nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

[chocoraisin]

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a ?

I broke out the pompoms for them today myself bless em indeed!

Go choco's parents- they have a lot to teach your X about love and commitment.

I did a big cheesy cheer myself for them when I read that - hurrah!

And wow, yes Choco it's getting close now isn't it? When's DS2 going to arrive, I wonder? :)

Hi. Can any of you lovely ladies offer some of your wisdom to someone who sounds like she's having a hard time after leaving her DH and moving home (sound familiar!?)

here

hope that linky works.

Can't open the link

it's in lone parents midwife, 'help I'm lost and don't know what to do' x

I am also cheering on your folks Choco Bravo!! xx

hi all, just dropping by to pop the kettle back on for anyone who fancies a

I spent an illuminating afternoon with MIL and SIL, who I still adore, today. Turns out SIL has met OW a few weeks ago when she was up in their neck of the woods, and says she is far, far more empathetic than H is about the whole meeting the kids situation, and does not want to rush into meeting any of us (MIL/me/DS) and seems ok-ish as far as OW go. Although not especially mature, which isn't surprising. Apparently she also looks like me to the extent that DN got us confused. I don't see it but there you go! I hear it's very common for men to go for a younger version of their wife... [puke emoticon] gah, how depressing!

MIL and SIL seem bewildered by the total fantasy world H is living in, he has been far more open/forceful with them about his intention to ship OW down to our neck of the woods. SIL says he's so adamant he is going to bring her down she wouldn't be surprised if OW were to show up on Friday. As a result, she offered to put them up as a one off if they came down for a weekend. (MIL wouldn't even countenance the idea). SIL said she'd rather know where she is and police the 'no playing happy families with DS' agreement on my behalf (bless her). However, H has royally pissed her off by telling his mum that this offer means OW is 'welcome anytime' with 'everyone except her' and used it as another thing to try and manipulate my MIL into accepting her staying in MIL's house. He comes off as a total, total shit bag.

One typical example of this arrogant behaviour is that MIL asked him to stay an extra night in a couple of weeks to look after the dogs (one of which was ours, who H insists is 'his' dog - who he expects to be able to collect whenever he feels like it - despite paying nothing towards his food/vets bills etc). He 'consulted his diary' and said he would only stay one more night if he could bring OW with him for the weekend. When MIL refused, he told her to make other arrangements!! What a total dick! Oh, and he said to SIL that he wouldn't be able to see DS on Sundays because Sundays are 'me time' for him . What. A. Dick.

In happier news, I did some baking with DS this morning as he was up at 6am. So by 8.30 we had puff pastry jam and blueberry tarts for breakfast :) He was so proud of himself, bless him!! He did the whole lot, from using the cookie cutters to painting on the milk - I just helped him get them on the tray and did the oven bit. What a star

Mmmmm thanks for the [tea] & have a ! Did the emoticons work?!! Oh god that old chestnut "Me Time"!!! I didn't know parents of small children were entitled to a whole day of "me time" EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND PLUS 7 NIGHTS A WEEK UNBROKEN SLEEP WITH A LIE IN!! It's truly gobsmacking isn't it?!!!

GOD what a dick. "Me time" ? I ask you! BLOODY HELLFIRE it is TERRIBLE!

inevitably I feel sad and unimportant again today... I know it's normal, and I would rather my SIL/MIL like me and talk to me than not know anything. But I guess it will take a while to process the whole 'younger version of me' thing and the fact he is even more hell bent on lying about involving OW with DS than I had realised. I wonder when you stop feeling like you have a boot in the gut and just stop caring? :(

thanks for commenting guys, you rock x

Has the 'younger version of you' got a Star Prize or the Booby Prize Choco?

You know that you are well rid of him .. You are not old .. and you have your life ahead of you without having that selfish twat in it!

(((hugs))) xx

Oh choco that is a lot to take in, isn't it? Good for you for having such a great relationship with STBXinlaws - your boys will only benefit from this.
Me Time? The man is a joke!

The hardest thing is accepting exes current GFs are often intimately involved in DCs lives. It never really feels ok. Eg my DD has a sore throat. Ex only sees her 2 nights a month one of which was last Saturday. DH & I were away in a hotel but kept receiving phone calls saying ex's current GF says DD has tonsillitis. When they brought her home (half an hour late as usual) GF is on the doorstep giving us her diagnosis & details of calpol dosage etc. Took DD to GP yesterday. No sign of tonsillitis & just a mild viral sore throat as I had already thought! Unfortunate OW will eventually will be involved with your DCs whether you like it or not. I have found the only way to cope with that bitter pill is to detach detach detach & ignore ignore ignore! It's hard to trust them but what choice do we have?

