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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

942 replies

chocoraisin · 06/04/2012 21:03

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a Brew?

OP posts:
midwife99 · 15/05/2012 21:37

Chocominstrels as I now call you - my ex sent his GF to collect my DD without asking my permission! I sent her away with a flea in her ear I can tell you! And DD was 7! There's no way I'd let OW anywhere near DS2 without checking her out!

midwife99 · 15/05/2012 21:39

I'm also liking cock & trog as new names for ex & ow! Grin

Original poster
chocoraisin · 15/05/2012 21:42

blimey! She was brave... or really dumb! Honestly, do OW just operate on the assumption that the lying cheating bastard charming git they have landed has their best interests at heart?? That really and truly they thing it'll be great for them to play step-mum and hang out with the XW? Can they not see that their 'D'P is really the most selfish/lazy/unrealistic/insert adjective of your choosing here man on the planet??

What a prat!

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoraisin · 15/05/2012 21:43

he is in my new phone as STBXH Grin and we all know what my interpretation of that is!

OP posts:
midwife99 · 15/05/2012 21:49

"Love" is blind eh?! She was never ow - he's only been with her 2 years but she is stupid! He's moved in with her & her 3 kids & has had 20% knocked off his income for child maintenance cos of "resident DCs" only sees DD two nights a month now & has stopped taking DD on a few days cheapo camping in the summer so he can go to benidorm the Mediterranean with GF instead. And then he sends her unannounced to collect her! Twuntishness of the highest order!

Original poster
chocoraisin · 15/05/2012 21:57

good grief. What are they like?? have a Biscuit on me

OP posts:
stuffitunderthebed · 15/05/2012 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
chocoraisin · 15/05/2012 22:02

indeed you did Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoraisin · 15/05/2012 22:03

right, I'm offski to bedski - night all xx

OP posts:
midwife99 · 15/05/2012 22:09

Nighty night Chocs, bean & StuffIt! Smile

stuffitunderthebed · 15/05/2012 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackcurrants · 15/05/2012 23:10

ooh yay to minstrels! Night Choco, I hope you have a jolly good Tueday too!

saffronwblue · 17/05/2012 10:42

Hi choco- I was just thinking that when you do meet OW, make sure you have someone there with you. Your sister, mother, Hugh Jackman, squadron of mumsnetters - just someone so that you can catch each other's eye during the awkward silences and compare notes afterwards.
Hope you, DS and bean are thriving. xx

blackcurrants · 17/05/2012 12:10

ooh I vote Hugh Jackman! and then you can send him over here to do some gardening, but he doesn't need his shirt

Original poster
chocoraisin · 17/05/2012 17:50

Ladies! A momentous day has arrived!!

Share in my joy - DS has just asked for the potty and done a POO!

hurrah and hurrah and hurrah!

And yes, Hugh Jackman is welcome to dance this happy dance with me Grin

it's the small things in life that make me happy lol

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 17/05/2012 18:08

Oh My GOODNESS Choco that is a momentous day indeed! Blardy hellfire!
DS is far, far from that point and I am SUPERJEALOUS! Grin
Hurray for you! :)

Original poster
chocoraisin · 17/05/2012 18:14

thank you!! Grin like a cheshire bloomin' cat all round Grin

honestly, I swear it's the washable nappies. It's an effort but he knows when he's wet and dirty much more. If I only have to deal with one set when baby comes how bloomin' chuffed will I be though??? Grin

OP posts:
GeekLove · 17/05/2012 18:27

Hi five to choco and chocobean! You will notice the change in your was basket soon!
DS1 only said goodbye to nappies a month ago.

blackcurrants · 17/05/2012 18:48

That is pretty great, choco - we have washables but got lazy never got it quite sorted. Our nursery also doesn't let us use them (USA) - I wonder if, however, we did some cloth this summer, if that would make it work... hmmm. That would also offload the problem onto DH, as he's the one who's going to be home with him 3 days a week in July and August...
[devious face]

Original poster
chocoraisin · 17/05/2012 18:50

hahaha sounds like a plan black Grin try Bambino Mio training pants, you can often get them on offer. Hurrah for your DS1 too Geek!

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Original poster
chocoraisin · 19/05/2012 21:41

so today was a mixed bag. I went to DS's nursery open day, with H and DS this morning. It's the first time we've done anything even remotely 'together' since the shit hit the fan. It wasn't really a together thing (like a family day out) but it was a couple of hours in each others peripheral company (I spent a lot of time talking to staff and other mums I knew when possible). I decided to do it because I thought it was important for DS to be able to do things like go to his nursery when they have a party, even though it fell on a contact day. Plus H asked me to go with them and it's the first time he's shown interest in where DS spends his week so I decided to be cordial and encourage that. It was ok, I didn't dissolve in a heap, H behaved himself and I think nursery saw a united front which is important. And more to the point, DS saw mummy and daddy in the same room having friendly conversations which I think needs to happen, infrequently perhaps, but in the long run it's good for him to see now and then.

After that milestone, my DM and DF took H aside before he left and told him in no uncertain terms how disappointed they are in him. That he will only ever be a visitor in their home now. That any 'surprises' he may spring on them when baby arrives (bringing 'friends' round etc) would not illicit a rational response - I can only imagine how scary my dad was when he said that!! I was not present! But most of all that they are committed to helping us both be the best parents we can be to our boys and will do everything they can to support the children and us as parents on our journey. I love my parents. I really do.

DS2 is stretching out loads and it feels like he is pushing one pressure point on my tummy over and over so much that it hurts a little! I'm counting down now... can't wait to meet the new man in my life :)

OP posts:
midwife99 · 19/05/2012 21:47

Hugs and kisses to you DS1 & stretchy DS2! Well done you big grown up mummy you!! Smile

Original poster
chocoraisin · 19/05/2012 21:50

thank you! Grin hugs back x

OP posts:
Slambang · 19/05/2012 21:59

A big cheesy cheer leader shout out for Chocos parents,

YAY!!!

They sound great, Choco.

DoingItForMyself · 19/05/2012 22:02

Hi Choco. I have name changed as my previous name was related to a 'ranting about DH's obsession with body hair thread' (any ideas?!) and I wanted one of my own.

I just wanted to say that your parents sound lovely, you're so lucky to have them. They did the perfect thing at the perfect time (He could have been feeling quite smug about how you were both presenting a united front to the world and that you could co-parent amicably despite his despicable behaviour. They put him right on that one.) Bless em both x