Those of you who have married but kept your own surname...

[frogs]

...do you get hacked off by people who should know better addressing you by your dh surname?

I kept my own name, not to make a huge political-feminist point, nor because I am particularly attached to it, but simply because that is who I am and I saw no reason to change it. I have also built up a successful professional career which would have been adversely affected if I had suddenly changed identies. I felt that the 'one name for work, one name for home' solution was too confusing (eg. what name to have your passport in?), and last but not least, I don't particularly like my MIL and have no desire to have the same title/surname as her.

I don't object to people connected with my kids (eg schools) assuming that I am Mrs Dh, nor would I ever create a huge scene about it. But it does annoy me that MIL makes a point of addressing letters to us as 'Mr and Mrs DH', and refers to us as 'the dh family'.

Anyone else get this? What (if anything) do you do about it? Dh thinks I'm making a fuss about nothing, and picking on his Mum to boot, but then it's not his name that's at stake.

frogs, I kept my name for exactly the same reasons - right down to not wanting the same name as my mother in law!

We actually went through two years of talks over this. I wanted to keep my own name but we wanted to be clear about lo being part of a family too. In the end we compromised on him having my surname as an extra middle name, he's still T (dh surname) but his birth certificate does have my surname on it!

we actually considered changing all of our surnames to a new 'family' one. Tbh given how I feel about both our families right now I'm not so sure we won't do it after all.

Regarding what I answer to , most people call me Ria B, I'm fine with Miss or Ms B but do get weired out by Mrs B. I don't mind Mrs T in situations when I'm with LO but I do get t'eed off when people address Xmas cards to Mr and Mrs T - especially those people who are from MY side of the family!

Habbo while agreeing with you a little bit about the symbolism of changing to acknoowledge the bond of marriage, I felt that it was more than 'a bit crap' that the woman is expected to change her name. If you are getting into the symbolism of these things you can't really ignore the feminist angle on this - I don't think it's precious, I think it's a start in redressing the balance. My dh and I discussed his changing name to mine, and he in the end didn't want to almost, it seemed, because he didn't want to be slagged off in the pub! Which rather speaks for itself I feel.

I have an unusual surname; his is less so. We did name our DD with my surname, really so as to keep it on the boil. But we did offend his mother deeply by doing so as his dad had died recently and she felt his name was being actively rejected.

I would still love to persuade DH to change his name so that we could all have a family surname together.

yes I get it and yes it annoys me. suprisingly though I actaully mainly get it frm peers. My parents generation (which is basically my mum,dad my uncle, my fil), see it as quite a big thing and I think they think it was very political and something I held very dear so they are very conscious not to offend me. Friends on the other hand have a mixed bag of friends who did and didn't but personally I don;t think that excuses them. I think names are important and I make a big effort to keep an address book with all my friend's married names along with the vast numbers of children we all have - complete with correct spellings etc. and if I was ever unsure I would double check. I think it's quite insulting to get somone's name wrong.

Spots, when I used the word 'precious' I really was only talking about myself. I love my maiden name for the spirit of what it represents, my family, my history etc, but I'm not desperately attached to it in terms of a name. I actually found it quite exciting to have a new name and so although I don't approve of that fact that traditionally women take their partner's name I was not bothered enough about it to make a stand. When you say you are keeping your name to make a 'start in redressing the balance' do you mean for womankind? Have I let the side down by taking my DH's name? I do respect you for your decision, especially as it sounds like it hasn't been an easy one, I guess for me the reality of one's relationships with DH, children, and even in-laws and how my decisions effect them is more pressing than anything else. Perhaps I am too pragmatic for my own good......go sister..

I've kept my name - I really don't see why I should give up my identity. DH wouldn't even contemplate it so why should I?

have read this thread with great interest. We are getting married this year and i want to add DP's surname to my own. Needless to say, he believes i should change my name to his as in his words "it's tradition" I feel strongly that i want to keep my name (for a whole host of reasons)
I asked him to change his name to mine and of course he wouldnt even consider it!

Quite!!

I have kept my maiden name because I'm spanish and we don't do it in Spain, so it was very strange the thought of losing my name.
For our children we have done it also following a similar pattern to the Spanish way (I'm trying to keept my roots!!!) so they have both of our surnames- first his and then mine. I don't mind if they use only the first one, but my children will remember me in their "official" name.
When I got married I did something quite silly. I got a PhD, so I changed my tittle at my bank from Miss to Dr, just because I didn't want to be known as Ms. And who cares if you are married or not? Are they going to treat you different?

I haven't changed my name, for loads of reasons, but find it most amusing/irritating that, since having children, I've somehow gone from Ms 'my surname' to Mrs 'my surname' at work!

It's pretty common in the US for women to keep their surname after marriage, and even for the kids to take their mother's surname only. Hypenating used to be common, but you don't see it so much anymore except in children.

For many, it's a career choice - the woman has an established professional career in her maiden name and wants to avoid confusion, for example.

Don't see what the bother is w/someone keeping a surname, tho. Maybe it's one of those things I'm so used to seeing now.

Don't really mind to be addressed Mr and Mrs DH's name, even by people who know I kept my own name, like in-laws. I did not change my name for professional reasons and because it reflected my ethnic group (dh is different) and sheer laziness. So quite happy to be called married name. In fact it is dh that gets inadvertently called Mr DW's name because I deal with the schools and suppliers in my own name!

I must be really old-fashioned and completely out of date because I want people to know that I am dh's wife. Easiest way is to be called Mrs

showing your age Cam m'dear xx

Aren't I just, Mabs. While I've got your ear Mabs can you send me your email address please.When is the next Brighton meetup? It's time I saw you guys again.

well I guess you need to make it clear to everyone what you want yourself to be called, & what you want your family to be called. 2 different things, esp if you take the step to not change your name.

Yes, it may be your right &/or perogatiove, but you can't expect to change years of history without cionfusion if you don't make it clear.