I know you're right midwife I just feel so let down when we appear to have a sensible discussion, reach an agreement and then I find out I'm being manipulated and lied to all over again for no good reason. I wish he could just say what he means, and mean what he says.

Latest in the saga is this: he will not provide me with his current address, to serve divorce papers to. My lawyer says I cannot use the old flat address as there is a sale agreed so it clearly isn't his home/won't be his address in a matter of weeks. She says the court needs his real address :( they won't serve papers to a work address. Why won't he give it to me? Its just senselessly obstructive. He lives with her - hiding the address doesn't change the fact does it? I just want to move on. :(

What a shit! No surprise there then....... do you think he's stalling because he doesn't want you to divorce him on the grounds of adultery, or because he wants to divorce you for unreasonable behaviour?

Would his family be able to help you out? Can you send them to his parents for when he next visits?

If not, I'd be tempted to hire a process server and serve him just to wipe ths smug grin off his stupid face and let him know you mean business.

Me time indeed......... what an arse he is. You are so well rid

he has already verbally agreed to divorce on grounds of adultery, there isn't any grounds for unreasonable behaviour on my side and I would obviously contest that if he tried - it just feels like a controlling and/or deliberately teenage thing to do. Like he knows he can withold the information (unlike me, who tells him exactly where I am etc so he can see DS) and can see that it will upset me. Also, there seems to be an element of 'if they can't see it, it isn't really happening'. A variant on the drunken 'if I don't remember it, I didn't do it' excuse... twat.

Twat indeed!

What a total shit bag. "me time"! Wanker.

SIL sounds like she was a little too accommodating to him and OW. If my DB behaved like that I would (after giving him some serious shit) be giving OW a piece of my mind and a stiff reality check about the fantasy. Think she has also shared TMI.

Someone on another thread had probs serving papers and eventually had to get them served at work, it can be done apparently.

Get SIL or MIL to give you his address!

My thoughts exactly Midwife

Why does he have to make things so difficult when he has agreed to the divorce Choco??.. maybe he has a fantasy in his head that if he gives you the address you will be on the doorstep begging him to go back or harrassing the OW? As if you would demean yourself

xx

Dozer I agree - If one of my friends offered to put STBX and OW they would be a friend no more! I know it's his sister but it does come across as though she is condoning their relationship

I know what you mean, but there's not a lot I can do about it. SIL's met her already - and I believe her that H has been engineering things to put people in godawful awkward positions. EG when SIL was introduced, she was collecting a bookshelf for me from our old flat. H gave her no choice/didn't ask if she wanted to meet OW just showed up with her (plus breakfast) and expected SIL to play nice, sit down with a croissant and chat. SIL had a coffee, told them both that they should be a bit more sensitive and slow down - specifically told OW not to hurry down to meet the rest of the family, and then left. She said that OW seemed like she was being wheeled out and presented as a fait accompli (and clearly didn't have the nouse to have an opinion about things herself). I can well imagine this being H's approach, he truly is unbelievably single minded and utterly devoid of empathy (for me, SIL, MIL or apparently even OW). OW herself just sounds stupid, immature and easily led.

H foisted OW on another friend of ours the day before yesterday, a really close mutual friend who actually lived with us both when we got married for several months. He now lives in Canada and visited the UK this week - saw H on Monday and me on Tuesday. On the Monday he expected to see H alone in our old flat, but was taken off to the new flat (which he says is a skanky bedsit that smells of damp, has mould and barely any furniture - he didn't pay attention to the house number but is going to try and google streetmap it so he can get me the address :) ) where OW was wheeled out to say 'hi' then took herself off to sit in the bedroom alone while H expected our friend to play video games for 4 hours. Because that's what you want to do when you've travelled from another continent to visit. Friend was mightily pissed off not to be given a choice about meeting her, said he acknowledged her but only because he is not rude enough to actually kick off - but didn't talk to her other than to say 'Oh right. Yeah. Hi.'

All sounds a bit pathetic to me. I honestly wonder what on earth she sees in him.

It's hard for friends & family to refuse to be polite when ill prepared so I can understand them at least being civil. Sounds like they are trying to support you though which is good.

I was thinking that, Choco - what on earth does this woman see in a man who's willing to do something so awful to his wife and children, and has pretty much nothing to offer her? Urgh. Maybe she has no sense of self-worth!

I just can't get over your STBX refusing to give you his address. It's so petty, it makes me foot-stampingly angry. And believe me, in this house we know about foot-stampingly angry! :) I hope your DS is being lovely - have you had fun reading with him about the baby coming? I saw "Waiting for Baby'' in the library this weekend and thought it was sweet, and wondered how you're getting on.