Do I bin?

[Feckthis]

I need some honest opinion here...please help. I've been with DH for many years, married for 13. 2 small dc. I'm trying to decide whether I've given it my all or whether I'm being a flake. I've got a degenerative disease. He's not so well either. He is very proud, hardly says sorry, quick temper. I'm quite passive-aggressive, been having counselling for depression (part of disease) and struggling to keep up with work, chores, life. Tendency towards martyrdom inherited from my mother, i admit. But DH won't talk about any of it, gets angry esp. when I broach the subject of cutting hours at work, picks away at housekeeping failures, is seemingly disappointed in me and his life. He's under pressure from work and family - I think he's depressed but wouldnt ever go see anyone, ever. But i feel so unloved, belittled and ground down. What can I do? I've tried to be positive so so many times my fecking cheerleader pompoms have worn out. What's the next move?

Hi, it's Bewitched, sorry to see you back.
I thought last time was the last ditch?
I think it's time to rally the troops who are on your side and get rid of him.
Sorry.

Lovely to hear from you. Am rallying.

Good.
And good luck
I'm sure it will be the hardest thing you've ever done.
And I'm sure it will be worth it.
xxx

Hi Feckthis. It is all going to be okay, you know, because you're amazing.

Still checking here Feck, and wondering how you are. x

Hope you're getting some sun

This was/is a zombie thread apparently. Pretty spot on. Reader, I stayed. I am fecking mad. I'm rereading to get up the strength to cauterise this mess. We tried we really did but I'm iller and can't keep up with his standards. If I do 'my stuff' I'm wasting good tidying time - tonight I said I didn't want to be shouted at any more and he said I wasn't living in the real world. I've been so blind.

Hi, Feck.

Sounds bloody awful. I hope you are feeling strong enough to make the break.

Well, ive just reread the whole thing and am fed up with my yo yo behaviour! Since I posted I have been made redundant, got another job, crashed the car, fallen off my bike and (just) resigned due to health. I tried to throw DH out but he (literally) got back into the house. We talked. We went to relate where he completely humiliated me. We tried again. Blah blah blah. What a waste of time. Am cross with myself.

I've got to turn in now, Feck, but I'll be back in the morning no doubt.

Wishing you well overnight.

Leave.

Re-read your thread. A year and a half. Plus the previous 20 years.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Hi Feck, sorry things are shit. Sounds like you've had an eventful few months. Take it easy now and stop giving yourself such a hard time.

Short of a miracle that's it. Its my birthday - I know what I'm giving myself.

'This is me, take it or leave it,' is sheer laziness. I would not stay with anyone not willing to share or compromise. Likewise with anyone who says, 'I am always right.' I agree with Cogito. What fun or fulfilment is there for you in this marriage?

Carry on with your plan. Good luck.

Bin him... I know what you are going through as had the same attitude dished out to me. I binned my version of it and have never felt happier. It is hard but it is not impossible. People will help you, you will have support you couldn't imagine and as Cognito said to me "you will live life on your terms" .... That alone feels fantastic not to mention all the other good stuff that comes from escaping this kind of life. You sound very strong and already are dealing with more than some would cope with. Take that strength and channel it into a new life. You can do it. Good luck.

Morning, OP. All best wishes for your birthday. Hope you are feeling strong and determined today. I just re-read your post about being told you were 'wasting good tidying time' and it makes me quite sad and angry on your behalf. Like others have said, start to live life on your terms now.

Morning op, and well done for how far you have come. Your relationship sounds almost exactly like that of my parents, I would think that you were my mum, apart from that she is still horribly in denial about the whole thing. Having someone like your Dh as your dad is so difficult, and has left me with problems I am still working through as an adult. I have wished many times that my mum had had the strength to leave, you are doing the right thing.

I hope I can keep my resolve. Thanks guys. I'm living in limbo. He's acting normally, as if this is ok. I know now it's not.

How's the resolve bearing up? Really hope you are ok.

Thanks so much. I'm ok. I've made it clear that I won't tolerate being shouted at and he's started to back off but I know this is just a hiatus. I'm sorting finances now and deciding whether I can hang on until after Christmas so as to not wreck it for the dc's. I will be ok. I will.

Yes you will :)

Just read this whole thread.
Please leave this man. He is never ever going to change. You are wasting valuable, precious energy on this man that could be better spent focused on your children. Please stop letting him treat you in this shameful manner.

You are strong. You can do this. Leave him and find your happiness with your children. Just the three of you. It can be done.

If you're serious about this, do it now. Start thinking in terms of 'hang on until after Christmas' and you'll never do it. There's always some event in the calendar that can be held up as a point before which it would wreck it for the kids. Christmas, New Year, a birthday, the family holiday, GCSEs. Mostly it's just an excuse for prevarication.

Good luck sorting the finances.

He won't even talk about the other night, expects me to go back to 'normal' but it feels like something has been broken. I'm glad.

Don't "hang on" for another day, let alone til after Christmas, til the spring, just abut longer, the next 20 bloody years...

It's so frustrating reading this thread and wishing you'd DO something about your situation not go back and forth not doing. Aaargh!!! Honestly, pull your finger out, woman.