single and unfettered life".

Its so shit that he can suddenly find it within himself to be superdad now, but when it really mattered - when it could've made everything 'as it should be', mummy, daddy & DS - he just couldn't be arsed.

Try to console yourself with the thought that soft play and farms are all well and good, but stability, comfort, the MOST important person in his life - and soon his little baby brother too - will be waiting for him when he gets home from these jollies.