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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

nothing can drag you down when you're not holding on...

942 replies

chocoraisin · 06/04/2012 21:03

Hello :)

I've decided that blog or no blog, I can't imagine not having all of you fabulous people to turn to in the next couple of months while I count down to baby arriving. So I've jumped ship from the old thread and decided to set up camp here.

would anyone like a Brew?

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MysteriousHamster · 09/05/2012 21:39

You are doing an awesome job, Choco. Keep going. Love the story about DS1 and the bump :)

blackcurrants · 11/05/2012 02:39

HI Choco, been lurking not posting recently but wanted to say that I hope you're doing well. Has H responded decently well to The Proper Talk?
As he seems to be pretty stupid and pretty selfish (aren't these things so often linked?!) do you have all your thoughts/terms in writing to refer to later, if/when he totally fails on something you'd agreed?

I thought of you as my little boy gave me a big (muddly,flaily, giggling) cuddle tonight. I hope you're getting some lovely moments with your DS :)

chocoraisin · 11/05/2012 14:25

Hello and thanks for all the lovely positive messages everyone :)

H didn't respond to 'The Talk' at all. It's like it never happened. As per usual I heard nothing from him all week other than a request to skype which he then cancelled as he got a better offer, and a few lines by email letting me know when to expect him for contact. A mutual friend spoke to me by gmail chat though and said he'd talked to him recently and heard he was moving to where we live - this has given me kittens because the friend dropped off chat before I could ask anything (ie, when? In 12 months like he told me, or has he just decided to move down early because I said OW can't meet the kids until he sees them in a home he shares with her? Anxiety levels shot up through the bloody roof again).

Doesn't help that everyone I mention it to (my DM, and midwife mostly) seems to think I can stop him taking my babies anywhere and lay down the law however I see fit. I know that isn't true at all! Certainly not legally, and I don't think it's even a very strong moral stance. But I get a lot of comments along the lines of 'don't be so ridiculous' when I say I'm anxious, and it doesn't help. I know I can't stop him/control him/dictate to him at all, and unless I want to be a bitch and withold contact which I don't, there is every chance he'll do what the feck he pleases (as he always does).

Why oh why does this sort of non-information always seem to coincide with handovers?? It's not like I'm relaxed at this time of the week as it is :(

GRRR

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KirstyWirsty · 11/05/2012 14:45

It's to stop you being too relaxed and happy Choco

Can you arrange to do something nice, pampering and relaxing while he has your DS1?

Kxx

chocoraisin · 11/05/2012 14:48

actually, I can - some amazing friends of mine from where i used to live sent me a voucher for a salon in my new town. It's for an Indian head massage and pedicure :) to help me relax before baby comes. I think I'm going to book it now, and try and focus on the lovely people I know, not the knob.

Thanks kirsty xx

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midwife99 · 11/05/2012 14:57

He can't just cart a breastfed newborn baby off. In fact if you don't agree with what he wants re contact the courts will have to decide not him. It will cost a packet but that doesn't mean you should give in to him.

chocoraisin · 11/05/2012 15:02

I had a horrible time breastfeeding DS1 and was advised to stop at 6 weeks by both my GP and HV, as it really wasn't working. I want to get it 'right' this time but I'm also aware that I can't force it at the cost of DS1 or my bonding with DS2 - or the cost of DS2's health. I'm trying to stay positive (have just posted on feed the world for tips to help do it more successfully this time!) but realistic at the same time...

Although my midwife hilariously suggested I tuck a bottle under my arm and pretend to 'latch' him under a scarf. Said it would take H months to work out I wasn't actually feeding him myself and would buy me time!!

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KirstyWirsty · 11/05/2012 15:23

I love your midwife Choco she sounds great and there to give you just the support you need just now :)

Kx

blackcurrants · 11/05/2012 16:19

That midwife advice made me grin, too. Hurrah for her!
DS breastfed all the time for the first 3 months (and it's not been easy persuading him to stop these last 3 months, either!) so I found it nifty having a sling I could feed him in, that way I didn't feel so tied to the sofa. I think that'll be even more important with DC2, as I'll have DS to think of....
your X can't remove a newborn from his mother.

And if he thinks he's going to, I'll go round and give him a scare a stern talking to! Yes I will! I will take my big baggy cardie and go down there with my Scary Teacher Voice, and it will start with "What the hell d'y'think you're playing at, young man?" and get scarier from there!

Enjoy your massage - what a GOOD idea!

midwife99 · 11/05/2012 17:16

Ah one of my community colleagues doing a good job lol! Get in touch with NCT breastfeeding counsellors too. We NHS staff can't always give you as much time as we would like so they are a great extra support. Ask for help with EVERY feed in hospital & make sure you have skin to skin contact & early feeding in recovery after your caesarean. That will all help you get off to a great start. If it doesn't work out ex doesn't need to know does he?!

chocoraisin · 11/05/2012 20:02

what sling did you use blackcurrants? I've been looking at a baby k'tan but I think it's quite expensive. I don't like the look of ones you have to learn to tie yourself though, scary! Well done for feeding this long, that's impressive! My SIL actually dual fed her toddler and newborn for a while, that was dedication.

yes my Midwife is ace, she's due to retire in June so I'm one of her last ladies. She pretty much sees me weekly, lets me sob into her shoulder (for some reason, I cry literally every time!) then lets me listen to baby while I moan about H. I think she's so comforting because she's seen it all before. I literally love her!

