nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

[chocoraisin]

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a ?

Oh, Choco, that's a hellish long night.
I hope you get some good sleep too! Remember, you can just smile and say 'thank you' to the world for reminding you (as if you needed reminding) why you're keeping this grade-A arsehole at arm's length for the next five months. And rightly so!

DS needs to be home on time, though. Tell your MIL about that, the overtiredness, etc, and stress that you need him back in your house by Xtime. xxx

Remember choco it is darkest before dawn. The arms length will work better for you. When people tell you what he is saying (the jerk!) just cut them off politely with "I'd rather not hear this." No-one thinks that you are exaggerating.
Tell MIL clearly that the drop off time has to be adhered to because it will affect your health if you are up late with a wound up toddler.

so... no such thing as a lie in! Up with the birds at 5.50am we were. I'll try and explain to MIL but sometimes it's just not worth the hassle, next week my parents will do handovers not them, so they will make sure it's to the letter what I want and in DS's interests. I shouldn't have tried to be nice in the first place about it, I should have been as blunt as I was with the solicitor. If I'm polite/nice at all, it just leaves room for misunderstanding. Right now, we all need sleep, more than we need to accommodate H.

H is bleating on about how unfair it is that he doesn't get to see his son enough, that I'm punishing him. He thinks I've turned his mum against him and am being an unreasonable bitch. He simply cannot see that this isn't a punishment, it's a consequence of his actions. He put himself here, not me. And as a mother myself I know damn well no woman could 'turn' me against my own son. But I am quite capable of being thoroughly disappointed and angry with him all by myself.

Did I mention TWAT?

Good morning choco. Do you mind if I join the chorus of people telling you how strong and inspiring you are? I have lurked for quite a while and read your blog.
Your post from yesterday rang a whole towerful of bells for me.

My ugly ex-H spent a year tearing me up with remarks similar to what you had. And you are right- we have a choice about which remarks live in our brains.
I hope at some point when you have your new bean and your sprout sorted, that you will think of writing a book- I would buy it and give to anyone going through this hell.
Best wishes

My H has chucked me the same line- I will see daughter as much as I can but you won't let me. I said it has to be regular arranged contact for both our sakes so me and daughter know where we stand.

I told him the same, this is the consequences of his actions, by choosing to walk out in us he is choosing not to see her every day and not to put her to bed and play in the garden etc. it's not me stopping him, this is what he chose when he walked out for his single life.

Stay strong and tell him to sod off.

"this isn't a punishment, it's a consequence of his actions"

repeat, repeat, repeat...x

Oh Choco me too - up since 545 with DD4! Ugghhhhhh! But at least I'm not pregnant!

Agree - its not punishment to stbx to set boundaries - it is the stark reality of the consequence of his actions! Tough!

day two of contact. Anyone want to place a bet on how late he'll be today? Usually back between half four and five. No sign as of yet. No reply to his phone.

Did I foolishly think that I would be getting a break from his bullshit? :(

I'm so tired :(

Who's doing the handover today, choco?

So sorry he's choosing to be even more of a twat about this :( And the cheek of him trying to suggest you're punishing him when he's the one messing around with late returns? This pathetic excuse for a man just keeps plumbing new depths...

Hope ds is back by now and that you're not paying the price for him being kept out too late (how sad that his Dad should stoop so low as to use him as a pawn in his pathetic games :()

Chin up Choco, you are truly fab and an inspiration to all :)

Deep breaths Choco. Only another hour or so, then you can get DS into bed and have a quiet sit down with a bar of chocolate

People keep telling me to 'disengage' from DH's bollocks (we are still together but only hanging on by a thread!) so I will pass on that wisdom to you. Take a step back and don't get involved in his power games.

Oh FFS, Choco, this is well out of order. ARGH!
When you win your millions and set up your Foundation for Fabulousness I hope there will be frequent massages and people to help you find your inner zen. Fuck knows you need it, dealing with thoughtless twits like this.

deep breaths

OK so DS is back and has swiftly been pajama'd and is installed in front of In the Night Garden with some milk. I'm hoping that the speedy turnaround will spell a less nightmarish bedtime tonight.

It does sound like they had a good day, MIL brought him back in the end which was unexpected - apparently they went to a play farm for the day with his cousins, sounds like the sort of thing in happier times I'd have loved to go along to as well :( he's charging around shouting cock-a-doodle-doo at the moment so I presume there were chickens and a rooster there!

(if he has another performance like last night though I may well come back on here to cry into my virtual pillow and beg for hand holding!!)

Oh honey - brandy alexanders on the horizon! Not long now! Meanwhile food, food, food & the odd back massage. Just a thought - twunt will NEVER change so just stop expecting him to do anything to ever make your life easier.

I have a fantasy bucket glass of wine most nights, Choco. It is very reasonable and indeed righteous! Good luck for bedtime, I flew solo last night and it is so hard!

he is in bed, crying. FFS.

Trying to judge if it is the kind of crying that will fizzle out or escalate if I leave it.

:(

all is quiet, I'm going to bed myself asap - after the end of that cheesecake gets it! Thanks for all your lovely posts today. You lot are fab you are x

Sorry you've had a tough night again, choco - it must be a bit overwhelming for him, poor mite, and all the more so for you, since this is the new reality, and it's not like you can swoop in and make everything perfect for DS, much as you might want to.

it'll get easier in time, I'm sure. And he is so lucky to have you, and you are both so so much better off without this twit who (let's face it) was just a ticking time bomb, in terms of giving up on his responsibilities and waltzing off. Better now, when you have time to build a lovely life for your family. Hope you get a good night's rest!

Night night chocomummy! Hope DS sleeps in. The rain & black sky makes me hope for a dark dawn to make our toddlers sleep!! Shhhhh birds!

wooo! 7.25am!! God bless the rainy dark dawn lol. Hope you got a lie in too midwife

Hooray Choco - do you feel more human this morning? ! 645 here! Better than the 545 yesterday though!

yes I feel fab, Nana and Grampa are home so DS woke up to Papa making pancakes and was beside himself with excitement. We're all stuffed and sticky (golden syrup goes everywhere!) and feel ready to face the week ahead. I always feel better on Sundays when I know I don't have to deal with H for another 5 days. It's like a big sigh of relief comes over me and I can just enjoy my little boy.

And it's jubilee weekend, so we have a street party to go to tomorrow which is exciting I'll be busy making and decorating cake pops with DS this afternoon to take along. We have special pink strawberry icing to dip them in. I see a very messy kitchen in my future... have a fab day

Oh how lovely, choco, and how very deserved! I hope you have a fab day! :)

hello my lovelies. I need your advice again... despite me asking for no contact for the next few weeks (other than a pre-agreed weekly email re: DS and his usual contact times, of course) STBXH has emailed me today with photos of his day out with DS last saturday. All very sweet, of DS playing with his cousins. A bit upsetting though given that obviously, I was not invited due to it being 'his time' and that's exactly the sort of 'family' day I would have loved to do with both H and DS before he fucked off and left us.

Anyway, he's signed off the email saying how much he misses DS and to give him a big kiss from him etc and now (despite myself) I feel guilty and like I should recipricate and send a friendly email/photo whatever to make him feel better. Please remind me that I don't need to do this, and why. I hate myself for being so bloody easily manipulated but I really could use some hand-holding through this tonight :( I just feel cross that he's ignored my request for space, cross that he's done it in such a 'nicey nicey' way, and somehow managed to make me feel guilty for not wanting to do the whole just good friends co-parenting loveliness. I'm not wrong for not wanting to play nice right now am I?

:( bastard.