Those of you who have married but kept your own surname...

[frogs]

...do you get hacked off by people who should know better addressing you by your dh surname?

I kept my own name, not to make a huge political-feminist point, nor because I am particularly attached to it, but simply because that is who I am and I saw no reason to change it. I have also built up a successful professional career which would have been adversely affected if I had suddenly changed identies. I felt that the 'one name for work, one name for home' solution was too confusing (eg. what name to have your passport in?), and last but not least, I don't particularly like my MIL and have no desire to have the same title/surname as her.

I don't object to people connected with my kids (eg schools) assuming that I am Mrs Dh, nor would I ever create a huge scene about it. But it does annoy me that MIL makes a point of addressing letters to us as 'Mr and Mrs DH', and refers to us as 'the dh family'.

Anyone else get this? What (if anything) do you do about it? Dh thinks I'm making a fuss about nothing, and picking on his Mum to boot, but then it's not his name that's at stake.

I'm NOT married (but would keep my name if i was for the same reasons as you) and my 'MIL' insists on adressing me as Mrs DP. It drives me mad, but I think she is genetically incapable of behaving any differently.

I changed my name, but it still makes me see red when we get correspondence addressed to Mr and Mrs DH's first name then our surname - and this from family . I can understand how you must feel when you've made it clear to your MIL that you don't share the same surname - but I wonder if they are a bit stumped as to how to address the envelope? They are of a different generation, I guess....

frogs, my own mum does it. I think she'd just feel all weird if she didn't, as if she was denying the marriage or something. Generational as well as genetic.

After my divorce I reverted to my maiden name.

So when I remarried I was loathe to lose my name again so dh and I agreed on double-barrelling; adding his surname onto the end of mine. I still very often use just my name.

What irritates the hell out of me is when people drop my bit of the surname and use just dh's purely because they are too lazy to say all of it. I am quite protective of my name.

Ex fil and ex bil refused to write the new name on any cards to the kids though which was very insulting I thought.

I didn't change my name but what about you put on the back of the envelope when writing to MIL - Mr X and Ms A, followed by address. She's bound to see it .

Had a friend whose kids have taken her surname - not separated from her DH or anything so maybe you could casually drop it into conversation with your MIL that you're thinking of changing your kids surname by deed poll. That should wind her up the she's winding you up!

I kept my name, but it does stump some people as to how to address envelopes. Because I am v modern (or slovenly) I address Christmas card envelopes to "Ann and John" (unless those are not their names of course, ho ho) and don't bother with surnames at all. The Post Office don't care. If people address us as Mr and Mrs dh I shrug it off. Worse things to worry about ekt ekt

Yes, it makes me bristle if anyone assumes I'm Mrs dh. In fact the registrar did it when she'd JUST married us - I mean literally just said 'you are now married' - and I really think she ought to know better. My friend said she saw my hackles rise. I think you should just keep telling her "my name is xxx"

that does irritate me - but what irritates me more are those people who insist on giving DH his title (PhD) but not mine (also a PhD).

getting Christmas cards to Dr and Mrs X really annoy me . In my rational forgiving moments I admit they probably don't know that I have a title too and I don't use DH's name much - but it still annoys me.

o, well, i get my revenge sometimes,sometimes they call my DH as Mr "my maiden name"

to ber fair my DH is happy to answer to Mr "my maiden name" too - but it doesn't happen very often.

I really, really just could not be arsed to go through huge hassle of changing name (my first thought on the subject being 'and this benefits me....how???').

Hardly anyone refers to me as 'Mrs DH' except my inlaws and, funnily, my parents. Doesn't bother me that much, really, I just put it down to a generational thing.

However I do get wierded out when people call me Mrs mysurname, rather than Ms mysurname. In my head, Mrs mysurname is my mother, so I find myself looking over my shoulder a lot expecting her to be part of the conversation

I have to admit I find addressing Christmas Cards a complete nightmare. I can never remember who is Dr, who is Mr/Mrs/Ms, or worse, which Drs have become Mr again.

Those people who have kept their name, is the correct form to say 'Mr ABC and Ms XYZ'?

DP gets that too mixed!

TBH I only get annoyed if the person is annoying me anyway. I usually answer to either Ms fisil (which is my name) or Mrs DP (which is not my name). Miss fisil does annoy me a bit, but I don't hear it much.

Ts, I'm happy with first names, Debretts prob wouldn't agree! I guess if it was a formal invitation I'd be happier with Mr R DH's surname and Ms Me Mysurname.

Yup, that would be fine for me too. TBH, by the time I've recovered from other people's efforts to spell my (rather unusual) first name, any successful spelling at all of either of my potential surnames is a pleasant relief

Have kept name for much the same reasons as you, frogs. I do find it a bit tedious when people ignore the fact that my surname is not the same as his!

My dh put down my title as Dr on some paperwork when ds was born as I was feeling a little freaked out at having to put "housewife" as my occupation for the first time. The company now starts all its letters to us with "Dear Mr Brastraps and Sir/Madam". Nice!

My friend has kept her name but I address envelopes to Mr and Mrs 'dh's surname' - I'm not faffing about with Mr X and Ms double barelled really long surname. She's not bothered though - if it really bothered her I wouldn't do it (she would tell me if it did, she doesn't hold back).

I can't understand why people don't just change it, unless it's a hideous name. Just confusing.

What the hell is wrong with writing 'housewife' if that's what you are?

Funnily enough I hadn't really given much thought to what they should put instead.

To friends I would tend to write, "John and Mary", but presumably that would feel too informal for MIL's generation. My mother is rather sweetly proud of the fact that I have a PhD, so makes a point of addressing letters to Mr Dh and Dr Frogs, which is nice (and impeccably 21st Century, though I'm sure that's not her intention).

Like others I would only get miffed about it when I felt someone was deliberately making a point, as I know MIL is. When I mentioned (casually, not in a big announcement way) that I would be keeping my own name she went off into a big, "Oh well, there's not really any point getting married then, is there" rant. Mad.

If she thinks that's bad, she should get a load of one of my German cousins who has not only kept her own surname, but given all the kids her surname as well (double-barelling not an option in Germany). Ten years later she still gets snidey comments from her MIL.

And the 'Ms' thing - that's just really annoying too.

oh dear - I should have parped!

For all the reasons I mentioned in my original post, GDG.

Oh Blimey! I knew as soon as I pressed "post message" that someone would take umbrage. I just don't like the expression "housewife". It implies a degree of domesticity that I just don't achieve. I say, when asked, that I don't work, I look after my small children. And now someone will say that looking after children is the most important job there is, and someone else will take that as a crack against going back to work, and so it all begins....

I just thought I had an amusing anecdote to share. Sorry!