Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

[CailinDana]

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

Well have another one from me then Laminator ((hug)).

I'm not one for hugs laminator, but I will make an exception for you

Nhan, hugs, Cailin, glad you're back, Laminator, glad everythings ok, hello everyone else, Don'tKnow, hope your gp helps.

Trying, dissociation can happen to anyone, daydreaming, driving and forgetting how you got from A to B through to having "different personalities". I definately have a separate "child". It's good you are supportive.

This link might help www.isst-d.org/education/faq-dissociation.htm

I would agree with that NHAN

I am sorry you are under so much intense stress with no-one irl that you can turn to, I know exactly how that feels and it is so isolating, I don't know about you, but it sometimes makes me feel like there is not one more thing that I can take, that it is all too much... But as always for everyone, something else does come along, and somehow, we cope don't we

Good luck with the emdr I have heard good things about it, I don't know whether it would work when you have additional pd's alongside DID...

Any opportunity to make yourself feel healthier and more whole is worth taking though?

Antsy, how do you know your separate parts? Has someone told you about them or have you "seen" them?

My DS talks about my "child" me, he thinks it was a great part of growing up as I was on his level. I've done some inner child therapy and feel I now know when she's out.

Nhan, I'm crap at advice but am here even if it's just virtual hugs. Your situation is similar to how mine was, getting out of their house was the best thing I did but financially a nightmare. Is there any way to save a deposit?

Hi plink

I was talked through them originally, and then have taken time trying to get to know them and understand them over the past 5/6 years since my breakdown, I have worked hard in trying to identify them, but I have no doubts that there are other parts which I don't know about, I still lose time on occasion and have trouble recalling conversations, but thankfully this seems to happen less frequently now...

My little part is the part I have the hardest time accepting and I feel this is holding me back, but I don't really now how to accept her yet

Antsy, my little is great but does do childish things, I do feel more "whole" for "finding" her. I dissociate on lower levels in other ways so she's the only "alter" I'm aware of.

I was also put off the internet "littles" sites but I am starting to be more "comfortable" with them.

I tried buying my little things like colouring books, dolls, teddys etc. She has picked a teddy and is less angry/scared. It's who she cuddles during nasty flashbacks! Ha, I sound mental but it really does help :o

Hi, thank you so much for your posts, especially you Antsy for explaining what it is to you in such depth. I really appreciate it and it has helped. DH doesn't have DID but I think he responded to a partular trigger by dissociating as this was what he learned to do to protect himself. He can also be very detached, and has talked about not really knowing who he is, about how he he decided who he had to be to be successful and became that person, but that person isn't nessessarily who he really is. He also intellectualises a lot.

Cailin, he seems ok on a day to day basis, other than seeming detached at times. We have had problems in our relationship and we have both struggled because of this. He is gradually beginning to talk more so perhaps things are beginning to surface for him.

I really think you are all wonderful. You have all survived one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person, and for you all to have the awareness you have and for you all to be reaching out to help others is amazing

I know for my own part trying, that reaching out to others is helpful to me too, as it allows me to relate to people who know what I'm talking about and won't be freaked out by what I'm saying.

Plink, that link was very interesting, thank you

You ok Nhan, click report on your message or contact MNHQ at bottom of page.

Are you safe?

Nhan, pm me

Stupid question does anyone find being told your good/nice upsetting?

Dotty, I am so sorry if I have upset you. That was really insensitive of me as I'm aware that compliments etc can be hard for survivors. Sorry

Trying nothing to do with you on a fb group for mothers with SN kids met a few whilst down south lovely ladies and they keep telling each other what I'm like I can't see it never have been able to. Stupidly had me in pieces x

I wish you could see it dotty. How are you now?

Trying i'm not a nice person treated DH like crap for years he deserves better than me at times I cant bear to be in the same room as him.

I'm ok now but earlier was a mess. x

Dotty, I know you won't believe me, but having natural responses to horrific events does not make you a bad person. I don't know how you treated your DH, but I do know that relationships can be very hard for people who have been betrayed like you were, as trust and intimacy (emotional not just physical) can feel hard if not impossible to achieve. I certainly feel as though DH has pushed me away at certain times when I have actually felt very close to him. Your DH is still with you, perhaps he can see beneath this?

I have had fab counselling services NHAN but primarily because DC got me it and the support i've had of GP and the police has been outstanding unfortunately my counselling is nearly finished so dread what will happen next.

when a survivor has a "black" moment, when the memories are too much, it feels like you have been physically hit by a truck, right through the chest with nothing left but a raw, painful hole.

In these moments you feel like the only way to stop the pain, which really is undescribeable, is to end it all. It is all encompassing and physical.

In these moments survivors really need help, they would probably not be able to describe what is happening. It is not like suicide, it is a severe ptsd symptom.

I have those moments Plink they come from no-where but I can't accept it's PTSD had one last night on M6 pulled over at services in the end only reason I can think of was I was in my home county where it all happened really struggle being there atm