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midwife99 · 11/05/2012 22:36

I'm a community midwife too. Actually building that close trusting relationship with "my ladies" is what I love too. And yes, we have seen it all before! I'm sure she really gets a lot out of being there for you. Shame she's retiring in June but eventually we all get midwives' knee & literally crumble Grin I had a premaxx sling which I bought second hand off eBay which was good! Brill for secret feeding of the breast or bottle variety! Wink

blackcurrants · 12/05/2012 02:02

Choco I typed you a long reply and lost it -dunno why! Maybe he internet crashed under my sling enthusiasm?!

We are slingaholics (lived in a 3 storey walkup for part of DS's life, but mainly he just loved being in them) and we have 2 main slings we used (out of 4 bought/given to us).
I nursed in the "Lightly Padded Maya Wrap" - only one I could nurse in, but very very simple to use. To be frank I have large breasts and a short back, so they hang quite low on me, and I could never have nursed DS in something where he was sitting up. We also have and love ( and still use, in the backpack style) the Ergo. I have a friend with small, perky, high-up breasts and a normal-length back who nursed happily in the ergo for months. I was dead jealous but it was completely logistically impossible for me! :) However the ergo was dead good as it is very comfy for us (weight on your hips not back -important when you have giant babies, as I seem to do!) and for DS (Legs like a frog when he was a newborn and then splayed as a child - better for his legs, hips and spine than the high-street crotch-danglers. Avoid those ones!

Neither the ergo nor the Maya wrap ring sling are cheap BUT there's a sound second hand market for them on ebay and at sling meets. If you google sling meets uk you'll find one - on FB too I think - and you can go and try some on and pick them up and stare at them and stuff. They don't seem to have them in the US and I was v.jealous. The sling topic here is good too but they will make you want to buy more slings :)

Right, DS has gone to bed at LAST (why, oh why did we take the side off the cot?) and I think I might go to bed myself with a nice book. It's nearly 9pm after all, and I've got that rock 'n' roll life style to maintain!
I hope you have a lovely weekend!

HavePatience · 12/05/2012 21:44

Choco, I wish I lived near you. I'd come over and give you a big hug every day.

.... Maybe you're glad I don't live nearby now... Wink

I could never bf in a sling, but did for just over a year with DS and had horrid cracked nipples, mastitis several times.... Loads of hurdles. After about 16 weeks, I discovered silverettes. Lifesaver! Anything you need in terms of tips and support I'm happy to try to help as well! xxx

HavePatience · 12/05/2012 21:45

Oh, but I used a fleece peanut shell sling for carrying and it was brilliant. I carried him in that until past age 2! But not so often at that age, obviously. He now sleeps with it!

chocoraisin · 12/05/2012 21:56

thanks for the tips guys! I've found a sling meet near-ish so I may pop along with DS and see if I can get some real live demo's and advice from sling addicts in RL :) I too have giant boobs black lol, and the SPD means I need something incredibly supportive as my bad back didn't resolve for over 10months last time. TBH I didn't even try to wear DS, but I would really like to this time. I like the look of both the premaxx and the ergo at the moment, but I think I need to see some in person.

I was in the middle of typing a big moany post then my old neighbour rang, so I've been cheered up and deleted the moan I was going to inflict on share with you all :) Also, I am now super tired and unlikely to make any sense whatsoever if I keep typing... so will just say night night - x

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HavePatience · 12/05/2012 21:59

Oh, don't get peanut shell, then. I have smaller boobs and a small frame. It was not comfortable on my bigger breasted friend! Sling meet is the way to go :)

chocoraisin · 12/05/2012 22:00

awww HP I'd love a hug from you every day!! xx

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HavePatience · 12/05/2012 22:06

I know they look silly but they healed 15 weeks worth of cracked, bleeding nipples within 48 hours Shock I wished I had them from the start! I wore them inside of my bra for a month just to be sure and keep it all healed.

chocoraisin · 12/05/2012 22:08

WOW sold to the lady with rubbish nips!! They actually look pretty cool :) thanks so much for the tip!!

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stuffitunderthebed · 12/05/2012 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirstyWirsty · 13/05/2012 16:27

Hi Choco hope you are enjoying your weekend.. I forgot to say I am still loving your blog .. xx

chocoraisin · 13/05/2012 18:45

thank you stuffit and kirsty :) haha I've not heard the word 'trog' in a while! We have had a fab sunday thanks. It's been blazing sunshine outside, so we've had a home and garden day.

I definitely feel things are starting to be a bit more imminent - at the most, 7 weeks to go now - and I now feel I've reached the beached whale stage. So much so that the plan for tomorrow is to drive to our nearest city half an hour away to do all the last 'essentials' shopping bits and get my hospital bag packed away, I just have a sneaking suspicion I should get on with it. 32 weeks today. Even if I go right to 39 I'll be happier knowing that it's all sorted and ready to pick up on my way out the door!

My little monster DS hit some fabulous terrible two tantrums today and so far has broken the catflap and smashed my phone on the kitchen floor, so we're starting 'time out' supernanny style! Wish me luck... he found it funny rather than a deterrent today but I'm going to persevere. I was not impressed that he broke the phone, but serendipitously I had downloaded all my photos (all 287 of them!) just the night before, otherwise I'd have been bawling. It does mean I have no record of texts though, and I've lost all my contacts which sucks. Kids, who'd have em hey? Grin

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chocoraisin · 13/05/2012 18:47

ps my job for the night is to update the blog kirsty I am feeling a bit more cheerful than the last time I did so hopefully it will be a sunnier post! thanks for reading :) xx

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KirstyWirsty · 13/05/2012 20:06

Great.. i look forward to reading it xx

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